Five Weeks
by hopelessromantic5
Summary: Convinced his life is over, Paul decides to end his life when he loses Leah. Quil asks him for five weeks to prove to him that life is worth living. It will take all of Quil's energy, friendship and love to convince the man he loves to stay with him.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! Here is the spin-off I promised. It will deal with the whole Quil-Leah-Paul situation. I decided not to address this problem in IWCY because they deserve their own story. I have to warn you, this story will deal with grief, loss, suicide, alcohol use and of course sex. **

**Also if you just finished reading IWCY it may be a little confusing in the beginning; like going back in time. The action takes place only one year after Jake and Seth became a couple. For reference, Embry and Quil just graduated from high school, Kim and Seth just finished their junior years in high school.**

**Please share with me your thoughts or comments; I love to hear from you.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, if I did the wolves would've been more than an add-on. **

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><p>"Paul stop being an asshole!" Shrieked Leah while Paul threw her over his head into the water.<p>

It had been a horrible rainy week and we were not hopeful for a nice day, but when the sun came out over the horizon we all got our shit together and headed to the beach. It had been months since the pack got together just to have fun. Everybody was there except Embry and Brady who were running patrol; they should be done anytime soon and would join us. No leeches had visited our neck of the woods in eight months so the patrols were more spaced out between them. This was a good thing, since Embry would be leaving soon to attend college and we haven't had any new wolves join the pack.

I sat on the sand watching the happy couples having fun in the water, a stupid smile plastered on my face like the happy guy everybody grew to love. Inside me was a different story, I was screaming in frustration. Cursing my fate for making me love the wrong person, cursing the very day I was born into this cruel world.

What the fuck did he see in her? She was nothing extraordinary; bad temper, foul mouth and average looking. Ugh, who was I kidding? Leah was pretty, not beautiful in the supermodel sense of the word, but more than ordinary. I could understand why he preferred her soft skin and feminine curves to my rough skin and angular body. He had been wronged by the only man he ever loved and now was disgusted with even the idea of one man loving another.

"Now you're going down wolf boy!" Leah emerged from the water to jump on Paul and dunk him under the water holding him as long as she could. The other couples floated away from the two raucous lovers who were splashing water like a freaking school of fish caught on a net. Jared pushed Kim who was leisurely sitting on a tube away from them, protecting her from getting caught in the brawl going on between Paul and Leah. Emily was straddling Sam in the water, her legs around his waist. I didn't want to think what those two were doing below the surface of the water. Emily was a sister to all and neither one of us could even think of her that way, even though we had seen in Sam's thoughts she was not exactly an innocent dove.

Jake and Seth were shamelessly making out on top of a blanket on the sand. Those two couldn't get enough of each other, they had been together as a couple almost a year and it seemed that each day rather than calming down, they were more into each other. When they were not locking lips, they would be eyeing each other with the unmistakable look of love in their eyes. I loved them, but hated their relationship, I was fucking jealous, wanting Paul to look at me that same way, but knowing he never would.

Paul had almost all the money saved to buy Leah an engagement ring and was planning to ask her to marry him very soon. When I saw this in Paul's thoughts, I lost it bad. Had to excuse myself and leave the patrol, before I did something I would regret my whole life. I got in my mom's car and drove away like a maniac, screaming to the top of my lungs, cursing him, cursing her, cursing my miserable life. I thought my lungs would explode from all the screaming. I should be so lucky. I couldn't believe he would betray me in such a way, I was delusional, he didn't see me as anything else but a friend, but in my fantasies I was the love of his life and it still felt like a let-down.

When I came back home my family was very concerned with my sudden disappearance. My grandfather questioned me as to the nature of my suffering, but there was no way I could tell him. I knew he would understand; my family's rejection was not something I feared. But my pain was just too big and talking about it made it more real. There was only one person whose rejection I feared and that was the one person I knew wouldn't hesitate to beat me up, while calling me all the homophobic terms in the book, if I even dared to hint my love for him.

How many times I got on my knees and prayed to God to make me imprint, to help me find my soul-mate, somebody who would erase my pain and love me unconditionally? But it hadn't happened and by the looks of it, wouldn't happen any time soon. I would just have to keep existing; not really living, just like a caged beast in a zoo.

Embry and Brady emerged from the forest jogging towards us. Brady went directly to the water to cool down. Should I warn him to stay away from Paul and Leah? Nah, let him find out by himself. Embry sat down next to me in the fallen log that I claimed as my throne as soon as I got to the beach. I loved Embry, besides Seth he was my best friend, but not even he knew my secret. He knew there was something seriously bothering me, but wouldn't push the subject, probably thinking that whenever I was ready, I would share with him my thoughts and feelings.

"So, fill me in, what did I miss?" Asked Embry in his usual laid back way.

"Same ol' same ol". Jared and Kim just floating away, Sam and Emily doing only God knows what, Paul and Leah being their obnoxious selves, and those two." I said pointing at Jake and Seth "They need to get a fucking room."

"What about you Quil?" With the corner of my eye I saw Embry watch me with a doubtful expression when inadvertently my breath hitched at just the mere mention of Paul's name.

"You know me Em; just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming…" We laughed together at my rendition of Dory. "Are you hungry?" Embry looked at me like I had grown a second head. Of course he was hungry, this was something certain for all and every shifter; we were always starving.

"I think there are still some burgers left, let's check, I haven't had one of those puppies in the last twenty minutes." We stood up walking towards the barbecue that was still smoking. Indeed there were ten burgers wrapped in tinfoil on the edge of the grill. I took two and Embry took four, we loaded them with all the condiments we could find and grabbed a bag of potato chips.

When walking back toward our seat, we passed Jake and Seth who were not even coming up for air. I looked at Embry and he knew exactly what my intentions were, his expression warning me to forget it or face the consequences.

But what the hell I had a death wish anyway, "Get a room!" I kicked a good amount of sand at them and took off running while wolfing down both hamburgers in a few bites.

"What the fuck!" Jacob roared before taking off after me. This was me, Quil the clown, willing to get clobbered so his friends wouldn't see who he really was.

After getting a well-deserved punch in the face, that was healed by the time we got back, we joined the others who were already getting out of the water at the sight of an impending storm in the horizon.

"This fucking rain always messing up our fun, Leah we should move to a desert or something I'm tired of all this rain." Said Paul as he stuffed towels and clothes in a duffel bag.

"Yeah we should do that, but you seem to forget once small detail Einstein, we would die of heatstroke!" We could always count on Leah to never hold back; she was never one to care for anybody's feelings.

"I don't need to be smart Leah; I know you're just with me for my looks. When you got all this" Said Paul running his hands over his torso. "You don't need any of this" He then tapped the side of his head with his pointer finger.

"Then you have nothing to worry about Paul." Added Brady, shit was that kid dense or what? Messing with Paul? Really?

"Fuck you Brady!" Answered Paul, giving an unsuspecting Brady a stiff slap to the side of the head

"No thanks Paul, you're not my type." Woohoo Brady, ahead of the game two to one.

"Dream on, you idiot, I don't go that way anymore and never again, if I may add." Ouch! Cue knife to the gut. Thank you so much Aaron, for being an asshole to Paul and ruining my chances with him.

"Leah, you coming over tonight?" Asked Paul quietly, who was he kidding? We could all hear him. What's the big deal?

"Sure, I'll be there around midnight, after patrol." Answered Leah in her normal voice, at least she had the sense to stop pretending.

Everybody trickled down until I was left by myself on the beach under the dark gray skies. I sat down, burying my toes in the warm sand and allowing my fantasies to take flight. Imagining it was me meeting Paul tonight after patrol. Arriving at our house to be greeted by his smiling face and mischievous eyes. That he would encircle me with his strong arms and pull me into his awaiting lips. Quil Ateara, you are so fucking pathetic! Get him out of your head!

Closing my eyes I welcomed the raindrops as they began to fall on my overheated skin. So far there was only a light rain, but I could hear the thunder in the distance. Pretty soon all the thunder and lightning would be right over me. I wondered if a shifter would die if it was struck by lightning. It would be a nice way to go, fast, to the point and a little dramatic.

Feeling a presence close to me, I sniffed the air trying to locate the scent. Oh great, just what I needed, speak of the devil. Sitting up I turned to my side just to see Paul about twenty steps away from me, walking in my direction.

"Hey Quil, what are you still doing here?"

"Didn't really have anywhere else to be" I stated matter of fact.

"By any chance, did you see Leah's sunglasses? She thinks she left them here."

"I haven't seen them, but that doesn't mean shit, since I wasn't looking for them." If I did they would already be crushed to smithereens. I had to laugh internally at my lack of maturity.

"I guess, anyway it's too dark to look for them now, I'll come tomorrow" I completely lost track of time, between the rain and the sun setting behind the clouds, it was very dark on the beach.

"Quil, I'm off tomorrow, do you want to hang out, maybe work on the car some more?"

"Sure man, I'm on vacation, what time do you want me to come?" I knew I should've said no, but couldn't help it, when it came to Paul I was a needy bitch.

"After ten, you know I need my beauty sleep." I had to chuckle at his comment.

I got home to the questioning looks from my parents and grandfather. I was already getting used to the looks of pity I received from my family. They couldn't understand the reasons behind my loneliness and my utter sadness. At home I didn't have to pretend everything was fine with the world; at home I could be the bitter son of a bitch I really was. I felt tired of doing nothing; I went directly to the bathroom to take a shower. Jerking off thinking of Paul, how sexy he looked in his cutoffs, the way they always rode low enough on his hips so you could see the beginning of his V cut. How I would love to run my hands over the taut muscles of his chest and abdomen, to kiss along that wonderful V on his hips until I reached my prize. Every day was the same crap, jerking off to the fantasy of what could never be, that's why it was a fantasy, it was impossible. After getting out of the shower I crawled on my bed for another dreamless night.

The next morning found me staring at the ceiling annoyed with myself for being such an idiot. I woke up before sunup but the excitement of knowing I would spend part of the day with Paul, chased the sleep away from my eyes. As expected it was raining, the heavy cloud cover unrelenting in shielding all sunlight from coming through. Grabbing a book from the nightstand I read until nine in the morning, at this rate I was going to finish the book in a few days. I couldn't add any fuel to the fire by letting everybody know I barely slept, so in mornings like this, I just read for hours to kill time.

At nine thirty I walked downstairs dressed and ready to face my day with a falsely optimistic outlook. I kissed my mother good morning and sat down with a gigantic bowl of cereal. I didn't let my mother make a fuss with breakfast since nothing ever satisfied me anyway, cereal would suffice. My grandfather was sitting at the table reading his newspaper and drinking what was probably his second cup of coffee.

"So son what are your plans for today?" My grandfathers' made me get my nose out of my food. I started to speak but it came out as an incoherent mumble, swallowing loudly before speaking. "Not much; going to meet Paul later to work on the car."

"You and Paul seem to be very close Quil." There was something different about his tone when he said that; suspicion maybe? Anyway I just ignored it. I was probably just being paranoid.

"We're friends; things in the pack have changed. Since the guys started imprinting everybody is concentrating on their imprints, the loveless fools like me are left bored and alone." We had learned that imprinting was rare but in our pack already three wolves had imprinted. We didn't understand why and didn't know if that was the case with other packs.

"But isn't that boy going out with Sam's sister, what's her name?"

"It's Leah, yes they are together but whenever she is on patrol or doing her chick stuff, Paul and I hang out. It's not like they imprinted or any of that shit." That was the only thing that gave me some hope, if she was going to imprint on Paul she would've done it already. It meant one of two things, she would never do it or her soulmates was still to be found.

"I know what you mean son, it's hard being the odd man out." He had no idea how true was his statement. I felt like an outsider among my own pack. It was nobody's fault, this was a self-imposed punishment. I held to the idea of having a relationship with Paul like a drowning man holds to a piece of driftwood. Maybe if I tried hard enough, I could find somebody who would love me and that I could fall in love with. But I was not ready to move on, it was stupid, but so was this whole situation.

I walked under the rain to Paul's house which was less than half a mile away. It usually took me less than five minutes to get there, another benefit of having extra-long legs. Already familiar with the routine, I walked directly to the garage only to find Paul shirtless, head under the hood and a light coating of sweat covering him, making his back shimmer under the lights. After taking off my shirt I joined him under the hood. Immediately he noticed my presence and lifted his head to greet me with a little smile. I could swear that he only smiled like that to me, but it was probably wishful thinking. He had a black smudge on his left cheek that I just wanted to lick clean, _fuck Quil get a grip, he is going to notice_! To take my mind off his gorgeous face, I concentrated on his scent and almost gagged when all I could smell was Leah. At least this took care of my arousal or any other feelings, just to be replaced with disgust.

We worked in silence, this was something I always liked; we didn't need to have any extensive conversations. Everything between us was easy and natural, like we were made for each other. I knew I was wrong, if one thing we were not was soul-mates. He seemed so relaxed; working with his hands always helped him regain his peace and regroup. It must be exhausting to have such a short temper, and everybody dislike you for the same reason, but he made being an asshole very sexy.

Without noticing, I started humming a song I heard on the radio the day before. _What doesn't kill you_ by Kelly Clarkson; it had become my personal battle song.

"Fuck dude, what's with you and the chick song?" Paul sounded beyond annoyed, what's his problem?

"What chick song? This is a good song man." It was a good song; I had no idea why he was being so touchy.

"A good song only if you're gay." He had to go there, thank you for rubbing salt on the wound, Paulie. I swore that each day Paul became more homophobic, so ridiculous.

"Don't be a dick Paul."

"Whatever man, just stop humming that shit."

Deciding that keeping my music choices to myself was better than starting a fight with Paul, I kept my mouth shut. We worked for a couple of hours, talking casually about unimportant things. Around one in the afternoon, Paul ran in the house to get us something to eat and I just kept working, keeping myself busy so I wouldn't think. He came back carrying several sandwiches and two sodas. The sandwiches looked really pitiful and unappetizing, just a slab of meats and cheese thrown messily between two slices of bread.

"Paul I have to teach you how to make a decent sandwich; this is a disgrace." I said looking warily at the mess in front of me.

"Since when are you so picky? Are you going to eat it or marry it?"

"Eat it, but you know my body is a temple, I have to be careful with what I put inside it." He laughed heartily at my statement. If only he knew what I really wanted inside my body.

"Go ram yourself Quil, if you don't want it I'll eat it." There it goes, another naughty thought, you're not helping buddy.

"Ok, ok don't be so sensitive, what's wrong with you? Are you getting your period?" Paul laughed out loud at my question. This was one more of the many things I loved about Paul; even though he had such a nasty temper, it was easy to diffuse it using comedy.

"Quil can I ask you something?"

"Sure, what's up?"

"Why do you hate Leah?" Give me a break, now we were going to talk about our feelings.

"What gave you that idea?" Who knew? maybe the fact that every time I saw her I wanted to pretend she was a bloodsucker and rip her to pieces, only to do a happy dance over her dismembered body. Maybe it was too evident that the blood boiled in my veins each time I saw her groping Paul. It could be anything, but hopefully Paul hadn't noticed and he was just playing the part of the concerned boyfriend.

"I don't know it's just a weird vibe I get from you, whenever I mention her. For example, when I asked you just now, your breath hitched slightly." Oh fuck, I couldn't allow myself to make mistakes like this, there was too much to lose.

"I don't hate her Paul, I don't particularly like her but most of the pack doesn't. What makes my opinion any different?"

"I don't know, you are not just any of the other guys. You're the closest thing I've ever had to a brother. That automatically makes your opinion important." I would've been touched by Paul's words if it wasn't for the fact that this was messed up. Brother? Not exactly what I had in mind.

"Thanks man, means a lot to me." Realizing that I was threading dangerous waters by getting sentimental, I reevaluated my response, deciding to go the usual safe route. "Now who is acting fucking gay? You sound like a Hallmark commercial."

"You see, that's why I never say anything nice, I'm surrounded by assholes."

"And you're the biggest one Paul." We both laughed and ate the rest of our lunch in amicable companionship, making some small talk.

After having dinner at home I walked out to start my patrol. I was assigned to patrol with Sam, which was perfect for me because he didn't talk much and just entertained himself fantasizing about what he was going to do to Emily after the patrol was over. An hour into the patrol we bumped into an unknown wolf lying on the floor semi-conscious. Most of his fur was reddish brown with his legs, face and tail a darker shade of the same color. We circled him several times wondering who he was. We could see his thoughts so we knew he was one of ours, but they were mostly empty. In his semi- conscious state all we could see were shadows and blurry faces. Neither one of us was aware of any kids showing signs of phasing. A few minutes later an extremely concerned Brady reached us, immediately followed by Leah.

_I believe that's Collin, he called me fifteen minutes ago and left a message saying he was sick, that he was throwing up, felt angry for no reason and had an unexplainable need to be in the forest. I went to your house looking for you; even I know not to bother Jacob on his night off. I bumped into Leah and she told me you were on patrol. _

_Shoot it's been so long, that I forgot about this kid. _Said Sam, breathing relieved for knowing the identity of our most recent addition.

_What do we do now?_ Asked Brady concerned, but excited for having his friend back.

_We just wait until he wakes up._ We all sat in a silent vigil around the new wolf, waiting until he woke up so we could explain what was going on. Sam asked me to continue with the patrol since there were three of them to stay with the kid.

_Sure boss_. I took off running the perimeter of our reservation, losing track of time as I made an effort to keep my thoughts hidden. After some time a new mind entered mine, confusion and fear lacing every thought.

_What the hell happened to me?_ Asked Collin, his thoughts panicked.

_We'll explain Collin, you're fine, you're wolf, just as Brady is one too_.

_Hi buddy, welcome to the pack!_ Exclaimed Brady excitedly.

_A wolf? Brady? What kind of sick joke is this?_ I could see through his eyes as he looked at the three wolves in front of him. A black wolf that inspired in him fear and respect. An ashy brown wolf that looked like a freaking jumping bean, unable to stay in one spot. When he locked eyes with Leah, I almost tripped on my legs at the sensations that assaulted me.

Leah's mind became a jumble of images, her parents, her brothers, her friends, her home, everything disappearing into the background and each one of her senses focusing on the young wolf in front of her. Her past and everything that it included, even Paul, becoming less than a distant memory. Nothing else existed, nothing else mattered. From that moment on, her thoughts, her heart and her soul belonged to him.

_So Lee Lee it happened, are you ok?_ Asked Sam

_I think so, Sam is this what I think it is? _In her mind she knew exactly what was going on, having witnessed it through Sam's, Jared's and Jacob's thoughts, but she was so scared that she needed confirmation.

_If what you are thinking is that you just imprinted on Collin, you are correct sister. _Answered Sam calmly_._

Wow Leah imprinted, good for her. That goes to confirm that imprinting is not as rare as it sounds. She is the fourth one and that is without counting Paul since his imprint died, we never mentioned his imprinting. But wait Paul, what about him? Fuck he going to be pissed! Well, pissed was an understatement. I panicked thinking of the several times he had said he would take his life after his grandfather died so he could be with his imprint. My thoughts reached Sam who immediately saw the danger and went on protector mode.

_Quil listen to me, go get Jake, drag him out of bed if you have to. When Paul hears of this, he will go ballistic, he could try something stupid. We'll need Jacob here to order him to calm down and not hurt himself or anybody around him._

_I will not let him touch Collin. _Growled Leah, determined to protect her imprint.

_Leah you concentrate on your imprint, we'll handle Paul. _Answered Sam curtly.

_Wait a minute, what the hell is imprint? Who is this Paul you're talking about? Please tell me it's not that huge guy with bad temper that's part of the cult. _Sam chuckled at the term cult being used to refer to the pack, he was sure Seth had initiated the use of that term.

_Quil tell Jake to meet me here, then go find Paul and don't leave his side, I don't want him to phase and be by himself when he learns of what just happened. I don't think Collin will know how to shield his thoughts from him. _I took off running in the direction of Jake's house as fast as my legs allowed me.

_Fuck_

_Shit_

_Damn this all to hell, the shit is going to hit the fan when Paul hears of it._

_Quil stop it, Collin is freaked out enough without the monologue in his head. _Leah's voice blasted in my head. Protective much Miss. Clearwater?

I entered Jake's house quietly not wanting to wake up Billy. Their door was always open, so getting in had been easy enough. The clock of the microwave read twelve fifty three. Shit everybody was sleeping; maybe I should try calling Seth's cell phone. The ring of the phone startled me and I noticed the small rectangle on top of the kitchen table, now what?

Running into the woods behind their house I phased, _Sam everybody is sleeping, I cannot get Jake unless I go in their room and if I do that he will rip my dick off and make me eat it. _Jake had made it perfectly clear that the room he shared with Seth was their sanctuary and nobody was allowed in there.

_Quil I don't care how you do it, wake him up and tell him to get his ass here. You need to go find Paul. _

Warily I walked upstairs and knocked on the door, no answer. "Jake, Seth, guys wake up there is trouble." …Nothing.

Knocking again louder this time "Jake, Sam needs you, wake up."

Unable to get a response from the sleeping beauties inside the room I decided to risk the future of my gonads and opened the door. As soon as I set foot inside the room the smell of sex assaulted me. These two probably had a wild and crazy night; man I wished that had been me.

"Guys wake up." I said in a normal voice trying to wake them up gently, no luck. I couldn't keep wasting time, Paul needed me, here goes nothing.

"Jacob wake up!" I screamed to the top of my lungs.

"Ahhhhh!" Both Jacob and Seth screamed because of my less than subtle attempt to wake them up.

"Quil there better be somebody dying or the one who's going to get killed is you!" Bellowed Jake without getting off the bed.

"Sam needs you, Collin phased."

"So what? Tell him mazel tov, welcome to the pack! Now get the fuck out of our room!" He was furious, visibly shaking.

"No man, you have to come. Leah imprinted on him."

"Leah imprinted, way to go sis!" Exclaimed Seth, whose small frame was hidden behind Jake's massive form.

"Seth stay under the covers, you're not dressed." Jake didn't give any signs of changing his possessive and overprotective ways when it came to his mate.

"Jake let's go, I want to be there for Leah." The poor kid was anxious to jump out of the bed, but was being restrained by Jake's arm around his waist.

"You're staying here Seth, Collin just phased and he will be unstable, I don't want you anywhere near him."

"Damn it Jake I'm not going to break." Seth made a pause and the tone of his voice changed to one of concern and worry. "Quil, what about Paul, does he know?"

"Not yet and I have to go, Sam told me to stay with him, it's not a good idea for him to hear of Leah imprinting all by himself. You all know what his intentions were when he came back after Laura's death. Now with his grandfather gone, he will be even more inclined to follow through with his plans."

I ran out of the house, phasing as soon as I was under the protection of the forest. I didn't know what to feel or what to think. Could I be happy? Probably. Should I be happy? No way, because Paul was going to be miserable. Was I a horrible person for feeling this whole disaster gave me a chance? That it gave me hope?

Running in the direction of Paul's house my heart felt heavy with worry for my friend, for the man that I loved. I worried for his life, I worried for our friendship and I worried for our future.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello! Thank you so much for all the alerts and especially all the reviews. Whether you like it or not, let me know and I'll do my best to improve each time.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

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><p><span>Chapter 2 <span>

After arriving to Paul's house I didn't go in, this would probably be the last good night of sleep he would have for a while. I just stood by his bedroom window, listening to his soft snores. He sounded so peaceful, little did he know his world was about to be turned upside down. A terrible sense of doom weighed heavily on my mind as I sat in the darkness. This was one of those nights when not even the moon dared to come out, the constant light rain adding itself to the whole eerie scenario, I hoped it was not an omen of what was to come.

I made an effort to keep all private thoughts out of sight, but it was a monumental battle. Even though the thoughts were easier to hide than the strong emotions I felt, those were proving to be extra challenging. The strongest emotions were the hardest ones to mask and everything related to Paul was intense. I concentrated on the foreign sensations and thoughts I was receiving through our mind link.

Leah's utter sense of devotion was the most prevalent. Unlike Jacob who already loved Seth when he imprinted on him, Leah did not love Collin. She was protective of him, going as far as being willing to give her life for him. She was not _in love_ but I had a hunch, that in a few days she will be totally enamored with the kid. Lucky bastard, what sixteen-year-old has a nineteen year old woman following him like a love sick puppy?

Brady was excited for his best friend, but a little pissed about the imprinting. He had all these plans about owning the school now that Embry and I wouldn't be there anymore and he felt Leah's presence would mess up his plans. He waited so long to have his friend back and now he had to share him with Leah.

Jacob was worried about Seth being so close to an extremely freaked out Collin, but the kid wanted to be there for his sister. Jacob just made a point to stand defensively between Collin and his little imprint. Sam felt a deep sense of anguish for Leah, especially Paul's reaction to the whole thing. If it came to it he would have to choose sides, either stand with his sister and attack a pack brother and good friend or stand with Paul and abandon his flesh and blood. It was a lose-lose situation for him. He hated being in that situation again. Why couldn't his siblings have a typical imprinting?

After several hours, the first rays of the sun shyly pushed themselves through the heavy cloud cover. A nice, cool breeze blew all around me, bringing the aromas of wet grass and moss to my senses. I had no idea so many hours passed since I got here, but it was close to six in the morning. What time is Paul supposed to get up for work?

_He gets up at seven Quil. _It was Leah's voice.

_Leah you still around? I thought you would be busy showing Collin the benefits of dating a cougar. _I would never let that one go, it was just too precious. Leah was nineteen and Collin was only sixteen, the difference in age will mean nothing in a few years, but right now it seemed immense.

_Can you take a break from being an idiot, Quil? I took him home, he was exhausted. Sam is going to keep an eye on him and talk to his parents. I don't know how he will manage to tell them without actually telling them our secret. Jake ordered me to tell Paul the truth; he said he needs to hear it from me. Paul won't believe any of you guys and also, I owe him that much. _I could see in her thoughts all the different scenarios she was playing in her head. They went from Paul not making a big deal out of anything she said, to him going disgruntled postal worker on all of us. Under different circumstances the image of Paul using a machine gun against us would seem like something out of a video game, now it was not even amusing. Leah was scared, but not so much for her as for Collin, in the few hours since she imprinted, he had become her world and the idea of Paul trying to hurt him paralyzed her with fear.

Her thoughts presented another paradox for me, she would take it as far as she deemed necessary in order to protect Collin. If it came to me choosing reason versus love, what would win? Would I be able to turn my back on the man I love and side with her? Just like Sam, I was in a collision course with disaster.

_So you and what army are going to give Paul the news? _I doubted she was by herself, if everybody went back to bed after I risked my dick waking up Jake, I was going to kill somebody.

_Jacob and Jared are here, Brady went home, he's so excited for having his friend back that he was turning into a nuisance. Seth went to Emily's for breakfast, Jake didn't want him involved in this and neither did I. _That was probably the most logical thing I ever heard come out of Leah's mouth or brain for that matter.

_So Leah you have a plan on how you'll do this? He'll be waking up soon. _Asked Jared angry and frustrated for missing precious make out time with Kim while her parents were at work.

_I'm just going to bite the bullet and go for it, whatever happens, happens. _Her plan was as good as any; this was an unprecedented event, so there was no way of knowing how it would unfold.

_We'll be here for you Leah, actually for both of you. _Intervened Jared, he and Paul had been best friends before phasing and grew apart, only to reconnect after they both became members of the pack.

_Thanks guys. Please keep an eye on Paul, you know what he said he would do when his grandfather passed away. He hasn't mentioned it again, but you never know. _Leah was genuinely worried for Paul. I had no doubt in my mind she cared for him, but knew it was nothing compared to the strength of an imprint.

Our heads turned all at once towards Paul's bedroom window when we heard the alarm go off. He was grumbling something about winning the lottery so he wouldn't need to wake up early. Paul was waking up to a day that seemed to be like any other day, but that was going to change.

_Well Leah he is up, go for it._ Ordered Jacob but without the need for an alpha command.

_Give him a few minutes he is very grumpy when he first wakes up and I need all the help I could get. _There was no sense in stalling, but she needed to get herself together. Maybe the fact that I was mad at her for breaking Paul's heart was making me lose my objectivity, but even so I understood that the next hour would be hell.

After approximately fifteen minutes we could hear him rummaging through the kitchen's cabinets looking for food. This was the moment of truth; Leah needed to face the piper. We watched her back as she used her key to open the front door and disappear inside. The three of us went silently around the house to provide our help and protection if it became necessary. We didn't fear Paul's reaction towards Leah, she was a big girl and could take care of herself. What had us worried was Leah slipping and Paul trying to take action against Collin, or even worse, hurting his family in the process.

"Hey babe, what are you doing here so early?" Asked Paul obviously happy for seeing Leah. It broke my heart to hear the happiness in his voice, knowing that would not last long. It was uncommon to hear that tone come out of him; we were all used to his usual snarling and frequent swearing. He was seconds away from getting his heart broken in a million little pieces.

From my position behind an old tree I had a direct line of sight to Paul's kitchen and I couldn't help but cringe when he went to give Leah a kiss and she turned her head making him kiss her ear instead. Damn it, I would never deny him my kisses, my body or my love. As it always worked out what he wanted he couldn't have and what he had, he didn't want.

"What the fuck Leah? Whatever it is, you're wrong; I have been nothing but good lately." Paul said the last line in a playful tone that will for sure disappear very soon.

"Paul we need to talk; come, let's sit down." Leah grabbed his hand and guided him to the only two chairs in the kitchen.

"What's going on? You're acting like you're going to tell me my pet just died." Oh man, after this conversation was over, he would wish that was the case.

"Paul, there is no easy way to say this." Zero points for originality, dear Leah.

"We cannot be together anymore, I imprinted last night." Shit girl, talk about being blunt! No cushioning, just raw and to the point. Damn she is supposed to be the girl and even I could do a better job at delivering bad news.

"You're joking right? That's impossible, imprinting is uncommon and we already had our share of imprinting for this pack. You're just confused, that's it, maybe you saw a cute guy and now you think you imprinted." Paul was in deep denial, speaking without taking a breath, thought after thought of utter nonsense.

"No Paul, I wish I could tell you I was. I know what I felt, I've experienced imprinting through our brothers, remember?"

"It's not possible Leah, we had plans, or did you forget about that too?" Now his initial panicky tone was leaving place for one we all knew very well, he was getting angrier by the second.

"I know we had plans…" Began to answer Leah but Paul interrupted her, "HAVE plans Leah!"

"No Paul, our plans don't apply anymore. We're over and so is every plan we ever had."

"No Leah I don't believe you, this is bullshit!" Paul stood up and punched a decent size hole on the wall. Jacob motioned for Jared and me to follow him to Paul's kitchen.

"Get out of my house dickheads! You have nothing to do here!" Screamed Paul in our direction, as soon as he saw us enter the kitchen through the back door Leah had unlocked for us before beginning to talk.

"Paul, brother calm down." I intervened trying my best to keep him from harming anybody or himself.

"Shut up Quil! Which one of you clowns thought this would be funny? Let me tell you, you are sick."

"Paul nobody is pranking you, I swear." Said Jacob as he walked around Paul in Leah's direction. Apparently he was not as convinced as I was that Paul wouldn't try anything against her.

"What's with you? Afraid I will hurt your precious sister-in-law? Funny how things change, just a year ago the roles were reversed, I was the one protecting her and you beat the crap out of me. Maybe I'll get my revenge and beat the crap out of you today." Paul was visibly shaking; I could tell he was reaching the point of no return.

"Just try it Paul, you'll be sorry." Said Jacob standing straight up in an obvious dominant stance. Paul held the alpha's stare a few minutes, but eventually backed down.

"Who is it Leah? I'll like to congratulate him." Paul's voice took a sinister tone and you didn't need to be a mind reader to know what he was thinking. If left alone with Paul, Collin wouldn't stand a chance; Paul had strength and experience on his side.

"None of your business Paul." Answered Leah snappishly.

"Oh isn't this precious, you're already protecting him or is it she? With you it's hard to know, you can go either way." Paul had a truly deranged look to him, with a snarl disguised as a smile plastered on his face. He shifted his weight from one leg to the other, his fists by his sides clenching and unclenching.

"You bet I am protecting him, and believe me Paul, I won't hesitate to kill you if you even get close to him." Stated Leah in a calm voice even though she was visibly shaking. The conviction of trying to do everything to protect Collin weighting heavily on her attitude.

If things got out of hand it could potentially be the end of our pack. The protection of the imprints was one of our most sacred laws. If Paul attacked or even worse, killed Collin, the pack would have no choice but to retaliate. If anybody tried to kill Paul, I would interfere, he was not my imprint, but I was in love with him. One slip of our control and we could end up with four dead wolves, and a pack that would be destroyed forever.

I cursed imprinting, I cursed the destructive force it possessed and cursed nature for imposing on us such a cruel fate. Whoever or whatever came up with that concept, was either a cruel and crazy being or just plainly hated wolves. It was supposed to be something wonderful and magical, but so far I had seen more pain and cruelty come as a result of it, than joy and happiness.

"Quil you're supposed to be my friend, what do you say? Tell me the bastard's name. I won't even ask you to go with me, I just need a name." Paul startled me by directing his question at me and putting me in the spotlight. Jacob sent a warning look in my direction; he knew about my feelings toward Paul and understood I would be the weakest link.

"Paul as your friend I have to tell you that this is not the answer, let us help you." It was as generic as I could go, while trying not to betray my secret. Maybe I was being selfish, but this would be the worst possible moment for me to declare my love for him.

"Go to hell; you're worse than these three idiots. You're betraying me to protect that son of a bitch" Reproached Paul, it hurt to hear him say I betrayed him. Deep inside I knew he was wrong, but it still felt that I should be unconditional with him and tell him Collin's name. I had to make myself do the right thing and remain silent.

"I'm not protecting him, I'm protecting you Paul." In his state of mind he couldn't discern right from wrong, it was sad to watch the eternal hothead be reduced to a heartbroken, revenge seeking man.

"Just shut the fuck up Quil! I don't want to hear any of the shit that's coming out of your mouth." I began walking toward him, but Jared extended his arm to hold me in place.

"You all let me down today by siding with this bitch and her new toy. Fuck you all!" Paul stormed out of the kitchen not even waiting to be protected by the trees to phase. We all watched as he exploded into his silver wolf. His clothes turned into shreds landing softly in the damp grass, his fur reflecting the scant rays of sunshine that were reaching his backyard. His eyes filled with anger and resentment.

"Well that went well." Jared couldn't give the stupid comments a break.

"Quil follow him. He will either hurt somebody or hurt himself." Stated Jacob.

"I know what you mean Jake; by the way I was supposed to be on patrol an hour ago." Embry was supposed to be patrolling with me this morning. He must've been pissed at me for not showing up, but I knew he would understand once we explained everything.

Running through the backyard I phased as soon as I was under the cover of the trees, there was no time to tie my shorts to my leg so I just picked them with my teeth and took off after him. The moment I phased an infernal sense of despair attacked me. Many images invaded my thoughts like they were my own. A beautiful girl with long brown hair and a pointy nose was the most predominant image; it was Laura, Paul's imprint. I wondered why after all these years she still occupied such an important part of his memories. Images of Leah were mixed with images of Aaron in all sorts of situations, from the most common like making breakfast, to the most intimate.

"Leave me alone traitor!"

"Can't do that, Paul."

"If you get close to me, I swear I'll beat the shit out of you!" Snarled Paul, his tone unrecognizable at the moment. The rage that characterized his wolf was dominating his thoughts and his behavior.

"Then so be it." I stated, it was not my intention to back down, not now, not ever.

"Suit yourself Quil." From the distance I could see Paul dig his paws onto the soft damp floor to achieve greater speed.

Paul's mind became silent as he closed his thoughts to me. He didn't want me to see his plans but it didn't take a genius to realize that his intentions were bad. I raced after him trying to make my speed match his; it was not that hard since Paul's size made him slower than me. Until Seth phased I was the smallest one of our pack, characteristic that always made me feel self-conscious around the guys. I tried to shrug it off as genetics; most men in my family were short in stature. Also, I was aware that I was a lot beefier than some of the other pack members and that helped my self-esteem. When Seth joined the pack and we learned about dominants and submissives I wondered if maybe I was destined to be a submissive but at the last minute, fate took a left turn and made me a dominant instead.

We both fled through the forest, I couldn't really place the direction in which we were going. Branches and thorns were punishing my face, making my eyes sting. Soaring over fallen logs and ditches, I struggled, but maintained a constant speed. A few rays of sunshine filtered down through the dense canopy, ending up on the mossy rocks. The forest floor was damp and the fallen leaves easily turned it into a slip and slide. I could smell an elk and its scent made my stomach growl loudly, I had not eaten anything since the day before and my stomach demanded attention.

I saw Paul stop for a second, turning to his right to look at me, the anger spilling out through his eyes. Distracted with Paul's action, I tripped over a rock and stumbled forward, but I didn't stop, I just gathered my strength and continued my pursuit.

We were like shadows running through the dense forest. One after the other, two wolves, two friends. Paul's only intention to end his life, mine to save him from his own thoughts. I could sense a faint briny smell and the soft sound of the waves. We were approaching a beach, but we were too high, the beach had to be many feet below us. No, we were heading towards a cliff.

Now I knew what he was planning! Oh no, he was going to jump from a cliff! This was one of the few fail proof ways to end a shifter's life. If he jumped toward jagged rock, his brain as well as a few extremities would end up scattered all over the rocks. No kind of healing could fix an injury of such magnitude.

I had no idea where we were, this terrain was completely foreign to me. I couldn't alert any of my pack mates to come to my aid and even hold him if it became necessary. Jake was waiting for me to say the word and either come to my aid or order Paul to desist from his plans. Unfortunately in his state of mind I doubted Paul would obey any alpha command, he wouldn't even recognize it and without the mind link, the moment he turned human Jake would have no influence on him.

The forest began to thin out and I became immediately concerned because Paul didn't show any signs of slowing down and he was risking being seen by any humans in the vicinity, after all, it was summer and the whole area was crawling with tourists.

"Paul phase back, you could be seen." We were all overzealous with our secret, especially Paul, who more than once had fights with the guys because they had been careless.

"Do you think I give a fuck?" Paul was giving up; he had no hope for the future. But I couldn't allow that, he could have a future with me, I would make him happy beyond his wildest dreams. I had to block all the thoughts that were spilling over the dam I created on my brain. If he saw them, it could go either way and I didn't want to take chances.

"I know you wouldn't risk exposing our secret." Paul was many things, but traitor was not one of them and he wouldn't betray his pack by exposing us to the world.

"Well you're all messing with me, keeping the identity of Leah's imprint a secret, maybe I can get back to you by exposing your secret. After all, I'll be long gone when it all blows up." Paul wasn't making much sense; he was in a very dark place. I said a short prayer asking for wisdom, because I had no freaking idea what to do.

"What do you mean long gone?" I felt a shiver run up my spine, I had a pretty good idea of what he was planning, but to hear him admit it, was overwhelming and scary as hell.

"Are you stupid or what? Do you think I came to this cliff because I like the view?" Paul turned toward the cliff stood up on his hind legs he phased and continued walking, not caring that he was as naked as the day he came into this world. His strong back covered in sweat, glistening under the rays of sunshine that hit his body in all the right places. His perfect ass, the crowning glory of a pair of perfectly shaped legs... Damn it Quil stop, you're getting a hard-on. I phased and donned the pair of cutoffs I had been carrying.

"Paul stop, hear me out."

"No Quil, you either leave or shut up." Paul kept walking toward the edge of the cliff, his face hard as stone, his eyebrows furrowed, his chest raising and falling fast, unable to catch his breath.

"Paul I won't let you jump." I would risk life and limb for him, even though I was certain that he would trample over my heart and leave me bleeding on the floor without giving it a second thought.

"Really, you and what army? From where I stand I can't see anybody else, and you know as well as I do that in a fight I can take you easily." I couldn't fight Paul; that will only result in two dead wolves instead of one. I needed to convince him, there is a saying that goes _reason doesn't yell, it convinces_.

That's what I needed to do, convince him to stay with us, with me, to give life a chance. "Paul, brother, please stop for a second, think of the consequences."

"What consequences Quil? It will be one less problem for the pack. At last they will get rid of the unstable member of the pack, the one they always treated differently because of his temper. Nobody will have to walk on eggshells around me anymore. The way I see it, I am doing everybody a big favor."

"NO YOU"RE NOT! This is all in your head, we don't treat you differently." I honestly believed that Paul was accepted in the pack, I wouldn't bullshit him. I had never seen in the minds of any of my pack brothers any rejection toward him.

"Quil you're more stupid than I thought, everybody in the pack hates me." Understanding of what Paul was trying to do came over me, he was trying to gather enough reasons to go through with the task he had auto- imposed. He was not totally convinced, if he had been he would've jumped already.

"That's not true Paul, I like you, I consider you my friend." Hopefully he would respond to my sincerity, I was speaking the truth, I considered him my friend. My incredibly hot friend that I would let in my pants without giving it a second thought., but still the friend that I would dedicate my life to.

"Oh thank you Quil, let's go home and make cute friendship bracelets and be BFF's." His tone teasing and rather sarcastic. I was baring my heart and he was making fun of me. Leave it to Paul to be the dog that bites the hand that feeds it.

"Stop being a dick Paul, I wouldn't be here if I didn't care about you." Even though I was fucking mad at how inconsiderate and insensitive he was acting, I had to accept that his life had just been turned upside down. The woman that until this morning he was planning to marry, left him for another man. His friends didn't side with him in his intentions to hurt the stranger that he blamed for this whole fucked up situation. The only guy he considered a friend, a brother even, proved to be nothing but a hypocrite that abandoned him.

"You're so full of it, what did you do to your alpha that he punished you by making you babysit me?

"Nobody ordered me to do anything; I'm here because you're my friend. Is that so hard to believe?"

"Yes it is because I'm nobody, my imprint left me, my grandfather left me and now Leah leaves me. I need to end this, don't you understand? Paul broke down kneeling on the floor with such vigor I thought he had fainted, he brought his hands to his face and the dam broke. All the anger, the sadness and the loneliness coming out of him all at once.

I approached Paul slowly and kneeled next to him, placing my arm around his shoulder I held him, trying to show him that I was here for him. He turned his face toward me and cried on my chest, I could feel the warm droplets fall one after the other down my naked chest. "It's like I'm cursed, it hurts so much!"

"I know Paul, please let me help you heal, I will not leave. I promise." I sat on the damp ground and pulling him towards me, rocked him gently trying to help him calm down. Ever since I was a kid my mom had rocked me whenever I got upset or scared, it always helped me feel safe and loved.

I could still hear the waves breaking on the rocks below us in an interminable dance between the earth and the sea. I could see the impending rain at a distance, our surroundings had not changed, but our circumstances did. Paul's walls were crumbling down and I needed to take this opportunity and own the situation, but how?

"Yes you will leave and you know why? Because I'm a bastard that nobody likes." His clenched fists were pressed against his eyes; he wanted to embrace the darkness, to be one with it. But I wouldn't allow it, he could cry, scream or even punch me if that would make him feel better, but what I would not allow was for him to slide into the dark precipice, literally or metaphorically.

"Paul, enough with the pity party. Stop feeling sorry for yourself!"

"You don't tell me what to do. I made up my mind. This ends today. I'm done with this crap. I'm done with this miserable life." Paul was convinced, I needed to act now. He was standing once more and getting dangerously close to the edge.

"Paul I'll beg if necessary." At least that made him stop the date with destiny he had set for himself.

"You'll beg me not to end my pathetic life? Quil, save it for somebody who cares, I'm done with all this crap. You have no idea how fucking done I am with this life."

"Paul, you say I have no idea how you feel. Just because I imprinting has not screwed up my life doesn't mean that I don't have my share of agony and pain. But you know what? It never gets so bad that I feel this is the only way to go." I said pointing toward the edge of the cliff. "Sometimes I feel so lonely that all I have to let me know I exist is my pain. I welcome it because it helps me feel alive."

"But I'm not like you Quil, you are way stronger that I could ever dream to be." Paul kept glancing between me and the expanse of the ocean in front of us.

"Please Paul I beg you don't do it. You have so much to live for, I know is hard to see it now, but I promise I'll help you get through this."

"Quil I'm tired, I just want to join Laura and my grandfather." He stared intently into my eyes and I felt I could see beyond his red rimmed eyes. His determination was succumbing to my plea, I knew it. It would only take him one or two steps to fall towards the rocks, but he was not moving. I felt hope burning in my chest, like a flame that refused to give out.

"No Paul, it's not your time. Please let me show you how good life can be. For fuck's sake man, you're only twenty years old! You have so much to see, so much to do." I thought at that moment that even my grandfather, who was almost eighty, had more life in him than Paul and I put together.

"Time, you want fucking time? No Quil, this ends today." He took one hesitant step forward, he was only one step from leaving me.

"Paul stop! Five weeks… that's all I ask. After that I'll shut up and you can come back here and do whatever you want. Fuck, I'll push you myself."

"Five weeks? Why five?"

"I don't know, I like the number, whatever. Do we have a deal?"

"I don't know Quil."

"What do you have to lose? If it doesn't work, it doesn't and you go ahead with your plans." He couldn't argue with my logic.

"You'll regret this Quil, I'm an asshole and nothing good comes from having me close."

"I don't agree, you'll see. I'll help you change your mind." I said with a slight tone of victory and hope in my voice.

"Well whatever, five weeks." At last Paul listened to me, I didn't know if I was successful because he was not sure about killing himself or I had convinced him. Whatever the reason I was grateful and happy to get a chance.

"Do you give me your word?" I needed the assurance and Paul was always good on his word.

"You have my word, five weeks"

"Good" My tone was too smug for the occasion.

"You know Quil? You will fail." Stated Paul, standing beside me, part of the arrogant, cocky, jerk I loved present in his demeanor and his voice.

"We'll see about that."


	3. Chapter 3

**I will like to apologize in advance for the use of a very pejorative term in this chapter. I do not condone the use of this word or any word which main purpose is to offend or denigrate another human being. Whether the word begins with an R, an N or an F they should never be used. In the context of the chapter I felt it was a necessary evil, needed to convey the correct emotion.**

**Thank you to all the wonderful readers for the story alerts, the favorite story and especially the reviews.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

Chapter 3

Paul and I phased and headed back to his house. Immediately we were bombarded with a symphony of voices. All with different degrees of concern reflected on them. Some were concerned for his well-being, others were scared for him and the effect on the pack of any decision he made, others were just annoyed that now that things had settled after all the drama we went through with Jacob and Seth, another bomb was dropped on us.

We ran through the forest at a leisurely pace, there was no sense of urgency. Paul had agreed to give this experiment in survival five weeks. It was not a lot of time; I had to come up with a game plan that would guarantee the results I wanted, in the short amount of time I was granted.

"Quil, Paul, is everything all right?" The voice corresponded to the last person I expected to hear, Seth.

"What do you care mutt?" Answered Paul, resentfulness lacing his words. It wouldn't have made a difference, who addressed us, I was sure Paul would answer the same way. I could feel most of the pack was phased, all except Leah and Collin, which was a good idea since their emotions would be impossible to hide from Paul and would only add fuel to the fire that was burning him from the inside out.

"I care because you're a pack brother and you defended me when I needed you the most, that's why." An image of Paul getting his ass handed to him by an irate Jacob was projected into all our minds. A wave of regret and shame washed over us as Jacob was made to relive such shameful moment.

"I didn't do it for you, I did it for that bitch you call sister."

"Regardless of your motivation I'm grateful. We are all worried Paul."

"Worried that I will check myself out or that I won't?" Did Paul really believe they all hated him so much or was it just a show? Did he turn into a sympathy whore?

"Worried that you will hurt yourself." Answered Jacob this time.

"I'll do whatever I want, now get the fuck out of my head!" Mentally screamed Paul.

"Quill don't leave his side, we'll cover your patrols, take care of our brother please." Instructed Jacob.

One by one I could feel the consciousness of my pack brothers disappearing from my own. As each voice was silenced, I felt more alone. The huge task in front of me was making me sick to my stomach. It was a tremendous responsibility; I had Paul's life in my hands. It was up to me to help him desist from his fatidic decision or go ahead with ending his life. He was determined to extinguish the flame of hope and purpose; it was up to me to keep it lit. Why couldn't my life just be easy? Why did it have to go from difficult to royally fucked up?

On our way back to his house Paul remained silent, I respected his uncommunicativeness. Shit I didn't feel like saying much myself, I felt drained of energy. I was tired and hungry, a lethal combination in my case.

As soon as we were close enough to Paul's backyard we phased, he walked nude towards his house not even waiting for me to get him a pair of pants. Anyway, he had nothing to be ashamed of; he had the body of a god and a cock that would make a porn star jealous. Paul was beautiful, but unfortunately nobody ever saw that beauty, because they were always blinded by his bad attitude and harsh words.

I followed him as we walked in through the back door directly into the too small kitchen. The houses in La Push were very similar; the same engineer designed and built most of them in the nineteen fifties. The houses were small, with tiny windows but high ceilings and decent size bathrooms. They were built in nice lots that provided enough space for detached garages, sheds and gardens. It was not bad for such a small and relatively poor reservation.

Everything was exactly the way we left it. A loaf of bread on the counter next to several slices of cheese and a gallon of milk, that was originally meant to be Paul's breakfast, now completely forgotten. The clock in the microwave read eleven forty seven. This ordeal started at seven fifteen; no wonder we were exhausted, it had been more than four hours of intense stress.

I spotted a small item on the kitchen table and before I had a chance to hide it away, Paul grabbed it. For being such a small item it caused very strong emotions on us. It made us both shudder in anger, frustration and sadness. It was a key; to an outsider it may seem as an insignificant item. To us was a symbol of everything that went wrong since the day started. It was Leah's key to Paul's house. The key he had made for her so they could spend love filled nights together. I cringed at the idea of that bitch in bed with my man, but had to push the anger back, it was not about me. She was returning it, the last link to their life together.

Paul picked up the key and crumbled onto one of the chairs, the same chair he was sitting on when Leah gave him the fatidic news. He examined the shiny silver key like it was a precious stone being appraised by an expert. I just leaned against the counter motionless, not wanting to distract Paul from his musings or disturb his thoughts. He needed to do this, he needed to mourn and cry for his loss. After several minutes he just stood up slowly and tossed the key towards the forest with all his strength. I tensed up ready to bolt after him if he changed his mind and decided to run again. To my surprise, he turned around and looked at me. His face was totally expressionless; there was no way anybody could guess what was going through his mind.

"You still here?" Asked Paul indifferently.

"Where else would I be Paul?" I was exactly where I needed to be, providing my love and protection to the man I loved. I suspected that Leah would not have done something like this for him, even if she had not imprinted. She didn't seem like the committed, loving partner Paul deserved.

"Anywhere except here with a pathetic loser." Paul's voice barely above a whisper, but even in that tone I could hear the loss of hope and the anguish.

"You're not pathetic and you're not a loser."

"Then what am I?"

"You're my friend." And the love of my life idiot, don't you see it in my eyes? Don't you hear how my heart flutters at your mere presence? No you wouldn't, it's me Quil, the goofball, your go to guy, nobody important in your book.

"Big deal."

"It is to me."

We began what could only be described as a staring contest. Neither one of us would even dare to blink; we were two titans, too stubborn to give up.

"Paul, stop this nonsense and sit down, I'm going to make us something to eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"I didn't ask you if you were hungry, I told you I'm making us something to eat, so shut up and sit."

"You don't tell me what to do in my own house, idiot." Spat Paul.

"I just did, sit down… please" I said using my most assertive tone.

Paul must have been exhausted or too hungry; he sat down quietly while I put together several sandwiches for us. Damn it, does Paul ever go grocery shopping? He had nothing in his refrigerator except beer, mustard, ham and cheese. If I was going to be spending a lot of time in this house, we needed some real food.

"You see, this is a real sandwich, this is a masterpiece. Don't you think?" It was a pitiful attempt to lighten the mood with comedy and it was a colossal failure.

"It's beautiful Quil, why don't you take it to bed and fuck its brains out."

"You're hilarious Paul, you know that?"

Paul just glared at me for a few seconds before he sunk his teeth into the food I placed in front of him. It was my goal to keep him alive, first step was to make him eat. Total victory, at least he was putting something in his ravenous stomach. We ate in silence; my brain was screaming bloody murder at me. Warning me about Paul, how he was going to hurt me, how if the opportunity presented itself, he would go back to Leah in a second. Distracted with my thoughts, I didn't hear him talk to me.

"Quil you can go home now, I gave you my fucking word about the five weeks that you wanted. Leave me alone now; I've had enough company for a day."

"Sorry man, I know you gave me your word, but I'll feel a lot better if I stay here, keeping you company."

"I don't need a baby sitter Quil, I told you I would wait. I know I'm not worth much, but I'd like to think my word is good." He said he would wait but I knew nothing had changed. He was still determined to end his life after the grace time was over. His self-esteem had taken a blow, the man who used to believe the sun didn't come out until he opened his eyes, considered himself unworthy. That's one of the worst things about heartbreak, it kills your self-worth.

"I'm not babysitting, I'm being a good friend, you may not realize it right now but you need me here." Just like everybody else he had no clue to my true nature. Nobody suspected that I could be considered an expert on heartbreak. My presence was more than beneficial for both of us. I was not the eternal optimist who would tell him everything was going to be rainbows and unicorns. I was not a bitter son of a bitch that instead of helping him, would push him off the cliff without giving it a second thought. I was just a person that could understand and identify with his pain.

"No I don't, get the hell out of my house!" No can do Pauly, you feel alone as it is. My departure would only give him another excuse to go jump off the cliff.

"Nope." My baby didn't seem to understand that misery loves company.

"Whatever, you'll get sick of me soon enough. I'm going back to bed; I shouldn't have woken up today, it would have been more merciful to make me die in my sleep. This has been a really fucked up day." Paul stood up and leaving the plate on the table left the kitchen. He walked slowly, no trace of the real Paul, just an empty shell of who he used to be.

"I'll be here when you wake up."

"Whooptidoo!" He moved his pointer finger in the air in a spiral, without even turning to look at me.

I just crashed on Paul's sofa, the thing was as old as dust, but very comfortable. Paul's bed was the only one in the house, since he sold his grandfather's bed after his passing. Unfortunately I wasn't welcomed in his bed. I made myself stay awake by calling my family to let them know about what was happening and the pack to ask them to go grocery shopping for us. I didn't go to sleep until I heard Paul's snoring. I wished I could've gone upstairs and snuggle next to him on his bed. I would've done it, if not for the obvious fact that he would kill me, slowly and painfully.

The next few days proved to be a challenge to both of us. Paul was mostly quiet only opening his mouth to curse either his fate or Leah and to throw insults at me left and right. I was at the end of my rope, needing to bite my tongue when I felt like giving him a piece of my mind. In retrospect I should've done it. He was rude, obnoxious and cruel. He probably felt that if he offended me, I would leave and leave him alone to wallow in self-pity.

I wouldn't leave; maybe I was too stubborn or just plain stupid, probably a combination of both with a sprinkle of insanity. In a way I understood him, I was no stranger to disappointment, having experienced it since I met Paul. Every day had been torture, first watching him mourn the death of his imprint, his stormy relationship with Aaron and then with Leah. After he broke up with Aaron I almost confessed my feelings toward him but stopped myself when he began ranting about how he hated homosexuality, screaming every homophobic term he could think of to anybody who would listen.

The only way I could justify staying by his side was to understand the nature of his pain. The heart is a strong muscle, pumping the necessary blood to keep us alive. But at the same time it's very fragile, and can be broken by just a few ill-fated words or actions. It could be broken by the loss of a loved one, something that Paul had experienced twice in a very short period of time. It could also be broken by a betrayal or by the person you love. If Leah would've taken a dagger and stabbed Paul, it would've been more humane than what she did, leaving him for another man. The dagger would have healed quicker and garnered more sympathy. Regardless of the circumstances Paul felt betrayed and the bottom line was that he was miserable.

I was making a monumental effort to understand him and not bite his fucking head off every time he opened his mouth. He didn't eat much, most of the time complaining that the food I made tasted like shit. I didn't pay attention to him and blamed everything on his state of mind. He looked sick and in a way he was, he was hurt, his body and soul were sick.

On my fourth night there, piercing screams in the middle of the night sent me sprinting upstairs. The sound was like that of an animal that had just fallen into a trap. When I got to Paul's room the sight before me was gut-wrenching, he was on his bed curled up into a ball, with his knees pressed against his chest, trembling and sobbing. The tears flowed into the mattress in a never ending fountain of despair. It was painful to watch the most arrogant, cocky bastard I ever met turn into nothing. Ignorant about what to do, I climbed on the bed lying down behind him, I placed my arms around him while whispering in his ear.

"It's ok buddy, I'm here." This was a good thing, at last he was showing real emotion, he was allowing himself to cry for what he lost. He placed his hands over mine, at first I thought he was going to remove them from around him, but he just pressed them against his chest. He needed to feel me close; he needed human contact, to feel the warmth of a body next to him.

We remained in the same position for an undetermined period of time. It could have been one minute, it could have been one hour, but I was in cloud nine. He didn't say a word just sobbed bitterly and desperately. "It hurts now, but I promise you it will get better. We'll get through this together." I was in fucking heaven; this was the first time I held Paul in my arms. I knew it was a really bad situation, but couldn't help but feel blissfully happy for having him so close to me, inhaling his wonderful scent, like recently cut grass with a hint of citrus. His back felt so good against my chest, the strength contained on each of the muscles sending jolts of electricity each time a different one rubbed against me.

Our embrace was abruptly interrupted when Paul jumped out of my arms and off the bed in one fluid motion. He stood beside the bed, shaking, his eyebrows furrowed and heavy over his red angry eyes. His eyes were screaming murder and for what? For the crime of hugging him? Of comforting him? He looked at me in a way that alerted me to what was coming, but the message took too long to reach my brain and before I knew it, he was on top of me. His fists connecting with my face and my stomach repeatedly, he threw punch after ferocious punch. The attack started so fast and suddenly that the surprise paralyzed me, leaving me stuck to the bed without moving while he pounded me. I couldn't even dodge the punches since he was using his legs to keep me pinned to the bed.

After the initial shock had subsided I grabbed his hands trying to stop the attack. "What's wrong with you?" I screamed as loud as I could. Surprisingly I didn't even attempt to throw a punch, I felt incapable of hurting him, even if he deserved it.

"With me? What's wrong with you? Why are you acting all fag and shit?" Did he say what I thought he said? The word was not as important as the thought behind it. Was Paul so ignorant?

"Are you crazy? You were crying and I came here to comfort you. You're the one who went all bat-shit crazy on me." I pushed him off me and stood up.

"Never, you hear me, NEVER hold me like that again." Paul looked scared, at first I thought he looked angry, but after thinking about it I realized he was scared. But scared of what? Of being labeled as gay? Nobody saw us so that couldn't be the case. Of me thinking he was comfortable being so close to another male? Maybe that was the case, all I knew was that I could rack my brain until the cows came home and I would not know.

"Ok man, no sweat." I left the room angry and embarrassed by my weakness. Why couldn't I bring myself to punch him back and instead just held him. He was not going to respect me from now on, that was for sure. Walking into the bathroom, I studied my reflection for some time. The mother fucker had busted my lip and I already had a bruise around my left eye. My abdomen was sore but not terribly, it felt more like I had done too many sit-ups.

Paul punched me, but he didn't do more damage than life had done to me already. Was I so worthless in his eyes that he felt he needed to punish me for his pain and his insecurities? At first it didn't even hurt, the shock and the surprise had been so enormous, that I just felt the contact with my skin, but no pain. Now the spots were red and sore and I could feel the throbbing pain all over my body.

I splashed some cold water on my face and washed the blood off my chin. After drying my hands and my face I walked back downstairs. The old sofa offered me a nice place to rest, but I couldn't calm down enough to be able to fall asleep. To make matters worse Paul's snoring felt like an insult. It was literally adding insult to injury. He didn't feel any remorse for what he had done; I was nothing to him.

When the first rays of the morning hit me I got off the sofa and headed to the kitchen to start breakfast. I prayed silently that this didn't turn into a cycle of abuse, because I wouldn't stand for it. But truth be told, I didn't know if I would be able to stand up for myself and demand respect. Self-doubt invaded me; my reaction last night had been disconcerting. I was supposed to be a born protector and was incapable of protecting myself. There had to be something seriously wrong with me.

I decided to prepare a nice omelet with onions, peppers and grated cheese. I really loved cooking, it helped me relax and think. Concentrating on such a menial task as chopping vegetables helped me focus. I was curious to see how Paul would act today. Would he apologize? I doubted it, he was too damn proud. I sat down to eat my breakfast while listening to the rain hitting the window of Paul's kitchen. There was a considerable storm outside and I couldn't avoid thinking that the storm brewing inside this house was much greater and lethal.

After doing the dishes I decided to watch television to kill some time. I hated being indoors; being cooped inside this house with an asshole, didn't make it any more pleasant. Even with the never ending rainy days, I always found a way to be outside. I guessed being born to be a forest creature, made my need for freedom even more acute.

Around eleven Paul came downstairs, wearing a pair of red basketball shorts that fit him just perfectly. For a minute I was distracted from the fact that he had been a total asshole to me last night. He paused on the last step, one leg dangling idly over the floor. Looking in every direction but towards the sofa where I was sitting. Without even glancing in my direction, he took off towards the kitchen in search of food. What did I expect, a heartfelt apology? I knew it was not going to happen, but thought that maybe; just maybe, this experience would've made him more human.

"You didn't make lunch?"

"I'm not your fucking maid Paul, if you're hungry make something yourself."

"But you made breakfast; did you at least save me some?"

"Nope."

"Asshole." Sneered Paul.

"Takes one, to know one." I was livid, how dare he? He beat me and then had the audacity to give me a hard time over food. I could feel my heart beating loudly in my ears and had to bite my tongue to avoid saying what I was thinking, _why don't you call Leah to come make you lunch?_

Paul took a bag of potato chips and a two liter bottle of soda and headed back upstairs. I could hear the television in his room while he munched on chips. This was what I had become, another piece of furniture in this house. Why was he acting this way? He was taking out his anger on the only person that cared enough to stand by his side.

He didn't apologize or even spoke to me for three days. One whole week had passed and I was not closer to convincing him not to take his life, than I was a week ago. Actually I was probably closer to killing him myself, than I had been a week ago. The bruises in my face were long gone, but my heart and soul were a different story. He seemed more distraught for the fact that I was not cooking for him and he had to survive on sandwiches, frozen pizza and chips, than for hurting me.

I wiped my hands with the kitchen towel before answering the phone. "Hi mom."

"Hi sweetie, how's everything going?"

"Ok I guess."

"Paul still a mess?"

"Yeah, that has not changed. How is everybody there?"

"Good but I need a favor. Your grandfather has a doctor's appointment later today and I couldn't get the afternoon off. Can you take him?"

"Can you reschedule?"

"I tried, but they will not give him an appointment for another month."

"Mom I don't know, I don't trust Paul to be by himself."

"Son, Paul is a grown man, he is not your responsibility; your grandfather on the other hand is our responsibility." I hated to admit it, but my mother was right.

"I know mom, I'll call Jake so he can send one of the guys here. I love you"

"I love you too, and the appointment is at three."

"Ok mom."

Distracted with the conversation I didn't even notice Paul standing just a few feet away from me. "I said it before; I don't need a babysitter Quil. I've put up with you, but I'm not going to be the pack's pity case."

"We are not doing this out of pity, we care about you Paul. I just wished you would like yourself at least half of what your friends like you."

"I have no friends."

"Yes you do, but you know what? I'm not going to argue with you, I have to make a phone call."

"Don't bother; it's a waste of time."

"It's my time to waste, not yours."

After warning Jared about Paul's foul mood I phased and ran to my house, the fastest way to get there. I got home with time to spare and drove old Quil to his appointment. After leaving my grandfather home, I borrowed his car so I could bring to Paul's house the groceries I bought. As soon as I pulled into his house the raucous sound of his laughter reached my ears. I grinned from ear to ear; happy to hear the sound I came to miss over the past week. It sounded a little off, but maybe it was because of lack of use, what did I care? The important thing was that he was happy and that was enough for me.

Walking through the front door, I was ready to commend Jared on his ability to get our friend out of his funk, when the smell of alcohol reached me.

"Quil my buddy, you're back." Paul's greeting was slurred and barely understandable.

"Jared what the fuck did you give him?" It was almost impossible to get a wolf drunk; our high temperature evaporated the alcohol in our system before we felt the effects of it. Paul had to consume ridiculous amounts of liquor to get to that state.

"Well did you know Paul's grandfather had a liquor cabinet in the garage? It's under lock and key, but Paul and I found out where he hid the key and have been stealing from it for a couple of years." Jared also sounded drunk, he wasn't even close to Paul's deplorable state, but was a close second. "He was so fucking depressed that I told him we needed to get wasted. No better way to get over a woman than through alcohol dude."

"Jared you're an idiot, go home; you've done enough damage."

"Ok Quily whatever you say" Jared stood up and stumbled on his own two feet.

"Quily?"

"After the second bottle of whisky Paul started calling you that, he has not stopped talking about you. Quily this and Quily that, I'm going to have fucking nightmares."

"Jared just leave; bye." Jared waved goodbye to Paul who had been watching our exchange with the most idiotic expression on his face.

"Bye Jared, I love you man!" Damn why didn't it occur to me to get Paul drunk, he was much nicer when he was drunk.

Jared took his keys out of his pocket "Wait, wait, wait give me those keys. Walk home; the night air will do wonders for your complexion." After taking his keys away, I basically pushed Jared out the door and he left grumbling about me being a dick and making him walk. I went back to the kitchen to find Paul with his forehead pressed against the dining table.

"Ok buddy you had enough fun for one night, let's get you upstairs."

"Quily you're back!" This was one instance I was not grateful for being a wolf, to say Paul's breath was offensive was an understatement, it almost made me barf when I went to pick him up and take him to bed.

"Yes Paul we've established that. Man you stink!" I pulled him up and after placing his arm around my shoulders slowly walked upstairs with him.

"Sowiee" answered Paul childishly "I'm a wittle bit dwunk"

"A little bit, yeah right; don't worry, tomorrow you'll have the mother of all headaches."

"I know but you'll take care of me, right Quily?"

"Yes I will, you know that." We made it to his room with a minimum of effort; hopefully tonight I would be able to get a good night sleep. For a week I had been sleeping with one eye open, keeping guard over him twenty four seven, I really needed a good night sleep.

"You will because you love me right?" I froze; my heart skipped a beat before beating so fast that if I would've been human, I would have died of a heart attack. Then I remembered Paul was as drunk as a brewer's fart.

"Yes I do and you love me too right?" I asked Paul while helping him get in bed, what the heck; he was not going to remember any of this anyway.

"I do Quily, I love you." I laughed bitterly knowing that if Paul had been in full use of his senses he would've never said such a thing. I took a minute to stare at him; his eyes were glassy and wide. He looked like a drunken deer caught in the headlights.

"Good night Paul."

"Quily don't go, I need you." 

"All you need right now is a good night sleep" Paul surprised me by grabbing my hand and pulling me towards him, with more strength and agility that would be expected from someone in his condition. He caught me by surprise, making me fall on the bed almost on top of him. His laughter could be heard all over the house, he was having fun, laughing like he had not in a long time.

I had to laugh at his childish attempt to get attention; at least he was not wallowing in despair. It was a nice break from all the agony of the past week. I struggled to get out of bed, afraid of him having the same reaction he did a few days ago. Once again he surprised me by placing his arms around my waist and keeping me in place, I didn't struggle to get out of his grasp. I was enjoying it too much. I laid on the bed next to him, thinking that for sure he would be asleep in a few minutes and I would be able to get off his bed.

I didn't see coming what happened next.

How he looked at me like I was the Holy Grail.

How he removed his arms from my waist and placed them around my neck.

How he tilted his head to one side.

How he leaned over and closed his eyes.

How he kissed me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello everybody thank you so much for all the alerts and wonderful reviews. I love you guys.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

**Chapter 4**

Our lips were slightly parted and the sensation of our combined breaths filled me with undeniable sensual warmth, something I only experienced in my dreams and fantasies. Coming from anybody else I would've rejected a kiss that tasted like alcohol, but not from my Paul. He separated his lips ever so slightly and brushed the tip of his tongue against my lower lip. I had no idea Paul could be so gentle, he was asking permission to deepen the kiss and I eagerly granted it.

We playfully explored each other's mouths; the sensation was intense and addicting. I slowly moved my hands up and down his back and he responded by caressing my shoulders with his rough calloused hands. I placed my hands flat on his back and pulled him towards me making our bodies get even closer. I never wanted to let go, this is where I was meant to be, our embrace gave me a glimpse into heaven, that's how perfect it was. Paul moaned into my lips while kissing me back with increased intensity, he was responding with a passion I never expected but definitely welcomed.

The kiss lasted a long time but wasn't long enough, I could spend the rest of my days just like this. This was the kind of kiss that could break an evil spell and bring joy to the whole kingdom. Paul's lips felt soft and plump against my own. My wolf was full of surprises, I would've expected his lips to feel rough, but that was not the case. I had kissed girls in the past but couldn't remember ever tasting a pair of lips as sweet as his. The temperature of his skin was a perfect match to mine so there was no awkwardness like when I kissed a non-shifter. It's true what they say; there is no comparison to the kiss of your one true love.

Paul threaded his fingers on my hair while working with unprecedented fervor on my lips. He nibbled gently on my lips sending shivers down my spine and making goosebumps raise all over my skin. It was the perfect kiss, with the perfect man, under the most imperfect situation. Deep inside I felt like I was taking advantage of him. If anybody looked up the word "vulnerable" in the dictionary I'm sure a picture of Paul would pop up. But I was not hurting him, he wouldn't even remember any of this, so where was the harm?

I heard a very strange gurgling sound, it was coming from Paul. Oh shit! I barely had enough time to jump out of the bed and put myself at a safe distance before he started puking all over the bed. Paul looked like a fucking scene from The Exorcist. The stench was unbearable, there is nothing worse than the smell of a drunk's vomit, in Paul's case it was a combination of spoiled milk, vodka, whiskey and God knows what else.

Both Paul and his bed were covered in that shit. There was no way I would be able to sleep with that smell in the house. I needed to get Paul cleaned up as soon as possible. It was so fucking disgusting, if this didn't kill any sexual or romantic interest I had for Paul, nothing would.

"C'mon Paul let's get you in the shower."

"Fuck no, I'm tired."

"Paul I'm not going to let you spend the night sleeping in your own filth."

"Leave me alone." He weakly fought me, but I was able to get him in the bathroom.

As soon as we walked in the bathroom another bout of vomiting made him run to the porcelain god. When he was finished I helped him up and sat him on the toilet before taking off his clothes. After adjusting the water's temperature I made him get under the water and handed him the soap. If I didn't fear feeling guilty for having molested him when he was drunk, I would've scrubbed him myself. Thank goodness he was too far gone to notice how tight my pants got the moment I laid eyes on his naked form. There was nothing I wanted more than to run my hands all over his body. To feel the firm flesh under my palms, to touch his most intimate parts and make true so many of my fantasies. But I didn't, I risked enough by kissing him and I didn't want to push my luck.

After making sure he wouldn't fall, I ran to his bedroom, disinfectant in hand and stripped his bed, cleaning the mattress the best I could. At what moment my night went from making out with Paul to cleaning his mess? I went from being his whore to being his maid in a matter of minutes. The first part I didn't mind at all, the second part I could do without. After getting fresh bed linens on his bed I went back to the bathroom only to find him sitting on the shower floor half asleep. At least he stayed under the water so he was bound to be a little bit cleaner.

I helped him out of the shower and toweled him lightly. Our bodies were so hot that it didn't take long for water to evaporate. Grabbing his arm gently, I guided him back to his bedroom.

"I can walk, stop touching me." I guessed the effect of the alcohol was wearing off; the asshole was returning and now with a hangover. I was not looking forward to what the next day would bring; it was going to be an interesting day.

"Trust me there are a million things I would rather be doing than to be cleaning your puke." Paul had a way to rub me the wrong way that was truly infuriating.

"I didn't ask for your help."

"I know and you're welcome." I stood by his door and observed him until he climbed back on his bed still naked. He didn't even bother to get a pair of pants and for sure I was not going to dress him. Call me a perv but I had to look at him, all of him. I had seen him naked many times, nudity was part of being in a pack and we were all used to it. But never at such short distance and with so much time to enjoy the feast laid out before me. It was a voyeur's dream come true. In no time he was out like a light and I padded back downstairs to try to catch some much needed sleep.

I remembered the groceries that were still in the car and after putting them away I laid down. One of my favorite times of the day was the moment right before going to sleep, when you make a mental recollection of everything that happened throughout the day. Today had started as crappy as all the others, but ended in a fantastic note. After all, Paul kissed me, it was true that he didn't know what he was doing and threw up all over the place, but I had to look at the positive side, it had been an amazing kiss. I took with me to dreamland the memory of Paul's lips on mine, how velvety soft they felt, hopefully my memories will find a way to leak into my dreams and give me a wonderful night.

I was having the most unnerving dream ever, in it I felt my body move quickly and abruptly, like being pulled by one leg and dragged over the floor. It was an extremely weird sensation; it felt so real I could've sworn I felt strong fingers curl up around my leg. The fingers felt burning hot against my naked flesh. In my unconscious state I was sure I smelled Paul's intoxicating scent and prayed nobody would be witnessing my most vivid dream ever. Now he was invading my dreams, not surprising at all since he occupied my mind constantly. It was very odd dream but just the fact that it was about Paul made it wonderful.

That was until pain brought me out of dreamland, making me crash land in the real world. I felt as all the air escaped from my lungs when my back hit the wall, making a dent next to the front door. Unable to speak I just looked at Paul perplexed and confused, trying to figure out why the hell he smashed me against a wall. I felt the hair stand up on the back of my head when I caught a glimpse of Paul's expression. His handsome face was transformed into that of a red demon, his features twisted into an unrecognizable snarl, more similar to a beast than to any man.

In a flash he was in my face pushing my head against the wall, making my cranium form another dent over the one formed by my body. I always knew he was strong but the strength he was demonstrating came from deep inside him, from a dark place where compassion and reason where non-existent. He threw a punch at me but ended up punching the wall when I moved to evade what had the potential of being a broken nose. Again I grabbed his wrists, stilling his movements.

"Are you fucking crazy? What's wrong with you? I yelled to Paul's face.

"What did you do to me? I woke up in my bed naked."

"What do you think I did?

"That's what I'm asking you perv!" Screamed Paul

"You think I fucked you? Is your butthole burning?" I snarled back.

"Well … no." Answered Paul looking confused.

"Because if I fucked you, trust me, you would be feeling it right now." Roughly letting go of his wrists I pushed him aside and walked away from him.

"You're such an asshole Quil."

"Look who's talking." I was furious but I couldn't let Paul how much he got under my skin. Last night we shared the single most wonderful moment of our lives so far and not only he didn't remember but accused me of taking advantage of him.

"To answer your question, you and your friend Jared got drunk yesterday. I took you to your bed; you got sick and puked all over yourself and the bed. I couldn't stand the smell, so I made you get in the shower and cleaned the mess. By the way, you do your own laundry; I'm done dealing with that crap."

"Nothing else happened?" Asked Paul, could it be possible he remembered something? Impossible, I would already be dead.

"What else could have happened Paul?" I answered putting on my best impersonation of a truthful person. So many years of hiding who I was and my feelings towards him made me an expert in the art of lying. I was sure I could even beat a lie detection test.

"Ok." Paul had a regretful look on his face, the previous rage all but gone. He hesitated for a few minutes like he was going to apologize but he must have decided against it, because he never did.

I made my way to the kitchen where I opened the freezer to retrieve a bag of frozen peas. Plopping into one of the chairs I placed the bag on the back of my head to sooth the goose egg that had formed.

Paul came into the kitchen looking around for something to eat. He grabbed a bowl and some cereal before sitting down across from me.

"Quil man I'm…"

"Paul just don't, I don't want to hear it. This is the second time you hit me in one week, I'm your friend, not your fucking punching bag."

"Whatever I don't want you here anyway."

"Shut up Paul." Again I had to bite my tongue to avoid saying what I really thought. That this was the reason he was alone, nobody could stand him because he was an ungrateful bastard. Out of guilt I decided to give him another chance, after all in a way I did take advantage of him.

"How do you feel Paul?"

"What do you care?"

"Just checking, shoot me for caring, you're going to be impossible today aren't you?"

"Yes I am, why don't you go home, I like my misery to be my private business."

"Paul I block my thoughts, I don't let anybody see what's going on with you."

"I guess I should thank you."

"For what?"

"For taking care of me last night and keeping it between us."

"No problem, you know I'm unconditional with you, trust me."

"I do Quil, you're the only person in this world that I trust." He had to go and say that, damn it, without knowing it he made me feel like shit. I should've stopped him when he started kissing me, but who was I kidding? I wouldn't even consider the idea.

"What do you want to do today Paul? it's nice outside, we should leave the house and do something."

"You choose Quil, don't make me decide anything, my head hurts."

"Let's go to the beach, the fresh air will do us both a world of good."

"Sure, sure."

After breakfast we headed out to the beach bathing suits on, towel on our shoulder. We decided against phasing since Paul didn't want anybody in his head and opted to walk the two miles to the beach. He was wearing sunglasses, something that I had never seen on him before; I guessed his head was still hurting. Serves him right and he should be grateful for being a wolf, a normal person would be in bed wishing for somebody to shoot them.

There were more people than usual at First Beach; I guessed that everybody was trying to take advantage of the unusually nice weather. One of the advantages of being a local was knowing all the good spots along the beach and we just kept walking until we found a spot that was almost deserted.

Paul went for a swim and even though I was craving the exercise and the feel of the waves rocking me, I stayed dry, trying to give him his space. I didn't want to smother him, it would be detrimental. The water was choppy as a result of the recent bad weather, but Paul went in head first. The waves would lift him and crest around him, but he kept his head up and skimmed down the face of the wave while allowing it to push him forward.

I wished he would realize that with the same ease he was managing the currents and the waves he could take ownership of his life. Not let the oceans of difficulties defeat him, but rise to the top. Rough water takes away all your strength and can make you tired, but you survive by not giving up. Paul had given up, he refused to swim the small lake he was in and was missing the ocean of opportunities that was being offered to him.

If he remembered anything about last night I was sure he thought he dreamt it all. He didn't mention anything and was not acting awkward around me. I closed my eyes and remembered our kiss, it had been so wonderful. Almost everything a person could expect from a first kiss, what would have made it absolutely perfect was if he did it sober and remembered it. I fantasized how different it would be if he reciprocated my feelings, if he would accept us and have a relationship with me. I could make him so happy. Instead of him battling the waves and me cooking under the bright sunlight, we could be in each other's arms, sated and happy after a night of love making.

The sound of the waves crashing along the shore reached my ears, along with the faint squawking sound of the seagulls. My breath almost in sync with the sound of the water moving and receding. I felt a cool breeze graze my cheek bringing with it a mixture of aromas, the heavy briny smell of the ocean water, the smoke from the barbeques and the distinct aroma of rotting driftwood. All the smells I was familiar with since I was a pup.

"The water is good, you should go in." The proximity of Paul's voice startled me; I was so deep within myself that didn't even notice when he came out of the water, his scent masked by the water that was already evaporating.

"Maybe in a little while, I'm tired." Paul sat down next to me, looking out into the ocean.

"Quil you don't have to stay with me. It's been one week, I feel better."

"Paul I don't mind keeping you company and I'm not doing anything different from what I would be doing at home. Actually it's better, I don't have to cover any patrols or mow the lawn. It's a pretty sweet deal."

"I'm glad my suffering is improving your summer." He commented bitterly.

I huffed out air and rolled my eyes annoyed with him, since when was he so sensitive about every little thing I said? "You know that's not what I mean."

"I know, ignore me." He answered, his voice a boring monotone.

"Easier said than done, you're pretty hard to miss." I gave him a friendly smile with the intention of transmitting my sense of friendship but ended up annoying him.

"Fuck you Quil." He sent a glare in my direction, but I could see how his lips slightly curled upward on the corners. He was too stubborn to give me a full out smile, but couldn't help feeling slightly amused.

"You wish."

"No I don't" He smiled sadly the smile never reaching his eyes. "Quil, why are you doing this?"

"What do you mean?"

"Keeping me company, making sure I eat and taking all the shit I dish on a daily basis."

"I told you already, you're my friend. I'm sure any of the other guys would've done the same thing, but I was the chosen one." I answered; making sure the last bit of that sentence came out dignified, like a prince valiant who was chosen to save the damsel in distress. Fuck, if he only knew I was comparing him to a damsel he would beat the crap out of me.

"Don't try to bullshit me, you know as well as I do that none of the others would've done it. They only tolerate me because for some fucked up kink in our DNA we ended up being giant dogs, but you are my only friend." Another sad smile adorned his glorious face, I wished for so many things to be different. That he wouldn't have to suffer like this, feeling lonely and abandoned by all he had loved. That he wouldn't be so ignorant and realize that just because Aaron was a jerk, every guy was going to follow suit. That he would open his eyes and see the love in mine.

"Paul, you say you're my friend but you treat me like shit, sometimes I feel you don't even like me." This seemed like the perfect opportunity to see where I stood when Paul was concerned.

"Don't say that Quil, I l… I like you." When the letter L left his lips I felt my heart stop beating and all the blood freeze inside my veins. But as usual I had mistaken a sudden intake of air for something entirely different.

Paul was quiet for a few minutes before surprising me with the last question I expected from him "Quil when do you think you're going to imprint?"

"Never." I didn't have to stop to think my answer, I was convinced I would never imprint.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Can't explain it, it's mostly a gut feeling. When you think about it, our histories say that imprinting is a rare phenomenon. Also the statistical probability is very low, in a pack of ten, five have imprinted, we know that for a fact that Seth can't imprint and another wolf was imprinted on, so he shouldn't imprint on anybody. That only leaves three wolves that have not imprinted, Embry, Brady and me. That's why I can safely assume I will never do."

"The wolf that was imprinted on is Leah's imprint right?"

"Yes Paul but don't ask me who he, is I will not tell you."

"You do realize that this is a very small reservation, unless you plan to hide him for the next four weeks I'm bound to find out who he is."

"Man you're still thinking about that?"

"I haven't changed my mind Quil, so I suggest not telling me anyway. A man with nothing to lose can be very dangerous."

As usual, fate decided to laugh in our faces once more. At a distance I heard a very distinct shriek, one that I knew well, but Paul knew even better, it was Leah. Paul Immediately sprung up like somebody lighted a flame under him, scenting the air to try and detect her. It was easy enough, we just needed to look at the cliffs were we usually went cliff diving. We could discern three shapes, one definitely was Leah and I had a pretty good idea who the other two were. Jared had mentioned how Leah and Collin had become inseparable, but the age difference made his parents very uncomfortable and they insisted that Brady accompany them everywhere they went. Poor kid, he had become Leah and Collin's chaperone.

The two teens were trying to push Leah off the cliff and she was fruitlessly trying to avoid it. I saw her fall into the ocean followed closely by the two pups. All three of them were screaming and having fun unaware of how close they were to danger.

Paul looked at me, panicky at first but a hint of something evil lurked behind his dark eyes. I gave him a warning "Paul let it go, you're not going to hurt him, he is just a kid."

"Who says I'm going to hurt him, I'm going to kill him!" As soon as the last syllable left his lips Paul took a fistful of sand and threw it in my face temporarily blinding me. I could hear his steps as he ran in the direction of the cliffs, but couldn't follow him.

Taking my water bottle I rinsed my eyes, grabbed my phone and took off after Paul. He had a head start and the determination of a doomed man. On the run I dialed Leah's number to warn her about Paul, as expected she didn't answer. I could understand why when I saw the three of them bopping up and down in the water. Leah was riding on Collin's back while Brady swam not far from them. This was bad and it was going to get worse. The odds were against Paul, Collin and Brady were pups but they were still wolves and with Leah who was totally fearless and wouldn't hesitate for one minute to protect her imprint, it could go really bad for him.

I didn't want to be put in the position where I needed to choose sides, but I had no doubt in my mind that I would side with Paul. The others were my brothers and sister, but Paul was mine, in a fight my place was beside him. Unfortunately I would be the only one siding with him, the only person who could prevent the fight was Jacob by issuing an alpha command and he was at work all the way in Forks. I braced for the inevitable and rushed to get to the group.

Since I was faster than Paul, I was less than twenty steps behind him when Leah spotted him. She looked around her for an escape, panicking when she realized there was none. Her choices were to get out of the water and fight him to protect her imprint or swim across the Pacific.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are." Paul taunting tone was just a façade for his real intentions.

"Paul go away, don't make things worse!" She was pissed and scared, a bad combination in any female, but lethal on Leah.

"How could things get any worse Leah? I will be doing you a favor by getting him out of the way. The way I see it, this fucking imprinting made you leave me, a real man, to babysit these two mutts." Paul was acting like a madman, and I was afraid this was just the tip of the iceberg.

"I may be a kid, but I'm all the man she needs." Said Collin as he started to walk out of the water. I had to give it to the kid, he had _cojones_.

"Collin stay with me, he is fucking insane, you don't know what he is capable of."

"At last I learn the name, Collin. We haven't been formally introduced; I'm Paul, Leah's boyfriend."

"Ex-boyfriend Paul, get it in your thick head. It's over. Quil, get him out of here."

"Paul lets go man." I grabbed his left arm but he yanked it out of my grasp at the same time he sent a deadly glare in my direction.

"Now she orders you around too. Man you are such a pussy; grow a pair, will you?"

"You're the one who needs to stop being so pathetic. Have some dignity, she doesn't want you."

"What did you say?" He asked while walking menacingly towards me.

"You heard me; I don't need to repeat myself." I turned my gaze momentarily towards Leah who was still in the water next to Collin and Brady. She understood the wordless message and took off running toward the woods with Collin and Brady in tow. Neither one of us wanted a confrontation; we could all get hurt in one way or the other. I knew Paul was going to lose control and phase right on the beach where any passerby could see him, potentially exposing our secret to the world. It was up to me to take one for the team and even if he didn't realize it, protect Paul.

Paul took a stance that could intimidate anybody. He wasn't thinking straight, the resentment and the hate were like poison to his system. Anger was rippling off him in waves. He wore a deep frown on his gorgeous face, his nostrils flared and a slight trembling all over his body. The hostility that had taken over his thoughts and was making him seem disturbed.

"Paul c'mon lets go back to the house." He didn't respond, just stood on the same spot, while clenching and unclenching his fists. Turning around to look at the trio his expression went from hostile and disturbed to all out crazy when he realized they had fled. He lunged towards me, but this time I was able to see this beforehand and jumped out of his was. His face hitting the sand would've been hilarious if it wasn't for the fact that he was ready to kill. He could take any life without giving it a second thought, either Collin or I would do, he just wanted blood.

I took off running in the opposite direction to where I saw Leah disappear. In a second Paul was in pursuit, I didn't care if he caught up to me, I just needed to get him away from the beach and all the unsuspecting families that were enjoying their day, unaware of the fact that they were surrounded by monsters.

My heart was beating loud on my ears, the adrenaline cursing through my veins eliciting all kinds of responses in me. Paul was right on my heels cursing and yelling. This could've easily been confused with a scene from any horror film in which the killer was following his unfortunate victim to end its life. My instincts told me to phase and I did, not even stopping to take off my bathing suit. I needed my wolf to give me an edge against Paul, as humans he was stronger than me but as wolves, I could hold my own easily.

I felt the familiar tingling in the air when he phased and in a second his consciousness was linked to mine _"TRAITOR!"_ mentally screamed Paul.

"_I am not going to let you hurt Collin, it's not his fault that Leah imprinted on him, even you have to see that."_

"_You're a fucking traitor; you protected that bitch and her boy toy. Now you're going to pay."_

"_I did not betray you Paul, I would never do that. Do not threaten me I am not going to put up with any more abuse."_

"_This is not abuse, its justice."_

He went silent and I saw through his eyes how he lunged towards me with all his strength. I zigzagged trying to evade him, almost like a football player. His agility was increased tenfold in wolf form and he landed on his paws instead of falling. Establishing a good distance between us I turned around to look at him, his teeth were bared, his sharp canines shimmering in the dim light of the forest. We circled each other keeping our distance, waiting for the opportunity to attack without rendering ourselves vulnerable.

I also bared my dagger like incisors and growled making an effort to intimidate him. I felt my hackles rise at the impending danger. One or both of us could be seriously hurt or even killed; I didn't know if I could bring myself to hurt Paul, it was more likely that he would end up killing me. Paul's ears twitched right before he lunged forward throwing his large body towards me in an attempt to knock me down. He made the first move but it was ineffective as I dodged to one side and leapt out of his way.

With a roar he jumped for the second time but I sidestepped and smashed into his side. We went tumbling across the forest floor teeth and claws desperately trying to find their objective, some soft flesh to tear apart. We both sprung to our paws our jaws snapping at each other even though we were a few feet apart. Paul snapped at my throat but I dodged back and he ended up sinking his teeth into my shoulder. A loud howl escaped me as I felt the sharp pain of Paul's teen tearing my flesh. He moved his huge head from side to side trying to cause the most damage, the physical pain was not terrible but the emotional pain was excruciating.

I was able to shake him off and leapt backward to create distance between us while my body healed. He didn't give me a chance; he was going for the kill. Paul roared in anger and frustration anxious to finish me, to get rid of the inconvenience that I had become. He lunged at me smashing me to the ground and pinning me down while he bit the back of my neck. I was able to get firm footing and threw him off, this time he landed on his back and before he could stand up I was over him pinning him to the ground with my front paws on his chest.

"_Finish me._" Ordered Paul

"_No." _I answered plainly.

"_You're a coward, be a man and finish what you started."_

"_The only coward here is you Paul. You're the one that instead of dealing with your problems have decided to run away from them."_

"_That's taking matters into my own hands."_

"_You've fooled yourself into believing that crap. Go preach somewhere else because I for one don't believe it."_

"_Quil if you ease up on me I won't hesitate to kill you. I suggest you kill me before I go after you."_

"_So this was your plan, for me to do your dirty work. It's not going to happen." _I realized that I had been played. Initially Paul was mad when confronted with the reality of Leah's happiness on the arms of another, but what made him pursue and threaten me was something else entirely. Soon enough he realized that we could finish this today, if I killed him he wouldn't have to wait four more weeks to join his imprint.

I eased off him walking back slowly, my eyes never leaving his shaking form. "_Paul if you want to die that's your problem but I won't do it. If you want to kill me to get me out of the way, go for it." _Calmly I sat down on the damp ground crossing my front legs in front of me and placing my head on top of them. Turning my head slightly to the side submissively, exposing my vulnerable neck to him.

Paul stood exactly where I left him, puffing air forcibly while mentally grumbling a litany of obscenities. "_You're nothing to me Quil, you are just a mother fucking hypocrite that got in my head, just a shit stain in my life._"

"_I fucking hate you! You're a freak, what person in his right mind leaves everything to look after a loser like me. And don't dump me the fucking friendship crap you have been puking for a week, if you were my friend you would help me stop this pain."_

"_I don't care about anything anymore, fuck the pack, fuck Leah, fuck Collin, fuck my life but especially fuck you Quil!"_

"_I hope you're happy that I will be miserable until the day you'll be able to piss on my grave. I will wait your fucking four weeks, I always keep my word. So I don't need you fawning over me covering my house with your germs. Don't you dare set foot in my house Quil, I will kill you."_

He turned away to walk in the direction of his house not before setting his gaze in my direction _"Don't come back to my house, I don't want you near me. Go have fun with your pal Leah and her mutts. Pretend I'm dead or that I never existed I don't care, just stay away."_

With those words he left in the direction of his house, leaving me on the forest floor hurt beyond belief. I lost the battle, there was no hope. His words felt like daggers burying themselves deep inside me. He hated me that was pretty clear, today more than ever I realized that the line between love and hate is not only thin but very blurry.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello again! I'm extremely grateful to all of you who have given this story a chance. I thought it was time to take a glimpse into Paul's mind and see where he is coming from; there will be one interesting revelation. Happy reading…**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I wish I did…**

**Chapter 5**

**Quil's POV**

I stayed in the forest floor in the same position I was before Paul left me. Legs crossed in front of me, head resting on my paws and my heart broken in hundreds of little pieces. I never intended for Paul to be grateful for everything I had been doing for him, but at least entertained the idea that he would be a little appreciative.

Everything around me turned different shades of yellow and gray before darkness enveloped my surroundings. I was hurt, but couldn't help but feel worried for Paul; in his state of mind anything was possible. Leah had been a bitch, in her eagerness to protect her imprint she failed to recognize that Paul was a human being with feelings. I should worry more about my feelings than his, since he didn't seem to care at all about me, but that was just not who I was. It may sound stupid and maybe I was the one who was stupid, I loved Paul; for better or for worse I loved him and couldn't help feeling like a total failure.

Standing up I began walking in the direction of his house, like an invisible force was pulling me toward Paul. Eventually I turned and went home instead, even if my family would never know my internal struggles and my despair, they loved me and I always felt welcomed there. When I reached the woods right behind my house I phased and entered the shed where my mother kept a bin with clean pants for me and any other member of the pack. Since my grandfather, Old Quil, was one of the elders, he taught my father the reality of our heritage in the hopes that the gene would be activated in him, but it never did and my father never had any use for the information. That was until I began showing symptoms of the impending change and he not only made the information available to my mother, but helped me a great deal.

My family had always been proud of me and since I became one of the protectors of our tribe that pride grew in them to the point of pouring out through their pores. They knew that for about a year and a half something had been bothering me but couldn't place a finger on it. In more than one occasion they tried to ask me but respected my evasiveness and decided to let me choose when to trust them and open my heart.

I walked inside through the back door and was faced with my parents and grandfather watching television in the family room. I felt as three sets of eyes landed on my form and shivered self-conscious for the questions my sudden arrival might arise. I didn't want them to find out and be embarrassed of me, I just couldn't handle it. I loved them too much and their opinion of me was just too important to ignore.

Armed with my best fake smile, I changed from forlorn and despondent to enthusiastic and bubbly in two seconds. "Hello guys!" I said, walking towards my mother. I placed a kiss on her cheek and then hugged my dad. When I bent over to hug my grandfather he stopped me and running his leathery fingers over the shadow of Paul's bite mark on my shoulder, gave me a questioning look. I shrugged it off with a simple "It's nothing."

For his age my grandfather was sharp as a tack and I knew he didn't swallow for one second my nonchalant attitude. I knew he was very suspicious but he didn't say anything.

"Quil come sit next to me. Sweetie, I've missed you." My mom called me and I happily sat beside her on the sofa.

"How are you son?" Inquired my dad.

"I'm good, a little tired though, and definitely hungry." My family was not stupid, I had been away for a week and all of the sudden I walked through the back door with nothing but a pair of pants. They had to know there was something going on, but wouldn't say anything, maybe they didn't care either. I had to push that thought away when I felt the all familiar stinging in my eyes.

"There is some left over supper. I'm used to cooking a lot since you eat like the wolf you are, but without you here we had left overs every night." She laughed that crystalline happy laugh that I remembered from my childhood.

"Well I guess there won't be any more leftovers because I'm back for good." I answered a little too happy.

"Oh son, I'm so glad! The house seems so empty without you. But… does that mean that Paul is over his heartbreak?"

"Let's put it this way mom, he doesn't need me. I'm going to take a quick shower before I eat, don't stand up; I'll take inventory of what's in the refrigerator and warm it up." That said I stormed out of the family room before I started crying in front of them. I knew my behavior may seem odd, but I had no intention of inviting my family to my personal hell.

Jumping in the shower I welcomed the chance to let go of the waterworks and cried until the water started getting cold. I stepped out of the shower not because the cold water bothered me, but because if the water was getting cold I must've been in there for almost one hour. I cleaned the moisture from the bathroom mirror and inspected my eyes to make sure there was no evidence of my crying bout. That was one of my favorite perks about being a wolf, the enhanced healing capacity. With a towel around my waist I walked to my room where I donned a pair of shorts and a t-shirt before walking back to the kitchen to find some dinner.

As expected for this time of the night my parents and grandfather were sitting around the breakfast table enjoying some tea. "Quil, I made beef stew today, since you like it so much I took the liberty of warming some up for you. You may need to warm it up again; you took so long in the shower that it probably got cold."

"Those God-awful showers adolescents take, I remember those days." Commented my father mockingly.

"Yes, I remember those, when there was like five minutes of actual shower and the rest was something else." My grandfather deep chuckle reached me and was soon joined by my father's laughter. I was so happy to be back among my own, even if they were relentless in their teasing.

"Guys that's wrong in so many levels it's not even funny." I didn't need a mirror to know I was blushing all shades of red with my family's comments. My face was burning and my eyes were watering with all the contained laughter.

"Quil and Old Quil, stop it! You're embarrassing him. He just came back, leave the teasing for tomorrow; let's give him a false sense of security for twenty four hours." Added my mom, before joining in their laughing fit. God I loved my family. I just wished I could be as open with them as they were with me.

We stayed up late catching up on the events of the past week and with me giving them a watered down version of what had been going on with Paul. I felt like an asshole lying through my teeth to the only people in the world that truly cared for me. I wished I could just stand up and tell them all the truth, tell them two words that I had locked inside a chest that I threw to the bottom of the ocean. That's how deep in the closet I was. It was close to midnight when we all went to bed, my mother asked me to bend forward so she could kiss my forehead before retiring.

As soon as I closed the door to my bedroom all the despair I had been hiding during the conversation with my family came to the surface. The memory of Paul's words attacked me in an instant; feeling like each one was flogged into my skin opening new and old wounds. With my back against the door I slid down until my backside hit the floor. Placing my burning forehead in my hands I wept and prayed silently that Paul would be alive tomorrow.

I didn't know at what moment of the night I crawled into bed, the morning caught me sprawled on my own bed for the first time in a week. It felt so good to get a good night sleep, my body felt well rested and my energy was restored. My heart and my soul were a completely different story, but that didn't matter. Paul hated me. I needed to move on and accept that pretty soon he wouldn't be around anymore. I laid down on my side facing the clock on my beside table, it read one twenty two. I must have been exhausted, since I slept over twelve hours straight.

Running downstairs I heard the television in the family room and found my grandfather sitting by himself watching a game.

"Good morning. Well, I guess good afternoon. Where are mom and dad?" I asked.

"They were pretty sure you were going to sleep all day since you looked exhausted yesterday when you walked in. Your mom had been hounding your dad about a movie she wanted to see, something about kids killing each other in a reality game; it is something about being hungry. Your mom is obsessed with the books and wanted to go to the midnight show but there was no way your dad would stand in line for hours to watch any movie."

"I know the one you're talking about grandpa; it's supposed to be really good."

"I guess, they wanted me to go with them, but it is not my cup of tea and I wanted to be here when you woke up."

"Thanks gramps, but you didn't have to stay just because of me. You could've gone to the Blacks to watch the game."

"Nah, usually it's the other way around, Billy takes refuge here since his son and his imprint are always going at it and they are freaking loud." I had to smile at my grandfather's boldness; I needed to remember this to tease my alpha and his mate as soon as I saw them.

"Sounds like them, at least you don't have to get the play by play we get from Jacob's mind every time he lets his guard down and his thoughts come to the surface." I loved the fact that my grandfather understood so well our unique situation and I could joke openly with him, something that most members of the pack couldn't do.

"Quil I don't want to lie to you about the real reason I stayed here today, we need to talk." Nothing good ever follows those words. "Son, your parents and I are very concerned about you. You have changed so much. You used to be a happy-go-lucky kind of guy, a joy to be around. Don't take me wrong, we love having you around, but it hurts to see what you had become. You're moody, sad, despondent and bitter." Explained my grandfather. Coming from anybody else I would have been angry and offended by those observations. He was speaking the truth, but nobody likes to hear about their defects or any other characteristic that might make them undesirable.

"I'm sorry gramps, I didn't know you perceived me in such a way." I answered more embarrassed than angry.

"I'm not asking for an apology, I just want you to trust us. Please tell me what's going on." Never in my wildest dream had I expected to hear my grandfather pleading to me, begging me for answers I was not willing to give.

"Nothing is going on, I'm just growing up; you cannot expect me to continue acting like a kid when I'm already an adult."

"Don't give me that crap, I'm old, not stupid. This has nothing to do with growing up, this is something else and you know it as well as I do."

"Since you know so well what's going on with me, please enlighten me." I snapped at my grandfather for the first time in my life.

"Don't get fresh Quil; you don't disrespect your elders, we raised you better than that. I'm almost certain of what's going on with you, but this is something you need to tell me. You need to get this out in the open or it will continue gnawing at you from the inside. Secrets have a way of gaining power by making themselves seem bigger and feeding from your fear. Trust us please, son trust me, I beg you." He disarmed me completely the second the word "beg" left his lips. I would've preferred of him to hit me or insult me, that I could've dealt with, but not this, I was not ready for my grandfather to beg me to do anything."

"Please grandpa I can't." With that statement all the walls I had worked so hard to build came crumbling down, placing my face on my hands I sobbed, the heavy droplets leaving my eyes and falling on the floor one after the other.

"Yes you can son; there is nothing you cannot tell me." He stood up the best his old body allowed him to and walked towards me sitting down beside me before grabbing my hands and getting them away from my face. "Quil trust me."

He grabbed my chin between his thumb and his pointer finger and moved it so I was facing him. My whole body shook with nerves, fear and anticipation. If I came clean about everything I could lose the love of the only people to ever love me. If I lied while looking at him in the eye, I would lose the little self-respect I had left.

"Grandpa please don't ask me, yes I do have a secret but I can't tell you, it will make you hate me."

"Nothing you can say will make me hate you Quil and if your parents give you any trouble I'll set them straight. Now please, no more lying."

I took one deep cleansing breath trying to compose myself. "What do you think about Billy's son?" I could tell the question confused him since it was not exactly what he was expecting.

"I'm afraid I don't follow you Quil."

"What do you think about the fact that his mate is another male?"

"In my time it was unheard of a man sharing his bed or his life with somebody of the same gender." I knew it! I fucking knew it! I tensed up and motioned to stand up and take off running. "Let me finish for fuck's sake, a person cannot even take a second to breathe around you, where was I? Oh yeah, two men sharing their life. I don't see anything wrong with it, love is love. Why are you asking me about them? I thought we were talking about you."

"Grandpa I'm… I'm gay." I closed my eyes tight not wanting to see the disappointment in his eyes. I couldn't bear to see the rejection brewing in the eyes of the man who I grew up loving and respecting as much as my father. Feeling as two slightly shaking arms surrounded me, I opened my eyes risking my sanity by looking at him. He had a tender smile and a loving gaze that spoke volumes.

"Now, was that so hard?" I looked at my grandfather and I didn't see a man, I saw wisdom personified. Old age might have affected his body, his agility or even his memory. But it provided him with abundant wisdom, something nobody could ever take away from him.

"Fuck yeah." I chuckled while cleaning from my cheeks the tears that were still rolling down.

"Now that we got that out in the open, do you care to tell me, what's the deal with Paul? Is he your imprint?"

"I've been in love with him since he came back to La Push, I wish I could imprint on him but I'm convinced I won't imprint on him or anybody else." I answered honestly.

"I agree with you about the imprinting, after all it's rare and we already had too many wolves imprint. Does he know?"

"NO!" I screamed startling him. "I'm sorry, he doesn't know and I don't want him to. He hates me and yesterday told me he doesn't want me close to him anymore"

"I'm sorry Quil, heartbreak is one of the worst pains. It hurts me to know that you have been secretly dealing with this for so long and didn't trust us enough to share your secret."

"I know grandpa but you have been so proud of me that I didn't want to disappoint you."

"Quil we are proud of the fact that you are a decent man who carries our heritage with pride. But more important than pride is love, and we love you unconditionally. As long as you reciprocate our love and respect us, you will never disappoint us. Even if the roads of life twists and turns set you on the wrong path, our love will sustain you, never doubt that. " Old Quil always knew the right thing to say under any circumstance I just curled up to his side and cried silently feeling like a terrible weight had been lifted off my shoulders. If it wasn't for the fact that I would've crushed him I would sit on his lap. I needed to feel like a little kid, to revert to a time when life was simple and decisions were easy.

My grandfather stood up and went to the kitchen coming back after a few minutes with a huge sandwich and a can of soda. I looked at him astounded wondering how he made me breakfast so quickly. "Your mother made it before she left; I'm good, but not that good." He gave me a sweet wrinkly smile.

"Gramps do mom and dad know?"

"They have their suspicions but they respect you enough to allow you to tell them. But I have to tell you they have been dying to ask you for months and your behavior the last week confirmed our suspicions. That boy has to either be blind or stupid not to see it."

"Was I that obvious?"

"No Quil, only to us, we know you well enough to understand there was something really bothering you. You're going to tell your parents right?"

"Yes I will."

That afternoon I sat with my parents and came out to them with my grandfather by my side holding my hand. I knew he wouldn't fight my battles for me, but I was certain I could count on him to be by my side until the end. They responded in a similar way and I couldn't help but cry with my head on my mother's lap while both her and my father ran their fingers through my hair. I was so grateful for them being so open minded and allowing me to come to terms with who I was before they forced an answer out of me. I had lost the man I loved but gained my freedom as facing my reality freed me from all preconceived ideas and fears.

**Paul's POV**

Damn it I felt like a caged animal, when did my life become a fucking shithole? Yesterday I had been feeling somewhat human after a week of feeling like crap. I wondered what the fuck happened during my night of drinking with Jared that despite of having a horrible hangover, I felt better than I had been feeling in days.

I woke up with a bitter taste in my mouth and a headache, but deep down feeling giddy, I couldn't understand why. Nothing remarkable happened the day before, Quil fawning over me like a fucking fly that no matter how many times you swat it away it keeps hovering over your head, buzzing in your ear and driving you crazy. First thing I noticed when I was able to sit upright without pain blinding me was that I was butt naked. I had no clue what happened after I started drinking, but I was sure I was wearing clothes when the night started. At what moment of the night I lost my pants? Physically I didn't feel any different. The experience of having bottomed for Aaron so many times had shown me how it felt the next day and I didn't feel anything even remotely similar.

Still, deep in my gut I couldn't help but feel that something had happened between me and Quil. He never came on to me or anything of the sort, but he just gave off this weird vibe. I knew he was hiding something, he guarded his thoughts too well, we all slip every once in a while, but he never did. His mind was more secure than Fort Knox and that only told us he had something to hide. I didn't trust him, none of us did. I'm known for having a very short fuse, almost non-existent and couldn't help the rage that was boiling inside me.

I was fucking mad about my messed up life. I went downstairs and took off my anger on him, served him right, I didn't ask him to be here. He should've let me jump off the fucking cliff. It would have been the humane thing to do, to put me out of my misery. But nooo he had to intervene and cut deals with me, I screamed internally; I hate him, I hate him, I hate you Quil Ateara! I just wanted to be with my imprint and you prevented me from doing it.

The moment I imprinted was the single most wonderful moment of my life, my Laura was perfect. She never accepted me, even after I explained to her everything about the imprint. She wanted to go to college and make something of herself before she settled down with any man. We didn't make love, even shared a kiss or hold hands for that matter. But I knew she was my soulmate or I wouldn't have imprinted on her, right? I loved her and was willing to wait as long as it took for her to accept me. That was until I realized I would have to wait for her until the afterlife. It was a deceitfully beautiful day when I went to visit her and found her house full of people and her parents all but crazy with grief. Everybody kept saying that it had been fast and painless, that she didn't feel anything when the car hit her. Apparently some kid burrowed her parents car without permission to go meet some friends, she was texting and lost control of the car going over the sidewalk, killing herself and Laura who was walking home from school.

I screamed in agony and disbelief, why didn't I feel anything when it happened? Imprinting connects the wolf to their imprint in every possible level of existence and I should've felt it when she died. I will never have a chance to hold her in my arms; I will never grow old with her. I even failed to feel when she left this earth, I was a lousy imprinter. Guilt invaded me, there was no hope, I saw no way out except joining her. Maybe in the land of our ancestors I could give her the happiness I couldn't give her here.

My mind was made up until my grandfather asked me to come back to La Push. He was dying of an irreversible heart condition and didn't want to die alone. My parents wouldn't come since he hated my father and my mom decided to stand by her husband. I couldn't deny the plea of a dying man; that convinced me that the right thing to do was to come back to La Push, promising myself that I would carry out my plans as soon as he had taken his last breath.

After a while I re-joined Jacob's pack and met Leah. At first I didn't want anything to do with her and kept my distance. I was a jerk to everybody on purpose. I didn't want to become close with anybody, which would only make carrying out my plans harder. I kept everybody at an arm's length, that was, everybody except Quil.

Since the moment I met him I felt drawn to him like a flower to the sun. He is impossibly happy and sweet, the total opposite of me. He was affectionate without being clingy. What I liked the most about him was the way he looked at me, no one had ever looked at me that way. I felt like in his eyes I could do no wrong, in his eyes I was perfect. Almost like a little brother who thinks his big brother is the best thing since sliced bread.

The only time I ever felt at ease was when I was with him, usually working in the car. Under the hood of that car we had the best conversations, we learned so much about each other. We had the same taste in music and food, with the exception of shrimp, he loves it and I hate it, they remind me of sea monkeys. As days passed I felt closer to him, but not in a romantic way, I had never been interested in men. For fuck's sake I imprinted on a woman! I was meant to be with a woman, but couldn't help but feel attracted to the boy with the eternal smile.

Why, Quil? Why did you have to ignite all these feeling in me? You were pure and innocent and didn't deserve a sarcastic son of a bitch beside you.

Aaron was the biggest mistake of my life; I met him through a common friend and decided to experiment with my sexuality. I needed to find out who I was and part of it was finding out that very important detail about my life. We started secretly dating, since I didn't want my grandfather to know. He was the only person who thought highly of me and I didn't want to risk anything changing that perception. I became his all willing bottom and enjoyed our sexual escapades to no end. I never loved him, but was devastated when he broke up with me. I didn't trust him enough to tell him the secret of my heritage. When he began questioning me about my absences and all the time I spent with the guys I had nothing to defend myself with and rebuke his accusations. He called it quits in the worse way possible and he treated me like shit, calling me every insult in the book, he even got creative and added a few. At that moment I swore off love but especially men. That experience showed me I was meant to be heterosexual and I needed to reject anything even remotely gay.

Leah was a safe choice; I learned to love her moods, bad temper and foul mouth. She was funny, beautiful and a fantastic fuck. Another perk of pursuing a relationship with Leah was that she was a shifter like me; I wouldn't have to stop phasing to grow old with her. Everything seemed to be falling in place until my life was turned upside down again. I had the money saved for a ring and was going to ask her to marry me but fucking karma beat me to it. I have no idea who the hell I pissed off that made my life turn into a pile of shit. Any time I was in control of my life, happiness laughed in my face and took the rug out from under me, first Laura, then my grandfather and finally Leah.

Just like with my grandfather I couldn't deny Quil's plea and gave him my word. I was going to wait the fucking five weeks; I would do it for him, for my Quil. No no no what the hell? Why was I referring to him as mine? I didn't want him, I'm not gay! I don't even like him physically. There is no way in hell I could fall for those boyish looks, with eyes so deep you could swear he could see all the way into your soul. His soft inky locks that I would love to thread my fingers through when we made love. Those thin pink lips, with the way he licks them before speaking, they must feel so good wrapped around my... Oh fuck! What's wrong with me? Why was I mentally masturbating to Quil's image?

I kept walking all over the house going from room to room without any purpose or direction. Maybe I was trying to hide from everything, even myself. Maybe I was looking for something, but what? Happiness, joy, love, understanding? I didn't need or deserve any of those; anyway they had always evaded me, so there was no point of me trying to achieve any of them. I sat on the sofa frustrated and angry, but what else was new? Leaning back I closed my eyes and breathed deeply trying to find my center. My frozen heart thawed out as a wonderful scent enveloped me. I didn't know where it was coming from, but for a fraction of a second I felt I couldn't live without it. AAHHHH fuck, mother fucking idiot! It was Quil's scent. He had been sleeping on this sofa for the past week and his scent was embedded in the old fabric.

I sprung up running to the bathroom to splash my face with cold water. I missed him, there I said it. I missed Quil. But I didn't deserve him, the realization of this fundamental truth brought tears to my eyes. His willingness to put up with all the crap I dumped on him was something that would always astound me.

We could talk about anything and he always understood. He was too special for me to mess with his mind and break his heart. He was the only person in this world that cared for me and even though I was grateful, his attitude scared the shit out of me. I didn't want to be held accountable for my actions and I felt he was judging my every decision.

Maybe what I didn't deserve was to be alive and had been using Laura and now Leah as an excuse to check myself out. I'm ugly, mean and hurt people on purpose because deep down I'm just scared. The worst thing is that I didn't care if anything I said hurt anybody; I had my own agenda which I followed to a T. I hated to admit it, but maybe my problem was that I was too much of a chicken shit to take responsibility for my life.

What if I declared my love for him and he didn't reciprocate my feelings? I would just stand there opening and closing my mouth like a fucking fish out of the water, slowly suffocating under the weight of my own stupidity. The crazy thing was that deep down I felt Quil had feelings for me. Knowing him, those feelings were intense, pure and selfless, like true love should be. But I did not deserve true love; that was a wasted emotion that only a few people get to experience. Paul Lahote was not put on this earth to love or to be loved. Damn it, I was not even here to be liked, I had no fucking clue what was my purpose for existing. I should just go and end it right now, jump from the fucking cliff and let others clean the mess.

What about Quil? He was the only one that would be hurt by my decision. If I go through with it, not only I will end my internship on this earth, it would mean that I broke my word. He had been trying so hard to keep me alive and this would make him feel like a failure. I owe him that much, to at least give him the time he requested. I'm afraid I will not survive without him by my side for the next four weeks. He was my lifeline; I needed to get him back. It may be selfish but he should be used to it, I was a selfish son of a bitch. I should start by apologizing, shit how I do that? I never apologize for anything, even as a kid my mother would insist that I apologize to another child in the park and I would just punch him even harder for being a sissy and telling on me. For him I would try, it was worth it.

Then what?

My mind was made up and I will carry out my plans. I needed to push him away, but how? All I would do is hurt him and if I get to do one last decent thing before leaving this earth is not to hurt Quil. Fuck it! I'll figure it out when the time comes, for now I have to gather the courage to go find him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello everybody! thank you as always for all your support. The encouragement you give me through your reviews and your alerts is the fuel that keeps me going.**

**Maidenrose this one is for you, I made an effort to update today especially for you. **

**Chapter 6**

Quil's POV

I hadn't seen hair or hide of Paul since the incident at the beach and was beginning to get rather worried. More than once I had to physically hold one hand with the other to avoid dialing his number. No one in the pack even dared to go by his house. They all knew I was the only person he never messed with and if he had been capable of threatening and attacking me, he was in worse shape than any of us thought. His words were still clear in my mind, so hurtful, so filled with hate.

Served me right for allowing Paul to make me his doormat. I should be ashamed of myself. I had forgotten who I was and instead became what he needed, what he wanted me to be, but it was pointless. Maybe my whole existence was useless; I was a protector but had been unable to protect myself from his rage. I had not been able to protect him from falling even deeper in despair because of Leah.

I helped around my house and resumed my patrols in an effort to keep myself busy. Jake cut me a lot of slack allowing me to stay with Paul, but I didn't want to take advantage of it. The protection of our way of life was a big responsibility that none of us took lightly; I needed to get at least that right. I also picked up some of Paul's patrols; somebody had to cover those shifts since we were certain he was in no shape to join us.

My mind was a thousand miles away as I was washing my mother's car while listening to music. My mind was filled to the rim with thoughts of a certain hot tempered wolf that should remain unnamed. I wondered how he was doing, was he still alive? I expected at any moment to get a frantic call from any of my pack brothers telling me they had found his remains somewhere along the beach or that he jumped in front of a moving truck. Each thought sent shivers down my spine, for a second I was scared stiff and had to tell myself to relax and accept the inevitable.

"Hi Quil." An all familiar voice reached my ears startling me.

"Shit, fuck! Damn it Paul, are you trying to give me a heart attack? Don't sneak up on people like that man!" Thank goodness it was not a leech or I would already be hamburger meat.

"No, it's not my fault you were distracted, what are you cussing at me for?" Snapped Paul.

"If you came here to pick a fight you can just leave. I'm done with you, leave me alone." I was in no mood to take any shit from him.

Paul sighed heavily before speaking. "I didn't come here to pick a fight, quite the opposite" My only response was cocking an eyebrow. I could see there was something different about him. His usual arrogance was not as evident, substituted with a somber expression and an equally confusing demeanor.

"We need to talk Quil." Here we go again; if I never hear that stupid phrase again it would be too soon.

"What about? I think you said plenty the other day on the beach." I was dumbfounded and highly skeptical, Paul never apologized for anything; it was just not part of his character. He could kill a little kid's puppy and tell the child to suck it up.

Why in the name of everything good did I have to fall for him? He is the biggest asshole I ever met; he is rude, obnoxious and annoying. He had some good attributes but they are all overshadowed by his stinky attitude. Only an idiot or somebody with low self-esteem would fall for him. I guessed I was that idiot.

I couldn't help it, we do not choose who we love; it's just a matter of the heart telling us what's right. Our soul pointing in the right direction and us choosing to listen to our heart and follow our soul. I decided to follow my heart even if it leads me to disaster.

There was a good side to him too, a part of him he didn't allow anybody to see, nobody but me. I fell for him because I had been able to see the purity of his soul, he had opened himself to me and I took a peek inside him and liked what I saw. Maybe I was deluding myself, but I had a feeling that to some extent he reciprocated my feelings. He probably didn't acknowledge them, but the kiss he gave while drunk spoke to everything that was inside him. When the alcohol made his inhibitions disappear, the real Paul came through, the man I believed loved me.

Of course I would never risk my nuts by asking him if he had feelings for me, since I was sure he would rip them off and shove them up my ass. Anyway if he had his way it wouldn't matter, he would still leave me.

"I overreacted the other day Quil, seeing Leah so happy with that boy while I feel so miserable made me mad as hell. I took out my anger on you and that's not fair."

"You can say that again. Get it in your head Paul, I'm not your fucking punching bag. You cannot come after me each time you lose your temper."

"Quil if I could take it back I would, but it's not possible. Can we put this behind us? Give me a chance."

"I don't know Paul, I've been doing everything in my power to be a good friend and you have done nothing but insult me, beat me and threaten me."

"I guess that's part of my charm." He gave me that cocky smile that I loved. I turned facing away from him and breathed deeply to stop my heart from galloping out of my chest. It could be infuriating at times but his arrogance worked for him, there was no sense in denying it.

"Paul you said what you came to say, I think you should be on your way." If I expected him to respect me I had to start by putting my foot down to stop all the abuse. I was dying, there was nothing I wanted more than to give him a hug and say _I forgive you_, but if I did I would be sending the wrong message.

"Ok man, it's cool. You're pissed at me, I get it. If I were you I would be pissed too. But if you can give me a chance, I need my friend back." Cue knife to the chest, the fucking friend card. Why is it that nobody ever says _I need you by my side because you're insanely hot and I will melt if you don't fuck me_. That would be a phrase to remember and share with your grandchildren.

"Yes I am pissed and rightfully so. Actually I have no idea why are telling me this, you told me and I quote; _don't you dare set foot in my house Quil, I will kill you." _Did he think he would parade here and I would run back to him with my tail between my legs? I would, but he didn't know that.

"Ok, I'll be working on the car tomorrow if you decide to come by; look for me in the garage. I promise I won't attack you, scouts honor." He held his fingers up doing the scouts honor hand sign. I felt he knew I couldn't resist being away from him. Shit if I felt this way without imprinting, I didn't want to think the torture it must be to be apart from your imprint. No wonder Sam, Jared and Jake were so whipped.

"Whatever" I mumbled back, making an inhuman effort not to get excited at the prospect of spending the day with him. He walked away slowly, a pitiful shell of who Paul Lahote used to be, head low, shoulders slumped, he was even dragging his feet. I felt sorry for him, he was in pain, he was broken in so many ways and it was up to me to glue all the pieces together. He had taken the first step and a huge one, he somewhat apologized. It was very unlike him to apologize for anything, actually I had never heard him say I'm sorry and thinking about it he didn't actually say he was sorry, he just accepted he overreacted and asked for a chance. He probably guessed that would suffice, after all he was talking to Quil, not to anybody that mattered.

I shouldn't go, he had done so many things to me but I couldn't help it. I missed him, I was not going to lie and spew all that crap about protecting him. That was true in the beginning, but no friend regardless of how honorable, puts up with all the abuse I had endured in the past week. I loved him, I even lusted after him and that was the driving force behind everything I had been doing. The sooner I started being honest with myself the better.

Running patrol that night presented an extraordinary challenge, I was terrified of slipping and letting Jared see what were my intentions with his friend. I spent the night singing to keep myself from thinking about Paul; by the end of our shift Jared was ready to push me in front of a moving vehicle just to shut me up. He even showed me how he pictured it; it would've been hilarious if it wasn't terrifying and fucking messy.

The next day after a quick shower and an even quicker breakfast I took off walking towards Paul's house. With each step I could feel as my heart flurried in my chest and I hastened my step, taking long strides and going as fast as I could. My palms felt sweaty, I was nervous about doing something that I had done hundreds of times before, it made no sense.

"You're late." The jerk was back, I knew this was a mistake, why did I need to be such a needy bitch?

"Hello to you too, asshole." Paul lifted his eyes from the motor and smiled in a way I could only describe as sweet. This was a word nobody ever used when referring to Paul, but at that moment it matched him perfectly.

We worked silently, still too tense with each other to even dare to speak. After a while we found our usual rhythm where I could give Paul the tool he needed before he requested it, sometimes it was spooky how in tune we were with each other.

"Paul you're almost finished, how did you make so much progress?"

"Since you were not here to distract me I was able to get a lot done." I arched an eyebrow and he just laughed at my reaction. "Just kidding man, I worked day and night so I wouldn't think about what I did. I felt like shit and working here was the only think that distracted me and prevented me from going back on my word." I knew exactly what he meant; it was a relief to know he was at least keeping his word. That would give me some much needed time.

"Quil what do you think about this car?"

"I love it, it's a classic. Mustangs are timeless, why do you ask?" It was definitely a sweet ride, one I could only dream to have. My family was not rich, we never went without, but there was no extra money laying around.

"I want you to have it." I was totally stumped, I must have heard wrong.

"What? Have you been hitting the bottle again?"

"Nope, you have been putting as many hours in this car as me. I think it's only fair that you get to enjoy it." Answered Paul sincerely, not a trace of sarcasm or ill intentions.

"What about you Paul?" I asked, worried that I didn't really want to hear the answer.

"Quil we both know that I won't need it where I'm going." Answered Paul resigned to his self-imposed fate.

"Fuck Paul, you're still thinking about that shit? I don't want your fucking car, do you hear me? I want you to enjoy it yourself. We can go for drives and enjoy all our hard work, but both of us, not just me."

"No can do buddy, in three weeks I'm outa here." Answered Paul sounding like an announcer. Why did he insist on torturing me? He was not aware that each time he made an allusion to his awful plans part of me died.

"How can you be so blasé about your death Paul?" I cherished life, not even in my darkest hour I considered the idea of ending my existence. I wished Paul had half my self-preservation instincts, but he was stubborn and determined to end it all.

"How can I be so what? That has to be the gayest word I ever heard."

"Stop joking!" I screamed at him while throwing an empty can of oil at the wall. The sound of the metal groaning as it lost its shape before hitting the ground, filled the small garage. Paul tensed up adopting a defensive stance to protect himself in case I lost it.

"What do you want me to do? You want me to cry day and night until I take my life?" Paul was the epitome of tunnel vision; he was so focused on dying he refused to even consider the idea of living.

"No, I want you to live!"

"What for? Tell me." Paul soft tone surprised me, after my tantrum I would had expected him to be livid, his face read and steam coming out of his ears. But he was calm, I didn't know if it was resignation or something else… hope?

"For me." My answer startled him enough that he remained speechless for several minutes.

"Paul I can't stand this, I'll see you whenever, bye." I waved goodbye and started walking out. I would've run but it was too obvious. I didn't get very far when I felt a very warm hand grab my arm almost painfully.

"Please Quil, don't go." He pleaded, loosening his grip on my arm slightly.

"I'm not going to stand here listening to you talking about how you're going to die in three weeks. Every time you say it you kill me a little, it's just too much." He had to be held accountable for all the pain he was inflicting on me. I knew he didn't care about my feelings, but a small part of me hoped he would.

"If I stop talking about it, will you stay?" Big surprise he was being flexible, bargaining. The jerk who never took into consideration anyone but himself, was willing to reach a compromise. Now he chose to change his attitude, when it was almost of no use.

"I guess so." It would be a lot better if he gave up on the idea, but I wouldn't push the subject. Getting him to stop repeating it, like he was trying to convince himself, was enough for now.

"Then I won't mention it anymore." I could've sworn I felt his hand caress my arm slightly before he removed it, embarrassed of his own actions. I doubted it; my mind was playing tricks on me, making me perceive impossible things.

"Thanks."

"Quil let me make it up to you, let's go out tonight. We can have dinner and maybe go to a club, everything on me."

"What's up with that, did you win the lottery or something?"

"Nope, I have money saved for the ring I was going to get the bitch. You know the rest."

"Ok if that's the case I'll go on a date with you." I answered half joking.

"You will Quilly?" Paul approached me, walking towards me until he was so close I could feel his hot breath on my face. My God, I was dying, his scent was enveloping me, addicting, corrupting. I wanted to place my arms around his neck and kiss him until my lips went numb.

"Quilly?" I had to say something and change the direction of the conversation before Paul noticed my incipient hard-on.

"Oops did I say that out loud? In my thoughts I call you that. I guess It's because I see you as a little brother." This was getting ridiculous he would lift me up high, high, higher, only to drop me down, my body hitting the pavement with a loud thump.

"There is nothing _little_ about me." I answered cockily.

"You think you're all that don't you" He playfully punched me in the gut and I pushed him back. I was mortified but at least we were having fun. This was something I was familiar with, laughing even when I felt like crying until I had no tears left.

"I'll get going, what time are you picking me up?"

"Six o'clock ok?" I nodded affirmatively before leaving the garage.

At six o'clock on the dot Paul was in front of my house to pick me up for our _date. _I had been fantasizing all afternoon that we were going on our first date. I knew this was a pity invitation fueled by his guilt, but I would take it, I would take anything as long as it came from him. Paul was dressed in dark jeans and a button up shirt that looked like it had been tailored to fit him perfectly. He looked good enough to eat, even though he was sitting, I knew those pants fit him just as good as the shirt did and that thought made my pants feel tighter and my mouth water.

We parked in front of a fancy restaurant in Port Los Angeles. "Here we are." Announced Paul

"Man this place looks really fancy, are you sure you want to eat here? I would have been happy with going to a diner or a burger joint. I was never one for fancy restaurants; it was not like I could afford them anyway.

"Of course I'm sure, I even made reservations. Let's go, I'm starving." I followed Paul into the restaurant; it was the type of place with a snotty maître-d, a wine list and dessert cart. I was completely out of my element, being a pizza and coke kind of guy.

We had to laugh at the ludicrous prices and the tiny portions. At least the service was good. After a five course meal and a hefty bill we walked out of the restaurant still hungry. I was impressed with Paul's control, under any other circumstance he would've gone into the kitchen and punched the chef to make him put more food on the plate.

On our way to the club we saw a seven eleven and I couldn't agree more when Paul suggested we get something to eat there. After three hotdogs, a bag of chips and a giant slushie each, we felt satisfied and our stomachs stopped growling.

The club was not very full and the music was good. We walked in and went to the bar to order our drinks. "Paul, give me your keys"

"Why? Asked Paul getting tense, he was not used to anybody telling him what to do.

"Because I don't drink and you do, that's why." If I waited until after he was drunk to ask for the keys it would be impossible for me to get them. Paul's pride and stupidity could cost us our lives and maybe somebody else's.

"Quil don't worry, I'm not planning to get drunk tonight."

"Paul, very few people plan to get drunk but many still do, give me the keys." Admitting defeat he dropped the keys on my hand and ordered our drinks, a beer for him and a coke for me. Paul spotted a group of girls dancing together and decided to join them. Without even turning in my direction he grabbed his beer and joined them on the dance floor. They welcomed him into the group immediately; something has to be said about being confident; it always gets you the girl.

I contained a growl when I saw him grinding himself against one of the girls. She was tall, slender, long brown hair and huge headlights. I was no match for somebody as good looking as her, fuck I was no match for any female. I turned back in my stool trying to avoid more heartache, I had experienced too much already and this night was about having fun. From my stool I could see two women sitting at the end of the bar, they seemed to be in their mid-thirties, way too old for me. Truth be said that I looked about twenty five, but even then they were still too old and I was not into the whole cougar thing. Shit I was not into the whole woman thing, there was only one person I would allow into my pants and at that moment I wouldn't even dare look at him. If I did, I would risk feeling as my heart was ripped out of my chest and tossed into the fire.

I asked the bartender for a second soda and drank it slowly, killing time until Paul got tired. I was bored out of my mind, I could be dancing with anybody, but I just didn't feel like it. I thought the night was about making it up to me for all the shit that happened between us, but it was painfully obvious Paul had other plans. He needed some pussy, the raging heterosexual I was in love with, needed to dip the wick… in a female.

"Hey!" I glanced in the direction of the voice and found three men standing next to me, trying to look intimidating. I chuckled internally thinking they were trying to scare a wolf.

"What?" I asked aggressively establishing myself as alpha of this pack. They flinched back slightly, but held their ground.

"The guy that was sitting with you before, where is he?"

"Dancing, why do you care?"

"I don't see him." Answered the tallest of the three.

I turned on my stool and scanned the dance floor, he was nowhere in sight. Paul was very hard to miss, not many guys looked like him. He was six five, with a body that would put a professional football player to shame. I tried to concentrate to see if I could find the girl he was dancing with among the sea of flat ironed hair and overly done faces. But she was not there either.

"I guess he went to the bathroom." I was lying through my teeth, I had a pretty good idea where he was, probably balls deep inside her. But I had a bad feeling about these guys and needed to protect Paul.

"For his own good I hope he is not banging my fiancée."

"I wouldn't worry about that guys, he is gay." They gave me a questioning look and I remained calm, keeping my cool and nonchalant attitude.

"You guys are together?" Asked one of the silent partners, it was a funny looking guy with clothes that were way too big for him and several piercings.

"Yep, he is my man, he likes to dance and I don't, so we come here." Wow it felt really good to call Paul _my man _even if it was a blatant lie. If he would give me a chance it could be a reality, he would be mine and I would dedicate my life to make sure he never had a reason to be sad.

"Ok then I believe you, nobody would lie about being gay if they were not." The three of them turned around and walked away quickly, like they didn't want my gayness to rub off on them.

I was fucking pissed off; Paul took off with that bitch and left me in the bar. Strike two for the insensitive asshole. If this was his idea of making up for something bad he did, I would pass. It was not worth it. The aggravation was far greater than the benefit. He ditched me; it was like his brain was deprived of blood at the same time his dick was filled.

Giving him the benefit of the doubt I sat for thirty minutes waiting for him to come back. I felt so used, so stupid. I trusted him and once again he took that trust and stepped all over it. Paul was everything to me, but to him I was nothing but his fucking wingman. Tired of waiting I left the club, it was a good thing I had the car keys. If he ever showed up he would need to walk home.

I decided to drive to Paul's house instead of mine and wait for him there. If he ever came back, he would be pissed because I took off and I didn't want him making a scene in front of my house. My family knew my secret, but they were not invited to share the torture that was my existence.

I knew where he hid the extra key so it was easy to gain access. After scavenging his refrigerator I sat down to watch television. I needed to prepare myself for what was coming, I expected to get at least a punch in the face for ditching him, but he started it. He was supposed to be entertaining me and decided to leave with that slut. Hopefully those thugs won't pick a fight with him, he was on his own but I didn't worry, he could take those guys blindfolded and with one hand tied behind his back.

After an hour of watching boring nighttime television, I fell asleep on Paul's sofa. It was a very familiar place and my body recognized it as such and relaxed enough to make me sleepy. My dreams took me to Nirvana, a place where I was free to love and express that love any way I saw fit. I knew it was a dream the minute I felt happy, when I didn't feel judged and Paul returned my feelings.

"Quil, Quillll! Wake up asshole!" What gives, who dared interrupt my dream? Who dared to mess up my fantasy?

"I should beat you up for ditching me at the club, I had to run all the way here from Port Los Angeles, tomorrow you'll go get my shoes, it's your fault I had to leave them there." Paul seemed angry but nothing even close to his usual temperament. This Paul seemed more offended by the fact that I left without him than angry.

"I'm not doing shit Paul, you drive there and get them yourself. You ditched me, remember? Nice way to make it up to me. You're unbelievable, I'm out of here."

"Ok ok I'm feeling too good to start a fight, that chick was a fantastic fuck."

"So you fucked her huh? "I asked swallowing the bile that came up the minute I heard him say he fucked her. The minute he disappeared from the dance floor I knew what was going on, but to hear him admit it, was something entirely different. It was stupid, but I felt he had just confessed to cheating on me.

"Oh yeah; twice actually. You know the funniest thing, when we came back to the club, she freaked out because her fiancée was there. I was ready to fight but he didn't even look at me, just grabbed her arm and took her away. The mother fucker didn't even look in my direction."

"That's because he thinks you're gay."

"What would give him that idea?" Asked Paul his shoulders slightly hitching up.

"I kind of told him that, so he wouldn't pick a fight with you when you came back" Paul surprised me by laughing out loud, something he never did. He was in a really good mood, if he had sex every day he would be a tame little kitten. If that sex was with me, it would be a win-win situation.

"You're an idiot Quil, but I'm in too much of a good mood to care. I'm going to bed." Surprise, surprise when did Paul get a sense of humor? Under any other circumstance his homophobic nature would have taken over, making him act like a misinformed cretin.

"I'm going home. See you tomorrow?"

"Why don't you stay? It is really late." It sounded more like a petition than a question.

"You have a good point, I'll just crash here." Paul looked in my direction but not at me, he was looking at the sofa. I had no clue why he looked so sad, with a deep longing in his eyes.

My days became determined by Paul's wants and wishes. I spent every waking hour with him, only leaving his side to go on patrol and to go home at the end of the day. I refused to sleep in his house anymore since more than once my body had betrayed me and the last thing I needed was to sacrifice my face to Paul's fist.

With each passing day my anguish grew, I was running out of time and I was not closer to convincing Paul to desist of his plans that I was two weeks ago. Just like I had been doing the previous days I walked to his house but he was not home. His car was in the driveway, so he shouldn't be far.

An immediate sense of dread attacked me, making me tremble from head to toe. I ran out and scented the air trying to figure out which way he left and how long ago. I caught his distinct scent and phased so I could follow it. I tried reaching him through our mental link but he wouldn't answer, I could feel him and knew he was listening but couldn't get a response out of him.

It didn't take me long to find him curled up under a tree, his big head over his paws and a tortured whimpering originating from deep within him. I approached him carefully, in a good day he was volatile, it would be much worse when it was obvious he was feeling miserable. His eyes were open but were so devoid of life that if it wasn't for the fact I could hear his heart beating strongly in his chest, I could've sworn he was a taxidermist special project.

I nudged him gently and he responded by slowly raising his head and pushing upward with his nose to rub against mine. Paul whined softly and looked at me desperate and hopeless. It was dark in this part of the forest, the thick canopy prevented sunlight from coming through. No wonder he chose this particular spot, it was depressing. The game of light and shadow gave our surroundings a sinister look, like something evil was watching, waiting for Paul to crumble down.

Ever so slowly I laid down beside him, our minds blank, just letting our wolves guide us. I would stay with him as long as it was necessary, I would hunt for him, keep him warm. I would do anything, be anything he needed me to be. My heart skipped a beat when he moved slightly snuggling against me. Even though as humans he was several inches taller than me, in wolf form we were basically the same size. I curled myself around him creating a protective cocoon, I wished I could block out every bad experience, every sad song and every wilting flower.

_Thank you Quil._

_For what Paul?_

_For being here and for trying to block all sadness._

_Shit that kind of slipped._

_It's ok, I needed to feel like somebody cared about me._

_You know I care about you._

_I care about you too Quil, a lot._

The change took only seconds and I found myself wrapped around a very naked Paul. His red rimmed eyes letting me know he was in a really bad place. He ran his hands over my fur and hung to me for dear life. Maybe that was it; he needed something to hold on to, to keep him anchored on our realm. I decided to gamble and phased too, without moving away. Paul flinched for a second but relaxed in my arms, I had to be dreaming, it was the only explanation.

"Quil I'm so lonely, it hurts." His voice barely a whisper.

I had my arms around him and he burrowed his head onto my chest and wept. I could feel the warm droplets as they streamed down my chest only to end in the forest floor and continue in the cycle of life. "Don't cry; it's all right." He raised his head and I could read the agony in his eyes. His face bathed in tears, all his arrogant defenses gone. My chest was raw with hurt, he desperately needed help but besides giving him a shoulder to cry on, there was not much I could do. I just hugged him and started to cry too, wishing that I could take away some of his pain, even if that meant making it my own.

Paul's sobbing quieted down to small hiccups but his tears refused to cease and kept pouring down. Using my thumb I cleaned some of the tears away and did the same with my own. "Thank you Quil."

"For what Paul?"

"For crying with me, nobody in my entire life has ever cried with me."

"Paul you have no idea what I would do for you." I couldn't decipher the look he gave me it was a combination of surprise, happiness and doubt. Maybe he didn't believe me, but I sensed he did, it was something else entirely. For several minutes he was silent like he was having an internal debate, one of those in which you have an angel on one shoulder and a demon in the other. Knowing Paul, the demon would definitely win. I didn't know why he even bothered to fight it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello again, thanks to all of you who have taken interest in this story, love you all.**

**This chapter is late and shorter than usual but I hope you enjoy it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

**Chapter 7**

If anybody saw us it would be a very awkward situation. Two naked men locked in an embrace in the middle of the forest. Our legs entangled, our sexes touching just enough to fill my mind with fantasies and desires, the light mist that covered the forest floor enveloping us, like something taken out of a dream. Yes it was a dream, but one with the potential of turning into a nightmare at any moment.

All I could do was wonder what the future had in store for us, if it was up to me, I would stop time right now and enjoy Paul's company like I had never enjoyed it before. But I couldn't control time and we were out in the open where any hikers could see us. Nobody would stop and see that Paul's eyes were red and his face was blotchy from all the crying, nobody would care, they would see what they want, but truth be told it didn't look very innocent. Going against my wants and needs, I peeled myself from him and stood up, immediately untying my pants and donning them.

Stretching out my arm I offered it to him. "C'mon buddy let's get you home." Very slowly Paul stood up, wobbling slightly the moment he came upright. He looked like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, his skin pale and his eyes devoid of life. Concerned with his obvious weakness I debated whether or not to place my arm around his waist to gently guide him towards the house. He made the decision for me, placing his arm over my shoulder while giving me a remorseful look. I snaked my arm on his waist, sighting internally feeling perfectly content with having him so close to me.

We walked slowly towards the house not even one word leaving our lips. His steps were unsure but I was there to help him, even carry him if it became necessary and I am sure that he would allow me to. After walking inside his house he went directly to the sofa and laid down on his side, facing me. I stayed in the kitchen fixing him something to eat since I knew that a big part of his weakness was due to the distinct possibility that he hadn't eaten anything since the day before.

I found some soup I had frozen the week before and placed the small plastic container in the microwave to thaw it out. I filled a soup bowl with the hearty concoction and brought it to him. "Paul, you need to eat something, sit up so you can have some of the soup I made last week. No arguments. Just do it." Surprisingly he sat up and I handed him the steaming bowl.

Turning around I started walking but couldn't take two steps before his gravelly voice reached my ears "Don't go."

"I'm just going to your room to get you a pair of pants, I'll be right down." He looked down seemingly embarrassed by his nudity. I sat beside him on the sofa and waited until he was done eating before handing him a pair of cutoffs.

After doing the dishes I came back to the living room, relief washed over me seeing him still sitting up and not curled up into a ball. I walked towards the only seating besides the sofa in the small living room and sat silently. I had no intention of making him feel like he needed to talk to me; if there was something I understood perfectly was the pain of a broken heart, and when your heart aches you don't want to be bothered.

I observed him as he sat back and closed his eyes. I took that as a hint and stood up to leave, I guessed I had overstayed my welcome, but since he was not strong enough to kick me out he was using his body language to make it obvious.

"Where are you going?" Asked Paul in a pathetic little voice.

"Home, you probably want to sleep."

"I don't want to be alone Quil, please stay. I can order some pizzas and watch movies." What Paul didn't know was that he didn't need to bribe me or buy my company. I would stay beside him as long as he needed me. I would do anything he wanted to do, be anything he wanted me to be. Whether it was wing man, friend, confidant, boyfriend, lover or husband, anything, as long as it was by his side.

"I guess I can stay for a little while but I have patrol tonight."

"You seem to be doing a lot of shifts." This was wonderful, at least he was trying to carry a conversation. He snapped out of the semi-catatonic state I found him and seemed more awake.

"Yeah, Jake covered most of my shifts while I was staying here so I'm paying him back."

"Shit I have a gift for making people's life harder than it needs to be." I almost opened my mouth to refute him but he was right, if it wasn't for the decision of taking his life, I wouldn't have needed to stay here in the first place. He needed to be held accountable for his action, I loved him and sympathized with his situation, but that didn't mean I was going to baby him.

"Paul do you want to tell me what the hell happened? How did you end up in the middle of the forest?"

"I don't want to talk about it Quil." Answered Paul in a monotone. I tried to meet his gaze but succeeded only once, Paul's eyes kept shifting back to the floor or got lost in some point off in the distance. Why was he averting my gaze? I didn't want to read too much into it but couldn't help it, when it came to Paul everything was a big deal.

"Ok I'll respect that, but I wish you would trust me enough to share it with me. There shouldn't be any secrets between us."

"It has nothing to do with trust, I just can't tell you, please don't insist."

"No problem." I surrendered for the moment, sooner or later I would get my answers.

We spent the rest of the afternoon together in Paul's house. He still looked pitiful but at least was able to carry a conversation and even swore a few times. I couldn't help smiling each time a little of his personality shone through. I wanted my friend back, I wanted the man I had fallen in love with, I wanted the cocky, ill-tempered, dirty mouth asshole I loved. The little glimpses of him I got filled me with joy and even if I didn't want to accept it, with hope.

"I got to go, patrol starts in fifteen minutes, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Wait, don't go yet, I want to give you something." Paul ran upstairs and after a few minutes made his way back down.

"Here" He handed me a shiny key.

"What's this?"

"A key, idiot."

"I can see that jerk." My heart soared at the normalcy of our conversation. The only evidence of his heart wrenching episode was the dark circles around his eyes and the slight red tint in his eyes. Our exchange was like many others we had before.

"It opens the front door."

"Why are you giving me a key to your house?" My heart was beating off my chest; Paul probably heard it and looked at me confused. In my mind I was already devising what lies I was going to tell him to cover for my slip up, but he never questioned me.

"You're my best friend and you almost live here anyway, so I want you to know you can come anytime you want, _mi casa es su casa._" Glad to see Paul was putting to good use the two years of Spanish he took in high school.

"Thanks man, now it will be easier to come steal your food."

"As long as you come, I don't care if you eat everything in the refrigerator." Paul answer caught me by surprise; he was always so sure of himself, cocky and opinionated. He seemed different, he was acting like a scared little boy, he was needy and insecure. It may seem cruel but I liked this Paul, the idea of my wolf needing me filled me with glee.

"Can I get it in writing?"

"Fuck you Quil, but maybe you won't need to, since you were supposed to start your patrol two minutes ago and Jake is probably going to hand you your ass back anyway."

"Oh shit!" I took off running out through the back door, not before hearing Paul's laughter resonating inside the house.

After patrol I went home to find a note on my bedroom door telling me Paul called to invite me to lunch. I was exhausted, around two in the morning Embry caught a faint scent near the border and we spent several hours making sure we didn't leave one inch of our borders unprotected. It was becoming more common every day and we were all concerned about it, to the point that Emily, Kim and Seth were not allowed to leave La Push without proper escort; we wouldn't take any chances with any of the imprints. If anything happened to any of them it would be devastating for the whole pack.

I got to Paul's house ten minutes before noon; even from a distance I could detect the distinct smell of burning cookies. As I got closer the smell got stronger and it joined the sound of Paul's cursing in an attack to my senses. Inside the house the light cloud of smoke made it more than obvious that my friend was still the worst cook in America.

He looked so flustered; I could've sworn he wouldn't have recognized his own mother if she walked through the door. Paul moved about the kitchen like the mad hatter, tossing a tray of cookies in the sink before opening the faucet. His eyes were watering, beads of sweat sprinkled all over his forehead. By his appearance anybody would guess he had just finished a race, when in reality he had only been trying to make lunch. I bit the inside of my cheek to prevent me from bursting out laughing.

It was very sweet that he was making such an effort, but it was funny as hell that he was failing miserably. "Hey Quill, don't you dare laugh! I'm fucking pissed! Everything was working out fine. I made butternut squash soup, chicken breast and salad and everything turned out just fine. Since I had some time left I decided to make some cookies but forgot to set the timer and well, you see the results." Why was Paul giving me so many explanations? It made me feel good, important even, but it was unnecessary. He was talking at a thousand words per minute, while opening windows in an effort to ventilate the house and get rid of the smell.

"Don't sweat it man, I appreciate all your effort." I said sincerely.

"Quil you have done so much for me and all I've given you are bruises and fucking burnt cookies." Paul was visibly upset, running his fingers through his hair roughly.

With every passing day I had been having more and more slip ups, if this continued in no time he would be able to figure me out and that would be the end of my existence. I wasn't even thinking when I approached him. My body was in autopilot, following an order from a brain that clearly was not mine, since I would have never done something so risky.

I approached Paul and pulled him towards me surrounding him with my arms in a tight embrace. Instead of taking a swing at me like he would have done in the past, Paul sighed deeply and held on to me. His whole body relaxing in my arms, I could feel as each of the muscles in his back relaxed under my touch. He rested his head on my shoulder, his cropped hair tickling my ear. I felt like I was in heaven, hopefully this would not turn into another moment in hell.

This was baffling; Paul's behavior was odd and inexplicable. Maybe this was the reason my guard was coming down, he was so receptive to my advances that I was just reacting. My reasoning shut down completely and was replaced with plain animal instincts. The feeling of being accepted encouraging me to be more daring.

I braced for impact the moment I felt him begin to break the hug. Instead of removing his hands from around me, he slid them slowly from my neck tickling me with the tip of his fingers as they brushed against the sensitive flesh of my neck. His head that until that moment was resting on my shoulder followed the same path as his hands with the difference that he brushed his lips against my cheek.

Did Paul give me a kiss? I tried to convince myself that it was impossible, but I was sure about what I felt. His soft lips touched my cheek; that was something I was sure of. The reason behind it was very puzzling. The logical side of my brain was having an unprecedented battle with my intuitive side. My emotions were governing my actions and that was never good, especially when dealing with an unstable wolf.

Going against my own will, I pulled away from Paul and took a step back, watching him carefully for any sign of aggression. He just walked in the direction of the kitchen and resumed his previous task. I sat down on the kitchen table and he brought to the table two steaming bowls of soup, after placing one in front of me he sat down and we ate in silence.

The tension between us was so extreme that you could almost see it. Our eyes never met, our mouths did not mutter one word. Usually I could use humor to beat situations like this one, but at that moment I was incapable of even thinking what to say. At exactly what moment our friendship turned from comfortable to strained? I wished I could see inside his head, I was getting extremely weird vibes from him but denied those feelings. It was like my mind and my heart got together and decided to mess with me.

"Paul this soup is really good, when did you learn to cook?" I needed to say something no matter how stupid and a compliment was less likely to get me beat up.

"I know a few recipes, when I was younger my mom used to work and when she got home I would go into the kitchen to help her cook. We would have the best conversations, she taught the basics and when I decided to move here she gave me a box with recipes."

"Wait a minute, correct me if I'm mistaken, but you have always said that you couldn't cook."

"I said I _wouldn't_ cook, it's very different."

"Why? You're obviously not as useless in the kitchen as I thought."

"First if the guys find out I can cook there will be no way to get rid of them and I like my privacy. Second it's kind of gay don't you think?"

"Why is everything gay to you? You have serious issues Paul, maybe you should see somebody."

"Sorry man, take it easy, I was joking. Why is that such a touchy subject with you? I'm going to think you play for the other team."

"I'm not saying I do, but if I did, what would you do? Beat me up?" Paul seemed to be thinking about my question, he looked deep in thought, confused and sad at the same time.

"I wouldn't beat you up Quil, I would never hurt you on purpose. I have the potential of hurting you by accident, I'm an idiot sometimes and that gets me in trouble each time." No argument from me. As Paul went silent once more I began daydreaming, grabbing at straws, scrutinizing each and every one of his words_. I would never hurt you on purpose; _I wished I could believe him. Hopefully he was changing for the better, just for him to think of somebody besides himself was as step in the right direction. There was another possibility, one I didn't even want to think about. Maybe he was just cramming for finals, the knowledge that he was going to die in a few weeks making him want to get all his affairs in order with the man upstairs, including working for some extra credit.

"Everything was delicious Paul, thank you." I said before standing up to bring my plates to the sink. Paul beat me to it, grabbing the plates from my hands and turning to place them in the sink.

"You're welcome." He answered sheepishly without turning around.

My eyes were glued to Paul's strong back as he was doing the dishes. He was definitely a feast to the eyes, strong shoulders, ample back, a firm ass that begged to be fucked, preferably by me. Fuck, Quil get a grip! Feeling about to lose control I moved to the living room and turned on the television, aimlessly flipping through the channels just to keep myself busy.

"I want to lie down on the sofa Quil." Demanded Paul the minute he walked in the living room.

"Ugh ok I can take a hint, see you tomorrow." I motioned to get up but Paul's hand on my shoulder held me firmly in place.

"You don't have to go, please stay."

"All right but this is my sofa, I'm not moving." For the first time that afternoon Paul gave me a bright smile that erased years from his appearance in matter of seconds. He plopped himself beside me and snatched the remote from my hand.

"The sofa may be yours, but the remote is mine." I laughed heartily and he followed suit, relaxing at last.

"Ever heard of personal space asshole?"

"I sit where I see fit, you're welcome to sit somewhere else." Paul kept his eyes glued to the television screen, but the obvious smirk betrayed him. If this was going to turn into a battle of wills I was ready to fight. I was too stubborn to give in and stayed in exactly the same spot.

If it wasn't for the fact that I was in love with Paul, his proximity would have made me very uncomfortable. Didn't he notice that he was too close to me? His leg touching mine, the heat from our bodies feeling like painless fire on my skin. Our scents combining on a cloud of desire and unrequited love.

A little more than an hour passed before I felt a set of eyes on me. I tear my eyes from the worthless images in the television and discreetly glance in Paul's direction. His head was slightly down, his gaze directed in the general direction of my hands which I had for lack of a better place, placed on my lap. What was he looking at? He was probably just lost in his own thoughts and didn't even realize he was staring. To confirm my suspicion I moved my hands interlacing the fingers but still leaving them in my lap. His reaction was immediate; he looked around nervously but without even stopping to look at my face went back to staring at my hands.

I didn't mind the attention, I actually loved it, but he was starting to creep me out. Then it happened… Paul extended the arm that was closer to me and gently placed his hand over mine, softly pulling them apart. One by one, starting with his pinky, he moved his fingers until they were nested between my own. When his thumb came over mine he squeezed our hands tightly. Awestruck I observed our intertwined fingers, disbelief etched on my face. My heart beating loudly on my ears and spit getting stuck on my throat. What the fuck was happening? Was this some kind of joke?

I silently prayed it was not a joke, the contact of the palm of his hand against mine felt safe. His fingers blending with my own, the shared warmth running through my veins directly to my heart. I never wanted to let go, I was scared of his reaction, but at the same time felt he was telling me something with this unexpected contact, I just didn't know what it was. Maybe he was as scared as I was but wanted to open his heart to me, but to what? Friendship, he already had that, I had proven it to him time after time. Love, if only I was that lucky.

Paul was holding my freaking hand! Not just holding it, he interlaced our fingers, a closeness I never expected from him. He wanted to be close to me, to occupy the same space as me. If this was a joke I would fucking kill him and anybody involved in the prank. I was glad nobody else was there, that way nobody would witness my humiliation when he rejected me.

"Paul, what are you doing?" If this was a joke I needed to know before I made a fool of myself. If it was real, I wanted to start enjoying it as soon as possible.

"I'm holding your hand." Stated Paul.

"Do you realize you're holding my hand, me, another male."

"I know where you're going with this Quil, it looks very gay to say the least. But it feels right to me and I hope you don't mind."

"I don't mind Paul." I answered feeling as my heart was doing cartwheels in my chest.

I rested my back against the sofa once more, not quite sure at what moment I became so tense I moved forward. Paul relaxed beside me sighing heavily. The program we had been watching ended and a new one started, it was a Law and Order marathon and the trademark doink-doink was the only sound that momentarily claimed my attention back to the television. That attention didn't last long and short after it I felt myself slipping once more into the cycle of daydreaming.

The developments of the last hour were exciting but terrifying. What possessed Paul to hold my hand in such and intimate way? Especially when a few minutes before we had been discussing his obsession and irrational fear for all things he might consider gay. What changed in the last hour? Or maybe it had been changing for some time and he just stopped fighting it, said to hell with it and went with the flow.

Paul reached for the remote and turned off the television, I wouldn't have noticed if it wasn't for the fact that the living room suddenly seemed darker. As the afternoon progressed a storm broke out and the heavy drops were punishing the roof and the windows of Paul's house. The dark gray skies making it seem a lot later than it actually was.

"Quil?... Will you kiss me?" I was dumfounded, I heard wrong, that was it. All my blood was rushing to my dick, leaving me with next to nothing to sustain basic functions.

Hoping again this was not a cruel joke I nodded affirmatively and licked my lips nervously. I looked into Paul's eyes trying to find any deceit in them, but only found peace and desire. It was a strange combination that worked in our situation. We both hesitated but moved slowly toward each other, his warm breath making my mouth water in anticipation to the delicacy I was about to savor. Uncertain of the step I was about to take, I stopped an inch away from his lips, but Paul took command of the situation moving forward and making our lips meet.

At first it was a gentle lingering touch of the lips, he nibbled my lips almost playfully, never letting go of my hand. I twisted my body so I was facing him and angled my head to give me better access to his delicious lips. They were so soft and inviting; I kissed, sucked and nibbled on Paul's lips with total abandon. All caution out the window, just like the night he got drunk and kissed me, I went with it willingly. Hopefully today will end up a lot better.

I whined softly when the warmth of his lips left mine, he smiled softly and also turned so he was facing me. Because of our size we were too far from each other, but Paul solved the situation by tucking one of his legs under his body and sitting on it, while the other went over my lap. He pulled himself so close that I was able to feel on my hip the evident hard- on he was sporting.

"Quilly" He whispered dreamily while placing his arms around my neck. Paul looked intently into my eyes like he was trying to decipher all the secrets that lay dormant in my soul. I felt my pulse quicken even more, my body trembling when he closed his eyelids and resumed his kissing. I kissed him back avidly, lovingly, the way I dreamed during so many long lonely nights. Each time his lips touched mine it felt like the first time, each contact of our lips was perfect.

"Paul" I whispered to him, his name sounding like a prayer as it left my lips. A sacred prayer that I would devote my life to love and honor. I was utterly clueless and slightly intimidated, after all, most first kisses have the potential to be awkward. For all intended purposes this was our first kiss since the first one happened as the result of a drunken stupor and not true emotion. This one was different; it was completely driven by emotion and need. I needed Paul almost as much as he needed me.

Paul's body was pressed against mine, the heat radiating from our chests making our shirts become soaked in sweat. His hand cupped my cheek, his thumb tracing soft shapes on the soft skin. His hot pink tongue peeked out between his parted lips, the wet tip softly touching my lips. He was begging for entrance, he urged me to deepen the kiss and I gladly accepted. My hands shot up to his soft curls threading my finger on his inky locks. He moaned when I scraped his scalp with my nails.

Our lips moved vigorously, our tongues battling for dominance inside my mouth. Just the fact that the battle was taking place in my mouth and not Paul's telling me that he was the one dominating the moment. I didn't mind, I accepted it gladly. He left one hand on my cheek and moved the other to my neck where he scraped the sensitive skin with his dull nails. Our tongues twisting and turning in perfect coordination with each other.

The kiss was so intense that it made me even forget my name. I forgot where I was, I forgot who I was, but one thing I would never forget was the person to whom those wonderful lips belonged.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello again. As always, thank you for all the messages, alerts and reviews.**

**Most of this chapter consists of the description of sexual acts between two males. Please, if this material offends you, don't read it, you can skip this chapter. Also if you are under eighteen please skip this chapter, I know this request will probably make you read the chapter faster but it's your choice.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, its characters or plot.**

Chapter 8

Quil POV

Paul's lips transported me to another dimension, one where we were free to love each other openly. Free to hold hands in public without being judged. A world where love was more than a clichéd word people used to justify their decisions and actions.

He pulled back slightly only to angle his head in the opposite direction and crashed his lips onto mine forcefully. He wrapped his strong arms around my waist and pulled me towards him chuckling when his actions made me produce a sound that was a mix between a gasp and a snort. He kept devouring my lips while I pressed my chest to his, our hearts beating in unison, our breathing a synchronized dance in and out of our chests.

This had to be the most perfect example of a natural high; I was floating, soaring over mountains and valleys. Each and every nerve ending of my body exploded like a Chinese firecracker, like a sparkler emitting colored sparks in all directions. I felt needed, desired and wanted like I had never been in my entire life.

With our bodies flush against each other, Paul trailed up his hands, tenderly placing each hand on the sides of my head and covering my face with kisses. Little butterfly kisses on my nose, my cheeks, my eyelids and ending on my lips. I swore at that moment that if this was a fucking dream I would buy a bottle of sleep aid and sleep for the rest of my life trying to capture this dream once again.

His mouth returned to mine; licking, nibbling, taking my bottom lip between his lips, sucking it greedily. I could feel his hard length against my hip and I was sure my pants would rip at any moment and my cock would spring out. I was overwhelmed by desire, there was a fire deep within me and Paul was the only one capable of extinguishing that flame.

I whimpered when Paul removed his lips from mine "Quilly, it's you; you're the only one I want." He whispered while burying his face on my neck.

Did I hear right? Paul wanted me, he wanted me the same way I wanted him? Was this really happening? It had to be, because I didn't remember ever feeling so happy. When reality agrees with our desires it is much better than any fantasy.

"Paul, I…" I had to stop, I was not ready to tell him yet, I had no idea how receptive he would be to my feelings and couldn't risk ruining the most perfect moment of my entire life. I froze, my breath getting caught on my throat when I felt his hand explore my chest, following the contour of each of my pectoral and abdominal muscles through the thin fabric of my shirt.

He gave me a mischievous look before grabbing the bottom edge of my shirt and pulling it over my head throwing it on the floor beside the sofa. Paul gasped and studied every inch of my chest, tracing with his finger the evident demarcation points between the muscles. In a heartbeat, his mouth was over mine again, his tongue pushing inside my mouth feverishly. He pinched one of my nipples while softly scraping the other with his nail. A loud moan escaped my mouth at the triple sensation.

I had to wake up from my daze, Paul already had me moaning like a whore and I had not even tried to touch him. He didn't seem to mind, he was too busy with the expedition that was happening on my chest. I pulled back to examine his features, he seemed calm, at peace. His half lidded eyes were glazed over with the unmistakable look of lust. This was all so sudden, so unexpected. Did he plan this? Was this whole lunch just a ruse to seduce me? Why? I might never get a straight answer for my questions, but I knew that whatever his reasoning, the end product felt fucking amazing.

Grabbing the hem of his shirt I pulled it over his head and gasped at the apparition in front of me. I had seen Paul naked many times, but never so close, never feeling him so mine. I scanned his body mindlessly licking my lips, action that made him chuckle. Feeling daring I began kissing down his neck, stopping to nibble on his Adam's apple. His skin felt silky under my lips, his taste slightly salty and completely addicting. Finding his collarbone I ran the tip of my tongue over it making him shiver at the sensation. I worked down along a chiseled, scantily furry pec and devoured his nipple. He breathed deeply, like he couldn't get enough air in his lungs.

My whole body tensed up when I felt his hands wander lower and lower until they reached their goal. I was not even going to try to hide my erection; it would have been impossible and utterly ridiculous. Paul had to know what he was doing to me. This was something completely new to me, in a sense I was a virgin experiencing intimacy for the first time. Yes, I had sex with more than one girl in high school, actually three, it was not a very impressive record, but it was better than nothing. The key word of that thought was _girl,_ doing it with a guy was a completely different ball game and I had no clue. Of course I had a general idea about how it worked, but the actual practice was reserved for my dreams, fantasies and the occasional fap.

When Paul brushed his hand against my jean clad erection I almost came right then and there. This was better than I could have dreamed it. I was terrified, but at the same time was praying silently that he would want to finish what he started. I wanted to feel Paul; I wanted to feel his hands on me, I wanted him inside me. He traced my hard-on with his index finger and added his other fingers to circle my balls with the tips.

Leaving one hand teasingly over the zipper of my jeans, his other hand played with my hair. With his head slightly cocked to one side he followed his hand with his eyes. How fascinating could my hair be that Paul seemed to be studying it intently? Distracted by the feeling of his hand running through my hair I was snapped back to reality when the sudden freedom on my waist alerted me to the fact that in one swift motion Paul had been able to undo the button of my jeans and was already lifting the tab to push the zipper down.

I grabbed his hand between mine "Paul, stop"

"Why Quil? We both want this."

"This is going too fast, we are going from friend to lovers in under one hour. That has to be a world record or something." I chuckled nervously.

"Quilly when you are sure of what you want, why wait?" Answered Paul in a soft tone.

"Why? Because maybe I'm not ready for this. As you know I've never been with a guy."

"But you want to, with me at least." His last words were shocking, making me shuffle nervously on the sofa.

"Since when have you known Paul?" I asked timidly.

"I had my suspicions for a while now, but always dismissed them as products of my overactive imagination. In the last week my suspicions grew, but the way you acted yesterday when I broke up in the woods, gave me the confirmation I needed."

"What gave me away Paul?"

"It was not just one thing; it was a combination of many subtle changes in you. The way your heart rate increases each time you see me, the way your breath hitches every time I come near you. Quil, nobody in this world is that forgiving, you have been putting up with a lot of shit from me in the past few weeks. Like the day we went out and I fucked that girl, you should have seen your face when I told you. You looked like I told you your puppy just died."

"Oh fuck." I muttered under my breath. "I think I should go. I'm sorry Paul, I didn't plan for this to happen, I swear." I motioned to stand up before a strong hand held me in place. I wanted to leave, to run into the forest and crawl under a rock. Feeling the all familiar stinging in my eyes and the air abandoning my lungs quicker than I could regain it, I tried to stand up for the second time in the last minute.

"Quil you don't have to leave, I'm ok with this"

"You are?" I asked surprised and unsure, feeling as one warm tear made its way down my cheek. Paul brought up his hand to my face and I reacted by flinching like I expected to get hit. Instead of my initial assumption, he wiped the tear with the pad of his thumb.

"Yes I am, I could do worse you know." A chuckle rumbled in his ample chest, working as a cooling balm on my tortured soul.

Feeling as a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders I pressed my forehead against Paul's and breathed deeply trying to gather my thoughts and stop crying. All this time he knew and he didn't chase me away, during our exchange he never told me how he felt about me and I was too much of a chicken to ask him. I knew that he at least didn't hate me or I would already be dead or at the least maimed.

Next it was me who hungrily sought his lips, grazing his lips softly; my eyes closed depriving one of my senses to achieve greater sensitivity with the others. Paul kissed me back with a soft moan while running his hands up and down my back in a comforting way. He knew exactly what I needed, I needed comfort, I needed understanding and I needed him.

But his warm touch awoke my deep buried lust, making it dangerously come to the surface where it could burn us alive. All the desperation and pent up frustrations of loving him from a distance leaving the deep recesses of my mind to be expressed as actions. I pushed myself towards him, invading the little amount of personal space he had left. Paul responded by slowly getting up, kneeling on the leg he had under him and towering over me. He never broke the kiss just pulled my face with him as he stood one foot above me.

Immediately I understood the message, he was asserting his position as dominant and viewed me as a more submissive wolf. I always knew I was one of the more submissive wolves in the pack. I was beefier than most, but didn't have that innate aggressiveness all the others expressed. All the others except Embry, who always stayed calm and collected, even under the most stressful circumstances. Maybe that's why we couldn't imprint. Our wolves didn't need to provide a mate for us, our behavior would not chase a woman away and our appearance made us very attractive, which was the right recipe for a match made in heaven.

Paul pulled me up to his height and deepened the kiss, our bodies flush against each other, our chests rising and falling in unison.

"Quilly…" Paul hesitated before continuing "Be mine." He whispered in my ear, his hot breath filling me with need and desire. I nodded affirmatively, incapable of constructing a sentence of even muttering a word. The production of the word _yes _escaped me, but thankfully Paul understood and pulled me up to my feet.

Paul gently guided me towards the stairs that would take us to his room. He stood behind me wrapping his arms around my waist from the back, while walking in perfect synchronization. At the bottom of the stairs I stopped, reluctant but not unwilling to climb the stairs to his room. My nerves betrayed me and self-doubt invaded me. Where we doing the right thing? I was only sure of one thing… I wanted this desperately.

"Quil it will be ok, trust me." Pleaded Paul with a calm voice and a loving gaze.

I decided to trust him; it was Paul after all, the man I had been in love with for years. He invited me to his room, to share his bed, to let him make love to me. How could I say no? I couldn't deny him or myself this moment in paradise.

We walked inside his room the same way we climbed up the stairs. Paul's arms around me while peppering the back of my neck and my shoulders with kisses. Still behind me he lifted the tab and the sound of the zipper as it was being opened reached my ears, my cock surged forward as the zipper opened, freed from the pants that had been getting tighter by the minute, literally choking the life out of me.

He guided me to his bed and after sitting on it I dragged my naked body until I was comfortably located on the center of his queen size bed. I could hear his breathing quicken at the sight of me laying on his bed totally at his mercy. I was his prey and he was the predator, ready to attack at any moment. I was completely naked, exposed to him, but there was not even a trace of embarrassment in either one of us.

Paul freed his cock and crawled on the bed until he reached me, laying on his side. I also turned on my side to face him and his sweet smile chased all doubts away and left in its place safety and love. He ran the back of his hand down my side, starting on my shoulder all the way down to my thigh. His touch sent electric surges all over my body, waking up every nerve ending on its path.

He kissed the tip of his fingers and brought them to my lips where I proceeded to return the kiss. How could the hot-head and worse tempered member of the pack change from demon to angel? He was so gentle; his movements were like poetry on my starving skin. Paul grazed his hand down my neck, over the sternum and the abdomen. His fingers combed lower along my treasure trail, down to where he encountered thick coarse hairs. His mouth sought mine and our lips touched.

I reached out and grabbed his thick shaft, it felt heavenly to be touching Paul in such an intimate way. Especially because he seemed to be enjoying it, his gasps and soft pants making words unnecessary. His penis was much larger than I had ever seen it; after all I've never seen it in an aroused state. It was not like the wolves ran around naked with permanent erections. I wondered what he thought of me, like him, I was very well-endowed and took pride on that fact. My thumb trailed under the sensitive underside of his member, feeling the thick vein and wrinkly skin. His cock swelled as I stroked it, feeling like it grew in girth even more.

His hand brushed my shaft and trailed along it slowly and tenderly. His fingers caressed the tip and circled around and around, making the purplish head glisten with my fluid. He took his time, my whole body was trembling nervous and excited at the same time. His hand clamped down around me and held all of me. Slowly it slid down to the base, my hair touching his hand before he stroked to the tip again. Paul was masturbating me, it was not my hand, him only in my thoughts; this was real. He was mine and I was his.

The abundant pre-cum formed a strand that started at the tip and ended on my torso. He spread some more of my fluid over the engorged head before bringing that same fingers to his lips and sucking them greedily "You taste so good" He repeated the same motion with his own and brought his finger to my lips so I could taste him. His manly taste was now over my lips, salty with a slightly pungent taste. Different but not at all unpleasant.

"I want more Quil." He looked at me for approval that I blindly granted, ignorant to his plans. He traced a path of kisses that started on the base on my neck running through my pecs and over my abdomen. Paul stopped for a minute to circle my belly button with his able tongue making me giggle.

His mouth engulfed my erection sucking my length into his mouth slowly. He flooded his mouth with my turgid flesh, giving me wave after wave of pleasure. I could feel the air coming in and out of his nostrils and hitting my pubic hair. His five o' clock shadow bristled over my balls, adding itself to the multiple sensations he was producing in me. How on earth was he able to swallow me whole like that? Paul must not have any gag reflex. Not that I was complaining.

His tongue tickled my balls, sucking one at a time, enjoying each member of the dangling pair. Fuck! Whoever taught Paul to give head deserves a medal. His skillful tongue slid over each of my balls only to climb all the way to the tip before sliding down again. He wrapped my length with his sinful lips and bopped his head up and down. My moaning was loud, my words dirty and my heart pure. I felt my completion approaching. Paul noticed and stopped his ministrations, making me whimper like a pathetic love sick dog.

"Not yet." Whispered Paul huskily. He extended one of his long arms and opened the top drawer of his night table. He extracted a small bottle of lube and a strip of condoms. I was sure my eyes looked like they were going to fall out of their sockets when I saw the lube and the condoms. It made it very real, I was going to lose my virginity to Paul; he was going to invade my most private part. His body was going to connect with mine in the most intimate way.

"I need to prepare you baby." Explained Paul as he covered his fingers with the slippery substance.

Once again he lowered his head on my erection swallowing it whole. But there was a new strange sensation that assaulted me. He bent my left leg and slipped his arm under it getting total access to my puckered hole. I felt as he pushed one finger inside me, at the same time that his mouth pleasured me. It was not painful until he added a second finger and this time I felt the burning pain in my entrance and deep within me. I tried to concentrate on his able mouth and tongue as it played with my dick. He moaned into it, the vibrations getting me closer to the edge of the abyss.

He added a third finger which caused a lot of pressure making me hiss in pain. My eyebrows furrowed and I tightened my lips in an effort not to emit any discouraging sounds. It was hurting, but I knew it was necessary for what I wanted to happen and didn't want to risk Paul changing his mind after realizing the mistake he was making.

Sweat poured over our bodies, and the heat turned the moisture to a manly musky scented mist. I enjoyed his heat, his intensity and his passion.

"Love, turn on your side, facing away from me." I gave Paul a questioning look.

"It's the most comfortable position for the first time, once you become a seasoned lover you can experiment with other positions." Why did Paul said _I _could experiment and not _we_? The question floated on my head but I didn't seek an answer. I was sure our combined heat was burning the few good neurons I had left.

He spread my butt cheeks and inhaled at the sight. Embarrassment enveloped me at the idea of being so exposed, so vulnerable. But there was no turning back, no fear and no doubt, just total surrender.

The thick head of his penis pressed against the tight ring of muscle. We struggled for a few minutes, my nerves not allowing me to relax enough and he was unwilling to force himself and hurt me. I felt him pull away and feared he had changed his mind not wanting to bother with an inexperienced baby like me. The fear was immediately forgotten when his hands started massaging my shoulders coaxing my tense back to relax. He pressed his hands expertly against my back tracing circles over my spine. I felt myself relax slightly under his touch. "Breathe baby, you need to relax. It will feel good, I promise." Paul reached my butt, slowly and steady massaging each globe kneading my muscles like they were destined to be a delicious loaf of bread.

He spread my cheeks and once again I felt the steady pressure against my sphincter. His swollen tip entered me; the pain was intense but fleeting. I threw my head back and moaned in pain as he filled me with his heat. As the pain subsided I couldn't help the sigh of contentment that escaped my lips. I was his; I belonged to Paul in body and soul. Even with the discomfort I experienced I have to say this was the best experience of my entire life. To this point I always thought the best feeling was phasing into my wolf, into what I was supposed to be. But there was just no comparison to what I was feeling at that moment.

Slowly, he slid in deeper until his heavy hairy balls were pressed against my cheeks. A shiver ran down my spine and my toes curled. Our bodies fit each other perfectly. Our hot skin seemed to sizzle as we brushed against each other. Paul entering and exiting my body, fucking me with total abandon.

I turned my head to the side and found his hungry mouth. Our tongues hedged against each other, passion blooming, desire flowing from me to him and back into me. I was lost in the pleasure, bucking against him. Paul reached out taking hold of my member and stroked it slowly, his lube covered hand sliding easily over the hard flesh.

Paul sheathed himself inside me, his rhythmic thrust making me moan in pleasure. Especially when he hit a fantastic spot inside me that made me see all the wonders of the world at once. "Fuck yes Paul! Right there!" I ordered.

"Again, more Paul, harder Pauly please!" I begged in a shrill voice.

My body took over since my rational thinking went out the window the minute Paul entered me. I fell into a trance like state, where all that mattered was the feeling as my ass swallowed his cock. I was lost in the sensation as his cock slipped between my cheeks, each time he pulled it out, just to ram it back in the next instant. His breathing was coming in short violent bursts as his body assaulted mine. His rhythm changed as he struggled to hold back and prolong our pleasure.

We were locked together for eternity, the feeling was indescribable. I felt my balls pull up closer to my body as my release became imminent. I was engulfed in wave after wave of feelings that ripped up and down my body. I had never thought anything like this was even possible, this was too good. As the final wave erupted I called out his name. He moaned loudly as his body contracted and released deep inside me.

Paul pulled out of me with a squelching sound. I was slightly embarrassed at the sounds my body was producing. We were spent, his heart beating in time with mine. He laid down by my side spooning me from behind, his arms wrapped around my chest in a bear hug. His beard stubble gently grazed the back of my neck and my shoulders. In his embrace I felt like everything was right with the world, like we reached Nirvana.

After making love I was tired and sore, but the joy I felt was bigger than any discomfort. I could feel Paul's face as he buried it on my hair and kiss me repeatedly. The smell of sex was heavy in the room circling above us like a ghost, the only witness to our encounter. Paul and I made love, from now on I will measure my life by the hours I spend in bed with him, by the heartbeats we share, by the breaths we collect.

"Paul, I love you." To many it may sound clichéd that I confessed my love after having sex. But to me it was of the utmost importance. It was the declaration that to me it went beyond the physical aspect of the act itself. I made love to Paul with my body, my heart and my soul. From now on I was his, forever. Exhausted, I ventured into dreamland, sure that the best dream will not even come close to what I just experienced.

Paul POV

"_Damn my life to hell, it's done…"_


	9. Chapter 9

**All right, here is another chapter but I have two comments. The first one is that at the end it may seem like the last chapter but it is not, there is still a little more story left to tell. The second one is that one of the characters uses extreme homophobic expressions; please know that it is the character speaking and not my opinion. I would never condone the use of such words against anybody.**

**Disclaimer: I don't know Twilight, I wish I did, but I don't**

**Chapter 9**

**Paul POV**

As I laid on my bed with Quil resting next to me I realized I had a decision to make. Up until this morning I had no doubt in my heart about what needed to happen. My resolve faltered the moment I held his hand and he offered no resistance. I was screwed; he disarmed me completely with his innocence and tenderness. I couldn't bring myself to be rough with him like I was planning; instead I allowed all the feelings I had toward him to come through in our love making. It was glorious to make love to my Quil, yes he was mine and always would be. Even after I'm long gone he will have the memory of the first time he made love and being deeply in love with the man he gave his virginity to.

Pausing for a minute to organize the big jumble of ideas that was my brain I looked out through my bedroom window as the first stars of the night adorned the sky. The pulsing of their light so similar to Quil's calm heartbeat, unfortunately with the same certainty that their light will fade in the morning, I had no choice but to destroy Quil's heart.

The only decision I needed to make at this point was to do it now or wait until the morning. My whole being wanted to wait until the morning, at least that way I would give us a night in heaven, before turning our lives into a living hell. I was a selfish bastard and this heinous act would certainly buy me a one way ticket to hell. I prayed that Quil would recover and one day look back at this day and be able to forgive me. But if he stayed with me his fate would most definitely be sealed and that was something I couldn't live with.

Since the day I met him I had been attracted to him, his beautiful smile, his eyes… oh God those eyes! Bordered by thick lines of lashes, like I had never seen. Not even the best women's cosmetic could compete with what Mother Nature gave my Quil. He was still a lanky teenager when I met him, but that changed quickly as his first transformation approached.

Then the trip that would change my life happened and I found myself facing my imprint, Laura. She became my life and I went as far as convincing my family to leave La Push and move closer to her. As it always happens in my life, she never accepted me and ended up leaving me forever without even brushing her pouty lips on my cheek.

When I came back at my grandfather's request I reconnected with Quil. To say I was shocked the first time I saw him was an understatement. He had grown at least a foot, standing only four inches shorter than me. The change had made wonders for his physique, filling him in all the right places. I was desperately hoping that he would imprint on me, but time passed and it didn't happen.

Convinced that I was not his soulmate I resigned myself to loving him from a distance, engaging in one empty relationship after the other as a way to escape my pain. When I met Aaron I used him as a substitute for Quil but there was no comparison. With Aaron I embarked in a stormy sexual voyage that ended horribly, leaving me scarred for life.

Leah had provided respite for my lonely life. With her, I had a glimpse at happiness. It started casually, just friends and confidants. I trusted her with all my secrets, all except one, my feelings for a certain pack brother. I convinced myself that I was meant to be with women since the only times I felt a glimmer of happiness was with Laura and Leah. I rejected anything and everything related to homosexuality and like most closeted homosexuals became very disrespectful and vocal against anything even remotely gay.

The only constant in my life had been Quil, he had always been there for me. Whether it was to work in the car or just hang out and play video games. That was until I smashed the game console on the floor, after losing a game to him for the umpteenth time. He always had time for me, always in a good mood. But that was so him, he was the total opposite of me, never had harsh words for anyone, never lost his temper. He was so level headed that it sometimes scared me, thinking that one day he would get tired of my antics and defriend me.

He stood by my side through all the trauma of losing my grandfather, the man that meant more to me than my own father. As the interminable line of mourners came to pay their respect I just wanted to reach out and hold his hand. To ask him to take me away from there, certain that he would do it. During the burial as we sat listening to Billy Black deliver the message, he stood behind me placing his hand on my shoulder to give me much needed comfort and peace. He had that effect on me, I could be mad and about to lose it and just his touch helped me calm down and put everything into perspective.

I directed my gaze to his sleeping form; despite losing his innocence to me several hours earlier, he looked pristine and pure. His chest raising and falling as the steady beat of his heart told me he was sound asleep, probably dreaming of seagulls or sandwiches, whatever angels dream about when they sleep.

The straw that broke the camel's back in my fucked up life was losing Leah. Again he was there to protect me from my own destructive thoughts. He cared for me like a mother would care for her sick child. Even through my pain I could see he barely slept, for days he didn't leave my side to even see his family. And how did I repay him? By beating him up.

I was terrified he would leave me, that I would turn around and see his back as he was heading out the door. To my relief that didn't happen, he only left when I openly threatened him. He had no choice, if he stayed he would be risking his own life and what good would that do to either one of us? Instead of just me dying it would be the two of us.

After that he gave me a chance, as I was getting dressed for our date I wondered how many more chances he would give me. How many things would I need to do before he said, _no more_. I knew he was not into the fancy scene, but I wanted to do something special for him. Even if I had to take this secret to my grave, I would never admit I considered that our first date. At the club I chose a particular group of girls that I thought would interest him, just to see if he would join us and I could fantasize he was dancing with me. When he didn't move from that fucking stool at the bar I was raving mad, and fucked that girl as revenge.

That's how I knew he had feelings for me. He was devastated when I told him and I felt like the slime that slugs leave behind. All I wanted to do was put my arms around him and apologize for what he must have seen as a betrayal. I was able to see through his well-rehearsed nonchalant attitude and saw the pain in his eyes. I followed his long lashes as they rested on his high cheekbones each time he blinked slowly, trying to contain the tears that were surely forming.

I couldn't sleep that night, Quil had feelings for me, maybe even loved me. The days that followed found me thinking constantly of a way to right this wrong. I didn't deserve him, he was good and pure, everything that I was not. My conscience screamed at me each time he walked through the door, telling me I was going to hurt him. I also knew he would end up hurting me, he was certain he couldn't imprint, but that was no guarantee. At any moment the cruel monster named imprinting would take him away from me. Loosing Laura I barely managed, loosing Leah I made a bigger deal than it needed to be, losing Quil would be a devastating blow, one from which I would only recover six feet under. 

This was quite a mess that went beyond my understanding. If I placed everything in a balance it would always tip in the direction of breaking up with Quil. I was betraying my imprint by moving on. I never consulted with the elders since talking to them felt like going to confession, but I was sure that a wolf needed to follow their imprints, even in death. I already betrayed her once, when I didn't feel anything as she left this earth. All the legends explain that to a wolf losing their imprint was a fate worse than death. The pain was so immense that sleep would evade them, food would lose its flavor and life would lose all meaning. I never experienced any of that; I was sad but not devastated. I began to gather there was something very wrong with me, when during the luncheon after the burial I went back for seconds of the key lime pie Mrs. Reynolds made.

If somebody asked any person in la Push to describe me the most common words would be angry, bastard, sarcastic, volatile, hot-head, and all around son of a bitch. Somebody with those adjectives certainly didn't deserve my Quil. He was too good for me, he was too good for anybody I knew, not that I would ever allow any other man near him, especially now, at least while I was still alive which lucky for him would not be too long.

I extended an arm and gently ran it through his hair, action that made him stir lightly in his sleep. I pulled my hand away, careful not to wake him up.

I didn't really want to go through with it, but there was no other way. I needed to honor my imprint, I owed her that much. Once I pushed Quil away for good it would be a lot easier, since hurting him was the ultimate sin, one only punishable by death. There were two other considerations. One way or another I would end up losing him; of that I was absolutely certain. I would fuck up any semblance of a relationship I tried to establish with my Quily. When that happens, he would hate me and that was something that I would not be able to bear. If I was going to lose him anyway it was going to be on my own terms, when and how I decided. I knew this decision would make me fall into the biggest son of a bitch category, but I never said I was nice. Everybody hated me for being a bastard, why change now?

But that was the lesser of my concerns, what worried me the most was losing him. So far, two of my three biggest loves, my imprint and my grandfather had died before their time, leaving me all alone. I couldn't risk the same thing happening to Quil, earth was a better place because he was in it. Call me superstitious or whatever but sometimes I felt like I was cursed. Like I had a backwards Midas touch, instead of everything I touched turning to gold, everything I touched turned to shit.

Fuck I better do this soon before I lose my resolve. Maybe I was grasping at straws and everything I considered a reason for pushing him away, was merely an excuse. I couldn't concentrate on just one idea, too many thoughts invaded me making my head hurt. Memories of my life, my thoughts and my dreams, coming together and creating a chaos from which there was no escape.

Picturing his gorgeous face contorted in pain as I said and did everything in my power to push him away, killed the little bit of humanity I had left. It was a necessary evil; I needed to set him free. He would probably hate me but I would rather have him hate me and be alive, healthy and probably happy with someone else, than have him be miserable by my side or even worse.

My blood ran cold on my veins as I made a mental plan of everything that needed to do and say. I was going to crush him, to kill his spirit, I didn't want to do it but it was the only surefire way to push him away from me for good. After that I would be free to go jump from the cliff or run into traffic, anything as long as it ended my miserable life.

_I'm so sorry my Quil, I love you too much to sentence you to life by my side. Please know that I will always love you, what I said was true; you are the only one I want. I will take with me your smile, your scent, your touch, even your little quirks, everything that makes my Quil, my mate. _

"Get off my damn bed!" I screamed as I kicked Quil hard on his side, sending him flying to the opposite wall. I was already regretting it; telling myself I was doing this for him.

I observed as he shook his head and paused for a minute before standing up groggily. "Paul, what the hell?" He inquired.

"What part didn't you understand? I kicked you out of my bed." I spat at him making a point not to look at his face. I wouldn't be able to go through with it if I saw the pain that I was surely causing.

"Paul if this is your idea of a joke quit it! It's not funny at all." Demanded Quil in a voice that he meant to be stern, but betrayed him by cracking in the last syllable.

"No joke here Quil, I stand corrected, you're the joke queeropatra." I commented maliciously.

"What?"

"What you heard faggot, did you think I was going to be all mushy just because I fucked you?" Those words hurt me more than they hurt him.

"Paul what are you saying?" He looked confused and embarrassed of being so exposed in front of me. He shouldn't feel that way after what happened between us, but watching him trying to cover himself put in evidence the damage each one of my words were causing.

"Damn it Quil, did I pop your cherry or your brain? I'm saying get out of my house!" I screamed at the top of my lungs while pointing at the door. All the pain I had been feeling, was let out in that scream.

"I don't understand, you were so nice before, was that all a lie?" I glanced briefly in his direction only daring to look as high as his mouth. His bottom lip quivered with each syllable and his hands shook considerably. I breathed deeply and fisted the bed sheets to anchor myself to the bed.

"Ding ding ding! About time you caught up, idiot." I answered with the cruelest smirk I could.

"But why?" I had to stop looking at him when I noticed the heavy droplets streaming down his neck and falling on the floor.

"Can't you guess Quilly? I spat his name like it was the foulest thing ever to escape my lips "You're one fine piece of ass and if I wanted to tap into that, I needed to be convincing."

"So the lunch, everything you said was nothing but a sham?" His voice was laced with disbelief, grief and anger, those knee-jerk reactions that rush in and rule the heart and the mind making you feel like you're walking through the heaviest fog. Just imagining the frown that accompanied those feelings making me feel like my own heart was being ripped out my chest.

"Glad to see your queerness has not affected your thinking."

"If I'm queer what does that make you? You just slept with me." Quil reproached.

"I didn't sleep with you, I fucked you and you liked it, you're nothing but a fucking pillow biter."

"I can't believe this, how can you be so cruel?"

"Been practicing for years." I stated like cruelty was something to be proud off.

"What did I ever do to deserve this? Please tell me!" He wept openly, with loud sobs, his words barely understandable. I kept repeating to myself that this was the best thing for him. That thought was the only reason I didn't run to him and beg for forgiveness right at that moment.

"You don't know?" I asked jeeringly.

"No."

"You fell in love with me, that's so disgusting just looking at you makes me sick." I was going for the kill.

"You disgust me too, Paul." Believe me baby, right now I cannot even stand to be in my own skin. I'm disgusted with my words, my thoughts and my actions. You'll thank me one day.

I turned my face towards the door just to find him staring intently at me. What I had been trying to evade since I kicked him out of my bed happened, much to my displeasure. Our eyes connected, I could see all the pain, the betrayal and the hate in his deep brown eyes.

_Oh fuck…that's….. impossible…._

**Quil's POV**

I gathered my clothes and ran out of Paul's house carrying them in a bundle. I was very close to phasing anyway and didn't want to shred my clothes. I took a deep breath making an effort to avoid doing it, in my state of mind it would be impossible to shield my thoughts and the last thing I wanted was my humiliation to be in public display.

Running naked through the forest, stumbling every few steps like not even my enhanced agility was working. I didn't even try to evade the tree branches that whipped my face and body mercilessly. The landscape lost all definition; I only paid enough attention to my surroundings to avoid hitting a tree or a rock.

How could Paul do something like this? I thought I knew him, but I knew shit. All this time I was fooling myself thinking that he at least liked me as a friend and he never did. To him I was nothing but a piece of meat, a hole to dip his pole. He didn't even try to deny the fact that it was all an act designed to get him in my pants.

I wondered how long he had been planning this. When did he decide I was a worthless piece of flesh not worthy of a minimum amount of respect? I hated him; no, I loved him too much to hate him. I would hate him but he needed to take a number, I hated myself way too much at that moment.

The slight discomfort on my rear end made obvious I made the worst mistake of my life. I gave myself to somebody who didn't even deserve for me to spit in his direction. It hurts, oh God, it hurts so much! He must be sitting at home laughing at good old Quil. No, not even that, he must be sleeping not even stopping to think of the way he single handedly destroyed my faith in love.

"AAAAAHHHHHH!" I screamed in anger, pain escaping my body through my voice. My knees hitting the ground as I pressed my forehead on the damp forest floor.

Running in the direction of my home I tried to think but was unable to. I needed to figure out what to do; I needed to escape his malefic presence. He was a demon, an evil creature sent into this earth to destroy the souls of unsuspecting idiots that were naïve enough to believe his lies.

I looked at my watch and saw that it was only five past nine; my parents would still be awake. I could wait until after they went to bed, but I needed them, I needed their support. I would not go into details with them, but I had a hunch they would know what happened and at least understand that it ended badly. I didn't worry about them judging me, they have proven more than once that their love for me in unconditional and they would love me no matter what. They would help me decipher what I needed to do. One thing was clear, I never wanted to see Paul again, I didn't care if he threw himself off the fucking cliff, shit I would push him myself.

I ran into my house after at least having the good sense to put my pants back on. As expected mom, dad and grandpa were watching television in the family room. As I entered through the back door I felt three sets of eyes land on my form and a gasp escaped my mother's lips at the sight before her. I probably looked like shit, since I had not stopped crying since Paul kicked me out. That was something I will always regret not having been able to contain my tears and gave him the satisfaction of witnessing my weakness.

"Son what's wrong?" Asked my mother running to meet me by the door.

I crumbled, my world came crashing down the second I felt safe in my mother's embrace. I wept bitterly and loudly in her arms while she stroked my hair. I wished I was stronger and could deal with my pain in silence without dragging my family into it. But I was weak, it had been proven many times; I was a scared little boy.

I didn't notice when my father and my grandfather joined her trying to comfort me. But I was inconsolable, never before in my life I had felt a pain of such dimensions. Between the three of them they dragged me to the sofa where my mother and father sat beside me. I brought my hands to my face and kept crying unable to stop. I was embarrassed, angry, sad, confused and humiliated, but the biggest emotion I felt was shame.

I allowed Paul to take advantage of me, he verbally and physically abused me. He humiliated me in the worst way possible. I lost myself, instead of Quil Ateara I was Paul's bitch. He treated me worse than a dog, at least he wouldn't kick a dog once it was down; with me he kept lashing at me even after he saw me destroyed. It was like he needed to make sure that my whole spirit was destroyed. That there was nothing left but an empty shell.

"Shhhh calm down sweetie, you're home." Soothed my mom.

"Please son, try to calm down, tell us what happened." Added my father.

I tried to open my mouth but instead of my voice a wordless sob came out and a bout of nausea attacked me. I sprung up from the couch running outside just in time as I fell on my knees and emptied my stomach contents on the floor. Not wanting to move, I was tempted to lie down outside on the cold floor over my own vomit. Feeling a cold hand on my back I turned towards where my mother stood offering me a glass of water that I used to rinse my mouth before my father helped me stand up and guided me back inside.

Sitting sandwiched between my parents and under my grandfather watchful eye I offered a mild version of the events that led me to the deplorable state I was in. They suspected there was more than what I was telling them, but were compassionate enough not to ask.

"I'll kill that mother fucker!" Spat my father.

"I'll help you, nobody messes with our Quil and gets away with it." Added my grandfather in a tone I never heard from him before. It was a scary mix of hate and sadistic cruelty.

"NO please, don't make matters worse! I'm humiliated enough without the whole reservation hearing of this." I begged my family, I knew they never threw empty threats, my father wouldn't go as far as killing Paul, but he would try to hurt him. If Paul defended himself and hurt my father then he would have to respond to me and I wouldn't hesitate to make him pay.

"Quil I cannot believe you're protecting that son of a bitch!"

"I'm not protecting him, I'm protecting you dad. You know how bad his temper is and if he lost control he could seriously hurt you and that would kill me." My father gave me a sad and understanding smile.

"I just want to disappear, to go where I would never have to see his face again!" I said trying to control the steady stream of tears.

"Quil I have an idea, let me talk to your parents about it, do you trust us to make a good decision for you?"

"Grandpa you three are the only people in the world I trust implicitly." I answered honestly.

"Ok, then go upstairs and get into bed, you look exhausted; we'll fill you in on our plans in the morning."

"Sure; thanks guys."

"That's what we are here for son, I love you." My mother's voice was barely recognizable under the veil of sadness that covered it.

"I love you too."

Instead of going to my room I went directly to the bathroom and got the shower. My skin burned under the hot water but for an instant I was able to forget the pain in my heart and concentrate in the pain on my skin. Scrubbing with a hand towel I tried to wash any traces of Paul left in my skin. I needed to get rid of his scent, to make the memory of his hands all over my body disappear. To make my lips forget the sweet taste of his lips and make my sex forget the sensual ecstasy he made me experience.

As soon as I felt the water getting cold I stepped out of the shower and not caring who saw me I walked naked to my room where I donned a pair of sweatpants before curling into a ball in my bed and crying myself to sleep.

"Quil, wake up son." My mom's sweet voice brought me back from a dreamless sleep. I wished that everything had been a nightmare and I would go to Paul's house after breakfast as usual.

"Sweetie you need to pack, you're going away." If they were sending me away it had not been a nightmare. I felt my eyes well up and I whined internally wishing I would've died in my sleep.

"Where am I going mom?"

"Oregon; your grandfather has a friend who has a farm there. Last spring he called your grandpa and told him that his health was not good and he needed a strong and reliable farmhand. He asked about you, Old Quil told him you had responsibilities in the reservation and couldn't leave. He called him this morning to ask him if the offer still stands and he said yes. It's roughly an eight hour drive, you can take your grandfather's car."

"Mom, what about the pack? I cannot just leave."

"Your dad called Jacob and explained the situation without going into much detail. He understood and wishes you well."

"Thank you mom."

"Don't thank me, thank your grandfather, he is the brains of this whole operation." Said my mother failing miserably at trying to lighten the mood.

My mother helped me pack and two hours later I was on the road. I said good-bye to the reservation where I was born, took my first steps and where I went to school. Leaving my family, my friends and my pack behind, without looking back I embarked in a journey. The winding and twisting turns of the road taking me away from pain, away from my addiction, away from my Paul.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello everybody! I want to apologize for the late update; life has been a little crazy lately. Hopefully next week things will go back to normal.**

**As always thanks for all the alerts and the reviews, they mean the world to me.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, zilch, nada… Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

**Chapter 10 **

**Paul POV**

What have I done? What have I done? What have I done? I kept repeating the same chant over and over, hoping for an answer that I will never get. Now more than ever, I was sure I didn't deserve to live, yet I deserved to die even less. Why take comfort in death when I had desecrated the heart of one of the sweetest creatures in this world? My pack brother, my best friend, my guardian angel.

The pain etched in Quil's face as he was leaving my room is something that will remain chiseled in my memory for the rest of my days. His pain will haunt me when I sleep and the nightmare will never end, continuing to my waking hours. What killed me inside was seeing for the first time since I've known him, hate in his eyes. His beautiful eyes were veiled by a curtain of hate mixed with disbelief. Knowing that I was the cause for such an appalling emotion filled me with shame. I not only took the virginity of his body, I took away the purity of his soul.

I had to be the most despicable, disgusting, loathsome and repugnant being ever to be born. In my mind I had everything planned out and convinced myself that this was the best thing for him. Everything looked perfect, my twisted brain making me into a hero instead of the villain I truly am. I, Paul Lahote was supposed to save the man I loved from a doomed future and in my arrogance never stopped to think how much I was going to hurt him.

_My Quil, take comfort knowing that I will pay in hell for each and every one of your tears_. He gave himself to me, no questions asked; I guessed he really loved me. He will never know how desperately in love with him I am. At this point I wouldn't even care what the pack thinks of me, they had to deal with it before, why would now be any different? Yeah right, it was not about them, it was about me and all the shit that spewed from my mouth against anybody who did not meet my standards of masculinity. What I didn't understand until now was that it takes a real man to accept who he is and face the world with his head held high. It takes a coward to hide behind their prejudices and make excuses.

Now it was too late, there was no way to right this wrong. Knowing him, he was replaying in his head each one of my hurtful words. I humiliated him like nobody deserves to be humiliated. I used every derogatory and homophobic slur I knew and made sure that my words were laced with enough venom to kill his spirit.

I had been sitting on the sofa since he left, feeling unworthy to occupy the bed were we made love. His scent was embedded on the sofa and it enveloped me, relentlessly torturing me with each breath I took. I watched as the darkness was replaced by light. The change started on the east, a mixture of yellow, pink and orange on the horizon beneath the dark ocean of night that had begun to evaporate. The multicolored rays of light coming through my window, filling the room with a game of colors and shadows. When the sun peeked over the horizon its warm rays came uninvited into my house but were very much welcomed.

Should I go see him? He will probably kick me out and with all the right in the world. I needed to do something; this new development was something so unexpected! I was skeptical; not even trusting my own heart. How should I approach him? All night I had been creating scenarios in my head and so far I had not been able to find one that would satisfy me. I kept rubbing my eyes, trying to keep the tears at bay. Feeling beyond frustrated I wanted to scream to the top of my lungs, but instead pulled my hair out. What kind of cruel and twisted fate would allow for this to happen again? I didn't want to say the word or even think about it, it was impossible, this couldn't happen twice to one person.

"PAUL!" Jacob's irate voice came through the door and I did everything in my power to ignore him. I was in no mood to put up with his bullshit. "Paul open the fucking door, I know you are in there!"

"Open the door or I'll kick it down. You will face me Paul; it's your decision if you want to keep your door intact." He kept pounding on the door and shouting. I knew that with one kick he would break down the door and I was most definitely not looking forward to fixing that mess.

I reluctantly opened the door only to be face to face with my alpha, he was absolutely furious; his fists were clenched by his sides ready to pounce at any moment. His eyes were dark as the darkest night, almost as dark as my soul. His shoulders so hiked up they almost touched his ears. "What the hell did you do to Quil?"

"That's none of your business." I answered curtly.

"It is my business when your actions affect my pack."

"That's all you care about, your fucking pack."

"You're wrong. I care about my pack brothers, something you seem to have forgotten."

"Anyway the problem is between Quil and me." I said trying to keep an even tone and careless demeanor. If Jacob was demanding to know, Quil didn't tell him anything and I wanted to appear seemingly detached. It would be easier for everybody, and by everybody I meant me, if Jacob thought it was not a big deal.

"Paul if you were man enough to do whatever it is you did to Quil, you will be man enough to tell me what the fuck happened."

"Jacob, get the hell out of my house. You don't tell me what to do, what are you going to do? Give me an alpha command and make me tell you? Wait, that's right you don't do that anymore by order of your submissive. This is the last time I say it nicely, leave my house NOW!" I screamed losing my cool for the first time during the whole conversation. Jacob was visibly shaking, he had promised his imprint not to use his alpha voice unless it was absolutely necessary. The pack mercilessly teased him telling him he was whipped and it became a sensitive point with him after that. He was especially pissed with Jared when he told him he had become Seth's sub which made him freak out since he didn't want to lose standing in the pack.

"NO! You hurt Quil and don't even care, you son of a bitch" Before I could even draw a breath Jacob was on top of me, his fist colliding with my nose. I could feel the hot searing pain as my nose broke, blood trickling down my face and my throat. As the nosebleed clogged my nose completely, I began breathing through my mouth. Faster than I could think, he swung his other fist toward my stomach, as it made contact I felt the air leave my body. I bent over feeling like I couldn't get air in my lungs, it was probably just a few seconds but it felt like an eternity. He was probably surprised and suspicious I was not fighting back, but I really didn't feel like putting any resistance. I deserved a beating; what I really deserved was to leave this earth in shame.

"What's the matter with you? You are not even trying to protect yourself! Are you going to let me beat you up just so you won't have to tell me?" Jacob pushed me at the same time he took a step back, trying to create some distance between us in an attempt to control his anger.

"I just don't want to talk about it." I mumbled as the pain from my shattered nose prevented me from speaking clearly.

"Too bad that's not an option. Quil left and I need to know the reason."

"What do you mean he left?" I literally felt my heart drop into the pit of my stomach and the world shift in an undetermined direction, not only taking the rug out from under me but the floor and everything underneath it. A rush of blood starting in my head and going down my body until it reached my toes made me feel dizzy and like the room was spinning.

"His father called me this morning; he left the reservation and the pack."

I could feel the anger and the fear burning up inside me "NO, NO, NO you're lying, he cannot leave." My legs felt like Jell-O, Jacob caught me as I crumbled down to the floor.

"Paul what the hell, calm down!" Pleaded Jacob suddenly much calmer, I could sense the worry in his voice but was too overwhelmed with wave after wave of turbulent emotions. Fear, sadness, regret, anger, shame, so many… each one of them slapping me in the face and shaking me to my core.

"I will not calm down! Where did he go? I need to find him; you don't understand, I need to be by his side, I need to protect him." With every word that came out of my mouth I could tell that Jacob was more confused. Maybe I was saying too much but it was something beyond my control.

"Why would you need to protect him, Paul? For goodness sake, he is a fucking wolf! What can you do that he cannot do himself?" Jacob looked at me intently like he was studying my reaction to his words or maybe it was something else, what the heck did I know?

"Don't answer my question with another fucking question! Where the hell is he?

"I don't fucking know. What is it to you anyway? You treat him like shit, take advantage of how good he is and manipulate him to your convenience." I had to remember to thank my alpha for reaffirming my position as official son of a bitch of the La Push pack.

"You're fucking lying, my Quil cannot leave me!" I screamed to Jacob's face while grabbing his shirt and shaking him violently. He grabbed my forearms and steadied my movements. He had to be lying, yes that was it; he was lying to make me tell him what happened. It was all a trick, a cruel trick to make me confess.

"Your Quil?" Asked Jacob arching an eyebrow.

"I mean… I mean my friend Quil." Letting go of his shirt I walked away from him trying to regain my composure. Shakily I sat on the sofa looking out my window into the world. Quil leaving made my world quiet, still, frail and dead. For a brief moment the sun came out from behind the clouds hitting my eyes and temporarily blinding me. I closed my eyes forcefully, action that made the tears I had been holding back escape my eyes, rolling down my cheeks. I caught them before Jake could notice them.

"Ahh, your friend." He said sitting next to me.

"Yes my friend, where did he go?" He needed to tell me, unfortunately for me it was almost certain that he wouldn't.

"I don't know, his father wouldn't tell me. He said he couldn't risk you learning where he is."

"His father said what?" To me the idea that he shared something so private with his family was inconceivable.

"Well I would rather not tell you the terms he used to refer to you Paul." I'm fucking screwed, he told his parents. Of all people he had to go and blabber out to one of the elders of our tribe. I better start packing, just to be ready for when they kick me off the reservation.

"Oh fuck I need to find him; I need to talk to him" I realized I didn't care about getting kicked off the reservation, after all that was the least of my concerns. What really mattered was explaining to Quil why I did what I did and pray that he would find it in his heart to forgive me.

"I can't help you with that, I really don't know where he is. The worse thing is that since he separated himself from the pack in such a drastic way, he undid our bond, even when phased we won't hear him."

"Fuck, when it rains it pours doesn't it?" I brought my hands to my head and yanked roughly at my hair. It was all so frustrating. All was lost; unless he decided to come back voluntarily I would never be able to talk to him. At least I had enough common sense as to not even try to call him; he would never accept a call from me.

"I don't know what to tell you Paul, if I knew what happened at least it would give me an idea how to approach this whole mess. I could talk to his parents and with Old Quil, you know that technically I'm the chief of the reservation, I like to think I have some pull here." Jacob words were sincere, my earlier suspicion about some foul play on his part long gone.

"I can't tell you Jacob, it's too private. Let's just say that what I did, no amount of pull or alphatude would compensate in their eyes. I was a monster to Quil, my intentions were good but as usual my approach was fucked up."

"Tough shit Paul. Just know that you are not off the hook, I'm still pissed at you for hurting Quil and chasing him away from the only place he has known." Thank you so much Jacob, you knew exactly what to say to make me feel even worse. He was unabatedly rubbing salt on the wound.

"I know Jake, believe me anything you feel towards me, multiply it by one hundred and you will have a slight idea of how I feel."

"I'll keep my eye on you Paul, don't do anything stupid please. At least do this for Quil, he has been trying to keep you alive for weeks; you owe him to stick around to ask for forgiveness if he ever comes back."

"Don't you think that's a long shot?"

"I do, but there is always the possibility he may come back. If he does, you have to be here." Jacob did have a good point, but I was too much of a chicken shit to accept it.

"Believe me Jake; it will be better for him if I'm long gone before he comes back."

"Paul if you believe that, then you don't know Quil." I had to accept Jacob was right; Quil was too good of a person to wish anything bad on anybody. But I felt there was more to what he was saying.

"What do you mean? Don't play mind games I have a headache."

"Hum, nothing"

"Jake, stop the bullshit, I already know he is in love with me. He told me yesterday."

"Fuck." Uttered my alpha under his breath. "I guess that answers my question then. He told you he loved you and as usual you went postal."

"Is more complicated than that but it doesn't matter now, does it? He is gone." I allowed my mind to wander while playing with some loose threads on my pants. Where was he? Will he ever come back?

"All is not lost Paul. The only way all hope will be gone is if you jump from the fucking cliff." Shit could Jake see my thoughts even if we were not in wolf form? He had to have some extra sensory crap if he knew exactly what I was thinking.

"Then all is lost. In one week I will be one less thing for you to worry about."

"Don't say that Paul, don't make me assign a protection detail."

"I don't need babysitters. What I need is to talk to your dad, is he home?"

"Yes, but what do you need to talk to him about?"

"Fuck Jake stop being so nosy, I'll say it for the last time, it's not your damn business!"

"Suit yourself Paul, I tried. By the way when you go to my house don't go near Seth."

"Fuck you Jake, you still hung up on that bull shit? That kid doesn't even breathe without your consent, stop being an idiot."

"Paul first of all Seth has freedom, he is not a prisoner. Second I don't expect you to understand; the protection instinct towards an imprint is very strong and affects every aspect of our lives."

"I guess I'll understand soon enough." I grumbled.

"What do you mean Paul?"

"Nothing, why are you still here? Don't you have to work today?"

"Yes, but my boss understands I have many responsibilities."

"Just go, I need to get dressed to go see your dad."

"Ok I'll call him to let him know you are on your way."

"Thanks Jake, for everything." I was not being sarcastic I was really grateful for the fact that he took the time to come see me, even if it started with him breaking my nose.

If yesterday I thought I had nothing to live for today I was certain. Without Quil by my side it would be impossible to go on living. I would never blame him for leaving my side. I was toxic; my mere presence had the capacity to destroy anything good that it touched. I was a wretched vile being not worthy of anybody's concern or pity. Love was an emotion that was wasted on me; I was incapable of sincerely loving anybody. Who am I kidding? I love Quil, and not just now. I loved him for a long time but that doesn't matter anymore.

Even my thoughts sounded pathetic. The only good thing about this whole fucked up situation was that now my plan was fail proof. If I didn't achieve what I was planning one way, nature would for sure take care of it. The distance from my Quil killing me slowly until there was nothing left of Paul but a bad memory.

I went to my room to get a shirt so I could be on my way. Seeing the bed brought back many memories of what could only be described as the best night of my life; the night when I became one with the love of my life, with my soul mate.

I decided to walk to the Black's residence in an attempt to clear my mind and build up courage to face my reality. After knocking, Billy's voice reached my ears telling me the door was open and to come in. He was in the kitchen having coffee and reading the newspaper.

"Hello son, take a seat, Jake told me you needed to talk to me, what's up?" I sat across from him on the breakfast table. He looked so serene and peaceful, like the years provided him with enough experience so nothing could take away his peace.

"Well Billy, I have a question that only an elder can answer."

"I guess I'm qualified, but if I don't know the answer I can consult with the other elders."

"You can't tell Old Quil what I'm going to tell you."

"Why not?"

"You will understand soon enough."

"Ok son, shoot."

"Can a shapeshifter imprint twice?" By his expression I knew that was the last question Billy expected to hear.

"That's an interesting question. I've never heard of such thing happening, but that doesn't mean it has not happened. Paul, why the question?"

"As you know I imprinted some time ago but she died. Now I think it happened again, but I think it's impossible."

"I'm familiar with your story. From what I heard the girl never accepted the imprint and only humored you whenever you went to see her."

"Yes, I told her everything about my heritage and even phased in front of her. She was fine with everything except with the imprint. When I told her about it she got mad and said there was no way we were soul mates, that she had absolutely no feelings towards me. Then she warned me to stay away from her and her family"

"I see, what happened then?"

"I stayed away for a few days, when I could stand being away any longer I went to see her only to find out she had died in an accident." My voice cracked as the memory of that fatidic day filled my brain.

"What happened next?"

"Nothing, I mourned her for a little while and decided to take my life so I could join her, but then my grandfather needed me and I came back here."

"You decided to take your life because you felt you couldn't live without her or from a sense of duty, like it was expected of you to take such drastic action?" Billy's question confused me even more, what was my motivation? I had to accept I never felt completely lost and like I couldn't live without her. I made a conscious decision to follow her because she was my imprint.

"I'm not sure Billy"

"This is important; it seems to me like the imprint bond was not strong between you two. She never accepted the imprint, so it was a one sided deal." I guessed he could see the confusion in my face. "Let me see if I can explain myself better, it's like the links in a chain, when each link is closed the chain is strong. If one link is incomplete or if it's open, the chain will be very weak and could break very easy".

"I have to go to our library and consult some of the old manuscripts. I never heard of a wolf imprinting twice but that doesn't mean it cannot happen."

"What will happen if you don't find the answer to my question?"

"I will tell you what I do know; I can tell you right now if you want."

"Please Billy I'm desperate."

"You have lived the imprinting through your pack brothers. You know about the intense need to protect and about the pull."

I had to interrupt Billy. "What pull?"

"The pull of the imprint. A shapeshifter can feel it a long time before imprinting. Makes you very attracted to your future imprint and you tend to gravitate toward that person. After imprinting it manifests as a pain in your chest when you are separated from your soul mate."

"What's the purpose of this pull, to make the wolf suffer?"

"It's a protection mechanism; if the couple is separated the pull will guide you towards your imprint."

"So you're telling me that I have an invisible connection to my imprint, I can find him?" My tone hopeful and excited.

"Him? Who is your imprint Paul?"

I hesitated for a few minutes before surrendering my answer "I imprinted on Quil."

**Quil POV**

I drove away from the only home I had ever known with a heavy heart. The beautiful greenery that surrounded Forks gradually disappearing even before I got on the highway. I had a long drive ahead of me; with nothing to entertain my mind and keep all the Paul related thoughts at bay. My mind proved to be my worst enemy and kept playing like a movie all of yesterday's events.

Making love with Paul had to be the most glorious experience of my whole life. I felt complete, like I was claiming my place in the universe as Paul's mate. My whole body tingled from just the memory of the moments of passion we shared. He made me feel so special, like he really cared about me. He took care of all my needs, making sure not to hurt me. He was so patient, his caresses so intense, so sincere. His actions gave me the courage to confess what I had been hiding for over a year. When I said _I love you, _it had been a sacred promise. He didn't say anything, no _I love you too _escaped his lips even by accident. That should have been my first clue; I was such an idiot…

All lies

Every single second had been a fucking lie.

He used me.

I was nothing to him.

Not even for one second I suspected that Paul would be so cruel. His words were colder than ice and cut me deeper than any blade possibly could. The cuts made by his words, carved their way into my very soul. This was worse than any nightmare; it was the harsh reality of having been played like the biggest mother fucking idiot of the universe.

Being alone with my thoughts was not exactly the best idea. My thoughts were dark and destructive; I understood the intense need Paul felt to end his life. When a person feels they have nothing to live for is inevitable to think about ending it all. The only thought that stopped me from accelerating to one hundred miles per hour and crashing against the first solid surface I saw was my family. They loved me unconditionally and I could not be the cause for their grief.

I was grateful to see the sign that read _Pendleton next exit. _At last I was reaching my destination, I was ashamed of running away, but I needed to get away from him. Paul killed me, he didn't kill my body, he killed my spirit. He made me into a coward incapable of facing him, but I was weak and still loved him. I spent part of my journey praying that by some miracle I would imprint, I doubted it, but it would be the only thing that would kick Paul out of my heart forever.

The exit took me directly to a dense area right in the center of downtown. It was your usual small town center street with brick blocks storefronts with large windows. The names on the wood signs and the canvas awnings showed a diverse culture of businesses. They ranged from the typical family owned diner, to the modern hair studio with elaborate neon lighting. I was definitely not in Kansas anymore, even with the air conditioner at full blast I was still sweating like a pig. Something I was not looking forward to was a brutally hot summer.

One thing was for sure I was going to stick out like a sore thumb. Looking all around me I didn't see one person that even slightly resembled me. My dark skin and Native American features will surely put me in display like some strange animal at the zoo. I would have to avoid coming to town as much as possible.

Leaving Main Street behind a more familiar landscape welcomed me. Luscious greenery with tall redwoods bordered the small road that was leading me to Mr. Hill's farm. It was a beautiful landscape that provided more than enough shelter for me to be able to phase. I was not ready to abandon my wolf; it was the only thing keeping me in contact with my heritage. I could have sworn I felt him whine when the thought of forsaking him crossed my mind.

The Hill's property was your typical farmhouse with a picnic table in the front yard, a porch swing and manicured flower beds. It consisted of the main house, a barn and a three car garage, located in twenty acres of flat farmland. All around I could see low plants with white flowers that looked like there had been a snowstorm in the middle of summer.

After leaving my car near the garage I walked to the house where a man in his late sixties stood with the aid of a cane. My grandfather told me that he used to take care of the farm all by himself with occasional help from his wife. After a heart attack that led to a triple bypass, he needed to hire help to be able to keep the farm running efficiently.

Mr. Hill was almost as tall as me but that was where the similarities ended. Considering all the time he spent under the sun he had fair skin that looked leathery, probably from all the years of sun exposure. His hair was totally gray and his blue eyes stood out under heavy salt and pepper eyebrows.

"Welcome, you must be Quil!" Mr. Hill extended his hand to shake mine excitedly.

"Nice to meet you Mr. Hill."

"Oh my goodness don't be so formal, you make me feel old. Call me Robert." That was going to be hard; I had been raised to respect my elders. In the reservation I grew up hearing others call my grandfather Old Quil and Jacob's dad Billy so it didn't faze me at all. But I didn't grow around Mr. Hill. This was going to take some getting used to.

"Your grandfather told me you were big, but I think he underplayed you. You are huge!" We both laughed at his comment, I liked him more with every passing minute.

A woman who also looked like she was in her late sixties walked outside to greet me. She had a round face and a peaceful expression. Just like her husband, her head was crowned in gray. When she smiled small lines caressed her eyes, but in no way took away from her simple beauty.

"This is my Mary; sweetheart, meet Quil Ateara."

"Nice to meet you, you must be tired, it was a long drive. Are you hungry? Your grandfather warned us that you eat a lot."

"Actually I am hungry; my grandfather tends to exaggerate a little. I have a healthy appetite but eat less than what he probably told you." It was a little white lie but I would need to control my appetite since I didn't want the Hill's to think there was something wrong with me.

A beautiful girl in her late teens walked towards us coming from the barn. Her heavy work clothes and funny looking hat didn't take away from her natural beauty. There was something unreal about her, her enchanting face was framed by ebony colored curls. She had strikingly blue eyes, plump pink lips curved into a sincere smile and a natural rose blush brushed across her pale and slightly freckled face. At first glance there was nothing striking about her, but as she came closer I admired her slender figure that seemed to glide as she walked.

"Ah, come sweetie, let me introduce you" called out Mrs. Hill.

I was taken aback by the simple beauty and friendly appearance of this girl. Instead of waiting to be introduced I took a step towards her and introduced myself. "Hi I'm Quil."

"Nice to meet you Quil, I'm Claire."


	11. Chapter 11

**Hola! Thanks for all your comments, your feedback is essential to me, keeps me motivated and inspired. Every alert, review or message brings a smile to my face, thank you for making my day. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

**Chapter 11**

**Quil's POV**

After another restless night I welcomed the first signs of the impending dawn. I opened my eyes becoming conscious of the fact that the date I had been dreading was not upon me anymore, but right here, in front of me, pointing its bony finger at me announcing Paul's death. It was the last day of the five weeks. I knew all too well that after that day all bets were off and Paul was free to do as he pleased. My first conscious minutes were marked by an increasing panic at the realization of what the date meant. There was the distinct possibility that after that day I would be mourning for my best friend, my first lover and the love of my life.

I secretly wished I could be there for him. The deal had been made between both of us and I felt guilty for abandoning him. It was totally idiotic since he caused my absence with his deceit; I just loved him too much and felt like I needed to protect him from his own destructive thoughts. He would never be there to protect me, but I liked the idea that I was a better man for caring or maybe I was just an imbecile, it didn't matter anyway. I needed to do something, anything to anchor myself and not run to him, feeling everything would be fine if he was in the protective cocoon of my arms.

"There better be somebody dead or dying." Was Jacob's greeting when he answered the phone. It was understandable since it was five in the morning.

"Good morning to you too sunshine." I answered trying to placate the cranky wolf.

"Quil what the fuck are you doing calling Seth's cell phone? And worse, at this ungodly hour?"

"I called your land line but nobody answered and you don't have a cell phone. What did you expect me to do? This is important." I answered in a trembling voice, not that I was scared of my alpha, I was too worried to be scared of his bad temper.

"Sorry man, you know I'm a jerk when somebody wakes me up too early. How are you?"

"I'm good but this is not a social call. Do you know what's today's date?" There was no time for pleasantries; with each passing minute the moment in which Paul's life would be cut short was closer.

"What the hell do I know? Right know I barely remember my name."

"Today is the last day of the deal I made with Paul, today is the last day of the five weeks, remember now?"

"Oh shit, I forgot all about that. Are you here in the rez?"

"If I was in the reservation, would I be calling you? Man you need coffee."

"Fuck you Quil. Anyway before I forget to tell you, I'm fucking pissed with you. Taking off and leaving the pack was not cool at all, if the problems with Paul were so serious you should've come to me. I'm your fucking alpha for goodness sake!"

"Yeah yeah, we'll talk about it one of these days. But I need you to take care of Paul. He needs his brothers and his friends, please don't leave him alone or I'm afraid he will kill himself." I said the last four words slowly trying to make a point.

"Paul is not exactly in good terms with the pack, you know that. First all the drama with Leah and then the way he chased you away from your home…" I had to interrupt him before he said something that would make me lose the desire to help him.

"Jacob please, focus! That's not important, if you don't do something about it he will jump from the fucking cliff and I will never forgive myself. Do you understand that?"

"Shit man no need to scream, I hear you loud and clear. If it is that important I will call the pack and we'll camp at his house. He will not be able to take a crap without our supervision. Is that good enough for you?"

"Jake, swear to me that you'll everything in your power to stop him. Use any means necessary, tie him to a chair or use your alpha voice, just don't let him die please, I'm begging you." I was terrified of getting a call from my family to tell me he was gone. In my mind he was already gone but my heart refused to let him go and his death would be devastating.

"Quil you have my word. Now, will you tell me where you are and what the hell happened between you and Paul?" Demanded my alpha, it almost sounded like a condition to help Paul.

"I can't tell you Jake, I need my space and time to come to terms with many things." Jacob was using my request as a bargaining chip to learn of my whereabouts and what happened between Paul and me. I didn't budge, my location was nobody's business and what happened with Paul was too humiliating and I had no intention of sharing it with anybody.

"Sure, sure. I expect you to tell me sooner than later, deal?"

"Will you take care of Paul?"

"I already gave you my word; that should be enough."

"It is, thank you, please keep me posted."

"Will do, since I'm wide awake now I think I'll mess with the pack and call them now to go to Paul's house. Misery loves company you know." There was some sad humor in Jake's voice.

"Believe me I know. Bye, brother and again thanks."

"Are you going to keep thanking me? It is fucking annoying. We are brothers. Never forget that." I missed my friends so much, they were more than friends they were the family destiny chose for me. The bond we shared was special and unique. The legend of our pack will forever be remembered in the histories of our people and that was an honor like no other.

"I won't." With a heavy hearth but renewed hope I hung up the phone and began getting ready for my day. I knew I wasn't going to be of much help today since even during the menial task of getting dressed my mind was hundreds of miles away.

I understood Jacob's reluctance to aid in Paul's protection, after all he and Seth were the only ones besides my family who knew how I felt about Paul. The way I bolted from the reservation without even saying goodbye was indicative of something serious. At the end he agreed to help Paul. All I had left was pray and wait.

At dusk I ran to my room and sinking to my knees I prayed to God, to his grandfather, to our ancestors and finally directed all my thoughts to him. In my mind I crossed the distance between Pendleton and La Push and sent him all my love and all my caring. He had been a monster, but even monsters need somebody to care for them. He only had me and even through the distance I felt I could reach him. That maybe we did have a special connection I once felt. Maybe I was deluding myself but stranger things had happened.

Around nine o'clock my phone rang and Jacob's number shined on the screen. With shaking fingers I pressed the keys to answer.

"He is ok Quil." It was Seth's voice. "Jacob is still with him, it took a lot of convincing but the whole pack rallied together to take care of him. There are some new developments that helped the guys to convince him."

"What new developments Seth?"

"I don't know, that is all they told me, don't worry about him Quil. He promised he will not do anything crazy. In addition Jake and I agreed this was an occasion that demanded the use his alpha voice if it became necessary to order him to desist of his idea. He could find a way around it, but I have a feeling he will respect the order."

"Thank you Seth and please thank Jacob and the guys for me."

"Sure Quil, I will, bye."

"Bye."

After hanging up the phone I felt my soul slowly returning to my body and air filling my lungs as I breathed easily once more. For now I trusted my pack to keep him alive, even if I was not there physically, my brothers had his back. A huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders, the ghost of his death left my perception and in his place it left peace. The threat of his impending death did not exist anymore. The constant worry was no more. I didn't need to count the days crossing them off in my calendar waiting for the fatidic day when he would leave this earth.

Maybe the whole incident between us served to show him he was still charming and could make anybody fall in love with him. If this was the case I was grateful for the whole experience, if my pain served to keep him alive I welcomed it and was grateful for every tear I spilled. In my sick mind I saw a purpose to my suffering. If his happiness depended on me becoming a martyr I was fine with it.

Now that I knew he was going to be fine it was time for me to take care of myself and help my broken heart heal completely. Without the constant worry weighting heavily on my psyche, I could divert my energy to finding a reason to keep on living. Paul was alive and if the pack kept helping him he would be with them for a long time. It was time for Quil Ateara to live again, not as somebody's friend or wingman, but as a man who had been hurt but was strong enough to face adversity and come out victorious.

Life in the farm was hard and unexciting. With my days starting at five thirty in the morning the main incentive to get up so early was the amazing breakfasts Mrs. Hill cooked for us. I used to think that Emily was the best cook in the world but Mrs. Hill took the prize away from her. Opening my eyes to the aroma of bacon, steak and fresh blueberry muffins made up for my horrible nights.

Since I got here it had been the same routine, dinner at seven with bedtime at nine. It took some getting used to, but there was not much to do anyway. I hated bedtime, not being used to going to bed so early it took me forever to fall asleep and that only lead to my mind betraying me with thoughts of a certain cruel but sexy wolf.

I was determined and focused on my own healing; unfortunately my brain forgot to inform my heart of my decision. It was extremely frustrating, I didn't expect to feel perfectly happy any time soon but as days passed I felt worse and worse. Paul's words were constantly on my mind lulling me to sleep with their torturous sound. I cried myself to sleep every night and was thankful that with my body heat the pillow was dry every morning. I had to admit to myself that even after all the abuse I still loved him. Knowing that he played me just so he could get in my pants filled me with shame and regret. How could I be so blind? Maybe it was not blindness, it may had been a case of being too naïve or just plain stupid.

Giving myself to him had been a mistake, maybe the biggest one I would ever make. At the moment it felt wonderful, perfect even. When I was a little boy I use to lie down on the warm sand and look at the clouds, finding shapes in the billowy forms. Once I asked my mom what it felt like to touch a cloud, I will always remember her answer. _When you have an experience in your life that makes you so happy that you feel like your soul leaves your body and climbs up to the heavens, that's how it feels to touch a cloud._ To her that moment had been when I was born. The moment Paul and I became one had been my cloud, under his touch I felt I reached heaven. Unfortunately for me the white, puffy cloud turned into a gray, thunderous, stormy cloud that destroyed everything I used to be.

I hated nights, especially since Paul was present in my dreams almost every night. My dreams ranged from wonderful happy dreams to horrible nightmares. I created many fantasies in my mind to help me get through the many lonely nights knowing that he was in Aaron's or Leah's arms and those fantasies were part of my good nights. On bad nights I was forced to recall the events of the last night I spent in La Push, all the good and all the bad. I was never so grateful for an early wakeup call than on those nights.

My days were filled with more work than I felt I could complete. Mr. Hill insisted that I was doing fine and many kids could learn from my work ethic, but I felt he was just trying to encourage me. I missed my family and the pack; they had been a constant presence all through my life. That was another thing I resented Paul for; he separated me from my family and friends. He had taken everything from me, even my dignity, but I was determined to regain everything back.

Timothy was Mr. Hill's nephew and of all of them he was the happiest with my arrival. He and his twin sister Claire had been working with Robert, as he insisted we call him, since the season began. Just like me they had just graduated from high school. By the time I got there they had already prepared the soil and were well on their way with the planting. As it usually happens their only tractor broke in the middle of planting and they were behind schedule. The many hours I spent in Paul's garage helped me and I was able to identify the problem and get it fixed quickly. I learned to drive the green monstrous machine easily, but after proving I was hopeless at making straight ditches they insisted I was better equipped for other tasks that did not involve driving in a straight line.

Claire was not only beautiful but a breath of fresh air, she was funny and smart. If I ever liked a girl it would be somebody like her. Since the moment I met her I asked myself if I could really fall for her. I debated if maybe being gay was just a phase that I could outgrow. Maybe it was a choice after all and I could make myself like a girl and forget about Paul. At the end of the day I needed to accept it was stupid to think either, it was not a phase and it was not a choice.

Never in my life I expected to fall in love with a man. I had been oblivious to all the clues. I couldn't recall a time when I liked girls; yes I could find a woman beautiful or even lust after one. But what really got my juices flowing was the idea of a guy's lips on mine. I never gave a second thought to an hourglass shape and firm boobs, but would get an immediate hard-on thinking of a nice chiseled body and hard pecs. Yes I was gay since the moment I took my first breath and it was perfectly fine, especially since my family accepted me just the way I was.

"So Quil, any plans for the weekend?" Asked Claire at the end of the day. It was Friday and we expected to get paid for the past two weeks.

"You're kidding right?" I answered while rolling my eyes. I had not left the farm since the day I got here; it was not a problem since I really didn't feel like doing anything anyway.

"Who knows? Maybe you have been sneaking off in the middle of the night to go into town." Chimed Claire while batting her long lashes.

"And do what? Go window shopping? Everything here closes at nine."

"Well on the weekends they add one show at nine, we could catch a movie."

"I don't know Claire…" I didn't know how to break it gently to her but I didn't feel like going anywhere.

"Damn it Quil, I will pay, please take me ooooout!" She grabbed my arm and shook it while whining like a little girl. It was very cute but the shrill tone of her voice was hurting my sensitive ears.

"Down girl!" I laughed out loud at her cute pouty face.

"C'mon, I offered to pay and everything!" Again the whiny voice, what was with this girl? "Ok, last offer I'll pay your ticket and give you money for gas."

"You are not going to give up, are you?"

"Not a chance."

"Ok I will take you to the movies but you have to tell me the real reason."

"Why do you think I have any special reason?"

"Because never in my life a girl had insisted so much to go out with me."

"Are the girls in your reservation blind?"

"No, they can see very well."

"Then they are stupid because you're fucking hot." This was something I loved about Claire; she was not shy when it came to expressing her opinion. Whether it was to tell me I stunk or that I was hot, I could always expect an honest answer from her.

"Don't change the subject, you still didn't tell me why you are insisting so much."

"Well, go to the movies with me and I will tell you."

"Ok, deal." Too late I realized I fell for the oldest trick in the book. "Hey, wait a minute!"

"Nope, you already called deal."

"You are a sneaky little witch."

"Don't I know it; anyway I'm not that sneaky. Men in general are idiots and you are not the exception. Pick me up tomorrow at eight, the last show on Saturdays gets packed" She said the last line as she took off running towards the main house where Mrs. Hill stood on the porch holding an envelope with what I guessed was her pay. I finished putting everything away before locking the barn.

I couldn't complain about my "date" with Claire. When we arrived to the theater there was already a considerable line that lucky for us moved fairly fast. I couldn't help but notice all the looks I was getting from the young crowd outside the theater. The men looked defensive and distrustful. The girls ranged from looking terrified to looking at me like I was the last drop of water in the desert. I was not the tallest one in the group but was definitely the biggest. My biceps made the sleeves of my black t-shirt stretch to the max, while the fabric clung to my firm abdomen.

After getting our tickets which Claire insisted on paying for, saying that a deal was a deal, we went inside the theater. Once in the lobby she approached a small group of girls that looked at me like I was a strange specimen in a petri dish.

"So Claire, who is your friend?" Asked a girl with too much attitude for her petite body.

"He started working at the Hill's two weeks ago. Quil, this are Nancy, Heather and Evelyn."

"Nice to meet you all." I answered politely.

"What kind of name is Quil?" Asked the same girl, I could guess Claire was not the only sassy girl in this town.

"Is Native American, I'm named after my father and grandfather."

"That's cool, you live in a reservation?" Asked a blond girl with glasses, I tried to remember if she was Nancy or Evelyn. I already knew the bitchy one was Heather.

"Yes, is a very small fishermen reservation in Forks Washington; it's called La Push"

"Fishermen? Is it near the ocean?"

"Ok, ok what is this, twenty questions?" Interrupted Claire. "Anyway we have to go, the movie is starting!" She grabbed my arm pulling me toward the theater.

"Claire, you can be such a bitch sometimes." Again Heather, I wondered why Claire even approached these girls it was obvious she and Heather hated each other's guts.

"Takes one to know one, bye!" Answered Claire without missing a beat.

The movie was pretty good. For the first time in a while I actually watched the movie, being that the last few times I had been to the movies I spent half the time making out with any random girl I asked out that day. As expected after the moviegoers left the parking lot driving away in different directions, the town seemed deserted. Not that Forks was that busy but compared to Pendleton, Forks was as busy as New York City.

"Thanks for the date Quil" Said Claire as she got off the car in front of her house. It worried me that she might be getting the wrong idea, the last thing I wanted was to play with her feelings. Having been played with showed me how humiliating and devastating it could be. I had no intention of hurting this girl or anybody for that matter.

"Claire wait!"

"I'm not kissing you goodnight Quil." She said before laughing at her own joke.

"Is not that, can you get back in the car for a second please?" I extended my arm to open her door from inside. "I think it's necessary for me to clarify something."

Claire interrupted me "I know, I know, this was not a date, don't worry I'm aware of that. Anyway I'm nobody's rebound girl."

"Rebound? How do you…" Again she didn't let me finish, what was with this girl not letting me finish my sentences?

"Sweetie, you are not that hard to figure out."

"Ok now that we've established that, you still didn't answer my question, why did you insist so much on going out tonight?"

"It's kind of a long story and I have church in the morning. I'll tell you next week, see you Monday." She winked an eye, running inside her house before I could insist on an answer. She was definitely sneaky and played me like a fiddle.

Was I so gullible that people could play me like I was a little kid? I knew I didn't have that much life experience, but at least until that moment I didn't consider myself particularly thick-headed. My self-esteem took a serious blow and maybe that was affecting the way I perceived what happened around me. I needed to respect Claire's wishes and if she didn't feel like sharing what was going through her head, I shouldn't think it was because of a complicated scheme to make a fool out of me.

At least leaving the farm for a few hours cut the monotony of my days. I succeeded at focusing my efforts on not thinking of Paul. Once in my room I would continue my torture, wondering what he was doing and if he already stopped laughing at my expense. Just thinking of his name made the blood boil inside my veins, all the anger and resentment threatening to boil over. As I had done so many times in the last two weeks I grabbed my chest as the dull, burning pain intensified. I already stopped wondering the cause for this new affliction thinking and hoping that maybe my heart was getting tired and giving up on me.

Nothing different came with the new week, the same schedule, the same chores and the same life. Claire provided the so much needed respite for my days, making me laugh at all her crazy antics. She was strong as an ox being able to work shoulder to shoulder with her brother. This girl could give a lesson or two to some of the girls back at the reservation.

By Wednesday I was relieved and happy to feel for the first time in a while that the pain in my chest was diminishing. At the same time I found myself looking over my shoulder several times a day, feeling like I was being watched. I made a mental note to patrol around the property when I phased that night. Phasing was as necessary for me as breathing, it kept me close to my roots and my family. My wolf paid back my attention by keeping me young and strong. It was a win-win situation. It was part on my routine to phase at least once a week; since the bond to my pack had been broken there was no risk of anyone finding out where I was.

During my patrol I sensed a very faint scent that I recognized all too well. I know it was impossible, but I could swear I detected Paul's scent. It was probably my warped mind playing tricks on me. Running as a wolf felt wonderful, the cold night air caressing my fur and the soil soft under my paws. I made sure to run several times on the same path to make sure my tracks could not be discernible. There was still that nagging feeling that made my hackles rise, I had no idea what it meant but the feeling was intense and unexplainable. Every once in a while Paul's scent would reach my nose and I had to shake my head to get rid of the Paul induced daze. This new delusion did not help my case at all, quite the contrary made it worse. How was I supposed to forget him if everything around me reminded me of him and even my senses betrayed me?

**Paul's POV**

I had to hand it to my pack, they could be fucking annoying, but the end of the day they showed me that even a son of a bitch like me deserves a second chance. Quil's departure left a bleeding gaping hole in my chest that intensified the need to end my miserable existence. Everything was ready, I gave my clothes and most of my furniture to goodwill, disconnected the phone and arranged for the electricity and water to be disconnected the next day. The only items I couldn't part with were the sofa and my bed. Quil scent was embedded in the fibers of each and that prevented me from parting with either one of them.

For one week I had not been able to sleep through the night or enjoy a meal. The conversation with Billy answered many questions but added even more to the already long repertoire. Of one thing I was certain, God, destiny or fate fucking hated me. Why did I have to imprint on Quil? Especially after what I did to him? The moment my eyes connected with his teary ones he became my reason for existing and the realization that my words could not be taken back and my actions could not be forgotten, filled me with pain and despair.

The next day he left La Push and had not been heard from since then. I even thought about going to his house to beg his parents to tell me of his whereabouts but was warned by Jacob that Old Quil had a bullet with my name on it. He would not kill me, but he would gladly shoot me on a leg. Quil was gone and with him any chance for redemption was loss. There was only one thing to do, wait for the five weeks to be over and do what I should have done a while ago. I was tempted to take care of things right away but all I had left was my word and I intended to keep it.

I opened my eyes that morning only to find two pairs of eyes looking at me, they belonged to Jacob and Jared. They informed me that the rest of the pack was on their way and they would not leave my side. My multiple attempts to kick them out of my house were fruitless. I tried everything from cursing to physically pushing them out, that was until Jacob got fed up and ordered me to stand down. To say I was pissed was an understatement, they dared come into my house, restrain me and prevent me from making the world a better place by ending my fucked up life.

"This is still my house, get out!"

"Nope." Was Jacob's only answer, I was exhausted, they had been on my case since dawn. All except Leah and Collin of course, they helped in their own way by taking up all the patrols for the day.

"Unless you plan to spend the rest of your lives watching me you'll have to leave. Why waste your time and mine? Leave me the fuck alone to do what I should've done a long time ago."

"Sorry buddy I can't; gave my word and I always keep my word."

"Who did you give your word to?" I asked curious of the identity of the person who seemed to care enough to ask my alpha for help. Only one name came to mind but I doubted it.

"Quil." At the mere mention of his name my heart began a frantic race in my chest and the breath got caught up in my throat.

"When did you talk to him?" I demanded to know.

"This morning, he called me at five and made me swear to protect you." I knew Jake didn't volunteer for the job but to learn it had been Quil's request was both surprising and exciting.

"Where is he?" I desperately jumped in front of the alpha and grabbed his shirt shaking him, the agony and need for information killing me slowly.

"I don't know, I swear he didn't tell me. I don't know what the fuck is going on between you too but for some reason beyond my understanding he cares for you. You are one lucky bastard Paul." Me, lucky? A bastard, definitely… lucky, not in a thousand years.

Like in automatic pilot I walked toward the sofa and plopped myself on the soft cushions, immediately brought my hands to my face in a futile attempt to hide my tears from my brothers. The pain inside me was like an unattended pressure cooker whose temperature reached critical levels and was about to explode. And explode it did, in a torrent of tears and sobs that felt embarrassing and liberating at the same time. In a second there were hands on my shoulders and my knees, not consoling me but providing much needed support.

"I don't deserve to live, please let me go!" I bawled.

"No way… nope… never…" were the various answers coming from my brothers.

"You have no idea what a monster I am. I hurt Quil, that's why he left. It was my fault!"

"We already knew him leaving was related to you, but nothing could be so bad that the only way to solve it is jumping from a cliff." Answered Sam, I hadn't even noticed when he got here.

"It's really bad, trust me, and then I made it even worse."

"How did you make it worse?" Asked Brady.

"I imprinted on him…" I confessed my sin to the pack, they deserved to know. The room instantly became silent and I was as confused as I was worried. Why weren't my pack brothers appalled? Why weren't they lashing out at me for breaking one of our most sacred laws? The one that demands to never hurt an imprint.

"Then with more reason you cannot kill yourself Paul." Jacob's words caught my attention. They automatically understood my agony and instead of antagonizing me they decided to be the bigger man and offered their advice.

"What do you mean?"

"From the moment you imprinted on him you are both connected in a spiritual level. Anything that happens to you will affect him to some extent. You are soul mates, if you leave he will never be complete because a part of him will never be satisfied. He could find a mate and live a happy and long life but there will always be something missing."

"That's bullshit Jacob, because I didn't even notice when Laura died and she was my imprint."

"It's not bullshit, there has to be an explanation as to why it didn't affect you. Maybe your bond was weak because she never accepted you, what the fuck do I know? Of one thing I'm certain, that any bond you have with Quil is ten times stronger than anything you thought you felt for her."

"I guess you have a point, but Quil left, he left because of me."

"He left, but he will be back and when he does you must be here waiting for him. You owe him that much Paul." Jake's words made a lot of sense, I owed Quil so much and the least I could do was wait for him, we were immortal after all, even if it took a lifetime I would see him again.

"I just wish I could talk to him. There is so much I need to explain. So much I need to apologize for."

"Then go find him."

"I wouldn't even know where to begin, he could be anywhere." I rested my back against the sofa in frustration.

"Damn it enough with the pity party! You will look for him, to make sure you don't do anything stupid _you are strictly forbidden from killing yourself or attempting anything that would result in bodily harm_." For the first time in over a year I heard Jacob use his alpha voice "I hope that's specific enough Paul."

"Paul you have a tool that's exclusive to imprints. I'm sure you feel a constant dull pain in your chest."

"Yes I do, your father said something about the pull of the imprint causing it."

"Exactly, it hurts because you are away from your imprint. When you phase your instinct will guide you in his direction. When I had to leave La Push for a while Seth found me even though he was unaware of the pull. He just followed the instinct and as he got closer the pain in his chest diminished, that's how you know you are on the right track." Explained Jacob.

His words gave me a lot to think about. Potentially I could find Quil and beg for his forgiveness. The pack took turns staying with me and they also managed to get all the services to my house reinstated. It must have been really boring to be my baby sitters since I was not really in a talkative mood. For four days I debated whether or not to go looking for Quil. I weighed all the options and possible outcomes. He would probably reject me but I had to try, there was no place for pride. If I had to humiliate myself for him to forgive me I would do it.

Walking outside my house under Jared's scrutinizing gaze I tied my clothes to my leg and took off running in an undetermined direction. Breathing deeply I tried to clear my mind and focused on my wolf. Running on the woods was both liberating and relaxing, waiting until sundown to cross major highways or towns took a lot of patience. On a few occasions I had to backtrack since the pain on my chest intensified instead of diminishing and after taking a few cleansing breaths I was on track again.

I found myself on a farming community, the air was crisp and clean. There was a bubbling sensation inside me that I didn't remember ever feeling before. It had been three days since I left La Push. I became despondent thinking that there was no way Quil could be here, all I saw around me was farms. It was highly improbable but it was worth a shot so I decided to explore my surroundings as a human. I donned my pants and t-shirt and took off walking on a field covered with low plants with white flowers.

From a distance I could see a big farmhouse next to a barn and a three car garage. There was nothing remarkable about this particular house until I saw an easily recognizable shape emerge from the barn. I couldn't believe my eyes; I would never doubt my alpha again. My legs felt weak under me and I knelt trying to compose myself. I was shaking in fear an excitement, I found him! I found my Quil. He was right there, only a few steps away from me.

In a sudden bout of cowardice I hid among some trees without losing sight of my imprint. I had to decide how to approach him. I couldn't just barge in there, it would not end well; I needed to be smart about this. My hearth ached for my mate but I had to be careful. I stayed hidden until sundown, observing his every move. Protected by the darkness I got closer to the house and my heart broke in many little pieces when I heard him quietly cry. I braced myself to prevent me from climbing to his window and hold him in my arms begging for forgiveness. I became his stalker and invisible protector making sure to always stay downwind so he wouldn't detect my scent. For several days I repeated the same routine, during the day move far enough to not be seen. Camp by his window at night listening as he cried himself to sleep. _Baby I promise I'll make it up to you, if you give me a chance I will make you the happiest man in the universe._

On Saturday afternoon he changed his routine, getting in his car and driving away. I turned into my wolf and followed him. The blood froze in my veins when I saw him stop in front of a house and a girl that I had seen in the farm where he lives got in the car. They drove away and I ran after them, panic settling inside me. This couldn't be happening; he moved on, I lost him. I would not give him up without a fight, that girl better be prepared because I would do anything to get him back. He was mine, fate created a sacred bond between us and she was not going to come between me and my imprint.

Soon enough they arrived at their destination, a small pond on the edge of the woods. I sat on my hind legs and observed as they arranged what seemed to be a picnic. They sat next to each other on a blanket talking but because of the direction of the wind I couldn't hear them. I was able to remain calm distracting myself figuring out ways to dispose of the long haired menace. I fantasized how it would feel to hold her head between my hands until it popped like a pimple. Maybe I didn't need to be so drastic I could scare the shit out of her and demand that she leave him alone.

Everything was fine until I saw the bitch place her scrawny arm on Quil's shoulders. I lost it; how did she dare touch what was mine? All logical thought evaporated leaving only instinct and rage. My vision blurred, my breathing increased and I was propelled forward by an invisible force and found myself in front of a wide eyed Quil and a scared girl. My fists clenching and unclenching by my sides and what I was sure was the unmistakably look of death in my eyes.

"Get your fucking hands off my Quil!"


	12. Chapter 12

**Hello! First things first, thank you for all the alerts and reviews. To those of you who inquired about my health I'm feeling better thanks, I'm not quite there yet but slowly getting there.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except the plot. **

**Chapter 12**

**Quil POV**

"What the hell Paul?" I screamed at the same time I jumped forward and crouched protectively in front of Claire. I knew all too well how unstable and unpredictable Paul could be and had no intention of letting Claire get caught in the crossfire. "What are you doing here?"

"I came for you Quil." Answered Paul a tad calmer but keeping his gaze on Claire like he wished he had laser vision and could pulverize her from where he stood.

"What do you want?" My question dripped hostility from every syllable.

"We need to talk." Paul was direct and to the point.

"No we don't, I think you already said enough." All of Paul's hurtful and humiliating words came to my mind like a steamroller going over me without mercy and squeezing every ounce of life out of me.

"No Quil, there is much more you need to know." Paul's tone was slowly changing from demanding to pleading.

"If it's from you I don't want to hear it. It will probably be a lie anyway."

"Quil, who is he?" Asked Claire who had moved from behind me to my side and was clutching my arm nervously.

"He is nobody sweetie; stay behind me please." The moment Paul heard me call him _nobody_ I saw the hurt in his eyes. That filled me with satisfaction, for once he was the one getting hurt. For a change it was his heart hurting instead of mine.

"Bitch, I told you to keep your hands off him, damn it!" Bellowed Paul; he was acting like a lunatic. I didn't understand what the big deal was; he was acting like a jealous boyfriend, something he definitely was not.

"You will respect her Paul! She has a name, it's Claire, stop insulting her." Claire had nothing to do with all the shit that had happened between Paul and me and didn't have to endure being called a bitch by this asshole.

"I don't fucking care what her name is, I just care about you."

"Oh shut the fuck up you hypocrite, the only person you care about is yourself!" Who the hell did he think he was dealing with? If there was one person in the world who knew all about his tricks and all the false lines he would use to lure his victims into his trap, it was me. I was embarrassed to admit to myself I had fallen into his trap, but swore to never again believe a word that came out of his mouth.

"That's not true, I care about you Quil, please give me a chance; just listen to me please." I almost felt sorry for Paul. Watching the most arrogant and conceited person I ever had the misfortune to know, humiliate himself by begging was very disconcerting. It was ineffective though, since now I knew better, but still a little string inside my chest was pulling my heart in his direction and a bell in my brain kept ringing, telling me to listen to him.

"No chance in hell Paul, I gave you one too many and what did I get in return? Punches, hurtful words and humiliation. Get out of here before I lose my patience." I would never fall in his trap again. It was very difficult to remain strong since my heart was hurting from the need to be with him and I felt like my legs wanted to move on their own to run towards him.

"Quil I'm sorry for all that, I'm sorry for everything. Please let me explain."

I had to cut him off. I was not willing to listen to his inane and empty prattle. "Yeah right, you are sooo sorry for everything. What are you sorrier for? Losing your punching bag or losing … the other thing?" I couldn't say what I was thinking in front of Claire, it was enough that by now she probably figured out that I had some kind of relationship with Paul. I was not going to open the door into the most humiliating day of my life and allow her to take a peek.

"Quil I'm sorry for every time I hurt you, for each time my hands found your skin in anger. I promise that if you give me a chance my hands will only caress your skin. I'm sorry for each and every one of my hurtful words; please believe me when I tell you I was lying. I didn't mean anything I said the last time we spoke. Please let's go somewhere private and talk, you have to listen to me." As Paul said this he took a few steps in my direction. A gentle breeze blew in my direction bringing with it Paul's scent. It enveloped me in a blanket of desire and need, my knees shook and my will faltered; I needed to get away from him before I made a fool of myself by running to his arms.

"Don't take one more step Paul; I swear if you get closer I will hurt you. I will not stand back and let you take advantage of me anymore." He stopped, hiding his hands inside the pockets of his cutoffs and shifting his weigh from one leg to the other. If I didn't know better I could say he looked remorseful.

The sun came out from behind the clouds hitting Paul's face, making him lift his hand to shield his eyes while squinting slightly. For the first time since Paul appeared out of nowhere I noticed his appearance. His delicious pouty lips were dry and cracked. He seemed to have lost quite a bit of weight, his cheeks looked sunken in. His eyes looked dead with very evident dark circles around them. Apparently he got used to having a personal slave and was unwilling to lift a finger to make a meal for himself. He would rather go hungry than cook. That was so like him.

"C'mon man let's sit down and talk." Begged Paul.

"No way. I have nothing to say to you and I will not believe a word that comes out of your mouth. Do us both a favor and save your words for another idiot, this one is tired of listening to you." I felt ashamed of what I had become, I had been a puppet in his hands that did everything he wanted, who endured everything he placed upon me, never complaining or putting any resistance. "You know something Paul? I was everything you wanted and everything you needed, but you treated me like shit. I realized too late that I was much more than you deserved."

"I know Quil, if you give me a chance it will only be the truth I swear. No more lies. Please Quil, all the things I said after we… that night are not true. I was scared of my feelings and thought I was doing you a favor by kicking you out of my life."

"SHUT THE HELL UP; ENOUGH!" I had to stop him before he dragged me back into his world of deceit and false intentions.

"I will not shut up; you need to listen to me! You think I would come all the way here to lie to you or play with your feelings? No, I need you Quil, I need you by my side. Please you are the reason I'm still alive"

"Quil is he your boyfriend?" Asked Claire, curious of the exchange taking place in front of her. I had almost forgotten a she was standing behind me.

"He is not even my friend; he is a nobody I had the displeasure of running into. I wish I could go back in time and erase that moment. I wish to never have met him, he only brought me pain and despair."

"How can you say that? Just three weeks ago you said you loved me. That was the most glorious moment of my whole existence, is a shame that I messed up by doing what I did, but that's why I am here, to make it right." I heard Claire gasp the moment she heard Paul say I loved him. Who the hell did he think he was to be blabbering about my personal life?

"There is no way to make that right and believe me you will never hear those words come out of my mouth ever again." With these last words Paul expression changed drastically. At last he understood that it was a lost cause. His proud shoulders slumped in defeat, his gaze was downcast and he stopped moving from side to side and stood still like a statue.

"What do I need to do to make you believe me? Please Quil at least listen to me, I… I love you."

"Shut the fuck up liar! Don't soil the sanctity and purity of those words."

"I'm not lying, I would not lie about this, I do love you and that's why I tried to push you away. I'm damaged goods and you… you are so good, so pure, you bring joy to those around you, especially me. You radiate life and since you left I've felt like there is a hole in my chest. I'm dead inside, I need you." His words made me stop and think about all the times I felt the dull pain in my chest, could it be? I had to shake my head to clear it of all those thoughts. It was insane to think that could be the reason for my pain because that would mean he was telling the truth and that was impossible. Paul was so used to lying that the line between right and wrong became nothing but a blurry shadow in a crumpled piece of paper.

"Enough of this nonsense! Listen to me, you are going to turn around and get out of here. I don't want to see you; I don't want to listen to you. I want you as far from me as possible. Go back to la Push and stay there, I'll make sure to never go back just so I won't have the misfortune of running into you ever again."

"But, but Quil, please be reasonable."

"Fuck you Paul, you heard me. Get out of here!"

"I'll go, but know that I will not give up. I've love you for a long time and I will never stop loving you."

"Sure sure." I said rolling my eyes annoyed with the little show I Paul was putting on.

Paul turned around and began walking away from us. A sharp pain my chest almost ignited a fuse inside me to propel me to go after him. I willed my body to stay in place instead of doing what my soul was screaming at me to do. I couldn't listen to it, it betrayed me once already. He looked defeated and just that made my heart ache, knowing that I was the reason for his sadness. I had to be the biggest mother fucking idiot to walk this earth. After all he put me through I still had feelings for him. I guessed it was true what they said about your first love, it is the hardest one to forget.

As soon as Paul's form disappeared among the trees I crumbled to the floor. Whatever was keeping me upright left my body the moment he vanished from my view. Claire came to my aid kneeling next to me and placing her slender arms around me. I wept bitterly, how he had the audacity to show up here and demand anything from me? I wondered who the fuck gave him my location, the only ones who knew were my parents and I was certain they didn't say anything. I made a mental note to call home and inquire about this.

He looked so lost and so sad; I was hurting so much, the need to be by his side killing me slowly. How could this be? His pain mirrored mine, I was the main source for his pain and he was mine. He had been able to change my whole perspective in life, the way I viewed love, the way I trusted those around me and the way I viewed myself. Unfortunately instead of Paul being a positive influence in my life he had scarred me for life, making me see life as an unending series of unfortunate situations, love as the biggest fucking lie ever said and trust as something I will never grant anyone ever again.

"Quil if you want to talk I'm here for you." Whispered Claire in my ear, too involved in my own thoughts I completely lost contact with my surroundings and that included her. I had no idea how long I had been crying or how long she had been holding me but I was grateful to her for being there with me.

"There is not much to say, it's the story of boy loves boy, boy is a selfish bastard, boy runs away humiliated and hurt. That pretty much sums it up." At last I was calm enough to produce a coherent sentence.

"I don't really know the back story and for sure you know him a lot better, but he seemed sincere to me." Said Claire, sounding almost afraid of contradicting me.

"Trust me Claire, he is the master of deceit. Don't let his little act fool you." In the state I was in I didn't even noticed when I laid down on the ground with my head on Claire's lap. She was running the fingers of one hand through my hair, while her other hand held one of mine.

"If you say so. If that's the case you need to calm down. If he is so bad he is not worth your tears. Was everything bad between you? Did you fight a lot?"

"Not really, that's the worse part; most of it was good, really good. He was my best friend; we spent countless hours together rebuilding a car and shared many secrets. We talked about our dreams and desires. I was the only person who got to see the real Paul; everybody else saw an asshole with a short fuse. I saw the man who mourned the person he considered the love of his life, day and night. I saw the man who succumbed to bad relationships because he was too afraid of accepting his reality. The man who left everything, to keep an aging man company so he wouldn't have to die alone. The man who was passionate for his job and what he considered his calling and privilege. The man who would put his life on the line to protect a friend. There is a lot of good in him but unfortunately is buried under a heavy blanket of bullshit." This was a boatload of sensitive crap but I felt like my head and my heart would explode if I didn't loosen the valve that kept my thoughts and feelings in check.

"Ok you mentioned a lot of good, you don't have to tell me the bad if you don't want to or it's too personal. I just have one question, is whatever he did to you so bad that it would erase everything you just mentioned? All the good times, all his good qualities, whatever it was that made you fall in love with him."

"I'm afraid it was." If placing everything in a balance it would definitely tilt in the direction of staying away from Paul forever. His bad attitude and his punches were nothing compared to the way he lured me into his bed, fucked me and then discarded me like a used tissue. That was unforgivable.

We remained in the same position for an undetermined period of time. I cried silently for what felt like hours, Claire gave me the biggest gift; her company and her silence. I was so grateful for her presence; she was like a cool breeze on a hot day. The only indication of how much time had passed was the slight changes in temperature, light and sound. The heat of the day was fading slowly, being replaced with a cool nighttime breeze. The change in the position of the sun with the resulting colors in the sky, a canvas of orange, pink and purple. The sound of the hundreds of night crawlers waking up, ready to begin their vigil.

"Quil is getting late; I don't want my parents to worry." Claire's voice startled me, my mind was hundreds of miles away or so I would like to think. In reality my mind was a lot closer, it was fixated in a jerk that hopefully was on his way back home.

"I'm so sorry, how inconsiderate of me. I kept you out longer that I should've. Your family must be wondering what we have been doing all this time." I straighten up using my shirt to clean the remaining tears and the snot from my face.

"That's not a problem, if they question me I'll just tell them they have nothing to worry about with you being gay and all." She tried to remain serious but the slight tremor in the corners of her mouth betrayed her. I couldn't help but laugh at her well intentioned comment.

"Claire, are you ok with it?"

"It's fine, I have to confess it's a shame because you are freaking hot, but I'll survive."

"Thanks Claire."

"You're welcome; now take me home; I'm starving."

**Paul's POV **

What did I expect? For Quil to accept me with open arms? For him to say, _don't worry, I understand and accept your apology, everything is forgiven; let's go home._ Sure, in fantasy land maybe; in the real world it was unrealistic of me to expect him to forgive me so easily. I was hoping that the imprint would be affecting him and would help us, but just like everything in my fucked up life, it didn't work the way I hoped it would.

I couldn't tell him about the imprint, not yet. Knowing him the way I do, I was sure he would think the only reason I came looking for him and claimed to love him was because of the bond the imprint created. I needed to convince him of the truth, that I had been desperately in love with him way before the imprint happened. That was the tricky part to get him to trust me, after all the lies I told him, after all the pain I inflicted it was close to impossible. Funny to think this was like the tale of the boy who cried wolf. My whole life had been a lie and I dragged Quil into it.

The day I made love to him was the culmination of months of daydreaming about him, of secretly wishing he would return my feelings. My fears got the best of me and I came up with that fucked up plan to get him away from me. The whole plan blew in my face and I regretted each word I said the minute they it my lips, but by then it was too late.

To make matters worse now I had a rival. That little bitch could potentially steal him away from me forever. Damn it! all I wanted was to tear her fucking head off. I wished I had magical powers so I could make her disappear into a cloud of smoke. This would complicate things even more, not only I had to work against all the damage I did myself, I had to compete against a pretty girl that had more to offer than I would ever do.

My only hope was that if our magic chose him as my mate it would give me the tools or ideas to gain him back and keep him by my side. On the other hand maybe this was a punishment from heaven for messing with one of its angels. To have an unattainable soul mate, to have to resign myself to live as an incomplete being. A person with only half of a soul, since the other half of his soul shared somebody else's bed, life and future.

I had to stop thinking like that, life took one soul mate away from me I would be damned if I let fate take a second one. For now I resigned myself to protect him, Jake was right, I would never tell him but he was. The protection instinct is so strong it's almost unbearable. I would never again make fun of the way he protected Seth. I was Quil's one man protection detail, it was not much, but it was the best I could do at that moment.

As the days passed I learned his routine, as soon as he retired for the day I would get close enough that I could hear him breathe. It was amazing the calming effect something as simple as the soft beat of his heart had on me. Every night I would phase into my wolf and sit as close as I could to his window to guard him while he slept. He knew I was there, more than once he stood by the open window staring first at the night sky and second directly at me. Even from the distance I felt as his gaze came upon my form and shuddered in contained excitement.

With the first rays of the morning sun I would run back into the woods to hunt my breakfast but not before listening to him stirring in his bed as his alarm went off. Just like at night he would come to his window and look directly at me. I wondered if he was making sure I was still with him or wishing I had gone away, I prayed it was the former.

As the days went on I wondered if he stopped phasing, it had been almost two weeks since I found him and he had not phased for even one minute. I occupied my days between catching up on my sleep and hunting. Seth was right, eating raw meat was very unappetizing, but I had no other choice, I had no money and nobody would employ a complete stranger that didn't even have shoes.

Staying away from the farm had proven to be very challenging, for starters I realized that the giggling bitch worked there and that meant that they spent their day together. That was just great; she got to spend her days with him, eat her lunch with him while working her way into his heart. Just thinking about her sitting next to him on the picnic table in front of the house made me hope to find a vampire just so I could get rid of some of the pent up anger and frustration. I would pace back and forth my fists clenched by my sides my mouth tense. It took only one time of me seeing her grabbing his arm and giggling like a drunken idiot to confirm that I had to stay far away from the farm during the day so I wouldn't do anything stupid. At least they had not gone out again and I didn't hear them talking on the phone at night. If there was something going on between them it was in the initial stages which gave me hope something could happen that would stir him in my direction.

Just like every night, I set my post as close to his window as I could without being seen by the family. I waited for him to go to sleep but when instead of his soft snores I heard his heart speed up and I wondered what was going on. Several minutes later a beautiful chocolate brown wolf stood proudly before me. I melted where I stood, he was truly magnificent. His gorgeous brown eyes found mine the second he stood before me; my heart ached at the sadness I could see in them.

_Quil _I mentally called, no answer

_Quil _Again no answer, he just stood in front of me with a lost and despondent look in his eyes. He dropped his gaze a second before he started walking away from me.

_Please don't go! Talk to me C'mon man I miss you so much! _He just kept walking until he was almost out of my sight. Why in God's name did he come here if he was not planning to even say a word? I was extremely confused for a minute before I remembered he couldn't hear me. He broke the bond with the pack and that rendered him unable to see our thought and us his. I was busy with my thoughts when I saw him emerge from behind the trees dressed in a pair of shorts and a muscle shirt.

"Paul shift back we cannot talk in wolf form." YES! He came to talk to me; at last he was going to give me a chance to explain. Unlike him I didn't hide to phase back to human and in a heartbeat stood in all my naked glory in front of him. I had no intention to seduce him, but after everything that happened between us I didn't see the point on being bashful.

"Get dressed. I didn't come here to look at your dick." Spat Quil angrily, this was definitely not going the way I hoped. I donned my pants and began walking towards him but he stopped me. "That's close enough, I don't know what you're thinking but whatever it is you're wrong. Why the hell are you stalking me? I don't need a protector or a babysitter, go back to La Push."

"I know you don't need a babysitter but this is something I need to do. Please Quil let's sit down and talk, we have a conversation that's long overdue."

"I have nothing to say to you and I'm not willing to listen to the babble that comes out of your mouth."

"Please Quil just give me a chance to explain, I beg you."

"Beg all you want, get on your fucking knees for all I care, it will not make a difference. You are a bastard and as much as I loved you before now you disgust me, I hate you. You have nothing to do here, go find another victim." Each one of his words was like white hot daggers digging into my heart and soul. I couldn't believe him, maybe I was delusional, but even though he said he hated me his eyes spoke of what really filled his soul and I saw love in them.

"Please don't say you hate me." I had to stop when my voice cracked and the tears started rolling down my face and ending up on the forest floor. Maybe it was wishful thinking but I could swear I saw him take a step in my direction when the first tear glistened in the moonlight.

"What do you expect Paul, for me to forgive and forget just like that? I did that too many times and you got used to it. Now you think you can parade yourself here and I will run into your arms like in a cheesy romantic movie." He turned away from me and sighed softly.

"I know that what I did was horrible, but it was all a lie. When I made love to you, that was the real me, those were my real feelings, I know you felt them. I had this idea that if we stayed together you would abandon me or even worse, die. All the people I love leave me and why would you be any different? I know it sounds crazy but at the time it made a lot of sense. If I was going to lose you it would be on my own terms, I know this sounds really fucked up. You should beat me up for even coming up with such a cruel plan; I would take any punishment as long as you are there to pick up the pieces. I love you Quil, I swear on my grandfather's memory, I loved you even before I started going out with Aaron. Do you know I hooked up with him as a substitute for you? At the time I had been terrified of approaching you. It was always you and it will always be you." I spoke as fast as I could to get my message through, I didn't know how much time Quil would grant me.

"Paul if you were me, would you believe everything you are saying?" He turned halfway and gave me a sideways glance with watery eyes.

"I guess I wouldn't, but that's me; I'm an asshole. You are so much better than me Quil, please tell me what I need to do for you to believe me." I walked towards him, the intense need to touch him becoming unbearable. I extended my arm and when I placed my hand on his arm I felt the most enticing tingling sensation starting on the point of contact and extending through my whole body. I knew he felt it too because his eyes widened and his breath hitched. I didn't recall ever feeling this with Laura, had I been mistaken about the imprint?

"Stop, don't touch me! Paul do whatever you want, stay here or go back to La Push I don't care. I have no intention of going back home; you took my home away from me. Because of you and all the painful memories you created for me I can never go back to my family. There is a lot more than the obvious, you have taken away so much, I will never be able to forgive you. I want to run as a wolf, I will not let you take my wolf away from me. Do not approach me and don't try to talk to me. This is the last time I will speak to you. Goodbye Paul" Quil walked away slowly without turning back, a few minutes later I felt the familiar sensation in the air as he phased and took off running.

I sunk to my knees and cried with my forehead on the damp soil. All my hopes had been dashed, he would never forgive me. I refused to accept my defeat, I defeated myself, I was an idiot and lost the only good thing in my life. But no, I couldn't think that way, not all was lost. The imprint still existed it had not broken, that lonely fact gave me hope. I would continue guarding his sleep; I would protect him as long as I had strength in my body. They say time heals all wounds, I prayed that one day his wounds would heal and he would be mine again. For now I would settle with watching him from a distance and daydream that he was in my arms and I was back in his heart where I belong.


	13. Chapter 13

**Hello! As usual thanks to all the wonderful readers who have expressed interest in this story, each time I receive a notification about an alert or a review it fills me with energy and enthusiasm. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot. **

**Chapter 13**

**Paul POV**

Quil had just gone up to his room to go to bed and I sat protected by the shadows to begin my nighttime routine. It had been two weeks since he and I spoke last and I was getting very impatient. I had left La Push a month before in my quest for Quil's forgiveness, but was not closer to acquiring it from the day I took my first step in his direction with only the pull to direct me toward him. Maybe I should just climb to his room and have my wicked way with him, show him how good it could be; then again he could just throw me out the window for even thinking of something so crazy.

Just like he had done the previous nights he walked to his bedroom window and looked at me. _Good night my angel,_ I thought, I had to resign myself with listening to his breathing and the steady beat of his heart. I knew it was pathetic, but I had nothing to prove to anyone but him and he needed to know I would wait for him for as long as it took.

Just the night before he phased for the second time since I found him. Unfortunately this time he didn't talk to me, he avoided me altogether. I wondered what was going on through his mind as he ran freely across the fields under the star covered sky. I admired him from the distance; the simplicity and sensuality of his movements were not lost to me. It was obvious he felt the happiest in wolf form, he was always graceful and beautiful, but there was something extra special about his wolf, something truly magical. After a couple of hours he returned to the house climbing up to his window before laying down for the night.

The first rays of the morning found me in my post and I ran for cover as soon as I heard movement inside the house. Once a prudent distance from the house I found breakfast and ate it before phasing back to human while waiting in the woods. This imprint business was tough shit, at the beginning I had been able to stay away from the farm during the day but in the last week I had not been able to. I already had a story concocted in my head in case I was found by anyone. I would pretend to be homeless and looking for work. I doubted anyone would believe me but as long as nobody shot me I was good.

I stood hidden behind some shrubs watching all the activity in the farm. I was so desperate, hiding like a sick stalker hoping that Quil would take a glance in my direction just so I could pretend he cared about me. Yep, I, Paul Lahote had turned into a pathetic lovesick dog. Those bastards were working my Quilly to the bone. He didn't seem to mind though, his beautiful smile was infectious even when he was drenched in sweat and looked positively exhausted.

There was an older couple that seemed to own the farm, a man about my age, my Quil and the harpy. Ugh! Every time I saw her my stomach would produce an excess of acid that would find it way to my mouth coating it with its bitter taste. I hated her so much, she shared his life when I, his intended mate for all practical purposes had to sit by the sidelines, this sucked!

By the end of the day the girl and the other man would leave and Quil would finish putting everything away before going inside the house. By that time my stomach was rumbling and I cringed at the idea of having to eat another rabbit, cute to look at, nasty little creatures as you meal. After taking the short walk to the woods I phased into my wolf. It was always so liberating to explode into my silver wolf. I believed I could never give up phasing, that was something Quil and I shared, the desire to remain in close contact with our wolves for years to come.

"_Damn it Paul, about time"_ I recognized the voice in my head immediately, it was no other than Leah.

"_What do you want?"_ I asked surprised at the fact that I felt no anger towards her. There was no pain or bitterness in my heart.

"_Wait, don't disappear again, Jake needs to talk to you."_ I felt her thoughts disappear completely and I knew she had shifted back to her human self.

After several minutes it was a different voice in my head _"Hey Paul there is trouble, we need you back."_

"_What kind of trouble?" _I asked curiously, I knew none of them would contact me unless it was a real emergency.

"_I don't know if you remember we had been finding scents here and there around the reservation for the last few months"_

"_Of course I remember."_

"_The scents had been getting closer and closer, to the point they were inside the limits of our patrolling area. We have no idea how they had been able to evade us but they are highly successful at it. Three weeks ago people started finding dead bodies in the woods, a hiker was the first one followed by a young couple who had escaped to the woods to make out."_

"_Fuck man. That's bad!"_

"_It gets worse; just three days ago they found Old Man Hobson dead behind his house."_

"_Wait wait wait, his house is inside the reservation, Jake."_

"_Exactly, just like the others he was completely drained of blood. The council did some damage control stating that he fell and severed his femoral artery. This is really bad Paul, the council is on our case because we are failing miserably, but we are doing all we can. We are patrolling twenty four hours a day but these leeches seem to have some kind of special talent to evade us; it's mind boggling." _

"_Fuck man, that's heavy. Do you know how many leeches we're talking about?"_

"_As far as we know, not less than three. There might be more coming or already here. Sam took Seth, dad and Emily to Makah yesterday. Kim is taking care of Jared so she couldn't go with them."_

"_What do you mean? What happened to Jared?"_

"_One of the leeches got him and broke three ribs and one of his legs in several places. He is pissed at having to sit out the patrols, especially knowing we were short to begin with. At least we disposed of that bloodsucker but it took two of us, it was fucking strong."_

"_Shit man I don't want to leave Quil, of all people you understand I need to be close to him… But you are my brothers and I have a duty to the pack, I'll leave right now, it's not like he wants me here anyway, I do it more for myself than for him. I'll come back and hopefully he would've missed me a little."_

"_Thanks man and don't worry you won't miss him much. His parents must be calling him as we speak, he should be on his way back tonight or tomorrow."_

"_NO! If there is danger I don't want him there. Jake I'll do doubles; I'll cover my patrols and his."_

"_Paul we are already doing doubles as it is, remember Embry is not here either. Besides myself there is only Sam, Leah and the two pups. Quil is an experienced fighter and a damn good one. He will never forgive me if he learns there was trouble and we didn't ask him for help."_

"_Damn it Jake, why put him in danger? How come you can protect your imprint and I cannot?"_

"_Their circumstances are totally different, Seth can't fight vampires and you know that very well. Paul enough of this; I miss Seth, I'm tired and have no patience for your fucking whining."_

"_Sorry man, I'll see you in a few hours."_

"_Did I hear you say sorry? Who the hell are you and what did you do with Paul?"_

"_Fuck you Jake; you see, that's why I'm never nice."_

"_Nice to have you back man."_

"_Don't thank me yet I'm still learning all this humility and being nice shit. Jake, before I forget, don't mention anything about the imprint to Quil."_

"_You didn't tell him?"_

"_No and please block it from your thoughts when he rejoins the pack."_

"_No problem. Wow! I also got a 'please' from you."_

"_Shut up alpha." _Jake laughter was the last thing I heard before his consciousness disappeared, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I took off running as fast as my legs would take me in the direction of La Push. It would be much quicker since I knew exactly where I was going. I was both excited and worried. On one hand I didn't realize until now how much I had missed the pack. How I missed feeling useful, fulfilling my intended purpose in life. The idea of patrolling shoulder to shoulder with Quil set me in such a frenzy I almost stumbled on my own paws.

I made a mental note not to be pushy, to give him his space and let my actions speak where my words had failed me. My imprint was a gentle soul and if I learned anything from Jake's experience was that I needed to meet him halfway. He cared enough about me to save my life; that was something not to be taken lightly. I repaid him in the most horrid way but that was a thing of the past, I had to show him the person he used to care for. I decided to remind him why he fell in love with me in the first place.

Even though I knew Quil was an excellent fighter and a strong wolf, my heart was hurting with the idea of putting him in danger. If anything happened to him that would be it, I would be done. Yes that will not honor his memory and I would be acting like a fucking coward, but what did I care? I would be dead. It takes strength and guts to hang on even after losing the love of your life; I was weak and a pussy.

I ran for hours, my only company the thumping sound of my paws on the soft ground. A whisper of the impending dawn peeked in the horizon allowed me to see clearly the familiar terrain. The lush greenery, moss covered rocks, fallen logs rotten by the constant rain. I was home. Just a few minutes after crossing into our territory I bumped into Sam.

"_Hey Paul! Welcome back."_

"_Thanks man, are you patrolling by yourself?"_

"_No, right now Collin if patrolling the east border."_

"_Ah, Collin."_

"_Paul are you going to be ok? We cannot deal with any fighting between us."_

"_Don't worry Sam, I have nothing against the kid."_ He eyed me, probably suspicious of my new attitude.

"_Good, the shift is almost over. Come, we are meeting in the clearing close to my house."_

"_Do I have time to grab something to eat? I'm starving."_

"_Sure, Emily is not home but there are muffins and other things she baked before leaving; help yourself."_

When I took the first bite off one of Emily's muffins I felt like I died and went to heaven. At last, some real food, though it was nothing compared with the food Quil lovingly prepared for me during my whiny girl period. After breakfast I met the others at the clearing and was briefed on the situation. I volunteered to begin patrolling immediately so the others could rest. I sent Brady to patrol all the areas closer to forks and I went in the opposite direction. As expected, Quil was in my mind immediately and I wondered where he was, did he leave the farm? Was he on his way here? I could only hope and pray.

**Quil'S POV**

My father's call had been very distressing; I suspected he didn't give me the full story. Of one thing I was certain; if they called me things must be really bad. I waited until the morning to talk to Mr. Hill, the way he accepted me leaving so abruptly, without as much as a question made me wonder how much he knew about me. Both he and his wife had been very kind and welcoming, it made me feel terrible that I was leaving them shorthanded again and promised to be back as soon as things settled at home.

By seven in the morning I was already on the road with La Push as my final destination. Paul had not been guarding my window the night before and even if I hated myself for doing it I had to check as I was heading out. I wondered if he had been called back as well. It was most likely, apart from his bad temper Paul was a fantastic fighter, fierce and strong. And incredibly sexy too. Fuck, here I go again, my goodness!

Ugh, stop it Quil you're acting like a bitch, I was still royally pissed at him but had to admit I missed him. He treated me like shit but in the last month had been acting like he was really sorry, maybe Claire was right. No, he is a liar, a great actor capable of anything to achieve his goal. But what could that goal be, to get me to fall in love with him; check, to get me in his bed; check, to humiliate me; check, to chase me away from everything I hold dear; check. There was not much left, maybe he was bored and needed another giggling fit at my expense. Paul giggling, that's something I had never heard.

Paul Paul Paul, things could have been so different between us. If you only had a shred of humanity in that barbed wire ball you call a heart, I could've made you so happy. Why did you have to be so cruel? My only mistake was loving you. I never interfered, kept my distance and gave you your space. I suffered with you every heartbreak, feeling it like it was my own. Others hurt you and I ended up paying for what they did.

After I rejoin Jake's pack I needed to be extra careful with my thoughts. In the last month I got used to the luxury being a one man pack. I never wanted to leave the pack but had to sever the bonds with them, seeing that in the state of mind I was in I couldn't shield my memories from anybody. First it was all too humiliating and second there was no doubt in my mind that if Jacob saw what happened there would have been hell to pay. All in all I couldn't even fathom the idea of anybody hurting Paul. Maybe that was exactly what he needed for somebody to put him in his place, but there was no way in hell I would be responsible for that happening.

At last the easily recognizable places surrounded me; the streets, businesses and houses I knew since I was a pup came into sight. At last the sign that read _Welcome to La Push _welcomed me back home. I had been gone one month, but it felt a lot longer, I missed my family and friends but was glad that would be solved in a few minutes. Driving through the roads of the reservation I rolled down the windows to let the ocean air in. Who the hell was I kidding? For now I was the only idiot in my head so it must be me. I wanted to scent the air to detect Paul's presence. If he had been called back he should already be here, especially since I think he left the night before. That would be the only reason for him sleeping anywhere but under my window.

Fuck I'm so pathetic, sighing like a teenage girl; his good boy act was getting to me. The way he stalked me was at the same time sweet and creepy. I couldn't figure him out; he would hide behind some shrubs for hours watching me work. I detected his scent all over the farm, everywhere I went he went, like he needed to make sure I was safe. Paul could have any man or woman he wanted, why did he insist on following me?

As soon as I set foot inside my house my mother ran to meet me, joined just a minute later by my father and grandfather. It felt so good to have their company again, the Hills were a nice couple but nothing compares to your own parents. They had been the ones who showed me the meaning of unconditional love. I felt all fuzzy inside being in such a familiar place and surrounded by the only people who truly love me.

To my mom's disappointment, I left right after having a late lunch, headed for my alpha's house. As usual I found the door unlocked and was startled to find Jacob asleep on the small sofa in the living room. His legs where bent in a strange way trying to accommodate his massive frame in the small piece of furniture.

"Hey sleeping beauty, I'm back!" I announced a little too cheery.

"Quil man, welcome back." Answered Jacob groggily.

"Thanks, I'm here to rejoin the pack."

"Awesome, we need all the help we can get." He stood up slowly, his bones cracking and popping like he was eighty years old.

"Why are you sleeping here? Mom told me your dad and Seth are in Makah. You should enjoy having the house all to yourself. This sofa doesn't really look too comfortable."

"This sofa is a pain in the neck, literally." A sad chuckled escaped his lips. "But I got rid of my old bed, my dad's bed is too hard and I miss Seth too much to sleep in the bed I share with him. Reminds me he is far from me."

"Man you have it bad, I have an idea, while I patrol, why don't you go and sleep in my bed."

"You wouldn't mind?"

"If I was going to mind I wouldn't have offered, don't you think dummy?"

"I guess; bear with me brother, I'm sleep deprived."

"How bad is it Jake?" I asked while following Jake to the kitchen. He offered me some leftover Chinese food. I declined still full from the lunch my mom prepared for me.

"The worst we had since we started shifting." Jake ran a hand through his hair, a gesture I recognized as the one he always did when he was anxious.

"We can't trace them; we don't know how many they are. These leeches are smart, sneaky and have in their favor the element of surprise." Shit this sounded really bad, how are we supposed to fight against invisible enemies? "The council is demanding results and more protection, we are doing our best but it is proving to be just not enough."

"The council understands Jake, they are just scared." My grandfather briefed me on the situation while I had lunch. Most citizens had the blessing of being completely ignorant of what was going on. The council and the elders on the other hand were too aware of the danger lurking in their own back yards.

"I know dude but it's a matter of pride and honor. We were put on this earth to protect our people, if we fail to do that, then what's the point of our existence?"

"Never doubt our purpose Jake, don't let these damned bloodsuckers make you lose your self-assurance. We are a good pack and we'll get the job done."

"Quil believe me I can doubt anything except my pack." For the first time during our conversation my alpha smiled, slightly relieved.

"That's the spirit! So when do I start?"

"Actually there is a pack meeting here in an hour. We'll discuss the new patrolling schedules and strategies. I hope you got enough sleep on the farm, here it will be a different story."

"Who told you I was in a farm?"

"Well, Paul." Answered Jake sheepishly. At least he confirmed Paul was back, damn he wasted no time to spill the beans about my location.

"Oh, he is back." I whispered to myself stating the obvious.

"Quil, are you two going to be ok? Now more than ever I need a good team." Said Jake in total alpha mode.

"Don't worry man I won't let you down." He slapped me on the shoulder and sat down to gulf down the mountain of food he warmed up. My eyes remained glued to the clock on the microwave oven watching as the minutes passed. With each passing minute I was closer to being face to face with the person I loved and loathed the most in the universe.

"Quil you're back! Good to see you man." Sam greeted me the minute he walked through the door. Collin arrived less than a minute later, I didn't know him that well but he still greeted me with a smile, probably grateful there was another person to help patrol. They all looked exhausted with dark circles around their eyes.

My subconscious was battling my inner bitch who was waiting anxiously for Paul to arrive. I had no clue to which one was winning but I felt as perspiration formed on my forehead and my heart took off in a crazy race. I detected his scent the minute he stepped on Jake's back yard. As he entered through the back door I concentrated on a picture on the wall willing my body to calm down. Surprisingly my heart was not the only one going on a frantic race. I looked around and my pack brothers shared the same fatigued and worried expression, but the crazy beat was not coming from any of them. There was only one heart that mirrored mine perfectly. I felt his gaze as a flaming torch on my skin.

"Hi Quil." Whispered Paul as he stood beside me.

"Paul." I muttered under my breath and moved away from him. I felt embarrassed as I realized there was nothing on this fucking earth that I wanted more than to stay close to him, basking on his addictive scent and his warm presence. My inner bitch was holding on to the floor with all its strength, digging its claws to the floor in an attempt to keep me in place. But I was stronger than I even realized, I walked away from him feeling a sigh leave his lips when I did.

"Ok let's start by welcoming back Quil and Paul; I speak for all of us when we tell you how happy we are to have you back home where you belong." The pack clapped and cheered, visibly happy with our return.

"I'll be brief; I know we are all tired. I wrote down a new patrol schedule where I paired an experienced wolf with either Brady or Collin. At times there would be some overlap, which will take place the times of the day when most attacks have been taking place."

"Leah will never patrol with Collin, her first loyalty will be to the protection of her imprint. We cannot have an imprint interfering with our job." I wondered why Jacob's eyes met Paul's for a fraction of a second as he said this. He could be worried about Paul attitude toward Collin. Shit I hope Paul controls himself and doesn't pick fights with the kid.

"That will be it, pick up a schedule before you leave. Quil you need to stay, I need to induct you back into the pack." Sam and Brady left at once but Paul lingered back. His behavior was odd and unexpected.

"Quil after Jake does his thing, can we talk please?" Paul had the audacity to approach me when it was only the three of us in Jake's house.

"No." I answered curtly, walking past him towards the kitchen. Once outside but under the protection of the woods I began taking off my clothes. As I was doing this I noticed Paul in wolf form sitting several feet away from me watching me intently.

"Get out of here perv!" I yelled at him but he remained motionless.

Jake joined us, finding me fuming over Paul's extreme stalker behavior. What the hell, Paul would not see anything he hadn't seen before. I began taking off my pants when a low growl coming from Paul's direction got my attention. What was even more unnerving was Jake reaction; he turned around facing away from me. What the hell! Not that I wanted Jake to look at my dick, actually far from it, but since when does he answer to Paul? Talking about the pervert, since when does he care who sees me naked? I had no clue to what was going on and didn't really care.

I exploded into my wolf, the anger brewing inside me making the shift easier than ever. I enjoyed the last minutes of peace and quiet my wolf would have. I bared my neck in submission and Jake proceeded to nip the sensitive skin with his sharp canines. Again my attention went in Paul direction, the sound he emitted this time was not a growl but a whimper. In a second my mind was flooded with images, as expected, Jake's mind was overflowing with images of Seth, there was only one thing on Leah's mind, her imprint, Brady was wondering what his mom was making for dinner.

Paul's thoughts were extremely guarded; it was like trying to peek into a room through a small rip on a heavy drape that covered a glass window. I couldn't let myself slip for a second since I was sure he was trying to pick my brain for information.

"_Quil are you ok? I hope Jake didn't hurt you."_

"_What do you care Paul?"_

"_Believe me I care about everything that happens to you."_

"_Well, don't"_

"_Can't help it baby, I love you too much."_

"_Shut up asshole!" _

"_Whoa what the hell is this? Paul is in love with Quil? Since when? Oh shit! He…" _

Leah's was stopped in her tracks by Jake. _"That's enough Leah! This is none of your business, concentrate on your patrol. Quil and Collin will relieve you and Brady."_

I was grateful for Leah's intervention, her thoughts gave me much needed respite from the avalanche of feelings and emotions I was getting from Paul. Obeying her alpha she went quiet, surely listening to Paul.

"_Quil please just hear me out, I don't ask for much, just a few minutes. Please baby."_

"_I'm not your baby and I think you already said enough." _I projected into his mind carefully selected segments of that fateful afternoon. He slumped onto the ground as image after image of his demonic expression and hurtful words were played in a macabre sequence of events.

"_I'm so sorry Quily please believe me, I regretted each word the minute it left my lips. I'm begging here, please give me a chance. Let me make it up to you, let me make you happy. If you give me a chance I promise you'll have the most dedicated friend, protector and lover. I'm yours Quily. Please take me back."_

"_Sure I'll give you a chance, everything will be forgotten, we'll hug and sing 'kumbaya' while sitting around the fire."_

"_Quily how can I make you believe me?"_

"_That's the thing, I will never believe anything that comes out of your mouth and there is nothing you can do about it and stop calling me Quily, I'm not a poodle!_" I was so freaking annoyed, unable to stay in wolf form and in an attempt to liberate my mind from Paul's begging I phased back.

After shifting back to my human form, I donned my pants and took off running towards my house, away from Paul and his lies. Inevitably as soon as I was at a safe distance I turned to look at Paul. The scene before me filled me with more questions than I dared to ask. Both Jake and Paul had phased back to their human forms. Paul was still on the same spot where I saw his wolf; the only difference was my alpha kneeling beside him. Was Paul crying? My heart jumped to my throat and my mouth felt dry. Paul seemed to be crying and Jake was consoling him. What the fuck was this? Was I dreaming? What the hell was wrong with this picture?


	14. Chapter 14

**Hello I'm baaaaaack I missed you guys! First of all I want to thank all those who contacted me concerned with my decision to stop posting chapters until the matter in FF was resolved. Thanks to all of you who supported that decision. From what I've been reading things are beginning to settle down; this doesn't mean that the story will not be deleted. I hope it doesn't happen, but it's a possibility. I signed up at YourFanFiction dot com and Thewritterscofeeshop dot com and will be postings my stories there. If I ever disappear from here because they deleted my account, look for me there. I always finish what I start and will not abandon the stories. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

**Chapter 14**

**Paul POV**

I have been back in La Push for almost a week and nothing had changed. The sky was still blue, the ocean was still green and Quil still hated my guts and wanted nothing to do with me. Fuck, I didn't know what else to do, more than once I felt ready to throw in the towel but shook those thought out of my head. I needed Quil's forgiveness like I needed the air to breathe. I missed him so fucking much, I couldn't even bring myself to look at the car because it reminded me too much of him. Yeah I'm pathetic, a love sick puppy begging for crumbs at his master's table.

I would take anything, but he didn't even grace me with a glare anymore. It was like I didn't exist, he avoided me like the plague and I was reaching the end of my rope. To make matters worse I felt so exhausted I could have sworn that more than once I fell asleep while walking. Despite my best efforts and explanations, Jacob wouldn't allow me to patrol with Quil. Between my own patrols, keeping an eye on him during his shifts and keeping vigil under his window I wasn't sleeping at all.

I knew it was stupid of me to keep watching him the way I had been doing, but it was something beyond my control. After a severe tongue lashing from my alpha, I was ordered to go home and rest. I tossed and turned on my bed for a good hour before I jumped out making a mad dash to Quil's house convinced something was wrong. Of course when I got there everything was calm but spent the night under his window listening to his soft snores and dreaming that we were together on that bed. Oddly, it was not even sexual even when I dreamt we were sprawled out on our bed asleep after making love. He had his perfect back towards me and I was holding him close. I had never been one to cuddle, but with him I was even dreaming about it. My arms were wrapped around his waist and my face resting on his back. In my dream he interlaced his fingers with mine and we both breathed deeply inhaling the scent of our partner and lover. It was a great dream and the only evidence that I got any sleep. The moment I woke up I was still in wolf form, soaking wet from the incessant rain and Quil still hated me. I was back in my nightmare.

I wasn't sure what time it was when I felt something strange, I couldn't explain it, like I was being watched. Even the woods around me acquired an eerie quality to them, it was foggy and dark. Everything felt out of place, even the moss hanging from the branches seemed to be moved aside by an invisible force. Whatever it was didn't have a recognizable scent, nevertheless the feeling was strong. Every instinct told me there was danger, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I made a few laps around Quil's house and ever dared to look through his window. As expected he was sound asleep and I just told myself I was becoming delusional from the lack of sleep. Returning to my spot by his window, but out of sight, I decided to try and catch again the wonderful dream I was having.

"So what do we have here?" It was a soft seductive feminine voice but I couldn't see where it was coming from. I still adopted a protective stance and bared my teeth in warning.

"Oh please dog, put those away." I looked around and scented the air trying to locate the person but was unsuccessful.

"This is hilarious, now the dogs have pets." She cackled like the bad witch of the West.

"Let me see if I can get this right, you are a dog's dog. What the hell does that make you? Tell me because I have no idea. Or maybe I should ask the tasty morsel you are constantly watching." How the hell did she know? I was frustrated at my inability to communicate with whoever it was but wouldn't dare shift back to human.

"_Paul hold your position, we're coming, don't engage her by yourself. Let her keep talking, the more we know about her the better and this is the first attempt to communicate with us any of these leeches has made."_ It was Sam's voice and I could also feel Collin's thoughts joining ours.

"_Hurry up man, this bitch doesn't have a scent and I can't see her. I was beginning to think she was only in my mind."_

"You know, he looks like a particularly tasty one, mmmm it is a shame that shifter's blood tastes so nasty. But I could dispose of him just for fun, to see what you will occupy your time with if you didn't have him to stalk." No way she was going to threaten my Quil and get away with it, she would not get close to him as long as I was alive. I growled menacingly while looking in every direction and inhaling sharply trying to get any indication to her location.

"What is it Fido? A little confused? Stop inhaling, you're going to hyperventilate and pass out." I looked in the direction from where I thought the voice was coming from, but couldn't see anything. Was this leech invisible? That's all we needed, an invisible leech.

"Ok coming back to Quil, are you two and item? Nod that oversize empty head of yours if I'm right." Of course I didn't move. It was a monumental effort since the second she used my mate's name I felt like the world shifted from under me and my most primitive instincts made my blood boil inside my veins.

"You're not going to tell me? Bad doggy. I'll just assume the answer is yes. This is precious, gay shifters… why not? Why allow it?" At that point she stopped addressing me and seemed to be talking to herself. Her voice also seemed to be getting farther away from me.

"By the way, tell your alpha that it doesn't matter where he tries to hide his precious Seth, I'll still find him. And the same goes for Emily, Collin and Kim." At the mere mention of Emily's name I saw Sam's reaction in his thoughts. He was out for blood, invisible or not this bitch was going to get it.

"Well bye-bye now Paul, nice talking to you." Just like a soft breeze comes and goes I felt her presence disappear from my reach. I went over to Quil's window again; I needed to see he was safe in his bed. Sam and Collin joined me a few seconds later.

"_She is gone guys; you're thirty seconds too late."_

"_Paul did you see anything out of the ordinary?" _Asked Sam visibly affected by the vampire's words.

"_Not at all, I did feel like I was being watched and just a weird feeling. Even before she spoke my hackles were raised and all my instincts were screaming at me telling me there was danger."_

"_We have to let Jacob know right away. This is bad. Do you realize she threatened all the imprints and for some reason, Quil."_ Thankfully Sam was too upset and Collin too scared to make any connection or to question why I was patrolling around Quil's house.

"_I think she mentioned Quil just to mess with me."_ I wasn't ready to admit to anyone else my imprinting on him. Not because I was ashamed, far from it. I just felt it was not fair for everybody to know while Quil was ignorant to the whole thing. Unfortunately Quil was not ready to know about it or I was not ready to tell him, probably a combination of both.

I offered to run a perimeter while Sam called the pack. My whole body was shaking out of nerves and anger and I knew running would help me calm down. This bitch had dared to threaten my reason for existing; this was not going to fly. She will not lay a finger on him as long as I was still around. A piercing howl broke the silence of the night alerting all the wolves of an emergency. One by one I felt the consciousness of each of my pack brothers join mine.

"_What's going on?" Asked Jacob, in absolute command voice._

"_Paul made contact with one of the vamps. There is some very important information but let's wait until everybody gets here." Answered Sam too upset to stop thinking about Emily._

"_Why is Paul running patrol? He had the night off and I ordered him to get some sleep." _Shit I was going to pay for disobeying the alpha. With any luck, when he hears what the vampire said he would be too upset to remember to punish me.

"_Hey boss why don't you order me to go back to sleep I will gladly obey your order." _Brady was definitely a funny one, crazy enough to mess with Jake but lucky enough not to get in trouble for it.

"_What happened?" _I could see Quil running full speed to the clearing where we usually met.

"_Collin, baby are you ok?" _This time it was Leah's voice, concerned etched in every word.

"_I'm fine, just a little rattled."_

"_Why?" _Asked Leah worried.

"_Paul will explain when we all get to the clearing."_ The poor kid was shaking on his booties, so nervous he couldn't think clearly.

All the wolves met at the clearing forming a circle, the only one missing was Jared who was still recuperating from his fractures. Sam resumed his patrol, trying his best to concentrate on the task at hand and not run to Makah to check on Emily. They anxiously waited for me to arrive; I could see Jacob going back and forth huffing annoyed and angry. The second I arrived they all bombarded me with questions.

After replaying in my mind the encounter with the vampire the tension in the clearing was so thick you could cut it with a knife. My pack brothers and sister were all in an uproar for the imprints being threatened. For the first time ever I saw my alpha lose it and almost crumble to the ground, the idea of losing his beloved Seth making him physically ill. He pulled together quickly trying to remain calm for the sake of his command of the pack.

Quil's thoughts were heavily guarded and it didn't matter how hard I tried I couldn't break down the barriers. Every once in a while I would catch him looking at me, but the moment I tried to connect with him he would look the other way.

It was decided that Jake was going to request help from the pack of the nearest tribe. He needed to protect Seth and Emily in Makah but couldn't leave La Push. If they could spare two or three wolves he could have a nice protection detail for them. This would put his mind, as well as Sam's, at ease and allow them to concentrate on ridding La Push from its latest menace.

By the time the meeting ended the sky was already changing from black to grey. There was an indication of daylight but it was definitely going to be a horribly rainy day. In this particular occasion the rain didn't matter. Usually the rain was an inconvenience, because it would wash away any scent left on a surface but this freak didn't have a scent or had a way of masking it. We knew that some leeches had special powers; maybe that was the case with our intruder.

Jacob and Quil were scheduled to run the next patrol but since Jacob needed to contact the other pack to ask for help, he asked me to cover his shift and I was more than happy to. I could see Quil was upset about having to run patrol with me but I was delighted. I almost started squealing like a little girl.

"_Hi Quil."_

"_Paul this is not a social occasion. Please limit the communication to official business only."_

"_Damn it Quil, why so formal? Please man, at least talk to me."_

"_I said it once and I'll say it again, I have nothing to say to you. I'm running outer perimeter, you take the inner one."_

"_No! I'll take the outer one; after all she threatened you too, and there is a higher probability of bumping onto her on the outer perimeter"_

"_That's something I don't understand, why the hell did she include me with the imprints?"_

"_I think it was just a coincidence." _I felt a slight burning pain in my chest for lying to Quil. This imprinting business was though shit; I couldn't even lie to him without being affected.

"_Probably." _He answered taking off to run his patrol.

"_Quil please don't block me, if you feel anything out of the ordinary alert me immediately. This bitch is sneaky and she doesn't give out a scent."_

"_I know, I was at the briefing. Stop looking for excuses to talk to me."_

"_Just trust your instincts please."_

"_Whatever." _After that it was dead silence for the next two hours. I was feeling the effects of the lack of sleep and the stress, my legs feeling like jelly and my thoughts all jumbled inside my head. I couldn't let anything slip about the imprint; it was not the time to tell him.

"_Paul" _

"_What is it?" _I asked worried, perking up the moment I heard his concerned call.

"_You felt like you were being watched and something weird in the air right?" _His tone was hesitant and unsure, like he would prefer not to hear the answer.

"_Yes! Get away from there I'm on my way!" _I took off running as fast as my legs would take me and still it was not fast enough. My Quil was in danger and each step felt like running on wet sticky mud. I needed to get to him, I needed to protect him.

After letting out a piercing howl that echoed all around me to alert my pack brothers, I kept running, evading branches and jumping over rocks and logs.

"_I'm not running away, do you think I'm a coward?" _I could see his surroundings changing constantly as he moved his head frantically trying to make his senses acknowledge what he was feeling. I knew he was brave, he was capable of incredible feats, but at that moment he was my imprint and he was in danger.

"_I know you are not, please at least run in my direction, we'll meet her together." _I was running through the dense foggy forest, an endless sea of branches and vegetation obscuring my vision and obstructing my path. Under normal circumstances none of these would've bothered me, but under the possibility of Quil getting hurt and me not being there to protect him it became a huge aggravation.

"_Just get here, I can fight, you idiot. I'm not as defenseless as you seem to think I am."_

"_Please Quil be careful, if anything happened to you I don't know what I would do." _I saw him mentally roll his eyes at me. I knew he didn't believe me; that's the price I had to pay for saying too many lies.

"_Stop the freaking drama… fuck me sideways… I know this bitch."_

The next image in Quil's head was extremely confusing. The girl in front of him was about our age, long brown hair, full coral lips and pale skin that made her ruby eyes stand out. She was not only beautiful, but seemed very familiar.

"_I know her Paul."_

"_She seems very familiar to me too."_

"_Hello Quil." _It was definitely the same woman who spoke to me. I would never forget the inherent sensuality in her voice. It was probably one of her tools to lure innocent men into her trap. Lucky for me I preferred to play in a completely different team. This time we could see her. I couldn't shake off the feeling that I had seen her somewhere before, but where?

"Earlier I had the pleasure of meeting your boyfriend." Quil felt disgusted at her words. His inner demons making him believe she was making fun of him.

"Why don't you phase back to human? I will like to have a conversation with you. Like we used to, remember? The hours we spent in Jake's garage re-building the bikes. You used to come over with Embry and flirt with me. Remember me? Isabella." She took a few steps toward Quil, gliding on the forest's surface, sensually swaying her hips as if she weighted nothing at all; each step was like poetry in motion. Her long brown hair which framed her perfect face swaying in the same sensual way her hips were.

"_Of course, she looks different but its Chief Swan's daughter, the one who disappeared two years ago. She used to be really insignificant, mousy hair, stick thin and a shrill voice that made my ears hurt. I'm embarrassed to admit I used to flirt with her, it's not an excuse but I used to flirt with anything that had a heartbeat and she was kind of slutty. But now… Damn I should've waited until now." _Forcefully I dug my paws on the forest floor in an attempt to run faster, to get to Quil before he could fall into her trap. If I hated her before for threatening the imprints and especially mine, now I added jealousy to the mix. It was the perfect combination for an explosive encounter. One in which she would end up ripped to pieces and burned until there was nothing left of her but a bad memory.

"_That's right; her father is still looking for her. Didn't she used to follow that vamp from the Forks high school, the weird emo one?" _I remembered joining Sam and Jacob on fake searches since we seriously believed she had fallen victim to a coven of vampires that used to live near us.

"You see Quil, my story is not that different from any other girl's story. Girl likes boy, boy fucks girl and leaves her, but not without giving her a little present, a bite. After three days burning alive she wakes up in the middle of the forest alone and thirsty. In her cell phone a message from the boy she thought loved her, telling her what a good fuck she was and how he rewarded her by making her one of them." With each word she glided closer to Quil, dangerously approaching him.

"You see I'm condemned to live with this horrible burning thirst for the rest of my existence. I was nothing to him; he believed he did me a favor by changing me before leaving. I liked Jacob a lot before this whole mess. But the vampire took my breath away and I stuck by his side, even against my father's wishes and Jake's warnings."

"I came back to check on my father and what do I find? A band of misfits patrolling La Push, led by a fag with a little freak he keeps on all fours all day. And you, Quil, with Paul? Really? Is that the best you can do? He has a horrible temper, a foul mouth and is the ugliest dog in the pack." Quil tensed up, his thoughts fighting to escape the heavily guarded barrier he had created. He began fighting the urge to attack her, until the moment she talked about me I was sure Quil was ready to shift back to human and allow her to have her way with him. The moment she mentioned me his attitude changed. All I could get were glimpses into the strong feelings and emotions he was experiencing. The few words I got filled me with hope, love, Paul, mine were the more prevalent thoughts; his anger was betraying him.

"C'mon Quil I can help you, remember how good it was to be with a woman, soft skin, silky hair and nice curves. I know because of our nature I don't smell that good to you, but trust me it's going to be so good. I won't hurt you, I promise." Quil stood his ground not giving her the satisfaction of retreating.

"_Baby please don't do it, I'm almost there, it's a trick, I can feel it."_

"_Then it must be a trick because you're the expert when it comes to getting people in bed by any means necessary."_

"_This is not the time for that Quil. You need to be aware of your surroundings. I think she may not be alone. Also I can't understand why none of the others have joined us, I howled to call them."_

"_That's really odd. I'll try to reach them. Paul and I need help; the vamp is Isabella Swan, Charlie's daughter."_

"_Sorry guys we had our hands full with three bloodsuckers that attacked Kim's house. They grabbed Kim's sister but we made it in time. She is shaken but at least escaped unscathed. She said one of them called her Kim, the bitch who had her scratched her arm with her nails, the doctor is keeping an eye on her making sure she doesn't show signs of changing. We disposed of them, and are on your way." _Damn it! The bitch was keeping us busy while her minions attacked Kim. This was not going to end well.

"_Do you think Isabella is the mastermind behind all this?" _Asked Jake, while the trees and vegetation flew by him becoming a blur.

"_I'm not sure but I have a strong feeling she planned all this. By the way guys why didn't we see you were in trouble?"_

"_We heard Paul's howl and phased, at the same moment we realized Jared had shifted and was fighting the vamps. He was in so much pain he couldn't even howl to alert us, we went to his aid and blocked you guys so we wouldn't distract you. You had enough on your plate already."_

"_Where are the others?"_

"_We sent Collin, Leah and Brady to run a three point perimeter; these damned leeches are all over."_

"Quil are you going to stay there in your dog suit when we could have so much more fun if you were a man. C'mon are you sure you don't want any of this." Isabella unbuttoned her blouse exposing her perfectly round perky breasts at him.

"If these don't kick the gay out of you nothing will." She caressed her breasts softly running her fingers over one nipple while rolling her other nipple between the fingers of her other hand." The whole scene was erotic and hypnotic; she was shamelessly offering herself to Quil.

She began showing signs of becoming frustrated when Quil didn't succumb to her advances. The signs were not easily recognizable but Quil was studying her face in detail. As a great strategist, he was trying to find cracks in her façade that he could use to his advantage. He noticed the tension around her mouth, the unnecessary sharp intake of air done out of habit and certainly not out of necessity. If I admired him before, at that moment that admiration grew exponentially.

"Damn, I underestimated you. Have it your way." She turned around closing her blouse and wrapping her arms around her torso.

"Go intercept the silver wolf, he is very close. Kill him, I'll cover you, he won't even know what hit him. Be quick and efficient, I'm sure there are more on their way." She ordered without inflexion on her voice, she could had been ordering take out.

At these words Quil's reaction was immediate; he knew trying to bargain with her was useless since he was as much of a target as anybody. At least as a wolf he stood a chance, he moved slowly trying to find an opening. There was no way to know how many leeches surrounded him since she appeared to be shielding them, therefore rendering useless any of the wolves' tools.

"_Quil don't engage her; wait for Sam and Jake."_

"_Paul, she sent some vamps to kill you, if I don't kill her you will be at a complete disadvantage. She said she would cover them, I need to take care of her; it's the only way for the others to be exposed."_

"_Baby don't do it! I'll be fine."_

"_No you won't, you're only one wolf against God only knows how many leeches. They will kill you."_

"_Same goes for you, as long as you are safe, the rest doesn't matter."_

"_Paul you're such a drama queen, stop talking, you're distracting me."_

"_Quil please be safe; I love you."_

"_I love you too Paul." _My heart was fighting to get out of my chest, the excitement and delight I felt after hearing Quil's declaration prompting me fight to my last breath to assure a happy future together.

Sooner that I would've expected my new resolution was tested. Just like she said, before I knew what hit me I was flying through the air my head missing a boulder by an inch. I landed on my legs but my whole frame shook as I was hit on the side by something that felt like a fucking linebacker. The sound of ribs cracking reached my ears in an instant, but those animals didn't even give me chance to breathe. I was lifted in the air and my body smashed against a tree that broke from the impact.

Out of nowhere appeared Collin, jumping in front of me as I laid semi-conscious on the floor. The kid stood protectively in front of me, I had to give it to him; he had class. Risking his life for someone who for all intended purposes hated him, takes guts and a hefty dose of courage.

"_Thanks kid; stand behind me, these creatures are vicious." _He couldn't answer; I had not finished the sentence when I saw him on the air. I jumped directly under him, whoever was holding him had to be standing there. I was not mistaken; I sunk my teeth into what seemed to be a stone that broke in half from the pressure of my powerful jaws. I pierced the stone flesh, making sure to toss the half I was holding between my teeth far from where I stood.

Again my body was being rammed against a boulder this time. It hurt like hell. With the corner of my eye I watched as Collin's body was being attacked from each side, like those leeches where using him as the ball in a demented game of ping-pong. I took off running toward him getting between him and where I thought one of the leeches stood and used his body to push away the other one.

We stood beside each other, feeling useless against this enemy.I couldn't see or scent them; I was going to die at the hands of an invisible adversary. Then it occurred to me, my instincts warned me before to the possible danger, maybe my wolf would help me. I stopped trying to see them, clearing my mind and allowing my wolf to take over.

**Quil POV**

"So what are you going to do Quil? By now my friends already reached Paul and pretty soon there won't be any recognizable parts for you to cry over. Then it will be the puppy's turn, I'm really looking forward to seeing Leah bawling for her little wolf. Isn't she like ten years older than him? Tsk tsk that's unnatural. I thought she was a wolf, not a cougar." After saying this she disappeared from my sight.

"_Guys help Paul please; those bastards are going to kill him!"_

"_We are almost there Quil, had to take care of a stray leech. You know Paul has something, he is letting his wolf take over, his wolf may not be deceived by Isabella's shield. Why don't you try it?" _

"_It's worth a shot; guys hurry, I can't see Paul's thoughts anymore." _I stopped pacing and stopped growling. The fury I felt deep within me could compare to the intensity of the sun. If those leeches killed my Paul, this bitch will pay for it, even if it would cost me my own life. I allowed the fury to take over; the wolf was rage, anger and instinct. It was dangerous to let him take over, the risk was too great. We could lose ourselves completely to our wolf but this was a risk I had to take.

I felt myself getting consumed by the ferocity I carried in my blood. Through my new eyes I could see Isabella standing in front of me with a smirk. She was so sure her plan was a complete success, what she didn't count on was the strength of our heritage. Our ancestors were mighty warriors and they were not about to be fooled by a granite doll. She better enjoy the moment since it was going to be her last. To her right stood a tall blond man, his smirk mimicked hers. I couldn't see anybody else. Good; she was my main target, the man was only collateral.

My performance would've granted me an Oscar. With the little control I still had over my actions I pretended to frantically look from one side to the other while I walked slowly in her general direction. Baring my sharp fangs and snarling at the air, fighting an invisible enemy. I knew exactly where she stood but wanted to give her a false sense of security, my wolf in total agreement with me cooperated and held back. I knew it was not going to last, my wolf needed to do what it was created for and I was going to savor every second of it.

When she least expected it I turned left and leaped towards her. The surprise on her face was priceless. She moved fast and I was only able to grab her arm and not her neck as it was my plan. I pulled with all my strength and heard as the arm was ripped from the body and her loud scream of pain.

"Idiot, don't just stand there, help me!" She demanded while stumbling to the floor in a useless attempt to escape. I held her in place with my paw over her chest. The man tried to surround me with his arms to crush my ribs, but I knew better, I've seen the leeches try this too many times. It was obvious that Isabella's army depended completely on her shielding abilities and didn't really know how to fight. I swung my large head around grabbing him and hurling him into the air a good distance. Of course that didn't hurt him and he stood up immediately, but surprised even me when he took off running in the opposite direction trying to escape.

"_Guys there is a leech running towards you, you'll be able to see him, don't worry." _

"Quil please I know I was wrong I'm sorry. It just hurts too much you know. All of you are so happy with your partners in relationships that are unnatural and shouldn't happen. I had the perfect relationship with a beautiful man, the way it's supposed to be, a man and a woman. I wanted to get married and give him children. Something that neither you nor Seth can do. Why should you walk the earth in your sinful relationship while I'm condemned to be alone for the rest of my existence? It's not fair…"

"_Ugh, shut up stupid bitch!"_ I couldn't listen to her inane blabber anymore, my mouth covered the lower half of her face and I buried my fangs effectively tearing off her jaw. Her eyes looked wild while what was left of her throat contracted and relaxed in an uncoordinated manner.

"_This if for hurting Jared and threatening all the others." _With my paw still on her chest I ripped her other arm at the shoulder. That side of her chest looked like jagged fiberglass. She was trashing back and forth at tremendous speed; her soundless scream filling me with some kind of sick gratification.

"_This is for hurting the man I love." _With those parting words I bit hard her neck separating the head from the body and chucking it far from the body. I shifted for a minute to grab the lighter I always kept in my pants and burned the body, the purple smoke filling me with deep satisfaction.

I stood in front of the burning heap witnessing the end of my adversary. She had dared to threaten my family, my brothers and especially the man that even though he didn't deserve it, was the keeper of my heart. The column of smoke took with it what was left of Isabella Swan. She had intended for that to be my end and in a twist of fate it was me who stood victorious over her remains. It was a small victory against hate and prejudice, just a battle within the war that is fought every day by so many people. In a way I felt sorry for her, she didn't choose to become a monster, but she chose to become an ignorant bigot and that part erased all compassion I felt toward her.

The moment I shifted back the voices of my pack brothers reached me. "_Man this is like going through a haunted house, leeches started popping up everywhere. Whoohoo this is fun!_" Exclaimed Brady, that crazy pup was experiencing for the first time what he was put on this earth to do and he was loving it. I would have loved to join the party but I had a bigger concern.

"_Paul are you ok?_" No answer. "_Oh please no…"_


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.**

**Chapter 15**

**Quil POV**

"_Paul damn it, answer me!" _I felt panicky, afraid and worried. Yes he had been a monster to me, but for good or for bad, I still loved him. I took off running in Paul's general direction; I knew these woods like the back of my hand and with the aid of just a few markers I knew exactly where he was the last time we spoke.

"_Quil, he is ok, he just shifted back to human. To protect me Paul placed himself between a vampire and me. The bastard was beating me up badly. Paul got the worst of it, especially since he already had a few cracked ribs from when one of the leeches smashed him against a tree." _I felt my legs go numb as I heard what those leeches had done to Paul. If I didn't see the play by play in Collin's head I wouldn't have believed it. Paul stood between one of the leeches and Collin to protect him. Collin, the man he lost Leah to, the man he wanted to kill and ended up beating me up when I prevented him from doing so. The silver wolf was full of surprises; there was no doubt about that.

"_I'm on my way; keep an eye on him until I get there please."_

Paul wasn't that far from me, but even from a distance I could tell he was hurt. The extent of injuries would have to be assessed by the doctor but I prayed it was nothing serious. He was sitting butt naked on a boulder with one of his arms around his waist probably cradling the broken ribs. I couldn't help but feel an itty bitty jealous because my man was sitting there exposed for everyone to see. It was true that nudity was something common among the pack but that didn't mean I had to like it.

I decided to also phase back and did so before reaching him. Donning my pants I reached the small clearing where Collin stood alert and protectively next to Paul. When Paul lifted his gaze and looked directly into my eyes my chest felt tight and my heart took off on a high speed chase. I melted under his scrutiny; he was so beautiful, his gaze so intense. It was like he was trying to read my mind through my eyes.

"Quil you're ok." Said Paul wincing in pain.

Hesitantly I approached him, all I wanted to do was to cover his gorgeous face with kisses and I knew he felt the same way. No, no, no I didn't know that. I was certain about my feelings. His feelings? I could only guess. As I shortened the distance between us I felt nervous and intimidated. He was hurt and my first instinct was to go to his aid. But I didn't want him to get the wrong idea. I stopped to get myself together, looking around the surroundings that told the story of the battle that took place there. I saw the broken tree trunk where I guessed Paul's body had been pounded against. There was fur and blood on the shattered pieces of tree trunk. I felt my eyes sting at the sight of what I could only guess had been a fierce battle. On the surrounding trees and even on some rocks I could see claw marks and made a mental note to come back and cover them so they wouldn't be so visible.

Not being able to prolong the encounter any longer I walked slowly toward Paul. My heart melted, my stomach felt queasy and my legs felt ready to give under me when I approached him. Paul extended his arm reaching out to me. I hesitated for a few pregnant seconds before grabbing his hand. His smile had no comparison; it could light up a thousand universes. He gently pulled me towards him, surrounding my waist with his arms and resting his head on my stomach. It was a very simple act, but to me it was the epitome of what we meant to each other. We were both willing to die for the other; we both knew we couldn't live without the other.

"Paul, how do you feel?" I whispered softly running my hand through his hair. I could've sworn I heard him purr in delight.

"Better, now that you're here."

"Cut the crap, how do you really feel? And I want the truth." He smiled against my stomach and rubbed his face against my skin sending what felt like waves of electricity through me.

"I'll never lie to you again Quilly… ooops sorry, Quil. I know I have a few broken ribs, it hurts like hell when I breathe."

"I'll take you home and call the doctor; he will be able to give you something for the pain."

"Feels so good to have you taking care of me again." He sighed heavily, obviously content with having me next to him once again. But for how long? How much time would pass before he decided to hurt me again?

The battle against Bella and her stealth army might have been over but the battle raging in my heart was at full swing. The biggest part of me wanted to believe Paul, watching him night after night keeping a silent vigil under my window showed me that at least part of him cared about me. The remorse and repentance for his past behavior seemed to be sincere, but could his words be trusted?

I loved him, there was no doubt in my mind, even after my best efforts, my love for him had not diminished or changed. God I missed him, I missed his smile, our chats, the way he looked at me, making my heart flutter inside my chest knowing that he reserves those looks only for me. I asked myself again and again if I should give him a chance, to open the door of my heart, risking pain and heartbreak.

There are so many things we do even though we know we will have to face the consequences, we drink a slurpee too fast and get brain freeze, we drink knowing that tomorrow we will have a wicked hangover; we put our hearts on the line knowing we may have to deal with the emotional fallout. Maybe accepting him was an act of bravery, but maybe it was stupidity. On the other hand, denying my feelings toward Paul was not only stupid but absurd. If the fear of getting hurt kept me away from the possibility of being happy with him, didn't I already lose?

"Collin, let Jacob know I'm taking Paul home, the doctor needs to check him." Collin nodded his big head in an almost comical way.

"Paul, can you walk?" He still had his arms around my waist and a sweet smile on his face. Paul looked at peace, like he had a thorn stuck in his paw and I pulled it out and for that he was extremely grateful. He was indeed an odd individual; looking at him acting like a little kid who was lost and just found his dad, nobody could have guessed he was the same demon who crushed me several weeks ago.

"I'm not sure love, I can try." Paul was killing me, why did he have to be so sweet now?

I slightly crouched beside him taking his right arm and placing it over my shoulders, while placing my left arm around his waist and helped him to his feet. I heard him hiss under his breath, the pain from God only knew how many injuries attacking him all at once. "What's wrong? Just the ribs or is there something else?"

"The ribs hurt the most but I feel like my whole body is a fucking bruise. Hey Collin I feel like I was just pummeled by twenty linebackers. I hope it was worth it; I am sending you back to her safe and sound; you better be good to her, don't make me regret it." Collin's wolf form approached Paul, rubbing his head against him and licking his hand before trotting off.

"Wow, who the fuck are you and what did you do with Paul Lahote? That was almost cute." I couldn't let it pass, Collin and Paul buddies? Who would have thought?

"Shut up Quil." He tried to take a few steps but such a simple action presented a lot of difficulty, the painful sounds coming from him telling me he was worse than he acknowledged.

"Paul this is not going to work, you are in too much pain right now." I moved my arm higher on his back and after placing my other arm behind his knees I picked him up bridal style. I would have expected a lot of resistance coming from him, but he was either in too much pain or just wanted to humor me. The fact was that he remained silent and instead of fighting me he leaned on my chest. The warmth of his face on my skin making me feel full of love and with a desperate need to kiss him.

"Thank you Quily, ooops sorry, Quil" A slight chortle escaped my lips at the sight of Paul acting so submissive, going as far as batting his eyelashes at me like a high school girl. I walked in silence with Paul humming softly and placing dozens of butterfly kisses on my chest. I felt content, happy and complete for the first time in a long, long time.

"Paul stop doing that" I tried to sound stern but ended up sounding pitiful.

"Doing what baby?" Asked Paul trying to play innocent with me.

"Kissing my chest"

"You want me to kiss your lips instead?" After that statement I expected to see a smirk or Paul usually cocky expression, but saw neither. Instead what I saw in his eyes was the unmistakable look of love. I was deluding myself but even if this fantasy only lasted a few hours I was going to enjoy it.

"I thought you were hurt." I said trying to distract him long enough to get my reactions under control.

"I am, but just being in your arms is helping me feel a lot better."

"You're so full of it Paul." I scoffed slightly annoyed with him and with myself.

Time passed quickly and in no time we were near Paul's house. Unfortunately the minute the house was within sight the memories of the last time I set foot in that house came crashing back. With each step I came closer to being challenged with reliving the memory of the worse moment of my life. Paul noticing the change in my demeanor snuggled closer to me and resumed kissing my chest like his life depended on it.

"Quil are you going to be ok? You know, going inside my house… our house?" I looked at Paul with what I was sure was a look of confusion, sadness and incredulity. His guess was as good as mine, I felt nervous about my own reaction. I hated not being in control of my body and my emotions. Truth be told, I felt like turning around and running in the opposite direction. I didn't want to set foot in his house and be confronted with the reality of what Paul was capable of. Also, what the heck did he mean by _our house_? That was totally random, under different circumstances I would've been delighted, but that was not the case. I didn't trust Paul, he was being very forward and what he was suggesting was exciting but absurd.

"I'm fine Paul" I answered curtly.

"Babe, I don't want you to feel upset; why don't you leave me in the entrance and I'll walk inside? I can manage to get to the sofa and wait there for the doctor."

"Paul I'm not going to leave you by the door, you're not a package and I'm not the UPS guy."

"Mmm you would look fucking hot in those brown shorts." He slid his hand from my neck to my chest and began caressing my chest and playing with my nipples. Deep within me I felt a familiar warmth and the stirring in my pants made me feel like a virgin on prom night. Why was Paul acting like a hormonal kid? And why in the name of everything good and decent was my body betraying me! My mind went to the gutter and all I could think of was being pinned under Paul's body, feeling his amazing heat inside me while I bucked onto him.

"Down boy" I said both for his benefit and for mine. "Paul please stop that. I don't want that particular part of my anatomy addressed right now." To my surprise he stopped immediately.

"I'm sorry" Paul whispered sweetly.

I stepped on the porch breathing deeply trying to get myself together. Paul stretched his arm and opened the door that lead to the living room. The house looked different, almost bare, with the exception of the sofa there was no other piece of furniture. All the pictures from the wall had been removed, leaving behind them the shades in the shape of the frames that used to occupy that space, there were no lamps and the television was gone.

"What the hell happened here, did you get robbed?"

"No, it's a long story, I'll tell you later."

"Paul after I take you to your room, I'll call the doctor and shift for a minute to check on the guys."

His grip on me tightened, his expression panicky. "But you'll come back, right?"

"Yes, unless the pack needs my help, right now we're down a few wolves. We are pretty shorthanded you know." I explained to him, I didn't owe him any explanations, I had done my good deed of the day by carrying him all the way to his house, but I felt he was in a vulnerable state and for whatever the reason the possibility of me leaving seemed to upset him.

"I know" He answered resigned. "Please promise me you'll be back." Paul looked terrified, like he was going to burst into tears at any moment.

"I promise I'll be back."

Each step in the hallway that lead to his room felt like I was one step closer to my death, like I was a death row inmate on his way to his execution. I decided to just see this room as any other, I had made love in other rooms, and this one wasn't any different. Yeah right, like that was going to work. The second Paul opened the door to his room and I walked inside, all the memories from the last time I was there came back and they were not generic and they were not good ones at all. Walking quickly I placed him on the bed as gently as I could but couldn't hide my shaking hands from him.

"Quil please don't be upset, I know it must be hard for you to be in this room, try to remember the wonderful moments we shared, not all the shit that happened after. You remember that after we made love you fell asleep. Why don't we pretend that you are just waking up today and all that was just a nightmare?" Paul was pleading with me but I couldn't do what he was asking me, it was stupid and just too fucking convenient for me to pretend that didn't happen. I was sitting on the bed facing him as he rested on some pillows he placed against the headboard. He held my shaking hands in his, trying to quiet them down, but it was pointless I couldn't.

"Sorry Paul, that's not only stupid, it's ridiculous." I tried to stand up but Paul refused to let go of my hands, whimpering softly with his head down.

"You still have a land line? I need to call the doctor and I don't have my cell phone."

"I disconnected the phone service, but my cell phone should be downstairs somewhere in the kitchen."

"Ok I'll come back up to tell you when the doc will be here and then I'll do what I told you before."

"Sure, I'll be here; not that I have any choice anyway, it hurts to move." Paul chuckled lightly but it came out more like a moan.

I went downstairs and called Dr. Barnard, I was informed he was taking care of Jared who re-broke some of his previous fractures and got a few new bumps and bruises. He would come see Paul as soon as he was done. Since I knew he wouldn't mind I took the liberty to call my home to let them know I was safe.

"You got some nerve, how dare you call this house Paul Lahote?" It was my mother's angry voice, one I knew all too well. Every time I would get in trouble I could assess the gravity of the situation by my mother's tone. She was well aware that me leaving La Push was Paul's responsibility and she would never forgive him for separating us and breaking the family.

"Mom is not Paul, it's me Quil. I want to let you know I'm ok. We took care of the vampires; things should be getting back to normal soon."

"Oh Quil thank God! I have been on edge all day thinking about you guys fighting those creatures." Her previous tense tone replaced with one of complete and total relief.

"I know mom but that's what we were put in this earth to do."

"I know son, I accept it, but I don't like it. You know how proud we are of you. But, why are you calling from Paul's phone?"

"I'm at his house, he got hurt and we are waiting for the doctor."

"Why couldn't any of the other guys babysit him?"

"I kind of volunteered mom."

"Son, please be careful, I know he hurt you before and it had to be something terrible to make you leave us. I will never trust him and you shouldn't either."

"I know that in my head mom, but how do I convince my heart?"

"My baby, I know how hard it is, just be careful please."

"I will be; love you mom."

"Love you too baby."

After that we hung up and I went to the woods behind Paul's house to check on my pack brothers. They were just running a few perimeters to make sure they got all the leeches, just a few escaped and we were sure they would never come back. Sam and Jacob couldn't wait to go get their imprints; the distance was killing them. I thought it would be a good idea to wait a few days to make sure that Bella was the leader and there wouldn't be another attack. My head almost exploded when they mentally yelled back to mind my own business, but eventually gave me the reason and reluctantly decided to wait.

Once back inside the house I went directly to the bathroom and filled a container with warm water and grabbed a couple of hand towels. As I walked back in the room Paul's whole face illuminated in a way you would have thought it was Christmas and I was Santa Claus. His eyes were shining and he gave me the best smile he could manage considering the circumstances. I placed the container on the floor and dipped the towels in it, after wringing one I proceeded to clean Paul's face that was covered in blood splatters, dirt and grime.

He closed his eyes dreamily moaning as I cleaned him up. You would've thought I was giving him a freaking blowjob by the way he was acting. But what caught my attention was that even though he was in a lot of pain he looked relaxed and happy. The Paul I knew would've been swearing my ear off each time he took a breath. I had to admit to myself how much I was enjoying cleaning Paul's face and the reaction I was getting as a result. He tried to hide it by crossing his legs but with each passing minute he was getting harder, it was pretty evident he loved the pampering and the attention.

"Thank you Quil, I'm sorry for this." Said Paul pointing at his crotch.

"No problem, I couldn't bear to look at all that blood and dirt on your face any longer. It may take a little while for the doctor to get here, he has to finish with Jared first." He took one of my hands and brought it to his lips, kissing it lovingly. He didn't even inquire about one of his best friends. Paul was lost in his own world, I would like to think that world included me, but I knew better.

"Quil you have no idea how much I missed you taking care of me. I missed your company, your scent, your laughter, everything."

"Don't get used to it Paul. This doesn't change anything."

"But Quil I thought… you told me you love me." Paul was visibly distraught by my words.

"I know what I said; we were both heading into battle. My mouth spoke of what my heart is overflowing with. I love you with all my heart and that's not something that simply disappears. But love doesn't make me forgetful quite the opposite, because I love you it's harder to forget."

"For what it's worth, I adore you Quil. I've loved you for so long, years maybe." I did a double take, looking inquisitively at him.

"What do you mean? Years?"

"Yes baby years, we have so much to talk about."

"Paul I don't know, after what happened…"

"What happened will remain in our minds as the biggest fucking mistake I ever made. But I cannot take it back. If I had a time machine I would travel back in time and stop myself from hurting you the way I did."

"You have to understand me; everything is so vivid in my memory. The pain is very real and won't go away." Once again my body betrayed me and I chocked on my words. Paul furrowed his eyebrows, the sadness and guilt etched on his face making my already taxed heart hurt even more.

This had to be the biggest oxymoron in history, Paul hurt me but the memory of it made me need him even more; did that make any sense? No. Was it true? Yes. I crawled on the bed sitting next to him; I enjoyed sharing that space with him once again. We interlaced our fingers, feeling that easy familiar closeness we once shared.

"I'll help you Quil, just give me a chance. I'll fill your life with so much love and joy that you will not remember the bad moments; they will be erased from your memory forever."

"I don't think so Paul, you see I don't trust you and I don't think I'll ever do."

"All I'm asking is for a chance to prove to you that I'm trustworthy. Quil I know I was a coward; I allowed the fear to paralyze me. I ended up making terrible decisions. At the time they seemed to be good ideas that would protect you from a world of heartbreak, but that was my first mistake. Instead of coming out and telling you everything I was feeling I lied, it was convenient, well within my comfort zone."

"I accept the responsibility over all the repulsive acts I committed against you. Hitting you, lying, manipulating and taking advantage of you. I don't deserve you Quil; that much I know, but I need you and I just pray you can find forgiveness in your heart."

"Paul are you really remorseful or do you just feel guilty? I don't want your decisions to be fueled by guilt; if they do they will never last. I want you conscience to be biting you in the ass after pointing its finger at you while moving its head from side to side saying tsk tsk."

"Quil you have no idea how much remorse I feel, I do feel guilty too but my guilt doesn't compare to all the anguish the memory of my words cause me. It's not even regret because if it was I wouldn't necessarily be admitting responsibility for what happened and I do, I take full responsibility."

"What you did to me was too deep; it has been an assault on my feelings toward you. There is no possibility of you ever fixing what was broken, it's not even conceivable. We will need to move forward start fresh, and I don't know if I'm willing to put things aside and do just that." I turned slightly so I was facing him before continuing. "At one point I considered making you pay, an eye for an eye sort of thing. Making you suffer as much as you have made me suffer. Then I thought, _will any of that help me put everything behind me and move forward? _Certainly not and in addition I refuse to sink to your level."

"Even if you didn't have a hand on it trust me, I paid for everything. My heart has been aching and it can only be compared to your pain, even though I know your pain is way bigger. You are a good man and didn't deserve all the shit that happened between us. It's just not fair that you have been going through so much for so long. Please baby let me make it up to you, I'll be your slave, I'll be anything you want me to be. Please Quil forgive me, I'm so sorry for everything."

"I know, you have said _I'm sorry_ more times than you really felt necessary. But you know what? I'm sorry will suffice when it's something minor like spilling ketchup on my favorite shirt; it's nothing more than good manners. Something of the magnitude of fucking me and then treating me like a two cent whore requires more, a lot more."

"What, Quil? Please tell me and I'll do it."

"I don't know a suitable punishment for you and I don't have the energy to try to figure out what to do. If this whole experience taught me anything Paul, is that I am stronger that I seem and that I can love. I'm capable of loving in every sense of the word, unattached, without expecting anything in return and without conditions. Of course I am reluctant. But I'm also brave. I cannot in any way control your actions but I can control my reaction to those actions and situations. You will be missing out on that, yes you may find many men and women with which to have dates, one night stands, relationships or even get married, but let me tell you something, you will never find somebody like me."

"I'm choosing to stay away from you. I love you Paul but I'm not five years old, this is not puppy love. You are toxic and don't understand the intensity of my feelings." I climbed out of bed walking toward the door. "I think it's better if I wait for the doctor downstairs."

"No Quil, please." Paul looked defeated, I took pity on him but pity was never a good catalyst for any relationship. He started dragging his sorry self to get off the bed. To what avail? I had no idea. He kept hissing under his breath but refused to stop when I told him to.

Paul did the most unexpected thing, I just stayed in the same spot frozen, just watching everything playing like a movie in front of me. He got to his knees in front of me, tears cascading down his cheeks one after the other, nonstop.

"Please Quil I'm begging you on my knees, don't leave me." That was all he could say before he broke down in sobs that could be heard all over the house.

I kneeled beside him and placing my arms gently around him helped his shaking form to his feet and got him back on the bed. My mind and my heart were fighting a losing battle, after that display I couldn't be so cold hearted as to ignore him. I could hold a grudge for the rest of my life and be completely miserable or I could take a chance and maybe, just maybe it would work out.

"Paul please calm down, I'll wait for the doctor here with you."

"That's not what I mean; I need you to be a part of my life. I love you, idiot."

"There is nothing I would like more than to believe you Paul. Right now all I can give you is a maybe. I'll try to forgive you and I'll try to trust you but I need time. Are you willing to give me time? If you don't the deal is off." I sounded stern for a change.

"You got it baby, all the time you need." Energy was blazing from his tear filled eyes and the light from a great wistful joy shone on his face. I didn't give him anything concrete, just the best I could at the moment and considering our circumstances, but it was enough to give us both what we needed the most… hope.


	16. Chapter 16

**Thanks to all those that alerted, favorite and reviewed the story. I look forward to your feedback after every chapter. Please feel free to contact me with any questions you may have, I'll try to answer the best I can.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

**Chapter 16**

**Quil POV**

After making sure Paul was nice and comfy on the arms of Morpheus I left him, but not before promising him I wouldn't take off again without letting him know. If there was a word I never thought I would use to describe him was c_ute, _but at the moment it was the most adequate description. His eyes never left me even as the doctor was examining him. After the doctor administered the pain medicine and he started feeling the effects, he panicked and clung to me like a little kid. His behavior during this whole ordeal had been very odd, bizarre really. He acted like a perfect submissive, even though I knew very well he was not.

It was very disconcerting; part of me wanted desperately to stay with Paul and cradle his head while he slept. Another part of me wanted to run out of there as fast as my legs would take me. Which part was the logical side and which part was the emotional side? I had no idea. I was only sure of one thing; I loved him; there was no sense in denying what was as obvious as the nose on my face. He seemed to love me as well but I didn't believe it, I couldn't, it was too sudden. He insisted that he had loved me for years but I found that hard to believe. Why didn't he say anything? I never even got a vibe from him, nothing.

All these thoughts accompanied me as I walked to my house for a much needed meal and rest. By the time I got home my family was sitting in the family room watching the evening news. The moment I set foot inside the house my mom ran to meet me, hugging me tight. My father came over and joined us, while my grandfather watched the scene with a satisfied and proud look on his face.

"Guys I'm fine, thank you for the welcome, but it's no big deal."

"No big deal son? You may get away with telling anybody that but not us, we know better. We are well aware of the dangers you all go through each time you head out to patrol but with such a sneaky group of leeches it made everything much worse." Said my father, with justified pride on his voice.

My grandfather's eyes also shone with pride as he spoke "I'm well aware of the amount of pressure the council was putting on you guys and I can speak for everyone when I say we'll all sleep a lot better tonight."

"We understood; everybody was scared, including us. It's not that we doubted our abilities, but these vampires were stealthy and unpredictable. Not knowing if they had a plan or if these were just random attacks made matters worse." I sat down on the sofa with my mom right beside me; my father sat comfortably on one of the reclining chairs.

"You remember Bella Swan, Chief Swan's daughter?" They all nodded affirmatively.

"She was the one organizing the attacks; you know how some of these creatures have special powers? Apparently hers was that she had some sort of shield that protected the other vampires, making them invisible. It was like fighting an invisible army."

"My goodness, poor Charlie, he still hopes he will find her one day." Said my grandfather sadly. Charlie was one of his oldest friends and he had suffered with him the terrible trial of Bella's disappearance.

"If they were so sneaky how did you beat them?" Asked my father, sounding very curious.

"Actually it was Paul's idea of all people. He realized she couldn't fool his wolf, that's why he felt her presence while patrolling our house. He suggested we allowed our wolf to take over and I did, which allowed me to kill her. The moment I _killed_ her all the leeches started popping all over the place. After that it was like playing whack-a-mole, they had no skills and no training, we took them out in no time."

"Wait a minute son, why was Paul patrolling around our house?" Asked my mother.

"Beats me, he was doing that at the farm too, slept under my window every night and stalked me during the day."

"How did he find you? Did you call him?" Asked my grandfather, he was looking at me in a strange way, like he knew more that he was letting us see.

"I did not, I have no idea how he found me, my only guess is that he overheard you guys talking or something."

"Quil we might have mentioned you being in a farm but we never discussed the location among us or with anyone else." Stated my mother.

"Then your guess is as good as mine; the fact is he found me. He tried to talk to me while we were there but I ignored him. Today we talked for a while and well… I don't know… He seems different."

"Quil, son, you may transform into a huge powerful wolf, but when it comes to matters of the heart you are just a puppy. Please don't let Paul hurt you again, don't fall into his trap. I know you have feelings for him and you cannot just turn them off, but try to use your head." I knew my mom's intentions were good, but I couldn't help but admit her advice was falling on deaf ears.

"I know mom, thanks" I couldn't be mad at my mom for trying to convince me to stay away from Paul, who could blame her? Her heart was in the right place and if there was somebody who gave me good advice that was her.

"Son, what are your plans now? Are you back for good?" It broke my heart to hear the hope in my father's tone. They missed me as much as I missed them; it should make me happy to know my parents were willing to put up with their adult son living under the same roof as them and to be so happy about it.

"I'm sorry dad but no, I promised Mr. Hill that as soon as things got solved here I would go back. They are really shorthanded at the farm and I don't have the heart to leave them hanging." I saw my parent's expression change from hopeful to forlorn the minute I said I was leaving. It was not fair to them. Paul was the reason I left La Push in the first place, but he was not the reason for me to stay away. To be totally true to myself I didn't want to leave, I wanted to stay here with my family and with Paul. But I gave my word and even if the world didn't honor that anymore to me it was a matter of dignity.

"What about Paul?" Asked my grandfather. I couldn't understand his sudden interest in the temperamental wolf. My grandfather was as wise as he was old and many times seemed to have a sixth sense for many situations around us. Maybe his insistence was a good sign; maybe the spirits were revealing to him truths that they kept hidden to me.

"What about him?" I asked not sure were the conversation was going.

"Is Paul ok with you leaving?"

"I don't need his permission to leave" I answered, my tone snappier than I intended.

"Quil I just ask because of his strange behavior. Going after you and what's even more incredible finding you when nobody told him where you were. Keeping guard under your window, protecting you. You have to admit that it's very odd. I wouldn't put it past him to tell you not to leave." My grandfather's insistence didn't go unnoticed by my parents who kept glancing in his direction and at each other, like trying to make sense of what he was saying.

"Of course he doesn't want me to leave, but he has no say in the matter."

"Son, maybe he has more say in the matter than you think." What the heck was he trying to tell me? That Paul had some kind of right over my actions? No fucking way! From my grandfather's attitude you could think he thought Paul imprinted on me, that would explain being able to find me and his protective instincts. But he seemed to forget Paul already imprinted and it was my understanding that wolves only imprinted once in a lifetime. It was the whole concept of soul mates, there could be only one. His soul-mate was Laura and anybody who came after her would never get the level of dedication and love that she got. I was painfully aware of that, even if Paul and I ended up together, I would always be second best when compared to his imprint.

"With all due respect, you are wrong; he has absolutely no control over my actions. He does not have any rights over me" I considered the discussion finished and turned my attention to my mother "Mom are there any left-overs? I'm starving"

"Sure, I'll warm them up while you wash up" After a quick shower I ate my dinner by myself; my parents were really good about giving me space when I needed it.

That night was characterized by restless sleep, tossing and turning until dawn. The turbulent memories of the events that took place the day before following me to my dreams. In my dreams I was surrounded by pale bodies devoid of heartbeat or soul, I was by myself but didn't fear them. One by one they crumbled by my feet and I stood victorious above their stony remains. I saw deep brown eyes with long lashes looking at me adoringly, strong arms surrounding me, enveloping me in a cocoon of protection and love. I felt happy and complete, like my life had come full circle.

Even after the difficult night I woke up happy, with the same feeling of completion I had in my dreams, there was no imminent threat; of course, there would always be the random attack but nothing that would compare to what we experienced. The omnipresent rain was punishing my window but not even that could put a damper in my enthusiasm for the new day. The only thing that would've made that morning perfect would have been to have Paul next to me. I had something to look forward to, forgiving Paul, I wondered if I could do it. Was I strong enough to put everything behind us and start all over again? Now I understood when people said you need to be stronger to forgive than to hate. I didn't know if I was strong enough, but at least I felt hopeful it was a possibility.

The sound of voices coming from the main floor managed to wake me up completely. Even with the rain the voices were loud enough I could still hear them. Man, was mom pissed! I felt sorry for whoever she was talking to because she was taking no prisoners; she was letting him or her have it. I stayed in bed listening to the argument; I had learned long ago not to be nosy when it came to my mom arguing with anybody, I would always lose.

"But Mrs. Ateara, I swear I'll be good, I'm not going to hurt him, please believe me." Wow, Paul sounded really pitiful, in a way it was sweet. The way he was pleading with my mother was very uncharacteristic. Wait a minute, what the hell was Paul doing in my house?

I jumped out of bed grabbing the first pair of pants I found in my drawers, after getting as far as the door I turned around and came back in the room to look for a shirt. Dressed with a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt I walked out of my room, I would've run but didn't want to seem too eager. I felt three pairs of eyes on me when I walked in the living room. My grandfather was sitting on the sofa watching the exchange between Paul and my mother. My mother stood right across from Paul who stood hesitantly by the door. I could hear his heartbeat speed up as soon as he saw me.

"Good morning Quil, did we wake you?" Paul sounded almost melodic when he spoke to me. His tantalizing tone of voice filled every pore in my body making me yearn for his company, for his touch and for his love.

"Not really, what are you doing here? You are supposed to be resting."

"I needed… I mean I wanted to see you. I was already a little loopy when you left and I wasn't sure if you were leaving today."

"I'm not leaving today, probably next Saturday. You should go back home and rest."

"I'm fine, don't worry about me."

"Paul you heard him, you should go back home. Quil is fine, let him rest, the last month has been very rough for him, but you already know that." Spat my mother, all the contempt she felt coming out in each one of her words.

"I'm sorry to disturb you Mrs. Ateara. Could I just talk to Quil for a minute? Please?" Pleaded Paul, who the hell was this person? I really didn't recognize him.

"That's up to Quil." My mother turned on her heel and walked to the kitchen, leaving us in the living room with my grandfather who sat quiet and visibly amused with the whole soap opera taking place in front of him.

"Quil I kind of remember you telling me, you wouldn't leave without saying good bye, but since I wasn't sure I came to check. Even though I found you once and I know I will find you again if the need arises, I still worry about us, I guess is true what they say."

"They say about what?"

"Never mind Quil" He answered shaking his head like trying to get rid of a bad thought.

"I'm leaving in a few days if there are no more attacks. I promised Mr. Hill I would be back and I intend to keep that promise."

"I understand, nobody asked me, but if they did I would say I don't want you to go Quil. I'll miss you too much, especially now that you are giving me a chance. It's so painful to be so far from you."

"Paul stop being such a drama queen, I'll be back after the harvest. If I'm not mistaken I'll be able to come back by November." Paul inhaled sharply at the same time his eyebrows rose and furrowed on his forehead.

"Quil, that's four months away!"

"So, I'm pretty sure you'll figure out what to do to keep yourself busy." I said, tickled pink with Paul's attitude.

"That's not the point Quil, I'll miss you too much."

"Trust me Paul, you'll survive. But to get there you need to go home and rest, let your body heal. Did you walk?"

"No I drove; I need to fill a prescription so I'm on my way there to get it."

"Go home; after breakfast I'll pick up your medicine."

"That's not necessary; I need to go into town anyway. I need groceries."

"Paul stop being fucking stubborn, go home, text me the list of what you need and I'll pick it up."

"Ok Quil, you're the boss"

"Glad you see things my way for a change."

"My angel, from now on everything will be done your way. I love you" I looked at my grandfather whose smile had progressed from a simple smirk to a full out grin. I felt very self-conscious and uncomfortable; Paul was pouring his heart out in front of my grandfather and within earshot from my mother. Please just shoot me, put this dog out of his misery.

"Paul go home, I'll stop by your house before my patrol." I managed to stutter as I pushed Paul toward the door. He whimpered loud enough for me to notice. I had to stop to look at him; his body language said it all. Shoulders slumped, like he carried a huge log on his shoulders that prevented him from standing up straight. He became quiet, solemn, eyes downcast, expression unreadable. I searched his eyes for an answer but he evaded my gaze.

"What's wrong?" I stretched my arm to grab his hand but saw with the corner of my eye how my mother was looking at us. I didn't remember that look on her; it was not very attractive, basically scary. Instead I gently placed my hand and his shoulder and made him look at me. His eyes leaked with pain, the sadness almost visible in his dark orbs.

"I love you Quil, I'm not ashamed to scream it to the world, but what about you?"

"As you may have noticed my grandfather is sitting a few steps from us and my mother is in the kitchen listening and throwing daggers your way."

"Quil if you cannot admit you love me in front of your family, who can you say it to?" My wolf made a lot of sense, but for goodness sake, just yesterday I said I would consider forgiving him. I didn't know if I liked this pushy and melodramatic Paul. At least I liked it more than the jerk who used to hit me. I was still mortified he was making such a big deal. Since when was Paul so insecure? He was being totally ridiculous.

"I love you too Paul, happy?" He smiled like the Cheshire cat, white teeth in stark contrast with his dark skin.

He was lucky he got to leave; me on the other hand had to stay and face my mother's wrath and my grandfather's confusing attitude. "Ok mom, lay it on me"

"Since you ask, here it is; I don't like that boy, he hurt you before and I can't forgive him. I'm not going to prohibit you from seeing him, you are an adult; but I can ask you to be careful, very careful. Quil, do you really love him?"

"Yes mom, I've been in love with him for years and it doesn't seem like it's a phase or it's going to go away. I'm sorry if this disappoints you, both you and dad have been so accepting of who I am. You never judged me and I ask you once again not to judge my decision to give Paul a chance and please trust me."

"Baby you could never disappoint us. At the end I'm not the one who has to like him, it's you. Would I prefer somebody else for you? Of course! But that doesn't change how I feel about you." If I ever had a child I would mold my parenting style according to the way my parents treated me. They were the ones who showed me the meaning of unconditional love. They accepted me with all my virtues and my flaws, no questions asked. Even if everyone left me stranded and the world turned its back on me, I knew they would be there to pick up the pieces.

"I love you mom." Those four words summarized everything I wanted my mother to know. That I loved her and dad, that I would always be grateful for the way they treated me, that I wouldn't be who I was without them.

After having my breakfast I headed out to do the errands I offered Paul I would do for him. Paul pissed me off when instead of texting me the list of groceries he needed, he kept sending sappy messages and kissy faces. How old does he think we are, ten? Finally he sent me the list and I delivered everything including the medicine. When I got to his house he was sleeping so I just put everything away and left.

When I got home after finishing my patrol I found Paul's angry message demanding to know why I didn't wake him up. Ugh! Such a drama queen, you would think it was the end of the world because he missed my visit.

After a few days we were pretty sure everything was settled and I decided to return to the farm. I only postponed it until Sunday as a favor to Jake, who after picking up Seth a few days earlier in Makah desperately needed several days to be with his imprint. Sam felt the same way and we had to be witnesses to the rounds of _angry sex_ he submitted Emily to or maybe it was the other way around.

Paul came to visit early Saturday morning explaining that he needed to say goodbye because he was going to be out of town and wouldn't be able to say good bye the next day. I was flabbergasted, apparently the asshole was returning. I would think that he, knowing I was leaving for at least four months, would want to spend an extra day with me, but that was not the case. He had something more important to do, I wouldn't dare ask what it was but I was freaking mad. I shouldn't care; after all it was not like we were in a relationship.

The next morning I headed back to Oregon, taking the eight hour drive as an opportunity to think. Of course my thoughts immediately went to Paul, the way he acted the day of the battle and the days after that. It was obvious he was trying to present himself as perfect boyfriend material. He seemed caring and loving like no other. In two occasions he tried to steal a kiss from me but I would not let him, threatening him with serious bodily harm if he dared to do something without my consent.

As the landscape changed past me I realized I wouldn't see Paul for several months and held back the tears that threatened to escape as a result of that thought. After a few minutes I gave up and the waterworks took over my body. I asked Paul for time but not even in my wildest dreams I considered the idea of being away from him for so long.

It was almost dark by the time I got to Pendleton. At last I found myself on the road that led to the Hill's farm. Everything looked exactly the way I left it. The old redwoods welcomed me back to the place that had been my refuge when I needed it the most. Just like the first time I got here, I left the car by the garage and walked toward the house.

"Hello son, welcome back!" Exclaimed Mr. Hill enthusiastically from the front porch.

"Thank you sir, how are you?"

"Very well thank you, we have been waiting for you all day, some more anxiously than others." Fuck me if I knew what he meant. He must have read my expression since he felt necessary to add "That fella your grandfather recommended is as hard working as you, they really know how to raise boys at your reservation. Some parents around here should go there and get some lessons."

"Say again, what fella?"

"Your best friend, he showed up yesterday about this same time. At first I thought it was you, but had me telling Mary to grab my shotgun when I saw he was a complete stranger, scared the daylights out of us."

"I'm sorry but my best friend is back at the reservation." By this I meant Seth and I knew he was still in La Push, probably pinned under Jacob's body unable to go anywhere and loving every minute of it.

"Then who the heck is this guy?" Mr. Hill's expression was at the same time confused and amused. Maybe he was losing it because of his age and failing health.

But no, Mr. Hill was neither sick nor senile. As on cue out walked Paul looking shy and apologetic, his shoulders slightly slumped, his gaze so intent on the floor you would've thought he lost a contact. His hands inside the pockets of the old cutoffs he wore with a tank top and of course no shoes. If it wasn't for the fact that I was slightly pissed at him, I would drool; my wolf looked so sexy when he was acting shy. He kept shifting his weight from one foot to the other not daring to look at me. I felt the breath get stuck in my throat the second he stepped out, relief, worry, anger, confusion but more than anything incomparable joy filled me.

He followed me all the way here, my wolf followed me. But why? He had to have a secret agenda, Paul never did anything for no reason; he was impulsive, but as our history had proven he always had a plan. Distrust started gnawing on my insides shredding my confidence and killing me slowly. I had decided to give him a chance, to give myself the gift of forgiveness, since in many ways it would be better for me than for him if I forgave him. I couldn't live my life looking for hidden motives; I couldn't live as if I was waiting for a blow.

"Hi Paul." I said trying to sound normal even though my heart was racing and my mouth felt dry.

"Hello Quil." Did he just speak seductively on purpose? His voice a few octaves deeper. He glanced at me sideways hmmm guiltily or amorously, I didn't know, the jury was still out on that one.

"I guess you do know each other, I got worried there for a minute." Mr. Hill nervously ran his fingers through his grey hair, making me feel guilty for giving him a second scare in less than forty eight hours.

"Yes we do, he just surprised me that's all."

"Imagine our surprise yesterday when he showed up on our doorstep. He introduced himself and offered to work for free and even give us money for food. He went as far as saying he didn't even need a room that he could sleep in the barn. I called your house for references and your grandfather vouched for him. I was impressed, he spoke highly of him. I trust your grandfather with my life so I welcomed him. An honest man that works for free, what more can I ask for?"

"Work for free?" I looked quizzically at Paul who wouldn't make eye contact with me, but I could see the smirk he was trying to hide.

"Well you spoke so nicely of the Hills and how they needed help with the harvest that I decided to help too." Explained Paul still only granting me a sideways glance.

"That's very nice of you Paul, thank you."

Mrs. Hill came to the door and scolded her husband for not calling her when I arrived. She hugged me before telling us to come inside. Mr. Hill informed her that Paul was indeed my friend adding how lucky they were to have an extra pair of hands. After eating supper I was ready for bed, the long drive taking its toll on me. Still Paul didn't mutter a word staring mindlessly at nothing in particular.

"Well I'm exhausted. I think I'm going to turn in."

"I imagine, Paul are you going to bed too?" Asked Mrs. Hill

"Yes I don't want to risk waking up Quil if I walk in the room later." Wait a minute! Where was Paul supposed to sleep?

"I'm afraid I don't understand." I said, looking at each one of them but stopping on Mrs. Hill. I knew who wore the pants in that house, Mr. Hill was in charge of the farm, but in the house Mary was queen, one that ruled with an iron fist.

Mrs. Hill sat beside me playing with the edge of her apron; finally she raised her eyes and started to speak. "You see Quil, this is not a big house, we only have three bedrooms, one that Robert and I occupy. One that I turned into my quilting room when the children moved out and you slept in the third room. I couldn't in good conscience let Paul sleep in the barn and asked him if he thought you would mind sharing the room with him. He said neither one of you would mind."

"Oh, so we'll be sharing the room?"

"Yes, is that ok?"

"Fine with me Mrs. Hill" I said reluctantly, these were going to be very long months if I was going to be Paul's freaking roommate. If I thought I was strong before, this was going to be the time to prove it.

I went upstairs followed closely by Paul. His proximity making my skin feel like somebody was running an ice cube on my heated skin, comforting and painful at the same time. As I went in the room his heavenly scent enveloped me and I couldn't help but let out a small sigh. I wanted to jump on the bed and roll on it like a crazy puppy knowing that the bed sheets were impregnated with his scent.

Paul stood quietly by the door watching me intently; I could feel his burning gaze on the back of my neck. The room looked pretty much the same and looking at the bed it finally hit me. I not only had to sleep in the same room with Paul, there was only one bed. We would share the bed, the idea of spending so many nights next to him on the bed both scary and exciting at the same time.

"Quil I hope you don't snore." That had to be the stupid comment of the day. I turned slowly to look at him, abashed with the idea of sharing such an intimate space with him. What I saw on his face made me laugh, completely disarming me… the biggest shit eating grin I had ever seen.

God how much I hated that wolf!... Who was I kidding? I loved him.


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I wish I did, but I don't…**

**Chapter 17**

"Wipe that grin off your face Paul! What the hell were you thinking?" I knew I sounded anything but stern and intimidating but still had to try and fake it.

"Please Quil you know that you liked your surprise. Remember, wolf senses, I could hear your heart beat faster and your breathing become shallow the second you saw me." Paul's tone and expression was as cocky as ever; ugh, he was so exasperating.

"I won't admit to anything, think what you want. By the way, the fact that we are sleeping on the same bed doesn't change anything. You'll stay on your side of the bed and I'll stay in mine. If you don't comply I'll throw you out the fucking window. And by the way, you still haven't answered my question."

"Quil I told you, I would miss you too much. And don't say you asked me for time, I know you did. One thing you didn't ask me for was space. Who says we cannot spend that time together, that is, in bed together?" The idiot wiggled his eyebrows suggestively; he was not only exasperating but infuriating.

"Isn't that convenient? You are full of loopholes, aren't you? Well, you are full of something; that's for sure" He just kept smiling like the idiot he was, I'm sure he would have laughed heartily if it wasn't for the fact he probably feared the wrath of Quil, yeah right. "Anyway I'm going to bed now, tomorrow we have an early morning."

"How early?"

"Five thirty" I wished I had a camera to catch Paul's expression when I told him the time he was expected to be up.

"What? These people don't know we are still developing? We need our sleep! I think eight thirty sounds more reasonable."

"You are free to go back to La Push, Paulie" My snickering betrayed me.

"Nope I'm perfectly fine here, Quilly" I gave him the most annoyed look I could manage. "So I can't call you Quilly because it sounds like a poodle but you can call me Paulie?"

"What's wrong with Paulie?" I asked innocently.

"That's what you call a parrot." Answered Paul, matter-of-factly.

"Can we agree to stick to our regular names?" I needed to end the stupid argument before either one of us lost his patience.

"Deal." Answered Paul equally relieved.

I went to the bathroom to change my clothes, it was stupid since Paul had seen me naked hundreds of times but ever since we became intimate I had been very self-conscious about his uncomfortable stares. I knew I had a nice body; that was not the root of my problems and if he was telling the truth, he liked me. Maybe it was just my mind making me feel ashamed for giving in to Paul's advances and allowing him to play with my feelings.

I was stopped in my tracks as soon as I walked back in the room. Paul laid stark naked on the bed in a pose he probably felt was sexy and indeed it was, his tanned skin in stark contrast with the crisp white linens. But I would never admit it. In a minute my eyes scanned his body from head to toe. Perfectly toned arms and abdomen, strong powerful legs with narrow hips and a patch of dark curly pubic hair crowning a cock that would make a porn star jealous.

"Whoa dude, put some fucking pants on!" I said as I looked to the side and shielded my eyes.

"Quil I always sleep naked" Paul's almost angelic tone would have fooled anyone but not me, I knew better.

"Not with me on that bed. You have two choices, put some pants on or sleep on the floor." Paul huffed and puffed off the bed while mumbling something not even I could understand. I stood by the door waiting to see which one of the two choices he decided to embrace, my arms crossed over my chest, feet apart in the most intimidating stance I could manage.

"Will boxers do? I didn't bring that many clothes." What was he thinking? He came all the way to Oregon for a long stay and brought only a few essentials? Maybe he thought I would send him away immediately. If had any dignity at all I should have done that. I asked him for time and he should've respected that. The fact was he didn't seem to want to leave and I didn't want him to leave either.

"I guess boxers will do." I climbed on the bed laying on my back before I felt the bed dip beside me and saw Paul laying on his side smiling sweetly at me.

"Good night my Quil."

"Good night Paul and I'm not yours." I grumbled groggily.

"Yes you are" Whispered Paul but it barely registered before the heaviness of my eyelids transported me to an unknown world.

The next morning found me in a much better mood than the night before. I was really looking forward to torturing Paul with the extra early wake up call.

"Paul wake up." Nothing, he didn't even flinch, what's with these wolves being such heavy sleepers? "Paul wake up, I gave you extra time while I got ready for the day." He mumbled something inaudible and continued sleeping. Walking around to his side of the bed I shook him slightly. The mother fucker scared the shit out of me when he jumped up grabbing me by the waist and pulling me towards him. I lost my footing and landed on top of him making the bed creak under us.

"Good morning baby, slept well?" Damn I expected him to be in a crummy mood, this took all the fun out of it.

"Yes I did thank you. Do you mind?" I struggled on his arms until I was able to stand up.

"Hey, no good morning kiss?"

"No and hurry up, Mrs. Hill already has breakfast ready. Before I forget Paul, remember Claire?" His growl was accompanied by a definite change in his facial expression. Yep, he remembered her. "I see you remember her, she works here, you will not, under any circumstance be mean or rude to her. She is a really nice girl and you are not going to scare or bother her in any way, clear?"

"What do I get in return?" I gave him a look that read, what the fuck? "If I have to be nice to the harpy I want a reward, let's say, mmm, a kiss?"

"NO; you will be nice without any reward. You will do it because I'm asking you to; it's what civilized people do when a friend asks for a favor."

"Whatever" Paul stormed past me out of the bedroom while mumbling a litany of curse words directed at Claire. I decided to ignore him since paying attention to his antics would probably fuel his temper, making him act up more.

Thankfully his attitude had improved by the time he showed up to breakfast wearing my other pair of workpants. Who the hell gave him permission to help himself to my clothes? Like reading my mind Mr. Hill explained he had told Paul to wear my pants until they could go into town and get him his own. He didn't have any long pants and shorts would not cut it in the field.

After breakfast I took him to the barn to show him where everything was. Mr. Hill had given him a tour but I just didn't know how much they covered. The sound of Tim's car warned me that Claire had arrived; I prayed silently that Paul would be able to control himself. I walked out first followed closely by him. Claire ran towards me jumping towards me with her arms around my neck.

"Quil you're back!" I sent Paul a warning look when I heard a growl that was loud enough to catch her attention. I felt her stiffen up in my arms while she asked me quietly what he was doing here, unaware of the fact that he could hear her.

"Paul come here; let me introduce you to my two friends. This is Timothy and his sister Claire." I re-introduced Paul to Claire since their first encounter had been far from ideal. He shook Tim's hand and nodded politely to Claire. So far, so good. I felt so bad for my young friend, while her brother was very happy to welcome more help; she was trembling like a leaf while clutching my arm like her young life depended on it.

Tim dragged Paul to the fields; hopefully he would be better at them than me. I was much better suited to fix the equipment than to drive it. As soon as they left I explained to Claire that Paul was going to behave and she didn't need to be afraid of him. I prayed he wouldn't prove me wrong. My wolf could be so volatile and unpredictable that it could get downright dangerous for a human girl.

When Paul and Tim came back Claire and I were already sitting on the picnic table in the front yard with our lunches. My wolf almost ran past Tim to get to the table and sit beside me. He was drenched in sweat and looked tired. I could tell there was something bothering him, I was getting mixed signals. He seemed happy but at the same time deep in thought, I would like to think he was happy to see me but didn't want to get my hopes up. The reason for him being so deep in thought evaded me completely.

"Quil I'm afraid to tell you that Paul here is a natural" said Tim before slapping his back, it was obvious the pair had taken to each other with ease.

"That's fantastic. He is a great mechanic too. I guess soon I'll be able to sit under a tree and nap all day since there will be no work for me." Paul was uncharacteristically quiet; I attributed his muteness to exhaustion but no… there was something else, I just couldn't put my finger on it.

After lunch Paul approached me "Quil can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure, what's up?"

"If I asked you to wait for me to have lunch, will you?"

"I'm afraid I don't follow"

"I don't like seeing you alone together. I'm trying to play nice but it makes me fucking jealous. She is all giggly and Quil this and Quil that, makes me want to rip her fucking head off. And what is it with all the touching?" Paul was rambling, random words leaving his lips one after the other without making any sense, what was with the possessive act?

"She wasn't touching me, we were sitting across from each other; you're being ridiculous"

"She wasn't touching you now, she did this morning, I didn't explain myself. She likes you too much and I know that compared to her I don't stand a chance." His face fell, the last words barely a whisper.

"You are not only ridiculous, you're crazy Paul. First she doesn't like me that way; she knows I bat for the other team. Second, even if she did, you know how I feel about you. You are always asking me to trust you, it's about time you trusted me too."

"I'm sorry Quil, you're right. See you tonight." He waved goodbye as he ran off to meet Tim who was already waiting for him.

After dinner we both retired early our bodies not yet used to the intense routine and grueling work. Paul was hilarious, bitching like I never heard him before. _It's too hot, I almost got dehydrated, Tim never shuts up, I missed you, I thought we would be working together_. He went on and on and on.

"It gets easier Paul, believe me. About Tim, I can't help you there; he has never spoken to me so much, maybe he likes you." Paul started to glare in my direction before his expression changed.

"Who knows, maybe very soon you will have some competition." Cue the asshole, he had to go there.

"At least let me know if you two pull a _Brokeback Mountain_ on me, I like to know where I stand." Two could play that game.

We sat on the bed talking, our conversation flowed like old times, the only difference was the location. Instead of his garage, it was the bedroom we shared. Paul's slowly slid his hand towards me timidly interlacing his fingers with mine. My first reaction was to pull back but he pleaded to me with his gorgeous eyes and I complied all too willingly. I relaxed onto the headboard tired but so happy and at ease that I was scared I would wake up to realize it had all been a dream. I fought a losing battle with my sleep. Paul sat on his side facing me while never letting go of my hand.

"Paul I'm sorry but I'm falling asleep here, let's call it a night."

"Sure baby, even though I love watching how you blink your eyes ever so slowly trying to stay awake but we need to rest."

The following six weeks would've been considered completely uneventful to anyone but Paul and me. To the naked eye we were nothing but two good friends that managed to be together twenty four hours a day and not kill each other. But we knew better, we could read each other's body language like it was a gigantic billboard impossible to miss. Something was happening that was at the same time exciting and scary. We spent our days covered in sweat and dirt, the blisters in our hands couldn't heal completely before new ones formed, but all in all we felt happy. Each time I caught a glimpse of Paul as he went by I could feel that familiar tightness in my stomach and a smile creeping up on me. Paul seemed so different and to be completely honest I had also changed. It was like we were balancing each other out; Paul was a lot calmer, not so fast to jump at the opportunity to start a fight. Me on the other hand was a lot more assertive, looking beyond the obvious, never satisfied with a simple explanation and a literal watchdog when it came to finding out if Paul was telling the truth or not.

We cherished each smile, laugh and compliment. We would blush like silly school girls if by any chance our thighs rubbed against each other while having lunch or if by accident any part of our skin touched; that was the best sensation since invariably I would always feel that delicious current originating at the point of contact and extending all over my body. We were creating a mental scrapbook of each good moment. We needed new memories that would hopefully erase the bad ones or at least push them to the background. Paul still hated Claire with a passion; but at least I got him to stop calling her harpy.

Growing up in La Push we were used to the constant dreadful weather, the choices we had were more rain or less rain, not fun at all. We were used to the bad weather but that didn't mean we liked it. In Oregon was a different story, the weather was somewhat normal with a nice balance of sunny days and rainy ones. But the day I woke up to the familiar sound of the rain punishing the windows and the roof of the house, my whole perspective changed. As I learned later the rain was much welcomed by the farmers since it had been a long hot summer with the constant threat of drought. Looking outside, the cloud cover was thick with not even a ray if sunlight escaping through the thick canopy.

To tell the truth I had no idea what we were supposed to do on a day like this but I could hear that Mrs. Hill was already in the kitchen. I looked at Paul who looked like a little kid snuggled in the bed comfortably, like a bug in a rug. If that was even possible each day I loved him more. Shaking the sleeping wolf to wake him up I moved back a few steps so he wouldn't catch me by surprise like he had done so many times before pulling me on top of him where the warmth of his skin came so close to me that it made me lose all resolve to take things slow and make him prove himself to me. He pouted, pushing out his lower lip while cocking his head to one side.

"Good morning boys, I thought you might sleep in considering all this rain we're getting." Greeted Mrs. Hill

"We didn't want the day to go to waste. I thought that since Paul is such an excellent mechanic we could do some maintenance on the equipment." I was gloating, proud of my mate. That was the first time I even thought of him as my mate. I always called him my boyfriend, but never envisioned him as something so serious and permanent.

"That's a splendid idea, you have been Godsends, I don't know what we would've done if you guys weren't here. Quil when your grandfather called me to tell me you were available immediately to come work it was the answer to many prayers. At first I worried that maybe you were in trouble with the law or something and needed to cool things down a bit. But your gramps assured me that was not the case, that you just needed to get away from the reservation to sort out some things. I asked him if it were problems of the heart and he just said to help you nurse your soul back to health. I knew exactly what he meant the minute I saw you, the look in your face was that of somebody who had their soul ripped out of their chest." Paul breath hitched and when I discreetly looked at him he was so pale I thought he would pass out.

"I'm better this time around; things have a way of solving themselves sometimes." I looked at Paul who still looked like he was going to be sick, with a slight green tint on his usually copper skin. He had stopped eating and his gaze was fixated on an undetermined point on his lap. Looking down to see what he was looking at so intently I noticed how his hands were shaking. Was he angry? Would he lose control and phase? I needed to do something to prevent anything from happening. I reached under the table and grabbed his hands with mine. Immediately I sensed a change in him, the wild race that was taking place on his chest slowed down and I could even see a faint smile. It was tiny, his lips just slightly upwards on the corners but it was something.

After clearing our plates from the table we excused ourselves and went outside, Paul walking so fast I had to run to catch up. When I caught up he was in the barn, leaning against a post, his arms crossed over his chest and a look of utter despair on his face. I approached him slowly, from past experiences I had learned to be careful around Paul when he was upset. I didn't really feel like getting hit, not that I would allow him; that was something that would never happen again. I stood in front of him still guarded and ready to retaliate if he even dared to lift a finger against me. Paul surprised me by encasing me in a bear hug while weeping.

"Baby I'm so sorry, I don't deserve you, I… I…" he couldn't continue his sobs choking him.

"Paul I know you are sorry and so am I, maybe if I had acted differently things wouldn't have happened the way they did."

"No Quil, you did nothing wrong, it was me, only me. I'm a bastard, a coward. Don't think for a second you are responsible for anything. You are an angel, your heart is so big that you don't see fault in others and would rather place fault on you."

"I'm no angel dummy; I just love you that's all"

"I love you too, with all my heart, never doubt that please."

"Maybe" I said with a smirk trying to lighten the mood. That just granted me a glare followed by a smile, a true smile.

"So are we checking these weed whackers? Which one should we start with?"

"The tractor was not working when I got here, I did my best but it still doesn't run smoothly and they need it a lot."

This was something so familiar to me, Paul and I working together under the hood of a car. It was farm equipment in this case, but what counted was the camaraderie. We laughed, talked about everything and anything, shared secrets and just lived the moment. Every once in a while Paul would look at me in such a sad and loving way that I was tempted to hold him in my arms and never let go.

"Quil don't look at me like that"

"Like what?" Whatever I was doing was not on purpose.

"Like you love me." Awww Paul was being all cute.

"Then I won't look at you, because that's the only way I can look at you." Paul stopped working and walked towards me, grabbing me by the waist. He tried to kiss me but I turned my face just in time and he ended up kissing my ear. He pleaded with his eyes but I didn't budge. I was not going to make that mistake again.

"Please Quil" Since his subtle silent request was not being answered he decided to be vocal about it.

"No" That was the end of that conversation. Paul let go of me and walked back to his previous spot. He was visibly upset, mad even. Thankfully this time he took out his anger at the car instead of me. He did stop talking for a while and the loving looks evaporated which made me very upset.

I decided to create some distance between us since we were both in a crappy mood, courtesy of our traumas and our mistakes. Opening the access to the engine on one of the harvesters and I began inspecting it, checking its oil and other fluids. He scared the shit out of me when he wrapped his arms around me from behind and whispered in my ear "I'm sorry baby." He had to know the effect his hot breath on my ear was having on me.

"I accept your apology. Please don't try that shit again. I will kiss you when and if I want to, understood?" He nodded; all of the sudden Paul looked so young, like a little kid that was being reprimanded and had to accept his punishment. God if he only knew how much I wanted to kiss him, how I dreamt of being in his arms.

Nighttime became my favorite part of the day, but not because I got to rest, but because I got to share my space and my thoughts with Paul. We had fallen into a comfortable routine in which we would have dinner, shower, separately of course, and sit in bed talking for hours. I learned so many things about Paul that I never even suspected. Like the fact that when he was little he was very small, skinny and uncoordinated. He developed his bad temper as a defense mechanism and it kind of stuck with him. Once he started growing into his ears nobody dared to mess with him. I laughed to his face when he confessed the biggest side effect of becoming a wolf had been that he turned into a horn dog literally and figuratively. He lost his virginity with the first girl who accepted his advances even though he didn't even knew her name.

Not everything was life changing information. I learned his favorite color, his favorite ice cream flavor and the name of the first girl he kissed. He told me his favorite season was fall, his favorite holiday was Thanksgiving and that he sucked his thumb until he was nine.

My jaw dropped when he admitted Aaron had been nothing but a distraction. He insisted he was a substitute for me but of course it was very hard for me to swallow that. We had all seen in the few memories he let slip that he had been Aaron's bitch. The way he acted was not what you would expect of the temperamental wolf. Even though Paul still asserted himself he verged on submissiveness. He was heartbroken when Aaron called it quits and the way he handled it was taking his anger out on everything he represented.

He was not as close with his parents as I was, they didn't even know he was bisexual. He insisted he wasn't bi at all since girls didn't do a thing for him, but I reminded him that he imprinted on a girl. I felt like shit after I said it though; the words were out of my mouth before I could censor myself. He got a really strange look on his face and I knew that I had definitely made my mouth get intimately acquainted with my foot. I apologized close to twenty times, that's when I made a big mistake. I told him I would do anything to make him feel better. His face lit up like the sky on the fourth of July, a sly smile appeared on his lips and I knew I was doomed.

He asked me to have sex with him, of course I said no and he called me a liar because I had promised to do anything. I knew he wasn't really angry with me, but I couldn't blame him for trying to lay down the guilt. After a lot of arguing and give and take we settled on a kiss. Damn! Paul lips were like ripe cherries, sweet and juicy. I could've been kissing him all night, it's true what they say, there is no better kiss than the one you give the person you love. If my senses didn't betray me his heart was beating as fast and hard as mine, they were like two finely tuned instruments in an orchestra playing at unison the same sweet melody. He sensually ran his tongue over my lips requesting access that I vehemently denied; I wasn't ready for anything more than touching my lips to his. He understood and didn't insist, instead he pulled me closer and swept his lips over mine gently nibbling and sucking my lower lip. His fingers made little paths on my scalp, each one of them sending an electric current that I could feel all the way to my toes.

When we pulled back I opened my eyes only to notice moisture on Paul's face. Had he been crying while we kissed? It didn't look like it; his eyes were dry, then… It must have been me. The concerned look on his face told me that was the case. With the pad of his thumb he cleaned the tears that flowed freely on my face. I felt embarrassed, vulnerable and insecure but mostly stupid. I swung my legs to the side of the bed with my back towards him. I expected him to try to console me and I was thankful he didn't. I didn't want pity; I despised the idea of Paul feeling sorry for me. I was well aware I was damaged goods and to make matters worse he was responsible for it.

Jumping out the window I ran as fast as humanly possible seeking the protection of the forest to phase. Running as a wolf had a calming effect on me that nothing else even came close to. I ran for hours getting far from the farm trying to escape from Paul, from all the bad memories he created. I stood on a clearing in the middle of a dense forest. The moonlight casting down through the branches, its tremulous gleam making a game of light and shadows that was truly spectacular. Sitting on my haunches I let out a howl that broke the silence of the night, making all the critters run and hide from the beast that was disturbing their home with his cry.

The howl was followed by another and another, with what purpose? Hell if I knew. Maybe I needed to be found, I had lost myself through my turbulent obsession with Paul. I was saying, come find me, I'm here and need to be rescued from my past. I howled because I was in pain, it was not physical pain; my soul was hurting for the love of a man that didn't deserve me. My howl was words that could travel through time and distance, calling my elders to help me find the path I needed to follow. I needed to regain control of my life, I needed to understand what would be better for me but more than anything I needed hope.

The moon moved closer to the horizon as the darkness was slowly replaced by light. Running back at top speed before I would be missed I approached the farm quickly. As expected Paul sat on the fringe of the forest on the point closest to the farm he could go without risking being seen. His sorrowful eyes burrowed into mine the second I became aware of his presence.

"Are you ok baby?"

"Yes thank you, I needed some fresh air and alone time"

"I know, that's why I didn't approach you; I did watch you the whole time. Keeping a silent vigil as close to you I could go without being noticed. I'm sorry but couldn't help invading your thoughts. Quil I knew I hurt you but… I never knew the extent of the damage. I killed you baby, not with a knife or a gun but with my words."

"You did, I was yours Paul, there was no one else but you and you took my heart and my feelings, threw them on the floor and stepped on them."

"But Quil…"

"Wait, let me finish please. You know the worst part? I still love you and always will. If I ever want a chance at happiness I cannot continue to harbor these ill feelings towards you. Paul I forgive you, this doesn't mean anything but what I'm saying, there are no hidden meanings. I forgive you for everything you said to me after we made love. I'm done harboring resentment towards you. If I ever want to be happy I cannot live in the past fixated on what happened and thinking what I could've done differently to the outcome to be different."

"Thank you Quil, you will not regret granting me your forgiveness." I walked towards him and in true wolf fashion rubbed my face against him.

Paul phased, standing in front of me in all his naked glory. I did the same and stood a few steps in front of him. Before I could even blink he had me in his arms and was crushing his lips against mine, the kiss was desperate, possessive, hungry for love and physical contact. I melted in his arms; I needed to feel close to him the same way he needed to be close to me. But I couldn't get carried away, I forgave him but that didn't mean I would jump in bed with him. I wanted to, damn it I wanted it desperately but my mind needed to be in charge, not my dick.

Paul whimpered like a sad puppy when I pushed him away. "Paul I forgave you but don't get the wrong idea. I love you too much to risk making the same mistakes again."

"What do you mean? Please baby I'm dying here." I took a step back and he took a step forward, getting closer to me each time. His sex almost touching mine. He kept running his fingers through my hair the only way I could describe the way he spoke was cooing.

"Paul don't be dramatic. What I mean is that you will give me my place, you will respect me and you have to win my heart. In other words you have to woo me."

"Woo you? Is that a challenge?" Paul's half smile was something I've never saw him do before. It was fucking sexy, it took all my resolve to not say to hell with my conscience and beg Paul to fuck me right there.

"Call it whatever you want." I retorted in an effort to distract myself from Paul and his cock.

Paul had a look on his face that worried me tremendously, that was until he spoke "Five weeks" after these words I was not worried, I was confused.

"What do you mean?"

"That's how long it's going to take me to woo you." Answered Paul, probably certain that it would take him much less time.

I looked at him straight in the eye with the best poker face I could manage "It's on."

"


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, its plot and all its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

**Chapter 18**

What was I thinking? I wasted the first week of the five I arrogantly told Quil would take me to woo him. He was proving to be a lot tougher to crack than I thought. I underestimated him and only prayed it would not come back to bite me in the ass. When I said five weeks I was sure it would take me two or three days at the most, but there I was, a week later and nowhere near where I want to be. The stinker would not even let me kiss him, not even a tiny peck. He had a way of getting under my skin like no other. Maybe I was clueless on how to romance a man; I never had to beg for pussy. If I got horny and didn't feel like taking care of it myself all I had to do was take a walk and any girl from the reservation or from Forks would turn into my latest conquest.

I gave him flowers; he threw them in the garbage saying Mr. Hill would be suspicious if he came in carrying flowers. I gave him candy; he ate some and gave the rest to Claire; ugh, of all people he gave them to the little harpy. For once in my life I wished I was a fucking leech just so I could suck her dry and leave her drained lifeless body on the ground to be eaten by vultures. Yeah, that was a nice comforting thought.

My paws were getting tired of running to town to get shit for him and nothing seemed to faze him. I even got him a fucking Ipad which he hated most of all and drove me himself to go return it. To make matters worse, he didn't speak to me for a whole day, saying that I acted like I didn't even know him. What the hell did he mean by that? Fuck me if I knew!

To add insult to injury I expected to spend the day with him and what does Mr. Hill brilliantly decides? To ask Quil to come with him and the missus to a fucking auction. Of course Cinderella couldn't go because there was not enough space in the truck. I would've ridden in the bed of the truck but apparently it's against the law or some fucked up shit like that. Quil made me fucking mad; he could've said no, we would have the house all to ourselves. Maybe that's why he jumped at the opportunity to go with them, he wanted to avoid being alone with me.

I knew he forgave me, but trusted me like a hole in the head. I couldn't say I blamed him but it hurt like hell, he was rejecting me and apart from your imprint dying there is no bigger pain for an imprinter. I couldn't blame him, but I didn't like it. Nighttime basically became torture, sharing the bed with him and not being able to touch him was pure cruelty. I did observe him though; I could spend the rest of my life just watching him. Since we came here he had been the last thing I look at before falling asleep and the first one I see when I open my eyes and that's exactly how I wanted it to be for the rest of my life.

My Quil was always beautiful, but when he slept he looked so innocent, like a little child. His eyelashes almost touched his cheeks when his eyes were closed; he looked so peaceful as his chest raised and fell in rhythm with him breathing. His lips were perfect, full, and softer than any of the lips I had the experience to sample. His mouth was so delicious to kiss, it's a shame I had only done it a few times, at least each one of those I could've sworn I died and gone to heaven. In my heart it was not even about the sex, we had only done it once but since everything around that one time was so fucked up in my mind, it didn't even register. It was a shame since I knew it had been Quil's first time with a man.

Damn it, I deserved to burn in hell from what I did to him. How he forgave me was mindboggling but I would never waste the opportunity life was giving me. What worried me especially with his attitude was that even though he forgave me, he wouldn't accept me as anything but a friend. I would have to accept it since I had to be whatever he wanted or needed me to be, but it would suck. In the worst case scenario I would probably leave La Push and stop phasing if he ever got married. The last thing I needed was images of his happy life with someone else.

I had to push those thoughts back when I felt my eyes begin to burn. Shit I was turning to mush; crying at the drop of a hat, this imprinting crap was though on a guy. Deciding to stop the depressing thoughts before they made me start bawling like a kid whose ice cream fell on the ground, I went downstairs to get some breakfast. Quil left before sunup and without him, there was really no point on getting out of bed. I knew it was kind of pathetic but that was how I felt. It felt weird getting up midmorning on a Saturday; but I wasn't complaining and I welcomed the extra rest.

After placing a pan on the stove I went to find the butter and some eggs. Living in a farm certainly had its benefits as we were never short on those items. As I was beating the eggs with the whisk, guess who walks in? No other but the harpy herself or Claire, as I called her in front of Quil.

"What are you doing here?" I spat at her.

"Good morning to you too sweetheart" She answered pretending to look calm, only I could see under her façade. The sharp intake of breath when she saw me, the increased tempo of her heart and the way she swallowed thickly after she finished speaking. Yep I terrified her and I liked it.

"Not with you here it isn't" I turned my back to her and continued preparing my breakfast. I was not going to let the little bitch put the icing on the cupcake that was this fucked up day. I was already pissed off at this forced separation from Quil. I was turning into a pile of goo, shit when did I become so attached to my wolf? My wolf, that had a really nice ring to it. That's what I wanted to forever be, his wolf and for him to be mine.

"What are you making?" Damn it! this girl didn't get a clue. Here I was, my back turned towards her, ignoring her completely and she keeps talking to me. How annoying could she be?

"Food"

"I see that since Quil is not here you dropped the act."

"Nothing escapes you, does it?"

"Paul I don't really understand why you hate me so much. I've never done anything to you, we have barely spoken but you already declared me public enemy number one."

"I don't like you, because you like Quil too much. I told you once and I'm telling you again, stay away from him. I don't want you touching him, he is mine." I felt the blood boiling in my veins as I inadvertently inched towards her intimidating her with my size.

"I didn't know he was your boyfriend. Anyway I don't like him that way, he is only a friend. Instead of worrying about me, you should care about him"

"He is not my boyfriend, at least not yet. He is my best friend, actually my only friend." I saw her frown and look at me in a way that was dangerously close to pity. I hated the idea that she could pity me, anybody but her. I took a few steps back giving her a chance to step away from the kitchen counter to which she had retreated trying to stay away from me.

"I understand, since he is your best friend, what did you get him?" Her question was accompanied by a smirk that told me she was up to no good.

"Get him for what?"

"You should know, after all he is your best friend and you have the hots for him."

"Stop playing games little girl; trust me, you won't like me if I get angry." She had no idea the trouble she would be in if the wolf came out of the bag.

"Paul stop growling; you're not a dog. You get in my face making demands and being a jerk and you don't even know that Quil's birthday is next week." She crossed her arms over her chest looking at me accusingly.

"WHAT?" The word came out too loud, making my voice crack with an embarrassing squeak.

"Next Saturday, I thought you knew seeing he is your friend." She made air quotation marks; if she wasn't a female I would've already wiped that smirk off her face. She was fucking lucky she was not a dude.

"Shit I'll go into town today to get him a present; I won't be able to go during the week. In this hick town everything closes fucking early."

"Do you know what he likes? Or are you planning on striking again like you have been doing all this past week." She giggled adding fuel to the fire of my anger.

"Don't laugh at me! I'm trying my best; he is just too hard to please."

"He is not hard to please at all, you just don't know him. You should spend less time checking him out and more time listening to him."

"I don't spend my day checking him out." She gave me a look that I absolutely hated. It was a look my mom used to give me when I tried bullshitting her and she knew it. "Maybe I do check him out a little, I admit it." I started laughing lightly and she joined me.

"Now we're getting somewhere. I could help you find him a decent present if you drove me to the mall"

"There is a mall?"

"Not in Pendleton but in the next town, is not that far."

"How do you know what he likes?" I asked suspiciously

"He took me to the mall once before you got here and I remember the things he liked."

"You will really help me? What's the catch?"

"No catch, I will help you. I have two reasons, the first one is that I want to go to the mall and don't have a ride. The second is that I like Quil he is a really sweet guy who for some unexplainable reason is crazy about you, that much I can tell. Getting something special from you will mean the world to him."

"Thanks Claire. Would you like to have some breakfast?" I had to let down my guard. Maybe Quil was right and she was not so bad after all.

"Don't mind if I do"

An hour later we were on our way to the mall. I drove Quil's truck since I knew where he kept the keys and he wouldn't mind me borrowing it. The area around Pendleton was pretty, lots of flat farmland, many big white houses that looked like taken out of a magazine with even the porch swing to add to the idyllic views. I missed La Push but I was where I needed to be and that was wherever Quil was.

I hated going to the mall but never as much as I hated going with Claire. That girl was a fucking nightmare! It had been five hours of torture and all I had to show for it was a bag with a lame ass shirt she said Quil liked. She, on the other side had an assortment of bags of different colors and sizes. This girl was getting on my last nerve so fast she was becoming a blur.

"When are we going to shop for Quil? I'm fucking tired of going to all these girls' stores; the employees don't take their eyes off me from the minute I walk in. Just because I'm native doesn't mean I'm a thief."

"Idiot, could you be more clueless? They look at you because you're hot, not because you look like a thief. I thought it was just us small town folks who were kind of stupid; I guess native boys from Washington can be equally dumb."

"Whatever, that doesn't change a thing. We have been here for hours and all I have is this stupid shirt. You said that last time you were here Quil wanted to buy something but didn't have enough money. I want to get him that."

"Fine" even though she had no right, Claire sounded aggravated. "But that was not in the mall; it was in an antique store across from here."

"WHAT!" Some people turned to look at us some even shaking their heads in disapproval at what they probably thought was a lover's quarrel. "You dragged me through this hellhole twice to tell me now that the gift is not even here?"

"Keep your panties on Paul. We'll go there after eating something. I'm starving."

"I don't think so, we came here for Quil's present and we are going to get it NOW!"

"Not with that attitude mister. You're the one who needs my help, so you will care for my needs and right now I'm hungry. I'm going to the food court, you're welcome to join me or sit on a bench and wait for me." I was fuming, angry beyond belief. I've never had the misfortune to meet someone so stubborn and irritating. I had to accept defeat and joined her at the food court where we ate in silence.

The little bell on the door announced our arrival to the antiques store. As we entered, the aroma of furniture polish, dust and old paint attacked me all at once. Looking around I couldn't believe how people would spend money on that old crap. Everything looked really old and disgusting, how in the world did Quil find something here that he liked was beyond me. Claire guided me to the back of the store where several tapestries hung from the wall. I worried when I saw her look around several times suddenly looking anxious and worried.

"What is it Claire?"

"I don't see it."

"What was it? Maybe we can ask"

"It was a tapestry, Quil was sure it was Quileute, he wanted to give it to his grandfather."

"Hold your horses, you told me we were going to get Quil something he loved and now you're telling me it's something for his grandfather? Trust me I'm not the guy to play games with."

"Paul Paul Paul what the hell Quil sees in you is beyond me. You have so much to learn about him. Quil is the most selfless person in the world, giving this tapestry to his grandfather will make Quil happy. Don't you see? He doesn't care about anything for himself; he loves to see those he loves happy." I hated to admit the annoying bitch had a point. Quil adored his grandfather who all his life had been more than family; he had been a friend, mentor and counsel.

"You're right Claire, I've never been the sensitive, listening kind of guy and that will have to change if I ever want to be more than Quil's friend."

"That's the most intelligent thing I've heard you say since I met you. It's amazing what hanging with me does to a guy, it even increases their IQ." Claire wore the smuggest expression I had ever seen. I chuckled at the girl I was slowly warming up to.

"Sure sure, now back to this tapestry"

"Yes right, let's ask because last time we came it was hanging there." She pointed to a place where a cheap looking rug hung from.

We went to the counter where Claire tapped twice on the bell on top of the counter. A tall man of approximately seventy years of age came out after a couple of minutes. His grey hair and soft expression making him look very approachable.

"Good afternoon, sorry to keep you waiting, how can I help you?"

"Good afternoon sir." Answered Claire politely, I thought it would be better if she would do the talking seeing that she was a lot more relatable than me. "Last time I was here, I saw a tapestry in the back that my friend really liked. It had some men and some wolves; do you remember the one I'm talking about?"

"I know exactly the one you're talking about. I only had it on display for a few weeks because I don't want the colors to fade more than they already have and besides a tall native man that was here a month ago nobody has expressed any interest in it. It's a shame more people do not appreciate its beauty."

"Do you still have it?" I asked getting impatient. I was not there for a lesson in small town reflections.

The man looked at me obviously startled by my impoliteness. "I have it in the back, it will take me a few minutes to find it; you can wait or come back tomorrow."

"We'll wait" I answered impatiently.

After what seemed forever he emerged from the back room carrying a rolled piece of thick cream material tied with one piece of ribbon on each end. He placed it on top of a glass display case that contained small model cars and unrolled it carefully while holding one side to allow us to see the full size and the design.

My Quil had great taste; the tapestry was unique and beautiful. It represented everything we were all about, carrying with it the pride and mysticism of our heritage. At sunset, a man and a wolf stood proudly at the edge of a cliff overlooking a calm ocean, majestic lush greenery and a blue sky completed the scene. The man stood very close to the wolf in an angle that made it look like they were part of each other. To anyone the man would look like his body was hidden by the massive body of the wolf beside him, but I knew better. I tried not to look too enthralled with the piece of history before me. I didn't want the seller to get the upper hand.

"How much you want for it?" I asked even though Claire had already told me it was priced at four hundred dollars.

"I have to be honest with you I can't tell you what tribe it's from or exactly how old it is, but I know it's not from this century. I'm only asking four hundred dollars for it."

"Ouch." I needed to put on a show and luckily Claire caught up quickly. "I like Quil but not enough to spend four hundred dollars on this."

"I told you to get him the other thing, but you insisted on seeing this first." This girl was sharp as a tack I had to give her that.

"I know, don't nag me." I turned back to the man. "What about two hundred?" I felt almost bad for haggling, especially knowing that the piece of art in front of me was very valuable.

"I'm sorry but I can't sell it for so little."

"Two hundred is better than what you are getting from it in your storeroom."

"I was going to try to sell it online. You know, I like you guys, what about three fifty?" We were getting somewhere.

"Nah two twenty five."

After going back and forth several times, some teeth grinding and a few lame jokes we walked out the proud owners of an original Quileute tapestry. It was really hard to hide my enthusiasm from the harpy, shit maybe after today I should stop calling her that, maybe. On our way back I asked Claire to hide the gift in her house, to which she graciously agreed.

After dropping her off I drove back to the farm excited for Quil's birthday. Claire mentioned that Old Quil's birthday was only two days after Quils, which would make my gift even more special. My excitement was slightly deflated when I arrived at the farm and Quil was not back yet.

I hated waiting. I had never been known for my patience and waiting for Quil to be back, safe with me, was like watching paint dry. Since we ate at the mall I was not hungry and decided to watch television to distract myself. After two hours of lame television shows the sound of an approaching car made me jump from the sofa and run to the porch to welcome Quil back. I breathed deeply to make myself calm down but it was no use, I felt like I had not seen Quil in ages.

Quil's expression told me he heard clearly how my heart took off the instant I saw him get out of the car. I stood on the porch, my hands in the pockets of my jeans, my untucked button up shirt slightly being blown by the soft breeze and my head in the clouds at the sight of my imprint back with me. I stifled a laugh when I noticed that his reaction mimicked mine exactly, the slight blushing on his gorgeous face as clear evidence of it.

Our eyes met and all I wanted was to run to him, place my arms around his neck and kiss him like my life depended on it. Unfortunately not only it was not the best place and time for such an obvious display of affection, I knew he would probably reject me. Mr. and Mrs. Hill greeted me before going inside with a few bags of groceries. I helped Quil unload the rest of the groceries from the truck and walked inside with him.

Thank goodness the family was exhausted after the busy day and retired to their room earlier than usual. I waited in the bedroom while Quil showered. He came in the room wearing a muscle shirt and a pair or basketball shorts.

"So, what did you do today?" He asked after plopping himself on the bed next to me.

"Miss you" Couldn't pass the opportunity to work the charm and it was true anyway.

"Paul don't be stupid."

"Sorry babe, I went to the mall, but I did miss you by the way."

"To the mall? You hate shopping."

"Yeah but Claire needed a ride and I had nothing better to do." Quil's mouth dropped open, a profound sense of disbelief in his eyes.

"What Claire? The harpy?" I nodded affirmatively. "But you hate her"

"I don't like her, that's for sure, but as I said had nothing better to do and the day went better than I thought it would." That was the absolute truth. I could've tried to butter him up by telling him I wanted to get to know his friend but I had no intention of lying to him.

"Paul, I'm pleasantly surprised. I never thought you had it in you to be civil to someone you despise so much."

"I'm full of surprises, you can teach an old dog new tricks you know." Quil surprised me when he took my hand and wove his fingers between mine. At his unexpected but welcomed act my heart melted inside my chest moving me to twist lightly placing my other arm over his stomach and tucking my head between his shoulder and his neck. I inhaled deeply basking of the scent of my mate while rubbing my leg on his. He tensed slightly like he always did when I got too close but I wouldn't budge, we needed to get over this discomfort he felt every time I was affectionate.

"Paul stop" whispered Quil untangling our fingers and pushing me away. Like always his rejection felt like a white hot dagger on my tired heart. He slid down on the bed and laid down turning so his back was towards me. "Good night, see you in the morning"

"See you in the morning." I answered willing my tears to stay in my eyes and my sobs to remain caught inside my throat. Several minutes passed before he turned toward me only to find me still sitting on the same position. "You're not going to sleep?"

"I woke up late, I'm not sleepy yet." My voice slightly cracked even though I made a monumental effort to appear unaffected.

"What's up with you now?" He asked slightly concerned while turning to face me.

"I love you Quil and it hurts every time you reject me." I decided telling the truth would be the best policy.

"Trust me I know how much it hurts to feel rejected but before you say it, I'm not rejecting you, I'm rejecting your advances."

"I can't help it Quil, I love you and being physical with you is something I crave."

"And you think I don't feel the same way? Paul I'm not made of stone, I have needs too. Unfortunately our history doesn't loan itself to me feeling comfortable in these situations." I slid down to lay down next to him keeping my distance so he wouldn't feel threatened.

"I understand baby why don't you give me a chance, we'll take it very slow. As soon as you feel overwhelmed, uncomfortable or anything but happy tell me and I'll stop."

"Paul I'm not going to have sex with you. I want to make that very clear."

"Nobody is talking about making love Quil, I know you're not ready. Please just let me in a little, maybe kiss me and let me touch you, please baby." I was not embarrassed about begging.

"You forgot to say you'll make it feel good." He said bitterly and I knew exactly what he was referring to; I used those words to reassure him when his nerves betrayed him the day we made love.

"If I say it this time, it will be because I really mean it."

"I wish I could believe you Paul."

"I thought you forgave me Quil."

"I did but forgiveness doesn't cause amnesia" He assured me, his tone soft.

"Baby forgiveness doesn't cause amnesia but a good orgasm does." Quil tried to hide his smile but I lifted his face with my finger to look at him.

"You are a horny goat Paul."

"Yeah but only for you." I took advantage of the fact he was facing me and stole a kiss. He frowned for a second before smiling. I ran my fingers over his face feeling the perfection of his features, his five-o-clock shadow tickling my fingers.

"Don't do that" He said, a gorgeous shade of pink staining his cheeks.

"I'm just touching your face Quil" I pleaded once again; he just closed his eyes half way looking at me through his eyelashes. If I was not already completely enamored with him that act made me fall for him even harder. Something so simple and I felt it all the way down to my soul.

"Paul I'm so afraid, I fear not being strong enough to stay away from you, to succumb to your advances and then regret it." He confessed.

"Then don't stay away, by all means get as close as you want." I inched towards him, being careful to stay far enough so our bodies wouldn't touch.

This time he initiated the kiss, it was shy, innocent and sweet, just like him, just like my Quil. I returned it eagerly, maybe too eager which made him stop the kiss to look at me. "Down boy, it's just a kiss."

"It's never just a kiss if it's coming from you, let me show you." I initiated the kiss but unlike him I was not content with just his lips, I took the first chance I got and used my tongue to taste his mouth. It had been so long and he tasted so good, I explored every corner of his mouth stifling a moan that threatened to escape my lips.

My whole body screamed for Quil, feeling myself getting harder with each passing minute. Since I didn't want him to feel threatened I pulled back slightly so he wouldn't feel the imminent bulge growing in my pants.

"What's wrong?" Asked Quil in a panic stricken voice. "Why did you move away from me?" I could see he was already tearing up and my heart felt like a giant had it in a vice grip. I felt myself panic and not knowing what to do I pulled him towards me for a hug, not caring if he felt anything from my already shrinking erection.

"Don't be afraid baby I promised I would never hurt you and that's one promise I intend to keep. I pulled back because… I was getting hard." It was me who was blushing then, while he looked embarrassed.

"Oh, now I feel really stupid for panicking, I thought you were getting ready to kick me off the bed."

"Never Quil never again, don't even think about that." We pressed our foreheads together and tried to calm down.

"You're right I need to stop torturing myself." Quil tucked his face onto my chest and smiled when he heard my heart pick up. He placed his arms around my waist and pulled me towards him. I stayed very still not wanting to discourage him in any way just responding to his actions but not starting anything.

After an undetermined amount of time our breathing became as one and I could've sworn our hearts were beating in unison. I thought he had fallen asleep until I felt him stir and our eyes connected again. He brought his lips to mine and kissed me softly at first but with increased fervor as the minutes passed. There was no restrain, all hints of control completely gone. Once again he was the lover whose body I had the honor to explore and make mine.

I allowed him to take control, even though I was a much dominant wolf I would be whatever he wanted me to be, regardless of what that meant. My body responded to his ministrations like a fine tuned instrument. His lips moved to my ear where he ran his tongue on the outer shell which granted him a moan that he immediately tried to muffle with his mouth making us both giggle.

"Paul if you don't lower your voice you going to get us kicked out of here." He whispered

"Sowie…" my childish antic earned me a punch on the shoulder accompanied by a gentle bite on the tip of my nose. He looked into my eyes and it was like in the reflection I saw on his eyes I saw the best part of me. The part of me he deemed good enough to fall in love with me. The part that even as I was hurting him gnawed on me like an angry dog unwilling to let go of his favorite bone. He was the one that threaded his fingers on my hair pulling me towards him and making our lips crash against each other.

"Paul you said you wanted to touch me, why aren't you?" He asked timidly.

"I don't want to upset you, trust me I'm dying to get in your pants."

"You are as romantic as ever, but that's not what I meant." Even without looking at him I could feel his glare burning a hole in my skull.

"I know baby, may I take off your shirt?" He nodded affirmatively but I could sense the hesitance in him. After removing the offending piece of clothing I proceeded to run my hands all over his chest feeling invisible sparks on my hands as I enjoyed the feel of his skin on my fingers.

"I will only take it as far as its ok with you, tell me to stop and I will do it." Again he nodded as his only answer.

I took control of the situation to which he gladly complied. Going painfully slow, I kissed every inch of his face at the same time I ran my hands over his back, feeling the definition and power in those muscles with the tip of my fingers. My lips ventured lower nibbling on his delicious neck like it was my favorite candy. In a way he was exactly that, my favorite candy one that I would never get tired of.

The scent of his arousal hit me in waves, one after the other, growing in intensity from the previous one. I wondered if he was sensing mine, if he did hopefully he didn't mind, seeing he was not moving away or making me stop. Quite the contrary he seemed lost into my kisses just like he did the first time. Quil really gave all the best of him, I was so lucky to have the perfect imprint, mate and lover. The best thing was that this time, I would not betray him like I did in the past.

He gave me gentle bites on my shoulder which only added to the passion and need that filled me. I responded by seeking his lips once more and allowing all the desire to consume us. He responded with the same intensity grabbing my head and controlling the movement. Our tongues writhed together inside his mouth. I snaked my arms on his waist and pulled him toward me making our clothed sexes touch for the first time that night. This made him gasp, feeling his discomfort I pulled back my hips to create some distance but he surprised me by pushing his hips forward to meet me.

I felt myself losing control as Quil's barriers came tumbling down. There was a deep sense of desperation in our kisses, we were afraid of failing. Quil rolled his hips toward me making our erections brush against each other. The feeling of his chest against mine, his hands on me and his lips on mine adding to the amazing list of sensations. Our kisses were forceful but not rough, only stopping the kiss to run our lips over our overheated skin. We clung to each other our bodies undulating in an interminable dance.

We were impossibly close, the combined heat of our bodies making it unbearably hot in the room. Grinding against each other, one of his legs draped over mine and our clothed erections becoming painfully uncomfortable. I moved my hand between our bodies placing it so the palm would be in contact with Quil's sex. Monitoring his reaction I left it in the same spot until I felt him move and react to my touch, his breathing becoming ragged as he met my hand which I closed slightly to cup his bulge.

My whole body shaking as the need for my Quil became unbearable. All I wanted was to rip his clothes off and fuck him senseless.

Feeling adventurous my shaky fingers migrated to the waistband of his pants. As I was tugging on it I felt his hand on mine. "Stop Paul, I said I'm not having sex with you" He sounded nervous and aggravated.

"I'll stop if you ask me, but two things; first, I know what you said and I will respect that, second we will make love not have sex." He looked at me with a warm and happy expression on his face.

"Thank you Paul, I really want you, I want to feel so many things but I'm afraid. Please understand me."

"I do angel; you want us to stop? I can make you cum so you don't wake up with a serious case of blue balls in the morning." He giggled slightly embarrassed.

"That's not necessary Paul; I can take care of myself if it becomes necessary."

"I want to keep kissing you baby; I could do nothing for the rest of my life but devour those delicious lips."

"Stop it Paul, I feel like an idiot as it is."

"I don't understand, why do you feel like an idiot?"

"Because with each passing day I love you more. Your words, your touch and your kisses are like a balm on my tortured soul."

"I feel the same way, every time you allow me to get close to you, hold your hand, kiss you or just be together I feel like the luckiest son of a bitch in this fucked up world of ours."

"You are so romantic Paul. You really know how to romance a person."

"You know me baby; the eternal romantic. You want to make out some more? Please say yes."

"Sure, but our clothes stay on, understood?"

"Anything you say baby"My inner self doing summersaults inside me.

"Before you think too much of yourself you didn't woo me yet."

"But I will baby, I will."


	19. Chapter 19

**Hello, I'm back! First of all I want to apologize for my sudden disappearance. I kind of hit a road block and got stuck there for a while. I want to thank those of you who contacted me inquiring about me and the story. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

**Chapter 19**

**Paul POV**

I sat on the bed of our room waiting for Quil who had to go outside to talk on the phone; reception sucked inside the house. He had been gone for exactly forty two minutes, it was very pathetic that I knew exactly how much time passed, but nighttime was the only time we could be really close. It was not like we were fucking or anything, I wished! He barely allowed me to give him a peck on the lips before going to sleep. It was really frustrating not being able to be intimate when each and every cell in my body was screaming for him.

As it always happened, my thoughts betrayed me and one thing led to another. I ended up with a hard- on that could be used to hammer nails into the wall. I shifted on the bed, the tightness of my pants making me very uncomfortable. I felt my erection shrink the second Quil came in the room looking as forlorn as ever.

In one swift movement I was by his side. "What's wrong love?" I searched his eyes which looked watery and slightly red. I placed an arm around his waist and a hand on his cheek feeling my heart swell up in my chest when he leaned towards the touch. Gently I guided him to the bed where he sat resting his back on the headboard.

"I won't be able to spend his birthday with my grandfather. We always do something special that day. I was going to surprise you by going together to La Push next weekend and come back Monday night. I even asked Mr. Hill for Monday off so I could spend the day of his actual birthday with him." He was being very careful not to reveal that he had a birthday also. Joke was on him since I knew and had everything planned with Mr. Hill. Sitting next to him I got as close to him as I could, snaking my arm behind him while pushing my body against his back. It took some wiggling but I managed to place myself in a way in which he ended up leaning with half his body on me. He must have been very distraught when he didn't complain or put up a fight.

"But can't we still go and you can spend maybe Sunday with him?" Keeping my hand on his abdomen I relaxed onto him enjoying the chance to be so close. It was selfish that while he was down in the dumps I was enjoying myself. There had to be something seriously wrong with me if I couldn't relate to my imprint.

"No, mom said one of his cousins that he hasn't seen in over thirty years is visiting the Makah reservation and they are spending the weekend there. I hate this; I have spent every birthday with my grandpa since I was born. He is not getting any younger you know, these years are precious to me."

"I know baby but don't worry. Old Quil is tough as nails. That guy will be around for a long time and we'll get to celebrate many birthdays with him."

"What is this _we_ business?" Asked Quil turning slightly to look at me.

"We, as in you and me. If I get my way you and I will be together for a very long time." I rubbed my lips on the back of his neck right along the hairline. His response was immediate with a shudder that ran from his head to his toes. It was so intense even I felt it. I kissed the back of his neck while rubbing little circles on his hand. Even if his ragged breathing didn't betray him I would know the effect I was having on him, just by the position of his head and the way his body relaxed onto mine.

Taking advantage of the opportunity his tilted head provided, I continued kissing his neck while running the tips of my fingers up and down his arms. I continued kissing his neck as I moved to face him. His lips where slightly parted, his hot breath hitting my face and making me yearn for his lips on mine.

"Paul what are you doing? Stop" he whined.

"Why baby, we are not doing anything wrong."

"I know that in my heart, but in my head if feels wrong."

"Then listen to your heart."

I decided that showing him would be more effective than a thousand words, so I just kept peppering his neck with kisses only stopping every once in a while to gently suck on his tan flesh. I hitched my leg over him and straddled his hips, action that made him gasp. His eyes twinkled when he gave me a minute smile. He surprised me by leaning over and meeting me in the middle, cupping my face in his hands while pulling me closer. He took all initiative, deepening the kiss while I just allowed him to do whatever he wanted.

Leaving his lips I traveled down his neck only to stop on a particularly sensitive spot and suck gently, eliciting a moan out of him. Quil tangled his fingers on my hair while I sucked and nibbled on his delicious skin. He removed a hand from my hair and grabbed the bottom edge of my shirt pulling it over my head. I couldn't believe the way my Quil was acting but I would never complain. I just stood still wishing he would not come to his senses and stop. He traced circles on my back and ran his hands up and down my sides. This was exactly what I had dreamed about so many times, feeling his hands on my body as his desire grew.

His lips on mine transported me to a world of pleasure and lust; he brought me back when he surprised me by pinching one of my nipples between his thumb and forefinger. His mouth left mine to soothingly suck on my nipple circling it with his tongue. I ran my fingers through his soft hair pulling on it slightly as I lost myself in the pleasure. Feeling daring I pulled him off me and crashed my lips onto his for a hungry desperate kiss. I abandoned his lips for a fraction of a second while I took off his shirt tossing it next to mine on the floor.

The bulge in his pants could only be compared to my own and I rubbed our erections together. Quil's moan of pleasure filled me with joy knowing I was the reason for it. I tried to muffle my own as Quil ran his hands all over my torso alternating his hands with his lips over my overheated skin. Everywhere he touched me I felt like my skin was on fire. I was so hungry for my Quil, I had been deprived of my imprint for too long.

He lifted his head gazing at me with the undeniable look of lust in his eyes. His hands wondered lower and lower grabbing my ass roughly and pushing me against him grinding our erections together. Ever so gently he turned us while lowering me to the bed. He hovered over me resting on his elbows while I separated my legs to accommodate him. I didn't care I was a much dominant wolf, all I knew at that moment was that the man I loved was loving me back in a way that I had dreamt so many times and never thought possible.

I could feel his erection struggling inside his sweatpants, the soft fabric making it very evident. My body responded to it by thrusting against him making the most erotic contact, it was enough to drive me crazy but not enough to make me cum. It was madness and I loved it. His mouth crashed into mine his tongue invading me, exploring every corner of my mouth. Our hips found the most perfect rhythm while he alternated his kisses with gentle bites on my neck and lips. Suddenly he pulled away resting his forehead against mine.

"Paul we need to stop, please help me stop." Quil begged.

"But my love I don't want you to stop, I want to be yours and for you to be mine."

"No Paul, this is not right. I'm not right." His eyes held a haunted and tortured look in them that broke my heart.

"Yes you are, you are my perfect …. Lover" the word imprint fought a battle of wits with my common sense, but at the end common sense pushed her aside and claimed itself victor. I knew it was too soon to tell him but at the same time feared that as more time passed the moment I tell him he could question me why I didn't tell him before. But between choosing amidst a possibility and a certainty, I had to choose not to reveal the imprint. I was certain he was not ready to learn that truth, he didn't trust me.

"Please Paul I'm too weak to do this alone. Be strong for me; don't let me do something that I will regret." I wrapped my arms around him pulling him so close to me it made my resolve falter, but he asked me to be strong for him and I'll be dammed if I wasn't. Moving us as one I laid him on his side on the bed.

"Thank you baby." That was all he said before he stood up and jumped out the window. I knew exactly what he was doing. Quil had to be the shifter that was in more intimate contact with his wolf. Unlike most of us whose wolf was a synonym of aggression and anger, Quil's wolf was reasonable and even helped him feel calm. Any time he felt stressed, nervous, angry or frustrated he would phase and that would help him feel at peace. In a way and from what I had seen in Seth's thoughts that was a submissive trait. Maybe if Seth wasn't around Quil would have been the submissive of our pack. I was just grateful that was not the case; I didn't want to risk losing him to the alpha.

Fighting the urge to go after him to make sure he was protected I stayed in our room eventually falling asleep. The next morning found us in our bed with Quil curled up on my side. The alarm on his phone went off and as I always did I cursed the damn thing to hell. Quil opened his gorgeous eyes and besides looking a little tired he looked happy.

"Thank you for last night Paul; you were exactly what I needed you to be."

"I will always be anything you want me to be, I love you."

Unlike any other day, on Saturday morning I jumped out of bed without the aid of an alarm. I left Quil still asleep and went downstairs to make his breakfast; I wanted to start his day by bringing him breakfast in bed. Mrs. Hill was already in the kitchen and had everything already on its way.

"Good morning Paul, I took the liberty to start making his breakfast. I thought you wouldn't mind."

"I don't mind thank you."

"You really care for him don't you?"

"Yes I do, he is my best friend."

"You know Robert and I may be country folk but we are not blind. Quil is not just your best friend, is he?"

I hesitated for a minute but decided to come clean. What was the worst that could happen, that they would chase us off the farm? I had been kicked out of better places; it was not a matter of being kicked out, it was a matter of standing up, wiping your clothes clean and keep going. "He is not just my best friend, he is very special to me."

"Paul he is not very special, he is the most special. You're in love with him aren't you?" She surprised me with how forward and to the point she was.

"I love him with all my heart; we had some problems before he came here. I followed him here in the hope that he will take me back."

"I wouldn't worry too much, he loves you too. I can see it in his eyes every time he looks at you."

"I'd like to think that too, thank you." I wanted to believe that was the absolute truth and in my heart I did. But the heart can sometimes play cruel tricks on you and make you see something where there is nothing. Hearing someone else say it made it more real for me.

"Paul I have a favor to ask. Even though Robert has his suspicions about you two, he is not sure and I will not tell him. He is a very conservative man and would be uncomfortable if he saw you kissing or even holding hands. If it's not too much to ask, could you refrain from doing any of that?" Her request felt unfair and didn't settle very well with me. In a perfect world nobody would mind if I hugged or kissed my man, but this world was far from perfect and human interactions were far from ideal. But she asked in the nicest way possible and since after all we were on her property, I had no choice but to respect and honor her request. Mrs. Hill and her husband had taken Quil in when he needed it the most and played an important part in putting him back together. Quil had told me all the encouraging words and acts of kindness they bestowed on him when he arrived broken in a hundred pieces. I nodded affirmatively and went on to finish Quil's breakfast with her help. After our conversation she was her usual bubbly self, with the awkward moment gone we could go on to prepare for Quil's special day.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you!" I sang as I walked into our room carrying a tray filled with all sort of breakfast concoctions Mrs. Hill and I prepared.

Quil stirred on our bed groggily batting his lashes against his skin. I walked towards the bed placing the tray on the bedside table before sitting next to him. He rubbed his eyes trying to chase sleep away; he looked so adorable just waking up like that. "Paul what…"

"You thought I was going to let your birthday pass just like that? We have a fun day planned for you."

"We? Who's we?"

"The Hills, Claire and her family and me of course."

"Who told you my birthday was today?" He didn't let me finish before he answered his own question. "Claire, I think I liked it better when you couldn't stand her, at least you wouldn't conspire against me."

"Well consider yourself lucky, we are co-conspirators. But eat your breakfast; you don't want it to get cold do you?"

He dug in happily clearly enjoying all the food Mrs. Hill prepared for him. I just sat in front of him fascinated with all the sounds he was producing. As soon as he finished I took his plates away and placed them on the tray.

"Now you have two choices, go back to sleep or go downstairs but stay out of the way. You will not lift a finger today, consider yourself king for a day." I knew I sounded like an idiot with all that "king for a day" shit, but didn't know what else to say. I had never been good with celebrations and even felt awkward wishing someone a happy birthday. Never understood why that was, hopefully now that my life was becoming more bearable and fate was smiling at me, I would be more inclined to express my feelings for those I loved.

"So pushy." Scoffed Quil.

"You know me babe." He smiled at me beautifully, it was a real smile, one of those that melted my heart and helped him wrap me around his little finger. Bending forward I brushed my lips with his in a hurried kiss. I tried not to initiate the kisses since I felt he was still uncomfortable with our physical contact, but sometimes my whole being would scream for me to kiss him, to feel his skin against mine.

Quil surprised me by lacing his fingers behind my neck and pulling me back to his awaiting lips when I tried to move away from him. His lips tasted sweet from the combination of the strawberry compote and the maple syrup. He deepened the kiss to which I responded willingly, excitedly and hungrily. My Quil was so good at being bad and smiled broadly when he heard me gasp as excitement took over me.

"Paul what's wrong?" He teasingly asked.

"Nothing, my boyfriend just stuck his tongue in my mouth and surprised me that's all."

"You're such a romantic." He said rolling his eyes. "You make it sound like I stuck a spoonful of medicine inside your mouth."

"I'm teasing you baby, you know I love your kisses. You just surprised me, that's all."

"Since it's my birthday I want to surprise you even more." He pulled me towards him, rather roughly to say the truth but I wouldn't complain, no sir. I maneuvered my body so I sat straddling his hips and made out with him for as long as he allowed me to.

After our impromptu make out session Quil went in the bathroom to take a shower while I went downstairs to help with the preparations. Mr. Hill had suggested having a barbeque and I couldn't agree more. Being away from home usually hits harder on special occasions and with the added aggravation of not spending the day with his grandfather I knew Quil would be more than happy to have something somewhat similar. If we were home we would probably have a bonfire, a barbeque was a fitting substitution.

I kept busy cleaning the barbeque and setting chairs while Quil just observed from the porch. He was jumping out of his skin, not one to be idle for too long, but I wouldn't hear any of it. He was going to sit down and do nothing even if I had to tie him to a chair. The sound of a car coming up the road caught our attention. At first I thought it was Claire and her family but it was too early for them to arrive, so we just waited until the car got closer. As soon as the car was within sight Quil jumped from his spot and stood on the driveway excitedly. My sweet wolf was almost jumping up and down as he waved frantically at the approaching car.

"Mom, dad, GRANDPA! I can't believe you're here!" Quil ran to his parent's car opening the door and almost carrying his mom out of the car before surrounding her with his big arms.

"And miss my baby's birthday? No way."

"But why did you lie about the whole grandpa visiting Makah and all that?"

"We wanted to surprise you."

"And that you did, I love you guys!" His father came over after helping Old Quil off the car and the three of them surrounded Quil, their embrace making a cocoon around my wolf. I was honored to witness the sweetest scene when his mom cleaned Quil's tears as well as her own. My wolf was overjoyed and his tears of joy were a proof of that.

Mr. Hill approached the group to introduce them to his wife and say hello to his old friend. Quil introduced them to his parents who they only spoke to over the phone but never met in person. After all the introductions Old Quil sat with Mr. Hill to reminiscence about the good old days and some of the attention was directed towards me.

"Sweetie, is he behaving?" Said Quil's mother, while throwing daggers at me with her eyes.

"Yes mom he is behaving. Actually more than that, he has changed more than I could even give him credit for. He is making me happy."

"I'm happy for you baby, I still don't like him, but it would be unfair of me if I didn't tell you this was all his idea." My Quil turned towards me and gave me one of those smiles that could bring a grown man to his knees. I just nodded a "you are welcome".

The party took off and I kept my distance from Quil to give him his space to enjoy this time with his family. I had him all to myself every night and part of the day, it was only fair he spent the day with his own. Taking over the grill kept me busy and gave me the best excuse not to be hovering around him like an annoying fly. After having cake and ice cream it was time to open the presents. After the Hills had given him their present, Claire stood up with her gift. I felt as my mouth drop open when Quil opened it and it was the shirt I bought him when we went shopping. The sneaky witch not only gave him a gift he liked, she didn't pay for it. She caught me glaring at her and stuck her tongue at me.

After all the gifts were open Claire discreetly pointed to the place where she had hidden Quil's present. I retrieved it and walked towards him holding the tapestry that Claire had placed inside a giant gift back and tied with colorful ribbons. I felt almost embarrassed of giving Quil my gift in front of everyone, I would've preferred to do it in private but thought he would be expecting a present from me and didn't want him to be sad for any reason.

Quil thanked me and opened it, slowly untying each ribbon and tossing them on the ground next to him. As he took it out I saw his eyes widen and heard his heart speed up. He walked to the picnic table and unrolled it, his eyes getting watery when he caught a glimpse of the tapestry.

"Paul you shouldn't have, this is…"

"A little birdie told me you wanted this." We both looked towards Claire who for the first time since I'd known her sat quietly and as red as a beet.

Quil's parents and grandfather stood beside him admiring the piece of history in front of them. Old Quil especially was beside himself commenting on every little detail he recognized.

"Son do you have any idea how valuable this is? Most of our artifacts have been lost, stolen or destroyed and here is a piece from what I can guess is from the beginning of last century. It's not only beautiful but also so well preserved!" Old Quil brought a trembling hand to his mouth and looked at Quil first and then at me. He didn't move and no words left his mouth but every soul that day could see everything he felt as it was written all over his face.

"That's why I want you to have it." Said Quil in a quivering voice.

"No son, this is a gift from Paul to you, I cannot accept this."

"Grandpa I must insist, Paul doesn't mind."

"I don't mind sir; I knew he wanted to give it to you when I bought it. I got it because I knew it will make him happy to give you this."

"If that's the case I'm honored to accept this, thank you boys."

"Happy early birthday grandpa." Old Quil hugged his grandson and me. While hugging me he whispered in my ear the words "thank you". I wanted to believe that it was for loving his grandson the way I did. I wasn't surprised he was aware of my feelings toward Quil. He was as wise as he was old.

Quil's family not wanting to intrude left after the party and stayed in a motel in town. We agreed to meet for lunch the next day and waved goodbye to them as they started the journey back home. Another week passed in which Quil had been more and more affectionate. Even his subconscious betrayed him, every morning we would wake up wrapped in each other's arms or tucked on each other's sides. I stopped trying to impress him and concentrated on learning to listen and to open myself to him. It was very hard since it was something I never thought I would need to do. Until that moment all my relationships had been superficial to say the least. Even with my first imprint things never went beyond a casual conversation.

I still didn't understand why I imprinted for a second time. It was not like my wolf was intent on passing my genes; if that was the case he really messed up. No matter how much we would love it, I knew Quil and I would never be able to father a child together. It would have to be one or the other, but not both. Billy had not been able to find a reason for this anomaly but at that point I didn't care, all I cared about was wooing my wolf. I was very hopeful since with each passing day Quil defenses seemed weaker. He still wouldn't go beyond kissing and some grinding, I knew he wanted me as much as I wanted him and it killed me not to satisfy his need in this aspect.

"Paul I'm going for a run tonight, want to go with me?"

"Of course I do!" I answered excitedly, since coming here I had been begging Quil to let me go with him to his runs and each time he would brush me off with some lame excuse.

As soon as we were sure the Hills were asleep we jumped out the window and ran to the woods. Quil reached the safety of the trees and started to remove his clothes, but stopped when he noticed I was standing across from him with what I was sure was the most idiotic look on my face. The realization that I was going to see Quil naked held me in place with my eyes shamelessly glued to his now semi naked form. He had the most annoying smirk on his pink lips and seemed to be equally flattered and bashful.

"Paul, I would like some privacy. Can you turn around please?"

"I don't want to, my Quil, I want to look at you."

"And I don't want you to. If you insist I will have no other choice but to go back to the house." He stated firmly.

I was both worried and angry and couldn't decide which one was dominating me. In three big steps I was right in front of him, so close I could feel the heat emanating from his body. I moved impossibly close, cupping his head in my hands, my thumbs caressing his cheekbones. The kiss that followed was slow, calculated and hopeful. He responded to the kiss better that I had hoped, tilting his head to the right while his lips increased the pressure they exerted on mine.

"It's ok Quil. I will turn around when you take off your clothes. But you don't have to do the same when I take off mine; actually I want you to see me. Take a good look at your man." Without taking my eyes off his I stepped back and removed my shirt throwing it on the ground. His eyes were glued to my chest and I couldn't help but smirk at the obvious reaction I was provoking on him. Picking up the little tap I pulled it up and opened the zipper, allowing my pants to slide down my legs and kicking them to the side.

I couldn't have chosen a worst moment to feel bashful and unconsciously tried to cover my hard-on. Tough luck, when that monster woke up it would take a lot to get it down. That time it was Quil who approached me and heard him swallow loudly as he ran the back of his hands down my sides. He couldn't get closer without my dick poking him, so that left us somewhat far apart.

"Paul why do you do this? You know very well the effect you have on me." His face held the sweetest most docile expression I had ever seen in any person. I wanted to believe it was because he was surrendering to me, that at last he would not hold back and allow me to love him.

I stood before him naked as the day I was born; my body ached for his touch. I wanted to feel his lips on mine, his hands on my skin; I needed to feel him in me. He must have felt the same way as he hungrily kissed me, it was not like his usual small kisses, where he would shyly press his lips to mine only to remove them in a heartbeat. This was one of those forceful nips at the lips kind of kisses. He deepened the kiss not even bothering to ask permission, his tongue caressed mine as he explored my skin with his warm hands.

As fast as it started Quil ended it, leaving me disappointed and what was worse, with a leaking hard-on that begged for release. He took a few steps back and began taking off his clothes, I unashamedly observed each movement enjoying every inch of skin he revealed. His eyes met mine as he pushed down his pants kicking them to the side just like I had done earlier. I didn't want to leave his eyes but I wanted to see his body, what a disjunctive. At the end my eyes wondered south which caused him to chuckle lightly, obviously amused with my lack of restraint.

My hands shot forward like moved by an invisible force that was guiding me to his body. The smile on his handsome face was both sexy and playful. He turned around taking off a second before his body exploded into the chocolate wolf. I followed suit phasing into my silver one and going in pursuit. I followed several steps behind him, my Quil was so regal and majestic it was like a slave following a king.

_Paul you couldn't help yourself, thank goodness it was not a test, you would've failed miserably. _Snickered Quil.

_Can you blame me? I had you naked in front of me and I was not going to look? I may be a little crazy but not that much. _

_Paul you are hopeless._

_And you are beautiful my Quil. _After I said that he became quiet and I couldn't understand why.

_Quil my angel, what's wrong? Did I say something wrong?_

_You called me beautiful and that is something I'm not. If you lie to me about something so simple who tells me you are not lying about everything else? _Was Quil sad response.

His words made me think, how could I make him believe me? What secret recipe did I need to make him understand that my feelings for him were real? As I was deep in my internal debate we came upon a small lake. Quil approached it carefully and began drinking some water.

_Quil have you ever looked at yourself when in wolf form?_

_I can't say I have, I have seen how you and the guys see me. I'm nothing special just your ordinary wolf. _

_How can you say you are nothing special? Quil look at your reflection on the water. You are a glorious angel my love._

_Paul I wished I could believe you._

I felt my temper flare up out of frustration. How could I make him believe me? I was running out of time, even though we had made progress it was not enough. Without thinking of the consequences I ran towards him and knocked him on his side. He tried to stand up but I prevented him from boing it by holding him down with my front paws.

_Paul what the fuck?_

_Quil you need to stop torturing us, you are making us both miserable. Yes I was a turd, but I've changed and you know that. I love you and I do believe you are beautiful. If you only saw yourself half as beautiful as I see you… _I never noticed before how much bigger my body was compared to his. He was not small by any measure, but I stood above him covering him with my massive body. I muzzled him gently and gave his face a few good licks. He huffed annoyed with my sudden call for dominance. I phased into my human form and demanded that he do the same. To my absolute surprise he complied and we ended up on the forest floor, completely naked, with me on top of him and loving every second of it.

Not wasting a second I attacked his lips while running one of my hands up and down his body. We poked each other's hips with our hard-ons. I attacked his neck provoking a loud moan to come out of his slightly parted lips. He didn't even try to seem unaffected; he ran his pink tongue over his lips to moist them, action that made my lower abdomen spasm lightly.

"My angel this is how we are meant to be, together becoming one for all eternity."

"Paul you have to stop." I was not willing to listen to him, I was done being understanding. Desperate situations call for desperate solutions and I grabbed both his hands with one of mine and held them above his head pushing them onto the ground. Before he could protest I sealed his mouth with mine in a heated and frantic kiss. I felt his resistance diminish as he relaxed his arms and responded to my kiss. I rolled my hips making our solid hard cocks grind against each other, mixing our pre-cum. I could feel the smoothness of his skin and the roughness of his pubic hair against my cock.

His body was impossibly hot, aching and needy against my own. I pulled back slightly praying that I will not see fear in his eyes. His eyes were closed but when he opened them I saw total acceptance and submission. I attacked his neck, kissing, biting and sucking the sensitive flesh. Quil emitted the most yearning sounds while his trembling hands ran all over my back in sync with my movements. I felt like I would cum just from listening to the hungry mating sounds he was making. Trying to delay my orgasm I returned to his lips silencing them with my own. I probed gently and he accepted me, groaning as my tongue delved into the warm interior of his mouth.

I gripped his biceps, the muscles beneath the sinuous coopery skin tense like steel cables. My lips migrated to his pecs where I dampened his skin with soft kittenish licks. My hands moved over the excited mounds of his chest as I watched hypnotized how it would rise and fall with each of his rapid breaths. Ever so slowly my hands ventured lower going around his navel in its search for that part of him that I craved.

I reached down between us to play with his hard dick. "Paul no" He said the minute my hand came in contact with his weeping flesh.

"Why baby? We both want this and don't tell me you don't because your body is betraying you. You are radiating need and desire; it's almost liquid running through your veins."

"Paul I cannot go all the way, I'm not ready yet." He begged in a pitiful scared voice.

"We don't have to but please let me give you pleasure, I will not ask for anything in return. Just let me pleasure you please." He seemed to think while looking around him like he was looking for an escape route. Quil didn't answer but took my hand into his shaking one and placed it on his manhood. I didn't dare speak just ran my hand up and down his length provoking the sexiest moans to come out of him.

I wanted more, I needed more. My body craved him, each one of my senses demanded to be appeased. I needed to taste him. I looked up and smirked before lowering my mouth onto him. I ran my tongue up and down his length tasting the salty flavor of his skin and enjoying the musky scent of his sex. I placed a devout kiss on his tip, my lips swiftly closing around the head of his thick penis. I licked the oozing hole making him tremble. My tongue swirled around the head; he groaned moving his head from side to side. I took a deep breath and took him as far as I could. Quil arched up his back as he threaded his fingers on my hair to hold me in place as I deep throated him. Completely forgetting about my own need I let him fuck my mouth bucking against me, letting me know his release was very close. It wasn't long before he came hard and deep in my throat, shooting his juices making me swallow everything in one big gulp. His body jerked up, crying out a half scream half howl.

He let go of my head relaxing onto the soft ground letting his arms fall to each side of him. I found myself in and unfamiliar territory, content with the bliss I had been able to give my imprint, not caring for my own desire. I laid down beside him placing one arm behind his neck and the other one on his waist. I pulled myself against him feeling his strong heart beating against my chest.

"Thank you Paul." Whispered Quil as he snuggled against me.

"You are welcome my angel"


	20. Chapter 20

**Hello everybody! I want to thank all of you who are still following this story. Your support and kind words mean the world to me. This was meant to be one very long last chapter but I decided against it and made it into two. Now only one more chapter left after this.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight **

**Chapter 20**

**Paul POV**

Walking back to the house under a starry sky, hand in hand with my soul mate, was my personal definition of heaven. I had been able to make my imprint squirm of pleasure beneath me. What made it even more special was that I had the strong feeling he opened himself to me in such an intimate way because he trusted me. Maybe not completely, not yet, but there was something different there.

We walked in silence, neither one of us wanting to mess with the perfection that surrounded us. Until now my life had been like these woods, dark and scary. The great trees that surrounded us could be compared to the difficulties I had to face and the lack of path to follow was a perfect comparison of how lost I was. I realize that if it would not had been for the man beside me I would have been consumed by the darkness and succumbed to the eternal sleep of the lost. I owed so much to Quil, I owed him my happiness but even more important, I owed him my life.

Glancing in my wolf's direction I could see he was as deep in thought as I was until moments ago. But in his case his brows were furrowed and he seemed uncomfortable. "Quil what's wrong?"

It took him a few seconds to answer, too concentrated to register my words immediately. "Nothing Paul" was his terse answer.

"I know you baby, something is bothering you" I stopped and moved to stand in front of him where I could look at him in the eyes. Unfortunately he kept his gaze downcast while taking deep breaths.

"Quil please look at me, why are you avoiding my eyes?" The tension was evident in his brows he was definitely tense and afraid, but of what? I was getting impatient he needed to tell me. Using my fingertips I lifted his chin to make him look at me but he still wouldn't meet my eyes, he looked past me, to the right, to the left, in every direction but mine.

"Quil damn it look at me!" I said sternly. Slowly his eyes met mine they were filled with apprehension. I pulled him toward me in a loving embrace, he held on to me for dear life.

"Talk to me, please trust me, what's wrong?" I begged

"I was waiting for you going to hurt me" Fuck me sideways, not this again. I was wrong, my wolf didn't trust me one bit. I was disappointed with myself for being a total failure at helping my wolf feel safe with me. I realized it was quite the opposite; the source of his distress was no other than me.

"Quil I will never hurt you again on purpose. I can be kind of thick headed sometimes and maybe say or do something that might hurt your feelings. But it will never be premeditated and that is the worse it will ever be." I had to be realistic; I was a natural born idiot, but that didn't mean I will ever hurt him on purpose, that's something I would never do.

"I want to believe you, now more than ever, it's just hard. But you cannot complain, I lowered my guard enough tonight." He nuzzled his face into my chest, making me melt into his grasp. He felt so warm in my arms, his face was the only difference, it was hot. I put two and two together and came to the conclusion that my Quil was blushing. I wished I could have seen his tinted cheeks under his copper skin.

"Are you embarrassed?"

"Of course I am, wouldn't you be?"

"Nope, I would be jumping up and down, celebrating because you gave me a blow job!" He smiled broadly against my chest. Lifting up his eyes I was floored when I saw a tint of mischief in his deep brown eyes.

"So when do you want one?" His tone was naughty and my cock jerked inside my pants at the question.

"Now!" I eagerly answered.

"Uh-uh" he grunted as he moved his head in negation.

"Why not? You start the launch sequence and then say no, that's fucking mean."

"Are you pouting?" Asked Quil with a little too much humor in his voice.

"I am not" I huffed in annoyance, walking away from him slow enough for him to catch up, I may be annoyed but I'm not stupid.

"Yes you were, Paul it's almost sunup and the Hills will wake up soon." He caught up with me sporting a smile that made me forget any infraction. He kissed my cheek before interlacing his fingers with mine and walking together the last stretch to the house.

As the week passed Quil became more daring, teasing me to no avail. I hated having to go with _what's his name_ to the field since that meant we wouldn't see each other until lunch. I needed to be close to my imprint, it was not a matter of protecting him, it was not a matter of being there for him, I just needed him, plain and simple.

I couldn't eat fast enough to get done with the small talk and drag Quil to our room where the best part of my day started. Invariably he would come back to the room to find me already in bed waiting for him, even though I asked more than once, he still wouldn't sleep naked with me. I wouldn't push him. It was enough that he was touching me and allowing me to touch him in every way possible. Needless to say he almost smothered me once with the pillow when I couldn't contain a moan, he was fast to react placing the pillow over my face while giggling uncontrollably.

It was wonderful to feel him snuggle against me, burying his head on my neck before falling asleep. How could I have been so blind? My Quil was so perfect for me, he was indeed everything than an imprint should be and more. I observed his gorgeous features as he snored lightly, almost purring like a kitty. Like most nights, worry made me lose sleep, the five weeks term was almost over and I hadn't been able to totally 'woo' Quil. Yes the physical aspect of our relationship made a lot of progress, but the emotional part not so much. Quil would still flinch away from me on occasions and looked confused or even sad if my language toward him was what could be considered too harsh. Sometimes I thought he didn't know me at all. I was the bad mouthed, loud and obnoxious member of the pack. The one that nobody liked.

The last day of our deal was fast approaching and I had to accept I was becoming a nuisance to my wolf. I was downright pathetic and so sickly sweet I was not sure if I was a wolf or a leech. In my defense I didn't do it on purpose, I was terrified of losing him, especially now that we were so close. It would be like running a marathon only to fall in the last step and lose the race. About my sweetness it was my effort on being the best I could. I spent so many years being an asshole to everybody that I owed the universe to act like a decent human being. I couldn't help to be loving and caring with Quil he was like a little kid, sweet and innocent and I'll be damned if I made that sweet man to ever cry again.

"Where are we going?" Asked Quil from the passenger side of his truck. I insisted on driving since I wanted our destination to remain a surprise until the last possible moment.

"I told you already, you'll know when we get there."

"I don't like surprises." Whispered Quil "Not from you" I had to leave aside the feelings his sad words ignited inside me. Maybe I had to make myself of the idea he will never trust me completely. I didn't like it, but I may need to learn to live with a half trust, as long as he was by my side I could manage anything.

Soon enough we were entering the parking lot of the hotel Claire had recommended I prayed for sake of her health that the restaurant was as fantastic as she said. I knew my wolf was not into anything fancy so when she recommended a sports bar located in this hotel that had great food I saw the best of both worlds.

"Why are we at a hotel?" Asked Quil concerned

"Claire recommended a sports bar here, she said the ribs and the Buffalo wings are awesome." In a reflex Quil licked his lips and I couldn't help but chuckle at my starving imprint.

After finding a parking spot we walked in the direction of the lobby. I tried to grab his hand but he batted my hand away, blushing like there was no tomorrow. I had no intention of embarrassing him but loved to make his heart race with my antics. We arrived at the restaurant fifteen minutes before our reservation and I began to doubt Claire's recommendation. For a normal person the noise levels were ear splitting, for a shifter they were downright painful. I looked apologetically at Quil who looked at me batting his long lashes.

"If the food is good it will be worth it." He reassured me. I loved my wolf, he was so down to earth and low maintenance. Most women, or at least the ones I've dated, would have a fit for having to stay in a place as crazy busy as this. Asking Quil to sit and wait for me I left to take care of something important, by the time I returned Quil was nowhere to be found. As the insecure idiot I am, I panicked and looked around frantically while trying to will myself to calm down. If I could find him across state lines I was more than capable of finding him in a crowded restaurant. After less than a minute I saw him waving at me from a booth. I approached him with a stupid grin on my face, one of those that say, _I know something you don't know_.

We ordered and even though we could barely hear ourselves think, the food didn't disappoint. Since the place was very casual we licked our fingers clean, me of course, wishing it was something else that Quil would lick. I insisted on paying for our dinner and wouldn't hear any of it when Quil tried to put some money in my hand. After leaving the restaurant I asked my wolf if he wanted to go for a walk, the hotel was really nice and the pool was surrounded by gardens and fountains, quite a contrast from the high energy restaurant. I would've loved to be able to hold his hand as we took a stroll around the grounds but we were both very new to the whole gay scene and were unsure of the reaction it would get us.

Sitting down by the pool we could see a family with two kids splashing happily in the water. I could see the longing in his eyes at the sight of the family before us. I knew Quil loved kids and dreamt of having a family of his own one day. Before him I never thought about it, it was almost a given that I didn't appreciate. I would get married, have a few kids, grow old and die. Life sure did have a way to laugh in our faces. I went from having my whole life planned to certain uncertainty the minute I phased for the first time.

We talked about everything and anything; our subjects went from the mundane to the sublime. We talked about everything from favorite foods to adoption and surprised each other more than once realizing how similar we were. The hours passed quickly and before I knew it we had been talking for four hours. I began to get nervous knowing this was the point of no return. I had been here before, I shouldn't feel so nervous but when it came to my imprint I was a scared little puppy.

"Quil there is a second part to your surprise."

"Paul you have done plenty, I love spending time with you doing just this, talking and sharing our life."

"I want to do more, baby, will you trust me?"

"I don't know, what do you have planned?"

"My Quil I… I…" My hesitation only served to make him even more nervous.

"You're making me very nervous, please speak."

"I rented a room so we could spend the night here." What followed would've passed unnoticed to anyone but me. Quil's breath hitched while his heart rate picked up. His eyes went wide as he looked at me scared of the implications of my words. "Hear me out, give me a chance, don't freak out please."

Quil nodded and signaled for me to continue. "I rented a room but we don't have to stay if you are too scared. If we do stay please know I don't expect us to make love. Don't take me wrong there is nothing I would like more than to make love to you, but if it doesn't happen I will be more than fine with us making out like we have been doing the past few weeks. After all we have our whole life ahead of us to be together in that way. Just know that the decision is up to you, but whatever you decide I will accept." I looked at him hopeful but without a clue as to what would be his decision.

"I'm sorry Paul; one thing is back at the house, but something entirely different here. Believe me I want to be with you in every possible way but I already made the mistake once of jumping into your bed without thinking of the consequences. That ended up horribly; that's something I don't want to go through again."

"Quil I can promise and even swear to you that things are going to be different but it's up to you. I understand that you feel vulnerable and please know that I don't want you to feel threatened."

He turned to look at me, his brows furrowed and his voice shaky "You won't hate me if I ask if we can leave right now."

"I could never hate you Quil, how can I make you understand that my love for you is real?" I could tell my answer took him by surprise. He seemed to be debating whether or not to believe me. I could only hope the balance would tilt in my direction

"I'm willing to give it a try, I love you too." I stood up and not caring who saw me graced his lips with mine before walking together in the direction of the elevator. Once in the elevator I held his hand which by that moment was trembling slightly. I took the key card out of my pocket and opened the door to our room. On the bed was the bag that I had packed that morning and delivered while Quil waited for our table at the restaurant.

Doing a double take Quil took in the article on the bed, looking at me quizzically. "You were counting on me saying yes, weren't you?"

"Well a man can dream, I was counting on my charm to work in my favor."

"Paul thank you for everything you have done for us."

"Baby it's nothing compared to what I owe you." Quil sat on the bed staring at his hands which twisted nervously on his lap. My wolf was so nervous I wished there was something I could say or do to make him more at ease. Not knowing what else to do I sat next to him, taking one of his hands between both of mine and brought it up to my lips, brushing it with a light kiss.

Quil lifted his face to stare at me, I expected to see his eyes heavy with worry and concern, but that was not the case. His eyes were light, with a sparkle I haven't seen since the first time we made love. Yes he was nervous, terrified maybe; but if it's true what they say about the eyes being the window of the soul, his spirit was calm. We stared at each other as if we were having a conversation with no words.

I turned lightly to face him. Bringing his hand to my cheek he rubbed the slight stubble there. He wrapped his arms around my neck; I placed my hands on his waist squeezing gently. My Quil was here with me, I couldn't believe it. If it wasn't for the fact I didn't want to let go I would've pinched myself just to make sure I wasn't dreaming. I pressed our lips together. His fingers found their way into my hair where he tugged gently on my cropped tresses. Breaking away he bit his lip, I could sense his hesitation, his nerves betraying him. "What is it baby? Tell me, I can take it."

"Paul I want you, I want this but I don't think I can give myself to you, I'm afraid." His lower lip was trembling as he held back tears.

"Quil please believe me when I tell you I'm afraid too. But my fear is entirely different from yours. I'm afraid of disappointing you. I'm afraid of not making you happy. I'm afraid of not being the man you deserve. I know you feel very vulnerable, why don't we do something that may help you a little? I'll bottom for you today, as many times as you want actually, until you feel comfortable enough with my commitment to you. Are you willing to give it a chance, please?"

"Paul you will bottom for me? But… you are a much more dominant wolf than me."

"I don't care about labels; dominant, submissive, straight or gay. What matters is that we love each other."

"My Paul, I love you so much, I will give us a chance. You will have to help me, I've never done this before."

"I will, don't worry, I'll guide you." I assured him.

**Quil POV**

With those cards on the table Paul was not willing to wait one more second. He attacked my lips without holding back, we were done playing nice. He grabbed me by the back of the neck and kissed me hard. My lips trailed down his neck, leaving tiny love marks that disappeared almost instantly. We shrugged off our shirts and laid on the bed, Paul settling on top of me. I stared at his eyes as he stroked his fingers through my hair.

To say I was terrified was an understatement, but looking at his eyes I couldn't help but notice the level of emotion on his deep brown eyes. Even if he was going to bottom for me he couldn't help but assert himself as the most dominant of us both and aggressively kissed me while removing my pants. I did the same moaning lightly at the most delicious feeling Paul wiggling out his pants provoked on my barely covered member.

Feeling daring and in the spirit of surprises I slipped my hand inside his boxers and grabbed his ass pulling him towards me. He gasped in surprise while stroking my naked chest with the palm of his hand. Our mouths found each other and we moaned against each other's mouth as our clothed erections rubbed against each other. Paul trailed kisses from my lips ending up on my ear; he sucked the lobe into his mouth and flicked his tongue against the outer shell. "You want me to suck you?" He whispered in my ear his hot breath hitting me with the most exquisite effect.

"Oh baby please" I begged. We had been very _vocal_ in the last couple of weeks, I couldn't get enough of him, looking for any excuse to take him in my mouth and he did the same.

He left a moist trail on my chest as he kissed, bit and nibbled on my torso as he went down toward his reward. Paul teased me by kissing me over my underwear before removing them. He gently licked me from base to tip and back down; emitting the most sensual noises I remember hearing. He kitten kissed the head running his pink able tongue over the slit. Not being able to take any more teasing I gave his head a little push and he slid down taking most of my length and surrounding it with the wet heat of his mouth. My wolf slid up and down stopping to suck on the head every once in a while. I writhed in pleasure as he worked me like only he could.

Anxious to feel myself surrounded by his amazing heat but in a completely different part of his body, I stalled his movements pushing him gently so he was the one lying on his back. I positioned myself over him with my knees on the bed and my hands on each side of his head. I stopped to admire his amazing physique, yes I had seen him naked numerous times but never before with the knowledge that before the night ended, I would've made love to him. He looked singularly impressive, broad shoulders, ample chest and washboard abs. His whole body was hard and heavy muscled under his perfectly tanned skin. His expression was calm but with a distinct yearning look in his eyes.

I gave his lips a chaste kiss before sitting back to remove the interfering piece of cloth that covered his magnificent manhood. His erection sprung free and without giving it a chance to breathe I encased it in my moist cavern, looking up to see Paul tilt his head back while allowing a moan to escape his lips.

I could already taste the pre-cum as I sucked him gently. Knowing how much he liked it I let go of his cock to take one of his balls in my mouth sucking on it before I repeated the same with the other one. As soon as I took his cock back in my mouth Paul grunted and bucked on his spot on the bed forcing his cock deep inside my throat. He whimpered sadly when I interrupted my ministrations, but he had nothing to worry about I would get back to it in a second. "Paul, by any chance you brought lube?"

Without saying a word he slid his left hand under the pillow closest to it and pulled out a small tube of lubricant and a condom and handed them to me. I paused to catch my breath, the reality of what was going to happen hitting me all at once. After loving and lusting him for years Paul was going to be mine, completely mine. My hands shook gently as I tried to maneuver the lube in one hand while the other one held me up so I didn't lay all my weight on Paul. My inexperience and nerves made me look like an imbecile; I wanted to be suave and sophisticated but looked more like a scared virgin. Noticing my increasing frustration Paul took the lube from my hand and squeezed some of its contents on my fingers. After placing the tube on the bed he spread the cool gel on three of my fingers.

"Baby you need to prepare me; I haven't done this in a long time. Start with one finger insert it slowly moving in and out gently until you can slide the finger easily. Then to the same with the second finger but after they slide in and out easily spread them apart to stretch me a little further. Finally add the third one, repeat the same steps being careful not to scratch me with your nails or to be too abrupt." I knew at that moment I was not born to top anyone, it scared me to death to hurt Paul in any way. Even if he could heal almost instantaneously, just the possibility of me harming him in any way was very distressing.

I took him in my mouth once more and resumed my movements going up and down his length. I slid one finger between his crack and pushed inside gently. I could feel the satiny folds of his skin as it graced the tip of my finger. Like he instructed I waited to add a second finger and finally a third. Sitting back I ripped open the small silver packet and unrolled it over my weeping cock. Taking the lube I spread a generous amount all over it. When finished I looked at him to notice how he was observing each one of my movements, his eyes were like flickering torches burning their way into my skin.

Moving up until my lips were over his, I lowered my lips onto his. My mouth settled over his lightly parted lips, he didn't need any coaxing to grant me entrance. My tongue reached far swirling deep in accord to his. I heard some deep hungry animal mating sounds and surprised myself when I realized they were coming from me. We drank from each other's hunger and passion. His hands trembled on my back while our hearts beat as one. Deep inside me an ache was becoming unbearable; only one thing could cure that ache.

"Babe you want to turn on your side?"

"No, I want to look you in the eyes while you make me yours."

He separated his legs leaving one on the bed while the other rested around my waist. I placed the tip of my cock on his entrance and pushed slowly. It was very different than being with a woman and in my inexperience I exerted too much pressure burying almost one third of my impressive endowment inside him making him toss his head back and hiss in pain. I pulled out of him in one movement feeling my eyes fill with tears.

"I'm so sorry, I'm sorry baby, I'm such an idiot" I berated myself.

"Don't say that, just go slow. It helps if you go in and out in small movements, prevents what just happened." He seemed so sure of what he was saying that following his advice I tried again. Knowing what to expect this time I had a lot more control. His body was like liquid fire, the tense ring of muscle lead into the soft hot folds that enveloped me entirely. The feeling could not be described; it went beyond the physical aspect of the act. It was the culmination of years of loving him from a distance crying myself to sleep every night and dying a little each time I saw him kiss somebody else.

In no time I found myself entirely buried inside him. I could've shot my load right there but made an effort not to, I didn't want to look like an incompetent fool. His face changed gradually from one of pain to one of bliss." My Quil it feels so good, you feel so good inside me." I felt proud that I was the cause of every moan of pleasure that escaped his swollen lips.

"Baby look what you're doing to me, you're filling my ass with your heat. Fuck me hard, you're not hurting me."

"This is amazing Paul, you are amazing my love."

"Fuck me Quil… yes like that… oh shit harder… deeper baby." I could tell Paul was completely lost in the moment. He tossed his head from side to side while a litany of pleasure's sounds and obscenities escaped his lips.

"Paul I want to last you but you are making me feel like never before." I gasped between moans.

"I'm not going to last much longer, either. Ahhhhhh fuck yeah right there!" Screamed Paul and I knew I found that spot inside him that made his toes curl. His hand gripped his cock as he furiously jerked off.

I kept pounding him to my entire delight. Pulling out until just the head rested inside him, only to slam inside him again and again. "Fuck Quil look what you are doing to me, look at your wolf."

"You look so sexy baby, you like it? You like to feel my cock deep inside you?"

"I fucking love it, shit Quil I'm gonna cum! I can't hold off. It feels so fucking good, just like that, pound my ass baby!" He came hard shooting his load all over his hand splashing his chest and mine. It was the biggest fucking load I had ever seen in my life. The visual in combination with the spasms deep inside him and around my cock triggered in me an orgasmic fury like no other. I found myself in uncharted territory, responding to stimuli I had never before experienced. My balls close to my body as pleasure gripped my cock so relentlessly I thought I wouldn't resist and faint from the exertion. I spilled my seed deep inside him yelling unintelligible words.

As my orgasm enveloped my body and veiled my senses I became one with my instincts, especially the ones that guided me to mark Paul as my own. I sunk my teeth hard, feeling as skin and flesh ripped under the pressure of my teeth and the coppery taste of his blood inundated my mouth. He screamed in pain, but held me in place when I motioned to unlatch my teeth from his body. After a minute he allowed his arms to fall beside him and relaxed back onto the bed. I pressed my forehead to his, my arms barely managing to keep me from laying all my weight on him. "Paul that was amazing." I whispered with the little breath I had left.

"Yes it was, you were fantastic." He pulled me towards him, giving me a chaste kiss on the lips. I pulled out of him and laid down beside him. We were both spent breathless and covered in sweat, both sporting a shit eating grin like never before. For the first time in my life I felt sated and happy. Not even the first time making love had been as extraordinary as this one. On that occasion, as memorable as it was, I was a rookie barely getting my feet wet. This time around I knew what to expect, I was still working out the kinks and was sure I had a lot more to learn but looked forward to the whole learning process.

After removing the condom and dropping it on the floor next to the bed I turned to look at Paul who besides looking very tired and sleepy looked extraordinarily happy. "Paul are you ok? Did I hurt you?"

"Not at all, you made me feel so good. I love you so much."

"I love you too."

I observed as Paul drifted off to sleep but was too afraid to fall asleep and wake up to the same nightmare as the first time. Even though I felt tired and my body was screaming at me demanding rest I couldn't relax my mind enough to be able to sleep. With Paul's light snores telling me he was sleeping deeply I got off the bed to look through the glass window. Being in the fifth floor gave me a panoramic view the town bellow us. The street lights flickering in the night a silent accomplice winking their invisible eyes. The stars illuminating the night sky as they illuminate my soul.

I looked back at the sleeping form of my lover and prayed silently that the morning would find us with the same intense loving feeling as the night left us. Lost in my thoughts I didn't notice any movement in the room until Paul's strong arms surrounded me, pulling me onto him. I felt as my back connected with his chest, our naked bodies becoming as one.

"What's wrong? Why aren't you sleeping?" Asked Paul with obvious concern in his voice.

"I couldn't sleep. Did I wake you up?"

"No, but I moved and didn't find you on the bed next to me. I have to confess I have been observing you for a few minutes. You look so beautiful with only the light from the moon and the stars illuminating you. It's like something from another world.

"You better come back to bed. It's a full moon and you know what they say. Werewolves come out on night like these looking for their next victim." He bit my neck playfully, making me laugh at his craziness. "And baby, do not be afraid to sleep. Tomorrow morning everything is going to be fine. Even better, now that we'll get to wake up next to each other's mate. You marked me, this will never go away."

"By the way Quil is after midnight, the period of the five weeks ended. Did I woo you?" Asked Paul hopeful.

"Oh yeah, you definitely did." He screamed in victory and I took the opportunity to push him back on the bed and made love to him, to my mate.


	21. Chapter 21

**Here it is! The last chapter of this adventure. I want to thank all the readers, especially those of you who motivated me with your reviews. I love you all… **

**Please stay tuned as the next story will be posted next week.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**Chapter 21**

**Quil POV**

"I'll miss you." Said Claire as she hung herself from Quil's neck.

"What about me? I don't get any love?" Asked Paul pouting in a very childish way.

"Why should I hug you? You hate me." Answered Claire with feigned contempt.

"Well not anymore, at least not as much as before. You are annoying as hell but you kind of grew on me."

"Thanks, I think…. For some weird reason I feel like you are comparing me to mold or some disgusting fungus."

"Maybe I am, maybe I am not. But I do want a hug." Said Paul as he surrounded Claire with his coppery arms which stood out over her white blouse.

It had been three months since the Paul and I made love. Of course there had been many romantic encounters along the way. After a week I decided to trust Paul and give myself to him again. I was scared but decided to leave all the bad memories where they belonged, in our past. Since that day I assumed my place as the more submissive wolf the couple. By becoming the main bottom our relationship was as easy and natural as breathing. I loved how Paul took care of me in every possible way, from our everyday life to our intimacy.

We were very adventurous and became very resourceful in our romantic escapades. After Paul told me about the conversation she had with Mary I agreed that we needed to be discreet. They were older folks set in their ways and I didn't know how tolerant they would be of our relationship. They had been extra special to me; welcoming me in their home and helping me heal my broken heart, very close to becoming a substitute of my parents. I was well aware of Mr. Hill's heart condition and wouldn't dare antagonize him in any way.

Anyway I loved going to the woods to make love. Laying on the soft grass, while looking into the eyes of my lover as he invaded my body in the most pleasurable way was for me the best way to spend my evenings. His body over mine was my own personal shield against anything that the world might throw my way. We felt complete becoming one under the stars, the moon and the sun.

Seeing that we had been deprived of such pleasures for so long, once we felt comfortable with each other there was no stopping us. At the first sign that our bosses were done for the day we would jump out the window and run to the woods shedding our clothes on the way. Once there we attacked each other like hungry beasts. On these occasions we could be as loud as we wanted since there was not a soul around us. Whenever we made love in the house we made sure to be very quiet, unfortunately as it may be sometimes when the sexual rapture reached its peak we had no choice but to let out a moan or call out our lover's name. I never knew if the Hills ever heard us; they never said anything and I would never ask.

Paul had proven himself to be the perfect boyfriend, lover and mate. I could say that I trusted him implicitly; there were no secrets between us. In the process of wooing me Paul and I became friends. We shared secrets that we wouldn't dare tell anybody else, we could spend hour talking and sometimes giggling like prepubescent girls. I loved my life especially now that we were going back home.

"Guys, I cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am for everything you have done. It would have been impossible for Tim and Claire to manage everything by themselves. You two are strong as oxen and do not shy away from hard work. Just all the money you saved us in engine repairs is twice what we have paid you. The crop sold very well and I have you all to thank." Mr. Hill stood in front of his house with Mary by his side; he leaned heavily on his cane, which worried me tremendously.

"Paul what can I say to you? You showed up on my doorstep and offered to work for free. As you can imagine at first I was very wary but after Quil got here and I saw you working together I knew I made the right decision by letting you stay. I know we agreed on no pay but it doesn't apply now, this is a little bonus I'm giving you all. Is not much, I wish I could really compensate you, but my medical bills have been astronomical." He handed each one of us a small white envelope. We all gasped when we saw the contents. Each envelope contained two crisp hundred dollar bills and one fifty. I was very grateful and I knew the others felt the same way.

"I'm sorry Mr. Hill I cannot accept this. I said I would work for free and I'm a man of my word." Paul surprised us all by walking to Mr. Hill and gently placing the envelope on his hand before placing his hand over it and closing his fist.

"Please Paul I must insist, this is a bonus. Please indulge this old man." Mr. Hill grabbed Paul's hand that rested on his own and gave him back the envelope.

"Paul please accept it." Mrs. Hill intervened

I walked towards Paul and tapped his arm gently. He looked at me with understanding shining in his eyes. "Alright" said Paul softly, relenting at last.

I gave Mr. and Mrs. Hill a hug before running back to Claire to nuzzle her head and place a kiss on her soft hair. "Be good and remember you promised to come see us."

"Don't worry I'm already saving some money to go visit. After all if the guys at your reservation are half as gorgeous as you it will be more than worth it." Said Claire enthusiastically, making the Hills laugh and her brother roll his eyes in annoyance.

After all our good byes we were on our way. I couldn't help but think how different this drive was from the previous two. The first time was plagued by sad memories of Paul's betrayal. The second time I had been perplexed with Paul's attitude during and after the leech crisis. Of one thing I was certain I couldn't stop thinking about him, he was present in every thought I had.

"Quil what are you thinking? You are miles away from here."

"I was remembering the first two times I drove on this road and how differently I felt." He removed one of his hands from the steering wheel to grab my left hand comforting me. I wiped the few stray tears that managed to roll down my cheeks and turned to look at him. His eyes found mine for one brief instant before returning to the road. How much I love my wolf! Just with a simple touch he was able to give me the loving comfort I needed at that moment.

"Baby I can't erase what happened, I wish I could. Just know that I will dedicate the rest of my life to make you happy." With that he took my hand and brought it to his mouth to grant it a tender kiss.

The rest of our eight hour drive went fast, taking turns to drive and reminiscing about everything that happened since I came to the farm. Many of my thoughts were kept private since there was no point on rubbing salt over Paul's wounds. He felt guilty for what he put me through and those were wounds that only time would heal.

My heart jumped in my chest when we passed the sign that read _Welcome to La Push. _I was only minutes away to being home with my family and friends. I knew Paul was excited about coming home but I could sense something odd, he was giving off a strange vibe that I couldn't really decipher.

"Paul what's wrong?"

"Nothing" Paul said.

I knew better. "Paul…"

"I don't want to tell you." Paul mumbled.

"But you are going to tell me anyway because I want you to." Paul never said no to me, I was getting spoiled fast and loved it.

"I'm nervous about your family's reaction. Quil … if they tell you to stop seeing me, will you?"

"First of all, my family respects that I'm an adult and even if they don't agree with my choices they will not interfere. Second there is no power on this earth that will keep me away from you. You are stuck with me whether you like it or not." He smiled broadly but I could still read the tension in his body language. I could almost see the butterflies moving around in his stomach. "Don't worry, the only one you have to fear is my mom, when it comes to me she goes all mama lioness."

"How much does she know about us, about what happened?"

"Nothing, it was too embarrassing for me to share with them. They only know it was terrible and it involved you."

"Just peachy… I feel so much better." I just smiled at him. I was not going to lie and tell him my family was going to be happy with our relationship. They were very protective of me and knew that something really awful transpired between Paul and me.

As twilight fell the quiet of the evening followed us to the last stretch before reaching my home. I pulled into my parent's driveway sighing at peace with my surroundings. Everything looked the same, my father's old car in the driveway and the flickering light on the old decrepit porch on. My parents came running out to greet me. I would say greet us, but who am I kidding? I nuzzled my mother's head and kissed her forehead as she cried openly. My father encased me on a bear hug. After several minutes of the three of us talking at the same time saying hellos and asking a million questions we realized that Paul stood quietly next to the truck.

My mother questioned me with her eye, unwilling to acknowledge his presence. "Mom, dad, can we go inside? We need to talk." Never in the history of the world anything good ever follows these words. My parents walked inside not before looking at each other and at me with a questioning look.

I went to my mate and grabbed his hand interlacing our fingers. "Babe, we do this together." He nodded without saying a word.

We entered the living room hand in hand, as soon as we set foot inside the house my mother's eyes darted to our joined hands. She sharply sucked breath in an effort to remain calm. Her disdain toward my wolf was as obvious as the nose on her face. It would take time, it took me a long time to forgive him, maybe he will need to woo his mother in law.

I let go of my boyfriend's hand and jumped to my grandfather who sat on his chair waiting for me. I knelt in front of him, to see him eye to eye and hugged him. He kissed the top of my head like he had done since I was a pup. Paul stood by the door like a fish out of the water. Feeling sorry for him I walked back to stand beside him and even before I turned around he soughed my hand and grabbed it.

"Mom, dad, grandpa, as you can see there have been some new developments so to speak. I know there had been some bad blood between Paul and me but we have put all that behind us. We have grown very close in the last four months. The truth of the matter is that I've loved him for a long time and he has loved me for almost equally as long. He is making me very happy now."

"So you two are a couple?"

"Yes dad, does it bother you?"

"Son, it will take some getting used to. We always pictured you as pack brothers, but this is totally different."

"All we ask is for understanding; we don't want to feel judged. This is a good thing, we are happy together."

My mother stood from her chair and walked towards us. She stood in front of us, her head barely reaching our shoulders. Her arms crossed over her chest and a totally intimidating look on her face. Her expression softened before she lifted her arms to place one hand on each side of my face. "Son, you are the most important person in my life, I adore you. I will never judge you; my love for you knows no limits and has no conditions."

She turned towards Paul while reclaiming the intimidating look. He cleared his throat, his body rigid as he waited for my mother to speak "And you, I want to get something out in the open. I don't like you; I don't know what you did to my boy and probably never will. What I do know is that if I ever see my baby broken again because of you I'll chase you down like the dog you are and make sure that the rest of your life is a living hell. You understand me?"

"Yes ma'am" Answered Paul his face the picture of terror. I found it hilarious that a woman who barely reached his shoulders was able to scare Paul in such a way. There is something to say about strong moms.

Turning on her heels my mom started walking towards the kitchen. "Are you hungry? I made dinner."

"We are starving mom."

I could tell by the delicious smell that mom made my favorite, manicotti stuffed with three chesses. I could distinguish the aroma of the sauce and the spices. My mouth watered and my stomach rumbled in anticipation. Taking a couple of plates from the cabinets and some silverware from the drawer I set the table for Paul and me. Mom brought the food to the table, a deep frown on her face. I knew very well that it was because of Paul's presence on our dinner table, but my wolf wasn't going anywhere, he was where he needed to be, by my side.

After dinner Paul offered to do the dishes while I put the leftovers away. My family had moved to the family room where I found them watching the news. It was like I never left, grandpa on his chair, dad on his and mom sitting comfortably on the sofa.

"Mrs. Ateara, dinner was delicious; thank you." Paul was being the perfect gentleman, working overtime to get on my mom's good side.

"You're welcome Paul; are you leaving?" This was not going to be easy; my mom would not go down without a fight.

"Um yeah I guess…" I interrupted Paul "Mom about that, I was wondering if it will be ok with you and dad if Paul stayed here for a couple of nights. He has no groceries and his place needs to be cleaned. Also we need to shop for furniture; he only has a bed and a sofa in there right now." My mother and father exchanged looks, a silent conversation going on between them. After so many years together they had mastered the art of talking without words, it was something truly amazing to observe.

My father cleared his throat before speaking. "I think Paul can stay here for a couple of nights. We would do the same for any member of the pack. He can sleep on the sofa, I'll get him a pillow and a blanket, lately the nights have been quite chilly and even though you don't feel the cold makes me feel better to know that you have it." My father stood up but I needed to stop him before he went upstairs.

"Dad that's not necessary, I'll get him what he needs and we'll sleep in my room." My mother's sharp intake of air betrayed her calm façade. My grandfather snickered amused with my mother's reaction looking from Paul to me with the most mocking look he could manage.

"After all, we slept on the same bed in the farm." I tried to rationalize the situation for my family's benefit.

"Quil I hope you two are taking precautions. I don't want either of you to get pregnant." Said Grandpa, trying very hard to keep a straight face. The look on my face must have been worth a million dollars. I gave Paul a sideways glance and he was so red his face was looking purplish. How could my grandfather ask us something like that? Was he trying to get Paul killed at the hands of my mother?

"Grandpa please…" I couldn't finish as my nerves betrayed and I broke into a fit of giggles. My father's laughter came suddenly making him produce the funniest sound as the laughter he had been holding since my grandfather made the question came out of him. My mother just sat silently her mouth in a tense thin line.

"Dad, leave the boys alone, you're going to give Joy a stroke, I can see the vein in her forehead throbbing." At least my father gave us a break and intervened for us. Taking advantage of the opportunity I ran upstairs with my boyfriend in tow.

"That went well." Paul said sitting on the bed warily.

"She'll come around, give her time."

"I hope so, that wouldn't make a difference in the way I feel about you, but I know how important your family is to you."

"We'll take it one day at a time." I sat on Paul's lap facing him, a leg on each side straddling him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and after what seemed like days I pressed my lips to his. His hands on my back felt heavenly as he gently stroked my tense muscles. The heat created by our proximity invading every inch of my room. The atmosphere is the room shifts dramatically going from the room where I grew up to the room I'll share with my lover. I removed my hands from his neck only to place them on his hips as I squeezed them to pull him towards me. I pulled back for a second, his eyes meeting mine for a brief instant before they travelled to my lips. His eyes glow with the passion I knew all too well.

"Quil I want you so much, I want to make love to you." Whispered Paul using his sexiest voice. I could feel his warm breath against my ear making my body tingle with desire.

Determined to stay in control I slightly pushed him away from me. "Paul you are pushing your luck, do you have a death wish?" I whispered.

"I don't care where we do it, let's go to the woods, I know you love it when we make love under the stars." He attacked my neck causing delectable waves of pleasure through my body, my back arched in bliss while biting my lip to trap the moan that was threatening to escape.

"I do love it but you are missing a small detail, what are you planning to do when whoever is patrolling bumps into us." I stuttered as Paul ran his warm hands on my sides stirring up the carnal need only he was able to incite in me.

"Fuck didn't think of that." He slumped back allowing him arms to fall to my sides.

"Tough luck baby, sucks to be us." I admitted.

We had to resign ourselves to sleep that first night curled in each other's arms, our legs entwined as I drifted off to sleep. The next morning found us the same way as every morning in the last three months. Me with my head buried on the crook of his neck, right over his mating mark, him with his arms around me in a loving and possessive embrace. After breakfast we headed out to Jake's house to rejoin the pack and assume our responsibilities. As it had always been the door was unlocked and we walked in after knocking and Billy's baritone voice telling us to come in.

Billy was sitting on his wheelchair enjoying a cup of coffee. "Good morning Billy." I greeted.

"Quil, Paul it's good to see you; are you visiting or are you back for good?" After placing the cup on the table he extended his arms and we hugged, feeling that sense of familiarity we shared with all the members of the pack.

"We are definitely back, that's why we're here we want to talk to Jake about rejoining the pack and all that." Paul announced cheerfully.

"They should be down any minute; they finished showering a few minutes ago. Sit down, would you like some coffee?"

"No thank you Billy, we just had breakfast"

A few minutes later we heard two sets of steps coming down the stairs. "Quil!" exclaimed Seth as he hugged me enthusiastically. Then two things happened I heard a low growl and Paul jumped from his chair standing between me and Jake.

"Don't fucking growl at my boyfriend!" Bellowed Paul, I hadn't seen this side of Paul in a long time. He didn't see anybody as a threat at the farm. It was so amusing, I didn't need any protection but he insisted on guarding me like my knight in shining armor. I just humored him.

"Then remind your boyfriend that nobody touches my Seth!" They stood almost chest to chest, like two bulls ready to charge. Seth and I exchanged amused looks as our wolves engaged on a staring contest.

"Jake, when are you going to stop being an idiot, Seth is not made of glass he will not break just because he gets a hug." Huffed Paul. Seth moved away from me towards his irate dominant.

"Sweetheart, that's no way to welcome back the guys. Anyway look at them, who do you think is the submissive in that relationship?" Jake's gaze moved from me to the arm Paul had possessively surrounded me with. His lips quirked up as he deciphers the scene playing in front of him.

Jake composed himself before addressing us again. "Well well well, I think congratulations are in order but no more hugs." He gave Seth a warning glance before briefly hugging each one of us.

"Thanks Jake, we came to let you know we are ready to rejoin the pack and begin patrolling. We do have favor to ask, we want to patrol together." Explained Paul. We had decided to ask Jake for that small concession to provide us with more time with each other. Also Paul had this unhealthy obsession with protecting me that needed to be appeased.

"You'll get no argument from me, that will free more nights so I can spend them with my puppy." Answered Jake while nuzzling Seth's head and giving him a kiss on his cheek. I thought that if those two were able to put away their differences and get along, anybody could do it including Paul and me.

"There go my few nights of sleep." Commented Billy forbearing his luck.

"Still fucking like rabbits?" Asked Paul crudely, making Seth blush.

"I swear it gets worse every day." Mumbled Billy before wheeling himself out of the kitchen.

We laughed together as Billy exited the kitchen. Seth and I exchanged knowing looks; we both knew what was our best weapon against our wolves. I had withheld sex for four days and Paul was ready to get on his knees and beg for forgiveness. It had been a stupid misunderstanding, but he refused to apologize and I showed him two could play that game. I was so happy to have Seth as a friend, even if I didn't have a female alpha wolf inside me, being a much submissive wolf gave me more in common with Seth than with any of the others.

We chatted for a few minutes before Paul turned my way to tell me we should go, we had a boatload of work to do setting up the house that we will share. I had been so excited when Paul asked me to move in with him. He wanted me to choose all the furniture and everything else. I felt he was treating me like a girl but wouldn't complain, he was treating me like a king, if in his mind I was a queen, so be it. My life was so perfect, after so many years of loneliness and uncertainty fate was smiling at me.

"We should get going, we have tons of work to do."

"We'll come by tomorrow to help if that's ok with you." Offered Jake.

"Absolutely; the more the merrier, the faster we get everything in order the faster my Quil can move in."

"Believe me I know, if you are anything like me you don't want to spend one second away from your imprint." A great painful silence came down drowning every other sound, like a heart that beats for the last time. Terror invading me at the sound of that cursed word.

I saw each movement like a slow motion feature as the world appeared to slow down. This had the effect of making my distress grow as my anger took over. I stood frozen in place, like a granite statue, not even able to suck in the air I needed to live. No, this couldn't be true, it was impossible. Paul had an imprint and she died, that was it, end of story. This had to be a bad joke, one that I would laugh of in the future but at that moment I couldn't even understand it.

Me Paul's imprint? But how?... Even more important when? Jake's eyes went so wide they almost bulged. Panic taking over his features, racking through his body. Seth face contorted with each soul stirring emotion. He kept looking from Paul to me before Jake stood in front of him to shield him in case I phased out of anger.

"Paul I'm sorry I thought he knew…" Drawled Jake.

His words sounded like my head was under water. I couldn't comprehend; I couldn't construct a complete sentence. I lost the ability to think rationally. It was like I had a big wet ball of cotton stuffed in my head. I turned to Paul afraid of even looking at him. So many emotions ran through me, none of them positive, so much hate, anger, bitterness, they were like fire running through my veins threatening to burn me alive.

Paul betrayed me, the only reason he fell in love with me was because of the imprint. He was forced into the relationship, like somebody had a shotgun pointed at him threatening to shoot if he didn't. I never hated my heritage before, but at that moment I would have given anything to be something different, even a leech. A person whose fate was not dominated by magic, somebody normal. Now it all made sense, how he was able to find me, his need to protect me, everything had been a lie.

"Paul since when?" I felt like the biggest loser in the story of humanity.

"It happened after we made love for the first time." What the fuck?! Was this a punishment? Who the hell did I screw up to deserve this?

"Were you ever going to tell me?" I spat at him suddenly feeling repulsed with him and myself for all the intimate moments we shared.

"Yes I wanted to tell you so many times and came very close on more than one occasion, but decided to wait until we were back home."

Turning so I was facing Jake and Seth, I looked at them my mind completely blank. My friend and my alpha were in on this? "And you two knew and didn't care to fill me in on the joke?"

"Quil this is no joke, we thought he told you, he really loves you." Explained Seth, unfortunately I was beyond explanations. I didn't want any more empty words, no more lies.

"Of course he does, he is being forced to! I spat at both of them. "It's like driving by an accident you don't want to look but end up doing it anyway. I was that accident!"

"You are wrong Quil…" Intervened Paul, how dare he try to talk to me? I didn't even want to look his way, my heart felt like somebody was squeezing the life out of it.

"You shut the fuck up! You have no right to tell me anything! None of you do!

I couldn't take it anymore, I was choking; it was like there was no air in the room. I needed to get out of there. To get away from all of them. I had been fucked with one last time. There was nothing for me here, no hope, no happiness, no friendship and no love.

I ran out through the back door phasing as soon as my feet touched the wet grass and the first drop of water touched my skin. As always it was raining on our neck of the woods, the weather perfectly fitting to this miserable moment. My paws would hit the ground with tremendous force. I was escaping from everything. I was done.

The downpour was only interrupted by the thick canopy that made up our woods, the thick branches providing some respite for the merciless drops. I ran as fast as I could. I could hear their thoughts; Seth was begging me to stop. Paul knew exactly where I was going. Jacob was going to order me to stop. Before he could utter the order I blocked their thoughts disconnecting myself from them. This ability had been the reason nobody knew about my feelings for Paul, all except Seth. I knew they were in pursuit, I could hear them, but they will be too late.

They betrayed me, my friends kept the most single important fact about my life a secret. They were so fake; my so called friends were nothing but phonies. But none was worse than Paul. Singlehandedly he turned my life into a pile of rubble. I kept him alive, I ignored even my own dignity to remain by his side, I opened myself to him telling him my most secret and private thoughts. I gave him my body, my heart and my soul. He took all of me in his hands and squeezed the life out of it.

The smell of the ocean reached me only seconds before I arrived at my destination. It was so peaceful; the only sound was made by the drops of water as they hit the earth, and the waves hitting the rocks below. I phased and stood up naked as the day I was born. I wanted to die as a man not as a beast. _Please mom and dad forgive me, I love you so much but I can't I cannot continue in this world. _Standing on the edge of the cliff I listened to the sound of the waves battering the rocks below. It was low tide only the spray reaching the farthest edge of the rocks. The sharp rocks awaited me, hopefully it would be quick.

I took a step forward my foot dangling in the air. A body crashing with me and pulling me back prevented me from becoming airborne. We fell on the wet grass entangled on a mess of limbs. Paul was on top of me holding me down. "I will not let you do this!" Bellowed Paul.

"Why, so you can keep humiliating me?" His face was over mine the rain hitting his back and falling on me like tears.

"Is not what you think, I don't know how the fuck this happened. I just know it did. Quil it wouldn't have made a difference I loved you already. Are you listening? I was in love with you before the imprint!" He was screaming at me while holding my hands over my head. I refused to believe him, he kept this secret from me, what else could he be hiding.

"Liar, everything that comes out of your mouth is a lie. Get the fuck off me!" I was trashing under him but he had me in a grip of steel. I never knew how much strength he possessed until that moment.

"I won't let you go. You are mine, only mine. I love you please believe me." His voice and his eyes were begging me to believe him. How weak and pathetic could I be to even consider the idea? My heart was screaming at me, my wolf howling in desperation claiming his mate.

"Of course you do, you had no other choice." I had to make myself believe that Paul was the foulest creature to ever walk this earth. That was the only way I could resist believing his words. It was very hard not to, the connection I had with him was unique, as much as I hated the idea, as his imprint our life's become one. His emotions were so strong at the moment that I could feel whispers of them. Like a soft breeze that brings with it different aromas, some of them wonderful, some of them rancid.

"No magic made me love you, Quil you know in your heart I was in love with you. Remember all the hours we spent under the hood of my car. Every time your hand grazed mine as you handed me a tool, I could feel every cell in my body react. Baby you are under my skin, you have been for years. My love, every smile, every laugh, every tear, every moment we shared were real. Please believe me. I was too much of a pussy to tell you about the imprint and as time passed I was more afraid. Now I see how bad was that decision, please give me a chance."

"I bet you were disgusted when you made love to me" I hated it when my voice broke in the middle of that statement. Paul and I never had sex just for the sake of it. We made love, every second of it a testament to our love, or at least that's what I thought.

"Are you out of your mind?! I loved every second of it. The way you have given me all of you goes beyond the physical boundaries, it goes right to my soul. Quil you felt it right here, I know you did. " Paul poked my chest lightly pointing to my heart.

"Paul I wish I could believe you." I whispered my voice failing me; maybe it was my lungs which couldn't get air fast enough.

"Don't listen to my words, listen to your heart. Deep down you know my love is real not fabricated. Please baby, months ago you begged me on this same spot to give life a chance. I'm begging you today; give me a chance to make you happy. Our story cannot end this way, I refuse to let you go. You are my friend, my soul mate, my lover and you will be my husband." I felt my resolve falter, my inner being was screaming for me to see reason, to not give up on life. I could be happy, could I? I was not destined to be a dying star whose bright light slowly disappears.

Paul sat back bringing me up with him but still keeping a firm hold on me. We sat on the wet grass facing each other. I felt myself melting under his intense gaze. He had this power over me, or maybe it was the other way around, I didn't know anymore.

"Paul I love you so much, but you hurt me one last time. You broke your promise of never hurting me again. What do you call this? I feel like you slammed your fist against my chest grabbed my heart and destroyed it. I gave you my soul and you walked all over it. " Even if I ended up regretting this I opened my heart to him one more time.

"I could say I'm sorry but those words will sound empty and my attempt at redemption will be futile. If I could take all the pain I caused you and impose it on myself I would. God knows I deserve it. I'm a son of a bitch that doesn't deserve you, that much I know. But God, fate, destiny or I don't know what placed you in my path and gave me the best gift I could've ever gotten."

"But why did you break your present?"

"Because I'm an idiot! My Quil I've messed up many times and I will continue to do because that's who I am. I need you to keep me in line. Please answer me this, have you been happy these last four months?"

I nodded yes as my answer.

"In these last four months I have been the happiest man in the world. With you my life makes sense, with you by my side I feel blessed. It's true what they say, when you are with the person you are meant to be, everything falls into place. My life has been a complicated puzzle that nobody could finish; you came and became the last piece of that puzzle." He spoke the truth, I lived those moments, he was not making any of this up. In the last four months I had been happier than the rest of my life put together. Yes I had my family, I loved them with all my heart, but I was lonely. Every time I would see a family or just a couple holding hands my heart would shrink inside my chest.

"Quil you made me whole when I was lonely and broken, but you loved me enough to take the time to put me together. We can do this Quil, we can be happy. Please baby please please please!" Paul pressed his forehead against mine, his voice breaking. His plea was heartfelt, but could I live with the doubt? Could I let it all go and put me in his hands one more time.

"Paul I was so happy, why did you do this to me? What did I ever do to you?" I begged Paul to make some sense of this whole nightmare. Could I be overreacting?

"You didn't do anything wrong my Quil. It was me, all the fault is mine and mine alone. I made a mess of things; I hurt you again and again. It's not fair to you, I know, you are stuck with a stupid wolf who can't seem to do anything right."

"Paul I just want to be happy, I don't ask for much."

"Let me make you happy then. I meant what I said, I want to marry you. We'll ask Billy to marry us as soon as you want. I will dedicate my life to you. Damn it I would have babies for you if I could."

"You would look totally ridiculous with a big fat belly." I gave Paul a minute smile as he surrounded me with his arms and kissed me softly.

"Quil I love you so much." Whispered Paul smiling against my lips.

"I love you too Paul" I captured his lips in a heated kiss that would seal the promise and the hope for a happy future.

Eight years later

"Whoowee baby you look hot! You look almost as good as the day we got married."

"Thank you, are you ready?" Even after all these years he could still make me blush.

"I am ready for anything" Answered Paul suggestively.

Paul and I had gotten married five years before. We stood up before our family and friends in what became the happiest day of my life. It took time, but we loved each other and fought for what we wanted. As the years passed we became each other's reason for being. It took me three years to accept Paul's marriage proposal, it was a sacred bond, one that I wanted to take without any doubt in my mind. After three years Paul had proven himself to be the loving and committed partner I wanted to spend my life with.

When Seth asked me to be his best man I felt honored, especially when he told me that they wanted to model their marriage after ours. Neither one of them had role models and surprisingly enough we became exactly that. Who would have thought that the Lahote-Ateara could be an example of anything?

"What about Sean?" One year after we got married a young girl from the reservation became pregnant but wanted to give the baby up for adoption. She was only fifteen at the time and wanted to do the right thing for her baby. Knowing how much I wanted to have a child Sam contacted us and with the help of the council and support of our families we became foster parents of Sean Paul Lahote-Ateara. We decided that five Quils in this world was more than enough. We opted for a totally neutral first name but I insisted that the baby's middle name had to be Paul. Two years, many late nights and a mountain of paperwork later we became his legal parents. After all this time I had a family, just like I always dreamed.

"How am I supposed to know? I am not his fa… wait, yes, yes I am" Not even having a child put a damper in Paul's humor and love for life. He went from being the jackass of the pack to being a loving father and vital member of our community. He loved to tease me, when it came to teasing me, Sean and him would partner up to annoy me.

"I asked you to help him get dressed." I was tired and stressed without an ounce of patience left.

With the money his grandfather left him and a small loan, I was able to open a sandwich shop in Forks. Business was booming, but with it came a lot of sacrifice. The morning of the wedding one of my employees had called in sick and I had to go and cover for her. I had promised Seth that I would help set up and felt I let them down. Thank goodness that strong arms was something we never lacked, our pack brothers took care of everything, without breaking anything which was quite a feat in on itself.

"Don't get your panties in a bunch; he went upstairs to get his shoes."

"Stop it with the girl jokes! Seth is not a bride and I'm not his maid of honor." Paul had been torturing us relentlessly about Seth and I being girly. I could only speak for myself but I chose to be a sub, nobody imposed it on me. I never got comfortable with the idea of being an imprint. I should've been happy since that guaranteed Paul wouldn't sleep around and I could trust him. I couldn't help the sudden cold feeling I felt on the pit of my stomach every time that subject was discussed. After some time, nobody mentioned it anymore and that made me immensely happy.

"I'm sowie" Said Paul with the most delicious pout on his face; he never lost his charm and his ability to make me melt with the slightest gesture. I moved to take Paul's protruding lower lip between my teeth and bit it lightly. He moaned and I slapped his bottom to make him behave.

Like lightning Sean passed us, running towards the car, of course he was not wearing a shirt or shoes. Paul took off after him while I went to find the missing pieces of clothing. Standing on our porch I took in the scene before me. My husband and my son laughing at each other's antics. My journey had not been perfect, but I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. At the end… it was all worth it.

Fin


	22. Chapter 22

Hello everybody! I wanted to let you know I just posted a new story. The title is Master of My Soul, with my favorite pairing, Jacob and Seth. Please check it out and let me know what you think.

Summary: What happens when a person loses his humanity? Jacob Black, the cruelest dominant of the new world, is the perfect example. In a strict and unforgiving caste system it will take the lowest of the low to help him find what he had long lost. Can Seth, a submissive slave, achieve such task before it's too late? Contains heavy angst, abuse and cruelty.


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